“Stopping the titans was the Elite Guards’ greatest victory. The only lesson we need to take from those battles is how mighty our saviors truly are.”

–Superheroes Corp official propaganda.

“I’m seventy-three years old, I’m the most experienced superhero alive, and yet I’m still learning new things every day.”

–Past Prime, email to Silver Shadows.

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I had always thought winning would feel good.

The world will never know how many of the Cerberus Brawlers we lost to the titans, or how many injuries we sustained. We had one mass funeral. The steward Bag Pipes played a moving dirge as we said goodbye to some of our best and bravest. There were a lot of fireworks that night, one for each lost hero.

It was heartbreaking, but the war continues.

“We will be getting new recruits,” Never Lies tells me at lunch, “but until then we need you to be on call at all times. It’s going to be tough.”

The next three days are a blur of non-stop missions. Our territory has been increased to most of the world, yet our team has shrunk. We respond to a lot of saucers, but they are mostly small and easily defeated.

I’ve found my place in the team: I’m the guy who goes in first to distract the enemy and takes a beating while the rest of my team do some damage. It’s not a job that boosts my ego, but I don’t mind. It feels good to have a function, and I can take it. I even took command of a squad for a short time when Born Lucky was knocked out by a missile. I didn’t claim to be as smart as Never Lies, but we did okay. Pet Shark did get covered in some weird green alien goo, which I thought was hilarious until I got covered in it, too.

The constant fighting is exhausting. I’m one of the few superheroes still capable of going on call, mostly because my mom’s little cyborg enhancements are keeping me alive. The new suit helps, too, but I’m still covered in bruises.

I’m lying on my bed when Never Lies opens my door and pokes her head in.

“Not now,” I plead, although I don’t know what she wants.

“Dammit, trainee, get to the operator area,” Never Lies says, and then slams the door.

I get up, pull on my orange shirt and walk out of my room. Tenchi is waiting for me in the corridor. He looks as tired as I feel, and one of his arms is in a cast. I don’t even remember that happening.

“Gatling drake got me when we were in Cape Town,” he reminds me.

His tat-a-gotchi, the manic red shrew, is half-trapped under the cast. It does not look pleased.

“Ready for another mission?” I ask, but I know he isn’t, because he needs two arms to swing the massive sword he carries.

Tenchi cocks his head to one side as if listening for something. I think it might be his little voices again, but I don’t want to ask because I thought he only heard them when he was suited up.

“I can hear music,” he says.

I can’t hear anything, but I know we better get moving. I sigh, and we start walking towards the operators’ area. We pass a few stewards and technicians who do their best to keep out of our way, but otherwise the corridors are quiet. We reach an elevator, and it takes us up to the deck in seconds, and I’m surprised that it’s already night-time. I lost track of time on my missions, because we never know if we will land in the night or day.

It’s a clear night, and the moon is hanging overhead like a great silver eye. The stars are bright out here, so far from civilization. The little kiosks lined up beside the cannons are closed, but I can smell food cooking nearby. Barbeque.

We enter the operator only area and come face to face with a crowd. Every named operator is here, even the ones who shouldn’t be. Three are in wheelchairs, and Zoo Prank appears to be breathing through an artificial lung. Every member of the crowd is sporting some injury or other, from limb casts to large patches of smooth new skin on hands and faces. Past Prime is here, already walking on a new metal leg. Free Man also survived, although he now sports an eye patch.

This is a battered crew if ever there was one, but at least we are still alive.

There are some new faces, including Silver Shadows. I bet The General wouldn’t be pleased to find him here.

“Dark Fire is missing,” hisses Tenchi, and I realize he’s right.

Two operators grab my arms and hold me in place. Two more try the same thing on Tenchi, but he twists in their grip and knocks one out with his elbow. He turns towards the operators holding me and raises an eyebrow. They’ve already seen Tenchi in action, so they get nervous and let me go.

“Let them stand as they like,” Small Talk yells from the crowd.

The operators release us and somebody laughs.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Blue fireworks burst into the sky and Dark Fire descends from the night in a cape of flames. He lands on the deck with a thud and all the operators fall silent. The flames covering his body splutter and die as he opens his visor. The deck is silent, waiting for him to speak.

“My friends,” he says quietly, “we have gathered together to promote two of our trainees to full operators. Both have proven themselves more than worthy to join us. Step forward, Grey Three and Red Five.”

We step forward. One Trick uses a pair of scissors to cut our shirts off, leaving us bare-chested. We don’t stop her.

“Grey Three, you are one of the most talented superheroes we have had on the team. You are also the only superhero I’ve ever met who is so scared of flying.”

That gets a round of laughter, but Dark Fire cuts it off.

“You came to us because you kept saying that little voices on the radio were telling you what to do. We cannot find any evidence for these voices, yet they still seem to be giving you good advice. We have taken people for stranger reasons, but not often.”

He points a finger at Tenchi’s chest and a spark leaps out and burns him. Tenchi doesn’t flinch, but I bet it hurt like saucers.

“Welcome to the crew, Little Voices!”

The assorted superheroes burst into applause and somebody hands Tenchi a red shirt. He joins their ranks, leaving me alone. Dark Fire looks at me and shakes his head.

“Red Five, Red Five. You have some strange attraction to danger, don’t you? Your mother asked me to make sure you never became a superhero, and I did try. We did everything we could to stop you, but you refused to take no for an answer.”

Saucer, I hope they don’t call me Mother’s Boy.

“You are one of the toughest superheroes in battle and one of the stupidest in training. No other superhero has spent such a large percentage of their time in the infirmary. You seem to attract trouble wherever you go, and yet you survive. You once told me that you wanted a cape or a coffin, and you might still get both. Today you will be the youngest superhero to achieve full operator status.”

He points at my shirt and a flame leaps out, burning my chest. It does hurt, but I don’t mind. Then he hands me a long grey cloak, and I sling it over my shoulders.

“Welcome to the team, Danger Magnet!”

It could have been worse.

People clap and someone hands me a red shirt with my name on it. I’m in shock; I’ve finally been accepted as a full operator, a real superhero. And the youngest, ever; that’s pretty cool. Loud music starts and people move around us.

Our big moment ends far too quickly, but that’s life in the Cerberus Brawlers.

I lift my shirt and try and see what was burnt on my chest. It’s a tat-a-gotchi, a three-headed dog howling at a saucer flying overhead. The words “Everything For Earth” are written beside it. The whole thing moves slightly as I watch, the dogs snapping at the saucer as it swings from side to side.

“Cool,” says Little Voices.

He has the same tat-a-gotchi on his chest. His first tat peers curiously at the newcomer.

“Food!” calls out Small Talk from the barbeque where he is cooking.

One of Small Talk’s legs is in a cast from the waist down, but that isn’t stopping him. We walk up to him and he serves us thick slices of steak.

“You boys have done well,” he says, but I can tell that Little Voices is still a little wary of him. Operators walk over to congratulate us. Even Pet Shark shakes my hand and gives me an insincere smile.

“Welcome to the team. I hope you don’t die suddenly,” he says and then walks off into the shadows.

“Welcome to the family,” says Simon Smith, and at least he seems to mean it.

“I’m in your old room,” I say, “you carved your name everywhere, Simon Smith.”

“Yes,” he agrees, and then goes to stand right on the edge of the deck before I can ask him more. He makes a lonely silhouette in the moonlight. Bad Day and One Trick join him, although it’s hard to know if they are protecting him from the world or the world from him.

“Scary dude,” says Little Voices, but very quietly.

“Call him Simon Smith,” I say, “and don’t get on his bad side.”

We find a couple of seats near the edge of the deck and sit in silence. Things are going to plan for once, and I don’t really know what to do about it. Chef walks up to me, bows and passes Little Voices and me plates holding a single piece of lasagna. He bows again and leaves as people start to notice and turn towards the food.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

“Are you boys going to eat that?” ask Dark Fire, and even he sounds jealous.

“Trade?” cries out a voice from the shadows, and a chorus of voices join in.

Little Voices licks his piece of lasagna and I do the same, but even that doesn’t stop people asking us for a taste. I cut the lasagna up and scoff it down far too quickly.

It’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten, far better than even the wonderful feasts Chef normally cooks. This is a lasagna that could win all the awards, a lasagna worth more than its weight in gold.

I lick my plate clean and then look for more, but Chef is gone. I immediately start wondering how I can get Chef to make it for me again.

Never Lies and Silver Shadows walk over and sit down next to us. Silver Shadows seems to know all the operators by name, and I wonder where he fits into the team. He’s a member of the Elite Guard, yet here he is. When the chips were down he followed Dark Fire rather than The General, and I wonder what that means.

“Well done,” Never Lies says, “Danger Magnet is a good name, because I still don’t know if you find trouble or if it finds you. I really didn’t think you were going to make it.”

“Come on,” says Silver Shadows in astonishment.

“Don’t worry, she’s said worse,” I say, “our names really mean something here. I’m just glad she was wrong this one time.”

Never Lies shrugs unapologetically.

“So I guess we kick ass, now that we aren’t trainees anymore,” I say.

“We can’t technically accept you as an official part of the team until you turn twenty-two, so you will still be classed as trainees for a few more years. And anyway, there is always more to learn,” she answers.

“Oh,” I mutter, feeling a little surprised and a little annoyed. I thought we had earned better than that.

“Don’t worry about it,” she says, “I’m still classed as a trainee as well. It’s a stupid rule. Enjoy tonight, you’ve earned it. Dark Fire and I are on call tonight, so I’ll say goodnight.”

She gives me a playful push, nods to Silver Shadows, and heads off to the armory. I look around; there aren’t enough uninjured people to make a full squad tonight, so Never Lies and Dark Fire will be serving alone. I may feel like I’ve been hit by a car, but I’m still in far better shape than any of the other crew. Perhaps I should join her?

Little Voices gets up for more food, and Silver Shadows sits down next to me.

“We have a mutual friend,” he says unexpectedly, “and I know she would want to be here tonight if she could. She sent this.”

He hands me a letter: it’s from Stace, and it includes a photo of her at the maths Olympics.

“Thanks,” I say, wondering what kinds of friends she was with Silver Shadows. He only looks a few years older than me, anyway.

“How do you know Dark Fire and Stace?” I ask, perhaps a little abruptly.

“I’m Cold Comet’s younger brother. Dark Fire keeps an eye out for me.”

“Wow,” I’m truly impressed, “I didn’t know siblings could be superheroes.”

“Betty and I are the only examples. She died before I joined.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, but he ignores me.

“Anyway, I talked to Dark Fire, and he’s agreed to let you video call your family and Stace if you promise to stop hacking the network.”

“Ah… so they know about that?”

“They know about everything.”

I notice he didn’t say how he knew Stace, which I find suspicious, but this conversation is getting really awkward, so I look for a way out.

“Who else is on call?” I ask a little too loudly.

“Just Never Lies and Dark Fire,” Small Talk calls back.

“I might… I might go help.”

Small Talk nods in approval, unsurprised that I want to get back in the game. This may be the best night of my life, but the world still needs saving. I try to stand, but a hand grabs my shoulder and shoves me back into the seat.

“Relax,” says Pet Shark, “they can handle it.”

He’s probably right, but so what? I didn’t become a superhero to take a back seat. Little Voices arrives and Pet Shark slinks away.

“I’ll see you later, Voices,” I say.

“Good luck, Danger,” he says with a smile. Now that’s a name I could get used to.

Twenty minutes later I’m floating high above the Earth looking down at a saucer as it approaches a small farming town. I’m carrying a huge bomb on my back for the saucer. It’s the middle of the day on this side of the Earth, and bright. My suit comes with sunglasses, and I pull them down. I can see a line of cars and buses leaving the town; the saucer is about ten minutes away, but its creatures might be close to the town. The evacuation seems to be going well.

“This is Danger Magnet, calling all operators,” I say over my radio, just in case.

“Copy…near…ETA,” says a faint voice, but I don’t recognize it.

I see a blue flare in the town, and I circle down to it. The town is already crawling with blue-eyed medusa heads and rhinotanks, with plenty of more mundane creatures as well. I land by the flare, but there is no sign of Dark Fire or Never Lies. I take off again to get a better look at the town.

“Hey you!” calls out a voice from behind a nearby house.

Five superheroes circle me in perfect formation. I recognize five members of the Hollywood Nine, including their leader, Platinum Arrow. Their armor is colorful, undamaged and beautiful. I used to be impressed by that, but now I like to see a few dents and scrapes that suggest the armors is being used for something more than show.

Platinum Arrow flies right in front of me and opens his visor. He is handsome enough to make a movie star jealous, but his looks are spoiled by the worry on his face.

“I’m talking to you,” he says, “identify yourself.”

“Danger Magnet,” I say, “can we get moving before the saucer arrives? I’ve got the bomb.”

But the Hollywood Nine are an ‘A’ class team, and apparently they aren’t as keen for the fight as I am.

“I don’t know that name. Rank and unit?” demands Platinum Arrow.

“He’s right, Arrow, we should get moving,” says Phoenix Pink, who is beautiful, blond and impatient.

She’s only armed with a thin sword but seems keen to start using it.

“Rank and unit?” repeats Platinum Arrow.

“Trainee, from the Cerberus Brawlers,” I say, because Never Lies would want me to tell the truth.

“What? What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”

Pair of rhinotanks flies past below us. They look like slender freight trains with huge horns and they like to ram things if they get a chance. I could take them out with my color cannon, and no sooner have I thought it than I start charging my cannon. I’m already thinking about my moves just like Past Prime taught me.

“I’ll go in, blast the first tank and take a hit from the second,” I say, “you guys take the second.”

“Wait! We aren’t done here,” says Arrow, but I think we are.

The rhinotanks start spitting out indiscriminate fire at the town buildings and the time for action has come.

I shrug, look back and attack, because I’d prefer fighting alone to waiting on my team. Maybe I learnt that from Small Talk or maybe that’s just who I am.

I drop towards the tanks, blasting the first with my color cannon and taking a hit from the second tank, just like I planned. I spiral down, bounce along a street and then drag myself into the air as a pair of screaming orbs races at me. I hit them with my multiblasters and start charging my cannon.

I’m a lot better at this than I used to be.

The Hollywood Nine are still talking, but Phoenix Pink teleports beside me. She points at the second rhinotank and closes her eyes, muttering to herself. It freezes in place, and I hit it with my cannon.

“Nice,” I say, “now let’s make a move on that saucer.”

“How?” she says, “we’ve never taken a saucer down before. We leave that to the scouts, and then move in for the kill.”

“Scouts?” I ask in surprise.

“You know, the scouts. They do the easy work of dropping a bomb on the saucer and then leave before the saucer creatures get really riled up. Then it’s up to us to do the hard work.”

A pair of medusa heads attacks the Hollywood Nine, pulling one of them to the ground. The others blast out wildly, taking out the second medusa but also losing their formation. Phoenix Pink sees the fight but rolls her eyes. It’s not a hard fight for four superheroes, yet her teammates seem to be panicking. Phoenix Pink blasts the medusa apart with a well-aimed plasma ball.

“Yeah,” I say, “you guys are the real heroes. I guess I’d better go find the other scouts.”

I fly upwards. I have to find Dark Fire and Never Lies, because the Hollywood Nine have no idea what they are doing. The Super Corps must be desperately short of people if they are rolling out their junior ‘A’ list teams for actual fights.

“Hey you, get back here!” orders Platinum Arrow, but I ignore him.

I don’t like being told what to do, particularly by idiots, and I have a job to do. Phoenix Pink follows me, leaving her friends behind. She’s much faster than me, so I can’t leave her alone.

“I’ve never heard of the Cerberus Brawlers,” she says, “and what kind of a name is Danger Magnet?”

“An accurate one, so maybe don’t fly so close. What kind of a name is Phoenix Pink?”

“A stupid one,” she says with surprising anger, “but it moves a lot of action figures with the young kids and uber geeks who like that sort of thing.”

I have the action figures of every member of the Hollywood Nine on the shelf in my bedroom. They are all still in their original packaging, too, but I don’t mention it. Stace had a Phoenix Pink bag.

I see the long spines of a blob-cacti lying in a park, so I know my squad must be around here somewhere. A house is on fire, its neat front gardens disrupted by a severed triclops arm. A squad of octo-apes swoop towards us. I get one, and Phoenix gets the other with her sword.

“I’ve been trying to get out of Hollywood, actually, but the Corps doesn’t want me to transfer.”

I’m not used to so much small talk during a mission. Normally people are either yelling at me or ignoring me, so I guess it makes a nice change.

We find Never Lies, but she isn’t excited to see us.

“This isn’t bring your girlfriend to work day,” she says scathingly.

Phoenix Pink giggles and sticks her hand out.

“I’m–”

“–I know who you are, now shush. What are Hollywood doing in a real battle, I thought you guys were ornamental only?”

Dark Fire flies up to us and nods at Phoenix. She seems in awe, and surprised to see him.

“What’s the play?” he says.

“Danger and me to draw east into that park and make as big a distraction as we can. You wait until everything is headed our way, then loop behind and plant a bomb. It’s going to get messy.”

Dark Fire nods.

“Messy,” he agrees, and takes off.

“I don’t mind messy,” I say, “I think I’m suited to it.”

Never Lies shakes her head and flies towards the park, shooting an alien she sees along the way. I join her, and to my surprise so does Phoenix Pink.

“Don’t you have a team photo shoot you should be at?” asks Never Lies with a whole lot of acid.

“You really don’t like me, do you?” says Phoenix Pink without concern.

“I do not.”

“And yet you know nothing about me.”

“I have read your file.”

“Really? It doesn’t matter, the file is rubbish. I’m the best fighter in the Hollywood Nine, you know. No one else comes close.”

I can tell that Never Lies is about to make a snarky comment about how that’s like being the toughest baby bunny rabbit, so I pretend to take a hit and drop down through the sky and into the road.

“Incoming!” I call out, and Never Lies and Phoenix Pink both scan the skies.

“Liar!” they say together.

Our antics are attracting attention: three more rhinotanks are heading our way. Never Lies takes them down with a shower of plasma bolts, and we land in the park as medusas fly towards us. I blast them out of the sky, but there are more heading our way. Some get close enough for Phoenix Pink to hit with balls of plasma or cut with her sword. She does well with her teleporting attacks, although she’s not yet in the same league as Bad Day.

I’m just starting to get tired when a shriek rises up from across town and all the creatures around us fly off towards it.

“Siren Blaze has this power where she can call all the nearby aliens towards her,” Phoenix Pink explains. “It’s almost never a good idea, but she does it anyway. All that happens is we fight for a few minutes and then retreat so she can do it again. Pretty lame tactics. I keep saying we should make some kind of lure out of it, but no one listens to me.”

I guess that’s where the dog whistle Small Talk used came from.

“Well… that’s an unexpected bonus. Let’s go help the boss,” says Never Lies.

We fly towards the saucer. I’ve never been trusted with the bomb before, so I’ve never actually been close to a real saucer. The others use me as a shield as we approach the nest of turrets. We land on its gently curving roof where Dark Fire has burnt a hole through the thick hull, exposing a thin tunnel beneath. I drop my bomb into the hull while Never Lies and Phoenix Pink keep the sky clear, and then we take off into the sky to a safe range. The bomb automatically goes off after five minutes, but Dark Fire also carries a remote detonator.

“That was hard,” say Phoenix Pink as soon as we get clear.

Her armor isn’t shiny and smooth anymore, and the tip of her sword has broken off. She doesn’t seem worried by it, if anything she seems excited, and probably keen for more. I recognize that special kind of madness in her eyes that leads us humans to strap on flying armor and face the hostile universe. Dark Fire winks at me.

“Would you like the honor?” he asks, offering me the remote.

I hit the big red button and the saucer below us explodes, sending a plume of flame high into the sky. The saucer splits into pieces that crash down to the ground. Fragments of saucer rain down on the town, and some lucky kid is going to find a triclops head in his backyard.

“That was sweet,” I say, “I could get used to doing that.”

I may only be a noob superhero, but I’m not going to let that stop me from saving the world.