With more concentration than I've ever mustered before, I looked at the green object I held in my hand, burning a hole through it with my gaze… or at least trying to.

The leaf, much to my chagrin stayed still, not catching one fire, not being burned to a crisp… not even getting hotter.

Naruto trained his wind element by running his Chakra through a leaf and using the nature he was attuned to as a way of cutting it, unfortunately, the anime never showed how other natures did the same exercise, this was the best thing I could come up with.

Yes, I was attempting nature transformation.

Why would I attempt something as advanced as nature transformation when I couldn't even do a simple jutsu?

Fuck you, that's why.

7 months.

7 months of stagnation.

I train every day and push myself as hard as I did with Tokei, maybe even harder, but other than slight increases in my stamina and strength my growth has pretty much stalled, and other than sticking a leaf to my body I can't do jackshit with my Chakra either, it's like owning a sword that's stuck in a scabbard; tantalising power just out of your reach.

Sasuke sometimes asks me why it is that I'm working so hard, he tells me that as I grow older, my strength and Chakra will naturally increase and that I should just be more patient.

Google, how do you tell a 7-year-old bald boy with more hair than brains that in a little while we're gonna be assaulted by zombie Madara Uchiha, demonic tailed beasts and aliens from outer space?

I took a moment to calm myself before reflecting.

'I'm being a dick again… ' I realised.

It was a habit of mine that would sometimes rear its ugly head. Whenever I got antsy, nervous, scared, or all of the above, I'd sometimes just butt heads with whoever was around.

Unpleasant memories of me talking back to my parents while I was bedbound resurfaced in my head… just like how I was helpless back then, I felt myself becoming so right now. Sometimes I wish I could turn my emotions off, and just focus on doing as much training as I can without doubting myself.

But I couldn't.

I crumpled the leaf up and threw it away, letting my frustration out on a leaf might be a little pathetic but it did help.

I leaned back against the tree I was lying on, ignoring the kids screaming in the background as they played the ninja version of tag.

As annoying as they were, I kinda envied them…

'Stop brooding Aoki, you cant pull it off like an Uchiha can… maybe I can use my depressive mood to convince Tomo to make Takoyaki tonight-'

"Sitting alone again?" a voice spoke out from behind me.

I did my best to not jump and jerked my head back to see a tall man staring at me with an expressionless face, Jinbei had just crept up on me for what seemed like the tenth time this week.

As stoic as the man presented himself to be, he was actually a bit of a softie.

A little too soft in my opinion.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Just last week I found myself in the most embarrassing situation I've ever been in counting both lives. It was a day like any other, I was sitting against my favourite tree, lunch in hand munching away as I stared at the clouds, I had managed to get Ryoma off my tail and was about to take a nap when a group of kids from another class came up to me and asked if I wanted to play with them.

Surprised, I asked them why they asked all of a sudden and the leader of the pack just pointed to a window where I could see Jinbei sensei almost pressing his face against the window, silently observing us. When the kid pointed at him, the teacher moved his head around like he was chasing a fly and walked out of view.

'Jinbei sensei said you're lonely and need friends' was what the kid said before getting bored and walking away.

I didn't even need to decline the request cause the gang just walked away while I sat there stunned for a moment.

Having kids call you lonely and ask to be friends, kids who I've never met mind you, was a very humbling experience.

"Why don't you go play?" he asked.

This was the first time he asked me a question, usually, he'd just say hi and float around for a bit before walking away.

"... Just don't feel like it," I replied back, honestly, I had no idea why he cared so much about what I do anyway.

The man nodded his head and let my answer marinate before saying, "It's good to have friends."

Jinbei sensei, why don't you talk to a bunch of kids and see how long it takes before you pull your hair out huh? One more "Why" from Ryoma and I might consider trying to reincarnate again using the Academy's roof.

Okay, that was a little excessive but my point is made.

I nodded to the teacher and didn't say much back, hoping he would just leave me alone like he does most of the time, my plan of action was just to wait these next few months out, train, slog through them and hope that the Academy becomes useful later on.

"How's school? Finding it challenging?" he asked, seemingly trying to keep the conversation alive.

"Pretty good… and um… not really," I admitted. It wasn't anything I took pride in though, anyone in my situation would excel if asked the simple questions I was.

Jinbei hummed, "You're grades are pretty good…" he drawled with a curious tone.

'Bit of an understatement considering I've not gotten a single question wrong yet but sure, go off sensei.' I snarked back internally.

I looked back at him to see him looking at me with a slight squint.

"But you're missing the point…"

I didn't say anything, instead opting to tilt my head to show my confusion, Jinbei had never talked to me this much before, and he wasn't someone who'd waste his time so I was curious to hear what he had to say, not to mention I was bored out of my mind.

"There's more to the Academy than just grades, Aoki." Jinbei said, he leaned against the tree and continued to say, "Most think that only after graduating, do you start being a ninja, they're wrong."

He looked at the kids running around, laughing and playing without a care in the world.

"This academy is the first step to a harsher journey," he said, turning his gaze back to me.

"These few years are a grace period to get your bearings… understand the world and grow up together. And in that sense Aoki, you are failing."

"..."

I didn't know what to say really.

My first instinct was to think about how people like Itachi managed to be alone for the most part, graduate early and become strong.

But then I remembered what happened to people like Itachi.

I just… I don't know.

I have this overwhelming feeling of discomfort.

Whatever I do, it doesn't feel like enough. Train as hard as I can, cool but I have a limit. Manipulate my Chakra every day, great I still can't do any Jutsu. Read as much as I can, wonderful but I still feel like an idiot being thrown around by the forces of this world.

I can't think of one single thing other than training that I did of my own accord. Everything from the orphanage, to training with Tokei, to playing nice at school; all of it was done without my control, with me just reacting accordingly. What had I done by myself?

Just like before, I'm just like I was then.

Might as well be bedbound, attached to beeping machinery while not being able to do jackshit about fuckall.

Just useless.

…

…

Maybe I'd finally cracked, for some reason I felt a small smile creep up on my face.

Useless?

Nah.

I stood up, shook myself a little and looked up at the sunlight peeking through the foliage of the tree, now that I wasn't sitting, the beams of sunlight fell on me ; I felt warm.

Old habits die hard.

Since I've been born into this world, no matter how much I would like to dismiss it, I've been acting like I had before.

Acting like I have no autonomy, no freedom of my own.

From the moment I woke up in the hospital, I've just been bouncing around from the orders of others; not including training, have I even accomplished anything? Have I strived for something? Have I changed any situation to benefit myself?

No.

I've been paralysed, floating around a sea of confusion as waves from others moved me around, doing my best to thrive while barely moving an inch.

No more.

"Jinbei sensei, I need to ask you something…"