The heavy smooth stick that Nonna called a rolling pin came crashing down on Jaakx’s hand. He screeched and scampered away, huddling in the far corner as he cradled the surely broken appendage.

With his ears folded back and his tail crushed beneath his butt he hissed at the devil woman, “You witch, you’ve broken my hand!”

Nonna rounded on him, her floral apron flapping around her rotund form. “Touch the cannoli one more time and I’ll break more than just your hand. Only good goblins get cannoli.”

“I am a good goblin,” Jaakx snapped.

Nonna scoffed. “Mrs. Banchi is still walking around screeching like a banshee so no, you are not a good goblin.”

“Mrs. Banchi has a square thing on her wall that screams when I walk through her door. Magic didn’t even touch the thing.”

Nonna turned back to her washing up and muttered at her soapy hands, “Of all the beasties to come barging through my door why did it have to be a useless goblin.”

Jaakx cursed in his guttural language, flinching when Nonna tossed him a furious look. She had to be a witch. There was no other explanation for her uncanny ability to see through his magic and understand the words he spoke. For that matter, he shouldn’t be able to understand any of the people around here. They spoke a language that sounded harsh to his ears. Not once had he struggled to understand them though. Perhaps Nonna wasn’t the only witch in this bright seaside village. That or the wizard’s strange portal had a little more magic in it than he had expected.

The heavenly scent of the goop-filled crunchy wraps tickled his nose. Tempting him to try again now that his hand had stopped its agonizing thumping. Nonna went to bed like clockwork the moment the sun went down. When she did that tonight he would sneak down here and snatch all of them.

Nonna turned away from the sink of bubbling water, drying her wrinkled hands on her apron as she marched to a big dark wood cabinet that was stuffed in the corner. She sifted through the doors, muttering to herself as she pulled out things he couldn’t see and then replaced them with a shake of her head. Finally, she turned with a smile on her face that had the hairs on his ears standing on end and marched over to him. She thrust something at him.

“Take this. Wrap it around your wrist. It will boost your magic.”

Jaakx took the ring of what looked like black hair and eyed it. A quick searching spell revealed the thing had no murderous intent. That didn’t mean it was safe but it was better than nothing. He tied the thing around his wrist, wrinkling his nose at the uncomfortable itchy feeling of it.

“Now go. Mrs. Banchi naps during this part of the day. I want her gone before my guests come for dinner.”

“Guests?”

Nonna glared down at him, her hands curled and shoved into her waist. “Do you think me a boring old woman with no social life? I’ll have you know I have many friends.”

I doubt it, Jaakx thought to himself, not game to say it out loud.

The old woman kicked him with her boot and tossed him out into the too-bright street. “Be back here before five or you’ll be sleeping in the gutter tonight.”

She turned from him and slammed the door in his face. He listened to the sound of her stomping back toward her kitchen.

“Bloody old woman should do her own dirty work,” Jaakx said to the shadows creeping over the walls in the tight alleyway.

This was what he’d come here to do. Murder a human, earn his Slaughter Badge, and head on home with his nose held high to shove his success in Onk’s face. And yet, despite that, he dragged his clawed feet over the hard stone street as he made his way to Mrs. Banchi’s door. Something he didn’t understand niggled at the back of his mind, demanding his attention but scampering away whenever he tried to focus on it.

Shaking his head to clear it he approached the door and glared at it. He hadn’t been lying to Nonna. Three times he had made it past the lock only to be sabotaged by the blaring sound box on the wall. Whenever it went off Mrs. Banchi went mental and not long after the street was filled with the sound of sirens and shouting. None of which was conducive to a soothing murderous environment. It was just plain rude of the bag of bones that was Mrs. Banchi.

Nonna truly hated the woman but refused to give a real reason. Not that a real reason for murder was necessary but it would have been nice. Jaakx twirled his dagger in his hand as he stared at the door. He cast his masking spell with barely a thought, ensuring the few people who passed by the end of the alley wouldn’t see him for who he was. His eyes climbed the building, searching for another entrance that might not have a screeching wall box.

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There were a few windows but they were high up the sheer wall and some were even barred for some reason. Maybe the place was a mini jail for Mrs. Banchi.

Jaakx swore and marched in a tight circle suddenly wishing for something he thought he never, ever would; he wished he’d paid attention to Onk’s blasted human world stories. The she goblin might be a waste of stinking flesh but she had experience that he did not.

From the inner pocket of his torn brown vest, he yanked out his lockpicks and marched back to the door. He would brave the screaming sound box one more time and see what happened.

He’d barely touched the tiny little hole with his tension wrench when the blasted slab of wood swung open. He screeched and leaped away as Mrs. Banchi came barrelling out of her house. The woman was the opposite of Nonna; her hair a dark black and her body slender. The only similarities were in the sheer amount of wrinkles covering her face.

“Blasted boy better have my pig ready or I’ll tear him a new one,” the woman grumbled to herself as she sauntered down the alleyway, her basket swinging wildly on her arm.

Jaakx stood there dumbfounded for a long moment before his green lips turned up in a grin. His mission had become the simplest thing in the world. He’d have his Slaughter Badge before Nonna’s fancy dinner party.

He followed the woman, weaving in and out of the crowd. Shadow Mask kept his identity a secret from the smelly bunch of pink monkeys. A few times an old fart or two almost walked into him but a quick twirl kept his magic in place. The kids were the hardest to avoid; they ran around like rats, dodging one way and then the other with zero warning.

Mrs. Banchi ducked into a store fronting the main street with a sign of a pig's head plastered over the door. Jaakx followed her in, his knife in hand.

“Fabio you had better have my meats ready or so help me God, I’ll be visiting your Ma with some choice words,” Mrs. Banchi bellowed at the aproned man behind the counter.

“Easy Mrs. Banchi, I have the lot of it right here,” the man replied.

Mrs. Banchi grunted and folded her arms. “My, my. I guess you do have some sort of brain rattling around in that thick skull of yours.”

Jaakx’s ears twitched, just barely catching the man's whispered words. “This blasted pig had more manners.”

The man dumped a slab of pale meat atop a big square of paper and began to wrap it. Jaakx smiled, betting the man was about to enjoy his show almost as much as Nonna would.

He marched up behind the woman and in one swift movement pulled his blade across her throat. The woman’s eyes grew wide as her basket hit the ground and rolled away. Her knees buckled. She gargled, blood bubbling from her lips. She lifted her hands, touching the wound. Her eyes rolled back until only the white part showed and then she was a lump at his feet. Her blood spread around her in a wide circle.

Jaakx smiled and lifted his eyes to the man behind the counter. “There, now she is a little more like your slab of pig meat.”

The man was frozen in place. His mouth hung open allowing a fly to inspect the cavern. The paper he was holding crinkled noisily from the shaking of his hands. The man turned and a stream of chunky slop flew from his mouth, painting the tiled floor.

“Weak,” Jaakx mumbled.

Jaakx bent at the waist and stuffed his fingers into the open wound. Her blood was slick and warm. It took a bit of time to find the gem he was after. The thing tended to move toward mortal wounds but didn’t always like to leave its comfortable place by the human heart.

Finally, with a squelch, he pulled his fingers free and tossed the bloodied silver jewel into the air only to catch it again. It looked as he had expected; like a gemstone dug from the ground with a burning inner light. It was warm to his touch, whether from the light or from being trapped inside a sack of meat for its entire life he did not know.

With a smile, he turned and marched from the store. The little bell hanging above the door chimed as he exited.

He wandered the streets, heading idly back toward the portal that would bring him home. All around him, there were the glorious sounds of screaming and sirens. He’d done it. He’d actually done it. Now he could get his badge and shove it in Master Geer’s face before skipping off to the Corps to make Ma proud. Onk would lose her shit when she found out.

The portal came into view. He tossed the gem between his hands as he approached the vortex of swirling lights. He felt a little bad that he hadn’t gone back to Nonna. Only a little though. The woman was as dangerous as Ma with that rolling pin of hers.

Not to worry. The witch would be thrilled when she found out he had succeeded. No doubt the tale of his deeds would be passed around her dinner party along with those yummy-looking cannoli things.

His mouth watered a little at the thought of the cream-filled dessert and his feet faulted in his marching. His ears flapped as he shook away the thought of food and stepped up to the portal. He bent his knees and launched himself like he was diving into the stagnant waters of the swamp.

The portal crackled and with an almighty boom tossed him back. Jaakx let out a pained howl as he rolled away. Fire burned around his wrist that no matter of slapping would put out. Lightning flashed in brilliant forks around the vortex as it shrunk and finally disappeared.

With a groan, Jaakx lifted his aching body off the ground, looking at the spot it had been. His brain struggled to understand what had just happened. The portal had been there for his whole life and for many more years before that. Why would it disappear now?

A shadow slipped over him forcing his head to tilt back. Nonna stood there, blocking the sun from stinging his eyes. A wicked grin spread across her face as she slapped her rolling pin against her free hand.

“Did you think your task was done, my goblin friend?” she asked.

Jaakx’s ears drooped as a lump formed in his throat and his stomach sunk to the tips of his clawed toes.