They did not seem pleased to have me back in their midst.

Faraya refused to look me in the eye despite sitting across from me at the wooden table in her small command tent, close enough for our knees to bump. It wasn’t just her; none of the knights met my gaze except for Leonarda, who clapped me on the back before moving ahead to secure the treeline. Yistopher’s usual silent grumpiness had been replaced by forced concern and care to the point of being disconcerting. He watched over the shoulders of the healers, making sure they discovered every injury despite my repeated attempts to brush them off.

My face had been in a sorry state, caked in mud and blood from my almost bit-in-half tongue and, apparently, a nosebleed as punishment for tormenting the ghouls. I’d been stripped of my armour and given a clean set of clothes in Drasdan green to replace the shredded remnant red. The chainmail links were distorted and unfastened all over the armour, and my boots were covered in bite marks.

The two healers flanking me, who had received additional training under Morris since the last time I was injured in the sewers, were overly attentive. They hadn’t been told why they received the unorthodox training from the chief healer and were now curious after finding the reason. They asked why, where and how my mana functioned until Faraya snapped at them for asking too many questions.

I had party forgotten to refill my necklace and mostly didn’t care if the knights discovered they couldn’t sense me. Even if they considered it witchcraft, they at least knew me from training and wouldn’t execute me on the spot.

The healers held up their fingers for me to count and asked if I knew my name, checking to see if my thought capacity had diminished from being smacked around. They healed scabbed cuts, delicately lifted my arms to prod my ribs for bruising, and were persistent in finding the cause of my nosebleed.

“There’s an old wound in her side,” the older said. “Nicked the kidney.”

The second healer hummed in concentration, not used to dealing with someone of my constitution. “Where it didn’t merge back together? The surrounding tissue is fine…what caused that?”

I brought my braid over my shoulder and focused on undoing the matted mess and not remembering the evacuee who tried to steal my mare. I wondered where he and his family were now, if they were safe. “Uh, not sure.”

“You don’t remember being stabbed in the side?” Yis asked, arms folded. “Can’t exactly blame that one on the ghouls.”

“You just saw one use a great axe,” I countered.

“Okay, that’s the last bit of healing. Thank you,” Faraya said, giving me a miffed look when I stood to leave with the healers. “Not you, Valeria. Sit down.”

The healers quietly squabbled at the door and the older pushed the other back through the open flap, letting it fall in his face.

“What is it?” Faraya asked in frustration. “Did she stub her toe in the last few seconds?”

I raised my hands in indignation while the healer turned and straightened. How was this my fault?

“Uh, ma’am… the squads have been talking.”

“About?”

“...It talked, ma’am. They’re asking a lot of questions, and most of them are being directed to the healers, and we don’t have any answers.”

“Valeria says it’s from the castle. There’s higher mana density there from the collection rings, so higher intelligence,” Yis said. “This creature just happened to have a tongue to use. From the stories told, most old royal pets could have out-tested a few of our more brutish knights.”

“You’re quite right, sir,” the healer said. “That does seem to be the best answer, thank you.”

“Arg, what a mess,” Faraya sighed.

“You can’t blame them for speculating when charlatans still claim to sell cures for ghouls,” Yis said. “They think they’ve found proof when there isn’t any.”

I bit my newly healed tongue and concentrated on undoing my braid but got frustrated at the second knot full of gunk. I sighed and held it out to Yis. “Can you just cut it off?”

“Absolutely not,” Yis said, stepping away to stand sentry in the corner of the tent. “I know better than to go along with a woman’s whims concerning her hair. You’ll be blaming me for how awful it looks for the rest of the year.”

I frowned, having not considered other people’s assessment of what it would look like. “Really? You think it’ll look that bad?”

Faraya’s head dropped to her palm. “Do not answer that, Yistopher.”

“...Let's get back to why you were being chased alone in the woods by an elite,” Yis said. “And how exactly you got a hold of a genuine royal guard helmet.”

“I’d need to tell you how I got the gauntlet and, before that, how I ended up in the capital in the first place,” I said, counting off the different stories I had before the helmet. “Did you ever find the watch member that betrayed us?”

“What?” “Who?!”

“I’ll take that as a no…” I went through the mishap of a strategy, starting from encountering the female watch member in the sewers to the old tree dragging me here and entering the capital with Ulia. I skipped over most of the lessons and involvement with the witches beyond the bits relating to our current predicament, moving on to spending the night in the capital with the witchlings.

“I thought parents stopped telling that story after the fall of the capital,” Yis said, interrupting my recount of meeting Alp. “How do you know it?”

“What?”

“You called it an Alp? The curse that befalls children who stay up too late? The gentleman in a hat that haunts the time between sleep and rousing who prevents you from moving?”

“I haven’t heard of that curse, but he said his name was Alp; I didn’t name him. Though he is obsessed with a headdress somewhere in the castle, and I did encounter him after a nightmare I struggled to wake from.”

“It’s not a real curse… or shouldn’t be,” Yis said. “It was just a way to scare children to bed. Did it talk or use sound magic? And are its forms incorporeal? Was it working with the witches?”

“I don’t know, and since it chewed on my leg and flung me to the ground, I’d say physical. The whole reason I went to the castle was because of him; it’s where I found the gauntlet.”

“What creature doesn't talk in this wretched place,” Faraya complained. “And don’t you mean helmet? The gargoyle had the gauntlet.”

“That’s because…” I said, getting back to the story. Yistopher’s expression soured when I was accused of being a traitor, and his frown deepened during the initial defence of the city. “...and when we get to the city, it's best to avoid their commander and go straight for Captain Tometh.”

“I don’t like how he’s constantly forcing you into all these dangerous situations,” Yis said. “And it’s better we don’t involve ourselves in other’s internal politics, especially regarding the rems. They’re a tricky bunch to deal with at the best of times.”

I combed the last of the blood from my hair and drew out the now-cold water I’d cleaned it with. “If the only people you’ve dealt with are like their commander, I could understand why you’d not think much of them. And I volunteered for those tasks.”

Yis scrunched his nose. “Painting them all with the same brush isn’t far-fetched. If their original mission of cleansing the capital were still their priority and not to lure every capable fighter in the kingdom to help extract riches from that city of death, I’d like them much more, and we probably wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“Ah, about those capable fighters. I forgot to mention a team of looters helping the witches; they’re who used the dragon’s breath at the entrance.”

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Could they have been working with Zara? Are we sure he’s dead?”

“I’m sure… Deirdre must have brought them in as a replacement for Zara. She has a room full of riches to offer if that’s what motivates them,” I said, not mentioning the blood relation between the Ambuya and me. People had a funny understanding of familial ties and their obligations, and I didn’t want them to see a connection when there wasn’t one.

“All very interesting, but I’m waiting for you to get to the part where you wind up alone in the woods chased by a creature meant to be in the castle,” Faraya said.

…

I concluded the half-report, half-interrogation by marking on the map the last known positions of the remnant squads, the broken gates, and the route the ghouls were taking through the city.

“We could cut off the flow coming out of the capital rather than moving through the city with the remnants,” I said, my fifth attempt to propose a plan to them without any response.

Instead of ignoring me and asking another question, Faraya and Yis shared a glance I didn’t like the look of. After a silent back and forth, Yistopher gestured to me, and Faraya sighed. The commander folded her hands over one another and straightened her shoulders to the pose she liked to use when giving orders. “We won’t be pushing forward, not until the army joins us in a few days. Once we have the numbers and support, set up camp and rested, then we’ll focus on helping the settlements.”

I ground my teeth together, glancing between them in confusion. “The whole reason you’re here is to help them?”

Faraya tilted her head to the side, choosing her next words carefully. “The duke has spared no resource in bringing the duchy's might to bear in aiding the remnants; we simply need to wait for the bulk of that might to arrive.”

I messed with a few numbers in my head. “You have almost half the number of mages here that they have, better mages accustomed to fighting with larger spells. You’d be strengthening the defence by fifty per cent at minimum.”

“Our orders are to prevent ghouls from entering the duchy, which we accomplish by staying along this defensive line,” Faraya said. “To accomplish our third task of retaking the settlement would require potentially sacrificing the first and our knights' lives.”

“And what’s the second task?” I asked.

“Your safety,” Faraya said.

“My safety? How does protecting me compare to protecting an entire city?” I would have been flattered to be mentioned in her instructions since my message brought them here, but her being ordered to protect me above helping the remnants was disturbing. “Wait…”

Maybe my head had been hit a few too many times. I went through the events after exiting the barley field and how delayed the help had been. I’d assumed the ghouls panicking and the gargoyle being distracted by my helmet prompted the response. But it wasn’t. The knights weren’t apathetic to seeing me again after so long. They felt guilty for almost failing their orders. “You didn’t help sooner because you thought I was a remnant?”

Faraya nodded without any remorse. “I’m sorry, but we couldn’t have known it was you. It was too dangerous to risk sending knights to help against an unknown elite.”

“Until you saw it was me,” I said, unsure how to feel about people risking their lives because of the duke’s orders.

“You can’t help everyone during times of crisis,” Yis added. “We did mount a volunteer-filled rescue, but knowing where to put your resources to have the biggest impact is the job of a leader. It’s one of the more challenging duties, and decisions aren’t made lightly.”

“Well, as the person you’re ordered to protect, cancel it.”

“Only the duke can rescind the order,” Yis said. “And if he were here, he’d order you back to Drasda. He and Janette have been worried sick about what befell you, and Annalise walks the path you took for anything we missed every chance she gets. Only a peluda in the sewers has kept her away recently.”

“I’ve lived the last several years practically on my own,” I said, sceptical at the duke’s sentiments yet feeling guilty for making Janette and Annalise worry. “I don’t need you to look after me.”

“You needed us earlier,” Faraya said.

“You were there to help because I called you knowing we needed help. It’s not my fault you almost let the gargoyle get me.”

“There’s no point arguing,” Yis said. “Faraya has her orders and will carry them out.”

“So, if I return to the city, you’ll try to stop me?” I asked.

“Why in the king’s name would you want to go back?” Yis asked in exasperation.

“I’m no use here when I could be helping push the ghouls back into the capital.”

“It’s useful to stay alive,” Faraya said. “A war zone is no place for a child. Yistopher can escort you back to Drasda and you can be sleeping in a feather bed by the end of the week.”

“I don’t understand where everyone gets these random ages from. Have to be sixteen to be drafted. I’ll decide what I can and can’t do, and I miss my hammock more than the bed.”

“It was when the empire that ruled this continent broke apart, the conscription age kept dropping to keep up with casualties,” Yistopher offered. Faraya rolled her eyes but let him continue his explanation. “Sixteen just happens to be where it stopped. I’m sure if the war went on for another few months, it would have been fifteen for mages.”

“Let’s pretend it had,” I said, not expecting a counter to my complaining.

“You were with these people for less than a few days,” Yis said. “You have half-nice things to say about one, yet another stabbed you in the kidney. Why are you so adamant about this?”

“Do you have something to feel guilty for?” Faraya asked.

I opened my mouth to retort but paused in thought. I’d helped set up the corridor between the walls to funnel the ghouls through, except I didn’t know its true purpose and when I did, I tried to stop it. “...No.”

“In all your stories, you’ve skipped over one little detail,” Faraya said. “How you escape once the ghouls notice you. What did you do to them outside the barley field to send them into insanity? Is it a trick you learnt from the witches?”

The screams echoing through my mind distracted me from thinking of an answer far from the truth.

“I know you can’t form spells, but if you tell us the basis, we can work from there,” Yis said.

“It’s not from them,” I said quietly, looking for the fold in the tent to flee and feel the cold air on my clammy skin.

“Is it sound-based or mental?” Faraya demanded. “If it's the second we—”

I slammed my fist into the table. “Stop interrogating me! I said it’s not from them.”

“Valeria—”

“You don’t want to know!”

Faraya stood and leaned forward to tower over me. Before she could be more forceful in her demands, Yis put a hand on her shoulder. “Let me talk to her for a moment.”

I raised an eyebrow at him as the tent flap swished closed behind Faraya’s stormy exit. In a more relaxed position, he sat in her spot and steepled his hands. “For starters… if you want to be treated like an adult who can go to war, then you should act like it and get used to following orders.”

I glowered at him but kept my mouth closed, knowing any response in my defence would sound like a whine.

“Second, she’s used to dealing with obstinate soldiers or haughty landowners and doesn’t understand that you could have very easily lied, and we wouldn’t have known to ask anything more. Children have a habit of leaving a clear line of questioning open for parents to ask because they want to tell us.”

I scoffed. “I just couldn’t think of a good enough lie.”

“You’re still doing it.”

My eye twitched from the lack of sleep, and I withdrew my fist from the table, tucking it into my lap. I took a deep breath, preparing to argue that he didn’t know me or what I was thinking, and sighed. “Has anyone ever thought they were still alive in there?”

Yis smiled solemnly. “You’re not the first by far to feel guilty for killing them. Cart loads full of roe were dumped into researching a cure after The Fall. Women and men who were even tangentially related to a witch were hauled in for interrogation about the curse and potential dispels. None were found.

“Everyone lost someone that day if only a distant relative or a friend thrice removed. So when the alchemists couldn’t find a cure after years, it was better for everyone to declare them inhuman monsters and mourn the loss of the people they once knew.”

“What’s the difference between a monster and some animals,” I asked, my heart pounding.

“...Not much in some cases,” Yis said, unable to determine where my question led.

I leaned forward. “Did you forget I can communicate with animals?”

Yistopher let his hands droop to the table and kept my stare for a long while before looking towards the tent flap. “So, the gargoyle talking isn’t a quirk of high mana density? You can talk with the weaker ones as well?”

“No,” I said, my heart slowing. “But I can wake them up, the little animalistic bit of human left in them. I hear the weakest scream, and those less so repeat their dying words. The stronger are coherent, begging me to kill them, and you’ve heard what the ghouls from the castle can do.”

“They’re not alive, Valeria. There's nothing left of the people they once were, even in the gargoyle,” he said. “No royal guard would do that.”

“I might agree, but I still think we should kill them all to be sure.”

Yis shook his head. “We should have never put you in the position that led to all this. Your goal is not dissimilar to the old remnants, and it's an honourable one, but it's not yours to carry out. Come home with me and let the army do its job.”

“Don’t you want to stay and help?” I asked, trying to keep the accusation from my voice.

“I came to find you and ensure Faraya could command the combined squads in the field. She and the generals will manage it from here.”

I was not close to being better at killing ghouls on an open field than a single knight, and it would be delusional to think I could find a way to help amongst an army of soldiers. I could stay and watch from the rear, or take the offer to return to Drasda… or perhaps use the knights’ orders against them.