They did give me clothes. A poorly fitting onesie. Then I was taken to the courtroom. Once I was there, they finally took my hood off, so I could see that it was a pretty normal courtroom. With the slight exception of the very odd people in the gallery. It was a smorgasbord of critters from creature features. The prosecutor was partially fuzzy and probably a mid-form werewolf. The table they sat me at had what I could only guess as my attorney sitting nervously. He was a vampire decked out in the absolutely most fashionable outfit from the 18th century. Then there was the jury. Scales, fur, and maybe a Lovecraftian creature. I couldn’t tell and I knew better than to look for long. For multiple reasons.

I couldn't figure out why the werewolf was in mid-form. I had only seen mid-form once before. It allows them more power without shredding their clothes and turning into the full blown engine of destruction. I didn't really know what it was capable of. The only time I'd seen one, I fried it's retinas with the lasers and shot if full of silver spikes from a homemade gauss cannon. I probably shouldn't think about that. There was probably something around here that could read minds.

“So...,” I turned to my lawyer. “How does this exactly work? What is your strategy?”

“Well that thurt of dependthz...” His teeth caused him to speak with a weird lisp.

“Depends on what?”

“When and how you wantz to die.” He replied.

I thought about this for a second before addressing the room. “Umm, yes. If it pleases the court I'd like to request different,” uh what's the word, “counsel. I'm not certain that my current counsel is adequate.” I was a little disoriented by what was happening, but I was quickly regaining my senses.

The prosecutor's lips tightened into a tense smile as he met my gaze walking closer to not have to raise his voice. Chocolate skin melded well with black and gray fur. “The judge isn't here yet but you can ask him. I'll save you the trouble, it will probably be denied.”

“So, I don't have a right to adequate legal counsel?”

He sighed. “You sound like you're a smart one so I'll be quick. No one wants your case.”

“Yes, in my experience public defenders can be assigned.”

“Yes, in our court they can be assigned, too.”

Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.

“Okay...”

“Unless there was a volunteer.”

I looked at my lawyer who smiled nervously.

“Great, so I get the guy that loses a lot.”

“Oh, it's worse than you know.”

“How...” I asked. My tone dry.

He looked down for a second and took a deep breath before meeting my eyes again. “He's never actually won.”

He's never actually won? Crap. So I got the dumbest lawyer in this gen... wait. I looked at his choice of fashion.

“How long has he been practicing?”

“And now you know,” he replied. He moved to walk away but stopped and turned back. “If it helps, I'm going to win on the merits. You're a murder. We saw you do it. He couldn't win this case even if he was actually good.”

“I'm pretty sure that it doesn't help, but thanks for trying.”

“All rise.” A man in uniform spoke as the judge entered.

He wore a white wig with curls reminiscent of an English judge's wig. He glanced in my direction and stopped to glare at me. “I believe he said all rise.”

“He did,” I said helpfully.

“Do you want me to find you in contempt of court?”

“I think I'd prefer you ascend to your seat so you can find me cuffed to my chair.”

He looked at the bailiff. “The accused is human right?”

“We're mostly sure, but he did take out Inspector Steinbrow and one of the Howlers.”

“They're dead?” The judge's voice was shocked.

“No, he just incapacitated both of them. They'll be here for the sentencing. We thought it was best just to take precautions.”

“Objection,” I called out. “I would like it to be known that the use of visible restraints prejudices the jury against a defendant. The bailiff should have to have a demonstrable need to restrain me rather than a vague conjecture.”

“Hmmm, denied because court is not in session yet. But once it starts, see if you can get your lawyer to say that. It will be strange to actually hear something that sounds shrewd coming from Elijah's mouth.”

The judge sat on the bench and rapped his gavel and began to give a lengthy formal spiel. I eyed my lawyer. “Do I need to write that down for you?”

“Could you, please?” He lisped.

“You realize I'm chained to the chair right?”

“Oh, right.” He looked confused. “Why did you offer to write it down?”

“God damn it.” I swore.