“Hmm, this doesn’t look good, Jaakx.”
Jaakx shifted uncomfortably under the intense gaze of Master Geer. The chamber they sat in was cramped, filthy, and overly warm. The wooden stump that served as a chair shoved painful splinters into his rear end, just adding to the experience as a whole. Jaakx knew he should have just stayed in bed today instead of trudging down to the schoolhouse.
Master Geer readjusted his thin glasses atop his long pointed nose and scratched at an oozing boil by its tip. When he was done he slid a slip of yellowed paper across the desk between them. “You don’t have the grades to join the Corps.”
Jaakx’s stomach dropped to his knees. His Ma was going to slap him over the head with a frying pan. “That can’t be right. I aced Thievery and Dark Magics.”
Master Geer grunted, “But failed Goblin History, Machinery Development, and Human Anatomy. Those are the things the Corps are looking for. A thief or basic-level mage stands no chance against modern security or weaponry in the human world. You’d be dead in seconds and have the recording of it uploaded on that internet thing for human children to laugh at.
Surely the son of one of the greatest goblin warriors can understand that.”
Yep. The frying pan was coming. Or worse yet, the stew pot. Ma would not allow one of her offspring to dishonor the family. Jaakx felt his long ears droop in defeat. If he was lucky maybe Ma would not chop him up for the nightly stew. He could just picture Onk, Ma’s golden child, digging in with abandon. That fat cow always thought herself the grandest for being taken from school before she’d even earned her badge to join the Advance Guard. Two more badges later and she was even more insufferable.
Maybe it was his fault for not paying attention to the blasted teachers but in his defense, they were so unbelievably boring. The dropping a sharpened axe on your head just to escape kind of boring.
“There has to be something I can do,” Jaakx said, scrunching the yellowed paper between his claws.
Master Geer made a sour face. That same long finger returned to his nose, popping a second boil as he leaned back, his bulging belly straining at the button of his filthy shirt. “Well, there might be one thing you can do. You won’t like it though.”
Fear of that heavy-bottomed frying pan made Jaakx blurt, “Tell me. I’ll do anything.”
“Go to the human world. Find one of those ugly creatures and kill it. You’ll earn your Slaughter Badge and then the Corps might take notice even with your pitiful scores.” Master Geer paused for a second before adding, “Might.”
----------------------------------------
The trudge home was a long one as Jaakx mulled over the idea of venturing through the portal to the human realm. He’d admit a morbid kind of curiosity about what lay on the other side. Whether or not it would be worth his time was another story. Perhaps he could simply run off and join one of the brigades or maybe even take up an apprenticeship with the Brewery Guild. Neither option was very attractive and yet they were better than the alternative.
Jaakx pushed open the battered wooden door and stepped into the warm kitchen. The smell of swamp rat stew filled his nose. His mother turned to eye him, her face as dour as always before she turned away. Jaakz shifted uncomfortably at the indifference. Did she really not care how his talk with Master Geer had gone?
With a shrug, Jaakx made to march right by her to the corner of shredded rags that served as his bed. Before he’d made it far a large muscular hand wrapped around his throat and lifted him clear off the ground.
“Hi, Little Brother!” Onk bellowed in his ear. “Let me guess, Master Geer said you’ll be sent to the slop pits. Am I right?”
Ma hissed from her place by the fire. “No son of mine will be a slop scooper. Better we plant a grave marker in the yard than suffer such embarrassment.”
Onk let out a long hooting cackle and tossed him across the room as if he weighed nothing. Jaakx turned his back on the pair of ridiculously sized goblins and clutched his throat, sucking air back into his lungs as quietly as he could. He couldn’t let them know how badly Onk’s simple hold had hurt him. As if today hadn’t been embarrassing enough as it is.
His ears flicked backward, making sure neither of them was paying any attention to him before he slipped his fingers under his rag stack. The packet of spider hair was in his pocket before Onk had stopped her honking. Soon enough it would be in her bed.
Rolling onto his rags Jaakx folded his arms behind his head and stared up at the roof. Roots from the tree over their home were digging through the soil ceiling. Every once in a while a crumble of dirt fell to the floor.
If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
“When do you head out for the raid?” Ma asked Onk.
Onk took the offered mug of buzz sludge and slurped before answering, “Tomorrow. Right at dusk. The humans are so weak when it’s dark.”
“Mhmm. ‘Twas much easier before they filled their home with those little orbs of white fire. It’s practically daylight even in the dead of night,” Ma said.
“Yeah, but there are so many that just wander around the streets drunk off their asses on fire brandy. Picking them off is like stomping on ants.”
“Too easy. Boring. Back in my day, it was a proper challenge. We set up ambushes, trapped them in magic, or set fires. Those were good times.”
Onk rolled her eyes. “Gotta adapt with the times, Ma.”
Ma scoffed and muttered a string of curses into the swamp rat stew. “Will you be joining Onk on her mission to the human realm?”
Jaakx stiffened at the question. Onk spun on her chair, flashing her fangs in a wicked grin as she sipped her sludge. Ma wasn’t even looking up from the stew but every muscle of her back was taut.
“I doubt it. From what Master Geer said I’ll be snapped up by a more selective arm of the army,” Jaakx lied, unfolding a yellow scrap of the morning paper and shoving his long nose into it.
“What!?” Onk bellowed. “That’s bullshit. Don’t lie you diseased sapling. No way Master Geer ranked you that high.”
“It does seem a little… unbelievable,” Ma said quietly.
Jaakx's ears twitched when he heard the telltale scrape of the heavy-bottomed pan sliding off the shelf. Well, it seemed his decision had been made for him. Great.
“Believe what you want,” he snapped. “I’ll be gone come morning. Maybe I’ll duck in for a visit after the mission.”
----------------------------------------
Jaakx slipped out into the cold morning air. The sun was still a ways off the horizon but the sky was turning grey out that way now. A few early-rising birds had already started their annoying songs. Jaakx adjusted the straps of his backpack as he took off in the direction of the portal. Everything he owned was in the thing and yet it was only half full. He really should have looted a little more of Onk’s and Ma’s war gear. They would come after him for it though and he didn’t need that. No, he needed to jump over to the other realm, kill a human for his Slaughter Badge, and hurry back to flash it to the army and get his place amongst the Corps before Onk and Ma grew more suspicious. If he was quick enough about it he’d be in the Corps before the day was out.
Easy right? It was only one measly human he needed to kill. It didn’t even have to be a particularly powerful human to get the badge. A tiny human child or a weak human elder would do just as well as one of their warriors. Easy.
No matter how much he tried to convince himself that same force that pressed on his lungs didn’t go away. Every step closer to the portal made it grow bigger, pressing on his lungs until breathing became difficult. His ears were swiveling like crazy, searching for danger that wasn’t really there. The most he heard was a bunch of snoring from the sleeping goblins of the village. Many of them had only put down their cups an hour or two ago. It would be long into the day before they rose to face their raging headaches.
Jaakx wished he’d been smart enough to join them. Packing and scattering spider hair all throughout Onk’s bed had seemed much more important at the time. Maybe he could waste a gem or two on a pint before he slipped through the portal. He approached one of the many drinking houses along the route and tried the door. It rattled but refused to open. So much for that idea.
The portal to the other realm had popped up generations ago. The fool wizard man who’d stepped through hadn’t been expecting a goblin army to meet him. There was probably a lot more to the story but all Jaakx could remember was that the wizard had tasted good. The Chef Master of the time had given the dish a solid four fingers out of five. Since then it had just sat there by the edge of the Spindle Forest, unaffected by the brutal murder of its creator. Goblins had used it endlessly with only a few minor side effects since; whether for mischief or war, it didn’t matter much.
Jaakx’s boots scuffed in the dust as he stopped in front of the whirling vortex of purple and blue light. Every once in a while a golden streak would spin through the thing always followed by a high-pitched squeal. Taking a shuddering breath the goblin boy stepped forward, his heart racing in his chest as the pressure he felt intensified.
The long metal crescent of an axe slammed down, blocking his path. Jaakx froze in place, his eyes slowly creeping along the shaft and then up the muscular arm that held it until he looked into the furious face of Onk.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going, buttmuncher?” Onk snarled as she scratched furiously with her free hand.
“Back off, Onk. I’ve got stuff to do.”
“I knew you lied to Ma. I should drag your ass back there right now. As if the Corps would want a pathetic weakling like you. You’d probably turn tail and run the moment you came up against a human.”
“This is none of your business. Get out of my way.”
Onk snorted and shoved him back with the flat of her axe. “No way am I missing the chance to watch Ma tear you apart. Come on. Back to the house now before I do it for her.”
Jaakx swallowed past the lump in his throat. Ma would do exactly what Onk said and use his corpse to bulk up the last of the swamp rat stew. The sharp bit of the blade pressed into his gut and he took a step away from the portal. The thing had frightened him only moments ago but now it seemed like the safest place to be. He wasn’t entirely without his own weaponry though, even if Master Geer had called him a failure.
Black smoke danced around his fingers as he chanted under his breath. Onk’s ears perked up at the sound of his muttering but she was too slow. A hardened ball of black ooze splattered over her eyes, sticking to her fur like tar.
Onk screeched and dropped her axe as she clawed at her own face, trying to rid herself of the sticky gunk. Jaakx didn’t wait for her to succeed. He darted forward, flipping past Onk as she tried to put her bulk between him and the portal and dashed into the swirling lights. Onk’s bellow was lost on Jaakx as the wizard’s ancient magic sucked him from his home and catapulted him to the realm of the humans.