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Naruto: Lost Innocence
Chapter 7: Defiance and Love

Chapter 7: Defiance and Love

Chapter 7

Naruto couldn’t help but worry about Gato’s words while they were paddled to the Land of Water. The ferryman was a bald man wearing a large, wide brimmed hat similar to a kabuto and a simple robe. Gato and Kakashi sat up front in the fishing boat they were riding in while the younger ninja huddled next to one another.

With the thick mist of the islands hovering over them, it made everyone rather cold. The four of them were wrapped in blankets as opposed to Gato and Kakashi who seemed to have been unaffected. However, Naruto was too lost in thought as he thought of how cruel Gato came off to him to shiver like everyone else.

“I’m so cold,” Sakura said. “Sasuke…why don’t you sit closer to me?”

“Fat chance of that,” he said. “If you want to be a ninja you should be able to endure easier than this.”

“Oh, Sasuke!” she cried. “How can you be so mean?!”

Naruto would have probably offered to snuggle up to Sakura but he was far too contemplative at this point. However, in his meditation, Hinata had asked him to do the same. She looked at him with pleading eyes, her gray blanket wrapped firmly around her.

“N-Naruto?” she asked. “Can…can I please share warmth with you? It’s so cold.”

He was always impressed with Hinata’s willingness to spend time with him. Most everyone else in the village was too afraid to be around him, as though he was disease ridden and contagious. Whenever Hinata showed him a gesture of kindness, it made Naruto feel warm.

“Sure Hinata,” he said with a soft smile. “Just–Just don’t expect me to talk much. I’m doing some thinking.”

She smiled before leaning against him. The young man felt it was strange for a girl to willingly be so complacent toward him but Naruto was having too much run through his mind to respond. He went back to wondering about their current employer.

When I talked to Gato…Naruto thought. He threatened to kill me. And said…and said he liked hiring Leaf ninja because we weren’t good guys. If the Hidden Leaf is willing to do Gato’s work for the price…could the books Jiraiya gave me be true?

This was not the first time he had attempted to reconcile the information presented to him by Jiraiya with that received from his Konoha teachers. When he confronted Jiraiya about this, his godfather would often give vague answers. While his godfather would at first say that the Hidden Leaf was not as virtuous as they claimed, he would then give a softer answer.

“There is more than one perspective than just our’s,” Jiraiya said. “To become a good Hokage, one worth remembering for the right reasons, you must at the very least consider why other shinobi villages would be willing to fight us.”

However, when Naruto was told that, it made him think back to all the good he did as a genin. The memories he had of those early missions always assured him that those textbooks written by the Hidden Leaf’s enemies were wrong. How could they not be when as a genin they did so much good work?

As a low ninja I helped plant gardens and look for lost children all the time. Naruto thought. Our missions were almost always to help ordinary people in their daily lives and struggles. You can’t be a villain if your affiliated village is so nice they take painstaking effort to assist with the smallest of tasks.

Another question burdened his mind.

What about the Land of Water? Naruto thought. Don’t they deserve prosperity? If we attack them for trying to be free of Gato’s grip over their economy…wouldn’t that make us the bad guys?

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.

No. Naruto thought. The Village Hidden in the Mist is evil, like most shinobi villages besides Leaf Village. They’re a bloody nation full of wars and even pit their graduating students against each other to death as a way to separate the weak from the strongest. The Hidden Leaf Village isn’t so twisted in how it treats its rookie ninja.

This perked him up a little bit before he looked over to Gato, the man so smug and confident it seemed unfazed by the cold.

But then why would we be working for Gato? Naruto thought. This is really weird. Maybe…maybe this is just a rare exception. Every shinobi village needs money. We might just be low on funds so…we occasionally take assignments from less than moral people.

Naruto smiled to himself.

Yeah. He said. That’s it. We won’t do anything like this again. I just chose a mission I shouldn’t have because there are plenty of A-rank missions not as morally questionable as this one. And…and besides. We won’t actually hurt any innocent people. As a genin we were given strict orders not to do that. So…why would it be any different this time? Jiraiya…Jiraiya might just be paranoid.

That felt like enough of a justification for now. The boy nodded before leaning against Hinata as she leaned toward him. However, as Naruto fell asleep he could hear the demon’s laugh.

You won’t feel so comfortable in the future. The monster said, his bright eyes peering at him through the darkness. Soon…your hope will break and you will feel silly not taking my offer before.

Naruto found himself staring at the same prison that held the monster. Its bright yellow eyes stared back at him from darkness behind the bars. Naruto could almost see the fangs of the beast within the murky shadows of its holding chamber. The water his feet were submerged in felt heavier than usual, almost as if it was slush. The eyes were beckoning him again, their alluring gaze almost hypnotic.

“Stop bothering me,” Naruto said, frustration and fear rising within him. “Stop it now. You can’t control me.”

But the demon knew better than that. Naruto could say no all he wanted but the truth is it was far too tempting to not wish to obey the monster. If Naruto had been taught anything it was that power was all that matters in this world. Power was how one acquired respect. How one acquired safety. Even love.

Kill them Naruto. He spoke directly into his mind, his wicked smile practically outlined in the darkness. No longer hide your lust for power. Admit that deep down…you always wished to be the strongest. That is the only reason you were able to gain such power. Use it.

As Naruto mentally resisted, he felt it hard to breathe. The thick, icy water covering his feet seemed to twist around the bottom of his legs like an iron vice. It felt as though the gravity around him increased in intensity, the immense pressure almost causing him to double over. It was only through thinking of the warmth he shared with Hinata that Naruto found himself able to cope.

Hinata…He thought. You would never want me to do that. Because you know that’s not the real me. Everyone else may see me as a monster, a demon that needs to be put down…but you saw…you still continue to see something deeper. But why? Why….why only you? Whatever the reason….I can’t allow myself to give in…if only to have your kindness.

Silly ninja. The demon said. That girl as easily snapped as a twig cannot save you anymore than a paper bag can shield you in a storm.

Naruto felt the gravity beat down on him again, almost like a gust of wind from above. He almost fell down before catching himself, his right hand splashing in the frigid waters. He slowly rose up, clenching his jaws as tight as rope as he sought to resist.

But as good as he was resisting, he worried. The demon had come to him many nights before but this was different. The regularity the monster appeared to him as clear as day with such lucidity was odd. Rare, in fact. And it only felt as though he was weakening.

“How…?” Naruto asked. “How are you this…this powerful when…when I never give in? When…when I never give up?”

“Because you are, Naruto,” the demon said. “On the inside. Your mental state…it is decaying.”

“What?” he asked.

“You can sense it,” he laughed out loud. “Can’t you? The turning point in your life. When you can no longer hold back the evil and stress life has forced you to endure. All the angst, the trauma, the loneliness…the chunin exams were when you could feel the pressure surmounting on your shoulders. When you could never go back to your innocence and you would become a proper ninja. A true killer.”

“I’m-” Naruto protested. “The Leaf Village isn’t-!”

“You deny it?!” the demon shouted. “You know you are straying from your conscience. You know you will commit evil. You know you shall become a monster…merely one the Leaf Village accepts rather than disdains.”

Naruto looked down, trying to avert his eyes only to find horrible images in the reflection of the water’s surface. Dead children as young as five as well as infants lay torn apart. Blood and entrails were strewn across the ground where women gasped for breath.

Male ninja lay dead in piles between one lone figure that Naruto recognized. With a sword in hand covered with the blood and flesh of the slain, he saw himself sporting a wicked smile, laughing at the carnage. Naruto began hyperventilating at the sight, unable to comprehend the image.

This is what you will become. The demon said. This is what you are as a shinobi. The only way to prevent this is to satiate your anger on those around you now before you do something you regret. Kakashi thinks of you as a lowly brat…even after becoming jonin. But he also recognizes your power and wishes to use you. Do not let him use you as a disposable tool. You think a Hokage can tolerate such disrespect? And let’s not even get to Sasuke stealing your woman–

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Naruto shouted.

The demon stopped in his words, shocked to hear him be spoken to like that. Naruto gritted his teeth and held his fist in the air, on the verge of striking what lay on the other side. His inner fist began bleeding profusely as the demon decided to exert control over him but Naruto found a way of dealing with it.

Rather than uncurling his fist to lessen the pain he only tightened his grip. While this only increased the agony of the injury, it energized Naruto. The demon’s eyes widened as he realized that rather than submitting to his will, the ninja was only using the sensation to increase his determination. Rather than grit his teeth through the pain, Naruto only smiled.

“Jiraiya once told me…” he said. “Is that a ninja is someone who endures. Enduring pain is the simplest prerequisite for a ninja.”

He then began laughing, much to the monster’s horror.

“And that a Hokage,” Naruto said. “Is one who endures the entire village’s problems rather than their own.”

He then slammed his hands together, eliciting a groan of pain and more blood. Even after that Naruto continued to press his palms together to elicit greater agony. He watched as the monster tremored behind the prison containing it, unable to understand such a reaction.

What are you doing? He asked. Do you wish to kill yourself?

“No,” Naruto said with a grin. “On the contrary…I feel more alive than ever. This pain…it just means you can’t coerce me…so you’re pulling out all the cheapest tricks you can to manipulate and weaken me. Well guess what?”

Naruto reached into a pouch on his side, taking a kunai from within it and stabbing his palm.

“What?!” the demon shouted.

Naruto laughed through the pain, gritting his teeth between chuckling.

“I’m not the kind of person who becomes a sore loser from the pain they receive,” he said. “Not at all. I own it. I wear it like a badge of honor. Because everyone great has endured countless sufferings. And if I falter now it will prove I can never become Hokage…because even those not worthy enough of leading the Leaf Village have still endured far worse than I have.”

Naruto continued to drive the kunai into his hand, the demon shaking his head in protest.

“I’d be disrespecting…ugh…” he said, groaning in agony. “The title of Hokage…ah!...if I thought this was the…ugh…breaking point of someone who’d eventually lead the Hidden Leaf.”

Naruto would have continued driving the kunai into his right palm but he was in so much pain he dropped it from his grasp. He began panting hard, not able to move much anymore. Naruto glared at the demon, blood pooling from his hands into the slush at his feet.

“So go ahead,” he said as he tried not to lose focus. “Go on about how I’ll eventually give into the pain…when you see how much I’ve taken before you. I’ll endure…I’ll endure it all…until the world acknowledges Naruto Uzumaki.”

The demon narrowed his eyes, clearly angry.

NARUTO…He yelled directly into his mind. You don’t understand…I can see your future…I can see you will become a killer…you will become the very thing you hate.

His expression softened, unable to sneer wickedly anymore.

I’ve hidden this from you because…He said. Because you would be destroyed by what you see. Destroyed beyond repair any power to give you.

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“Fat chance,” Naruto said, his focus waning from blood loss.

“I’m telling you the truth!” he shouted aloud. “You…you will be destroyed by what comes after this. Which is why you must rebel against Kakashi before what comes to pass happens. Only by following my instruction will you avert the demise of your innocence.”

“And I should believe someone who constantly tells me to kill those around me?” Naruto asked, his body swaying. “You expect me to believe that?”

“I merely offer you power you could use to change your destiny,” he said. “That you could use to not be manipulated on strings by those around you.”

He glared at the monster. Naruto was losing blood, fast. Even if this realm was only partially physical, he could still feel it having effects on his body as though it were truly real. Naruto had always wondered what this weird world of being awake inside his own nightmare was like but this time he was feeling the full effects of stabbing himself with a kunai. His focus was weakening and he was quickly losing consciousness.

“Even if you showed me such a fate…” Naruto said. “I would still never believe you. My fate…my fate is my own. My destiny is my own…I make my own path and forge my own future. So no matter what…I resolve to never take chakra from you!”

He glared at the boy, obviously displeased.

Very well. He said. Continue living in your pitiful delusion.

And the demon left his sight as Naruto was truly able to sleep.

It wasn’t until everyone else aside from the ferryman was asleep that Sasuke felt comfortable. It was night time with the only light being that of the full moon. He liked being on his own, away from everyone. It gave him time to think about his ambition.

Itachi. He thought. Where are you? Now that our clan is gone from existence…what will you do? How long will it be before I can find you and supplant myself as your replacement as the pride of the Uchiha? I cannot…I cannot bear to wait anymore.

He would have thought more had an annoying voice not broken his train of thought.

“Sasuke,” Sakura called out. “Sasuke?”

With irritation he turned to see the red-haired girl waking from a light slumber. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, grasping for him. Sasuke tried pushing her away but began looking into her desperate eyes. Something about them felt familiar.

They remind me of how I was when I was a child…He thought. Hopeless and desperate…always looking to Itachi for assurance…does Sakura have the same problem? The same lack of assurance?

“Sasuke…” she said as she wrapped her arms around his.

He didn’t push away, he couldn’t. For the first time in his life Sasuke could feel Sakura’s lack of confidence and fear gripping herself. If he rebuffed her, he would do as Itachi did by abandoning him.

“I-I don’t want to be a ninja,” she said. “You were right…I can’t even stand the bad weather. I don’t have the fortitude to be a true shinobi.”

“But you are a tokubetsu jonin, are you not?” Sasuke asked. “You’re even a medical ninja. Why would you train to be such an asset in ninjutsu if you don’t want to be a shinobi?”

“To keep up with you, Sasuke,” Sakura said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He regretted pitying her. He began thinking of taking his arm out of Sakura’s grasp.

“A young girl’s infatuation should not be the reason one should strive to be a powerful ninja,” Sasuke said. “Just as vain as Naruto wishing to be Hokage for the attention he will gain.”

“No-No!” she said. “It…it’s not because I’m in love with you. It-it’s because I–I want to be a birthing mother.”

Sasuke stared at her, his eyes wide and his jaw agape.

“H-How d-do you-?!” he asked.

“It’s something of an open secret amongst the women of Konoha,” she answered. “Some women of Konoha know more than others but…the elite shinobi of the Hidden Leaf are well aware of it.”

Sasuke stared at her, baffled before realizing he was aware it was not as hard to figure out as one might think. Parents were told to avoid conversing about this ninja breeding program with their children or risk emotionally alienating the Leaf’s offspring. However, it’d be difficult to not guess it when young ninja didn’t see their mother very often. More than half of Sasuke’s class had unwed parents and saw their mother rarely. Birthing women were females whose primary job was to give birth to new ninja. While it might sound innocent at first, it had a more sinister truth.

The need for elite ninja was high for any shinobi village wishing to corner the market on high paying assignments. It was not only the best way to garner wealth for one’s people but also to defend against invaders as well as to invade and conquer others. The only problem was that you needed to replace ninja who perished in battle with stronger ones. So to cope with that some shinobi held a duty to only replace those who died.

This is where birthing women came into the mix. It was common knowledge one’s chakra pool was determined by genes. So, women who had the highest chakra reserves (usually between 4 and 5 feet radius) were tasked with breeding with other ninja with large pools of chakra. Or the women had a certain kekkai genkai that Konoha wished to pass onto others.

When they did it increased the likelihood of birthing children whose chakra radius would be between 4 and 5 feet. And the likelihood of the children having the same kekkai genkai was even higher. These women were invaluable to Konoha as it provided them with a great and consistent amount of ninja to supply their military power. The continued breeding of genetically gifted shinobi was how Konoha maintained such powerful dojutsu.

Like the Hyuga’s Byakugan. Sasuke thought. Or my Sharingan. My entire clan was brought into existence by the continued breeding of Sharingan users. The Uchiha and Hyuga are products of ninja eugenics.

But there were problems. One was the risk of inbreeding was dangerous so the Hidden Leaf always had to be careful of who was selected to breed with which women. The risks of incest bringing defective or mutated ninja into this world would be a waste to Konoha. This meant that new women who had not been bred with Konoha shinobi must be brought in to increase gene pool diversity. Sometimes, this even meant kidnapping powerful female ninja of other countries to breed with. Since this was rather risky, the Hidden Leaf Village encouraged women from the rest of the Land of Fire to be birthing mothers.

But another problem was that these same women couldn’t fight. Fighting while pregnant was too difficult to attempt for the most part. Even if one could, you wouldn’t want to risk hurting the unborn child when fighting for your life. This meant that some female ninja that had high chakra reserves or rare kekkai genkai were not allowed to participate in combat and lived comfortable, somewhat pampered lives. And that was why many female ninja wished to be birthing mothers.

“So you don’t wish to be a true shinobi?” Sasuke asked. “You instead wish to live a comfortable, cushy life just having babies?”

“Sasuke,” Sakura said. “I want to live a normal life. Not a tool in someone else’s war. Life…life isn’t about fighting. Violence, destruction, slaughtering people you’ve never met before…”

She held her head with a defeated look before her eyes blurred with tears.

“I-I don’t want to do that,” she said. “What’s the point in fighting if…if there is no peace outside it? I never met my mother and…”

“Sakura,” Sasuke said, not knowing what to say. “We all…we all must make sacrifices for…”

She unwrapped her arm from around Sasuke and began gripping his shoulders with her hands.

“I asked my father over and over again where my mother was,” she said. “I asked because I hated him. All he would do was teach me ninjutsu. That’s it!”

Sakura collapsed into Sasuke’s chest, desperate as she began crying. The young jonin’s shirt was now wetted with tears. He tried patting her red hair in an attempt to calm her down but it only seemed to make Sakura cry more. He was confused at this as Itachi had done it to him when he was sad but it usually made him more calm. With Sakura he had no idea what trick to make her feel better.

“I wasn’t a daughter to him!” she said. “Merely a soldier who one day had to go fight in war and die because I was told to!”

“Keep your voice down, Sakura!” Sasuke said. “They’re all asleep!”

Sakura attempted to lower her voice but kept crying.

“But I could tell he was lying,” she said. “He kept changing his story about what she looked like…how she died…his story never added up.”

“Calm down,” Sasuke said.

“He saw me as nothing more than a future shinobi,” Sakura said. “And treated me as such, giving me nothing but instructions on how to better kill and heal people in battle. I-I…don’t want to live a life without love.”

“W-Well…” Sasuke stammered, clearly confused. He could no longer maintain the cool facade he used to get people to not bother him. As his expression weakened he held Sakura in a strong embrace. “Pl-Please…Sakura…j-just…just stop crying.”

“But it’s true,” she said. “He would just say my mother’s dead–but I kept asking and asking…and…and…finally I got so desperate I snuck into the hidden section of the village library.”

“That’s not wise,” Sasuke said. “You could get in serious trouble for that.”

“I didn’t care,” Sakura said. “I just wanted a parent who’d love me. So I found my mother…a birthing mother whose name was Mebuki. She lived in the birthing palaces that one usually doesn’t learn about until they’ve become a chunin…”

Her tears seemed to stop flowing.

“I found her and asked her if she remembered anything about the day I was born or my father,” Sakura said. “And you know what she said?”

Sasuke’s arms trembled, wishing this conversation had never happened. He was afraid to answer because Sakura might just start crying again. However, Sakura opening up to him and willing to be vulnerable continued to remind him of Itachi. He supposed a willingness to divulge information as sensitive as this was something one normally did with an older sibling or authority figure. In fact, Itachi had told Sasuke far worse things.

She didn’t even mention the women beneath the Hidden Leaf Village. Sasuke thought. The secret breeding tunnels as they are called…the less fortunate birthing women.

“What did she say?” Sasuke asked.

“She said she remembered nothing,” Sakura said. “Nothing once so ever. Mebuki had given birth so many times that she had long since forgotten the names of all her children. She didn’t even remember who my father was. I realized at that point I had no one who really loved me. Only those who see me as a good future killer and wish to train me as such.”

Sasuke cringed at her words, knowing everything she said was true. His older brother had told Sasuke many of the horrors that Konoha had committed to ensure peace and prosperity for their country. Birthing mothers and their role in supplying Konoha of shinobi was basic knowledge to Itachi and so it became to Sasuke as well since Itachi divulged most of what he knew to his younger brother.

“She even suggested that I try and become a birthing mother,” she said. “Since my chakra radius is nearly four feet in length. But it’s not as large a reserve as my mother’s. And…I have no kekkai genkai so…if I wanted to be a breeding mother I would probably need to breed with kekkai genkai users in order to secure that position.”

“So you wish to be my mate since I am the last of the Uchiha?” Sasuke asked.

“Well…” Sakura said. “That’s why some of the girls in class wanted to breed with you…Sasuke. So they can bear your children as a breeding wife.”

The attention he garnered from the female sex in his class now made sense. Sasuke was too concerned with other matters like surpassing his older brother to think too deeply about that. He barely gave anyone in class the time of day, female or not but now it became glaringly obvious.

While most genin did not know of the full extent of Konoha’s breeding program until advancing in rank, breeding wives were more well-known amongst the youth. It was still discouraged explicitly stating their parents had no romantic connection and mated for the sheer sake of having children but breeding wives were more socially acceptable to talk about. It was not against the law to state this to children but it carried a certain social stigma.

They were female ninja with high chakra reserves who were still bred with gifted shinobi but only one rather than being passed around from one male shinobi to the next. This was because adult ninja had to split their time between training young ninja and completing missions themselves. Breeding wives were female shinobi who spent the entirety of their time training their children in the arts of ninjutsu.

This was usually reserved for children who were expected to have exceptional genetic gifts as many Uchiha women, including Sasuke’s, were breeding wives rather than just mothers. This was especially common for those born with kekkai genkai like Hyuga households. Sasuke even believed he had heard Neji and Hinata speak of their mother as though she lived with them.

Many women in the Hidden Leaf aspired to be such since they not only avoided risking their life in battle but became happy homemakers. They enjoyed the company of their husband more so than the male ninja ordinary mothers were obligated to procreate with. And if the woman enjoyed childrearing then it was a blessing as they devoted all their time with their offspring.

“A normal life,” Sakura said. “Without all this awful mercenary work.”

“Shinobi work,” Sasuke said.

“Whatever,” Sakura replied.

“But Sakura,” Sasuke said. “Even as a breeding wife you’ll still have to teach your children ninjutsu. They will still become shinobi for the Hidden Leaf.”

“Yes, I know,” Sakura said before lifting her face to him. “But while they’re under my care I’m going to give them all the love and attention a mother could possibly devote to their children. And then…for the first time in my life…”

Her eyes began to flow with fresh tears, these obviously from happiness rather than sorrow.

“I’ll have someone who finally loves me,” Sakura said.

She smiled at Sasuke.

“Will you help me become a breeding wife?” she asked. “The age limit is fourteen…and I’m nearly fifteen. I have to get the explicit consent of the man in question. Please, Sasuke…help me have a life full of children who love me. That's all I want.”

“Sakura,” Sasuke said. “You won’t just need my permission but also higher ranking ninja. Also…a breeding mother must show that she is an exceptional teacher. A breeding mother can have mere genetic abilities but to be a wife one must have strong ninjutsu practice and the ability to instruct others.”

“That’s why I trained as hard as I did!” Sakura stated. “I’m not just a tokubetsu jonin with a speciality in ninjutsu…but I’ve also been reading up on how to be a good teacher. Now that I’ve attained my jonin rank I’m able to be tested in ninjutsu instruction.”

The jonin thought about this for a moment. He knew that Sakura read up on teaching methods and was well studied in the art of ninjutsu. He caught her with a book in hand almost as often as Naruto.

“Kakashi will definitely have to improve,” Sasuke said.

“Yes but Kakashi will be more likely to approve if you put a good word in for me,” Sakura said. “And he knows I’m one of the smartest kids in our class.”

“Yes,” Sasuke said. “I-I know…”

“So…” Sakura said. “W-Will you please?”

The ninja closed his eyes, wondering how this would affect his ambition to surpass his brother. This would definitely help him restore his clan as Sasuke and the rest of the village ninja wished to do so. Older, higher ranking ninja had more than once asked him when he would be ready to mate to produce more Sharingan users once they had all been killed.

If I agree to do so with Sakura…Sasuke thought. The higher ranking, elite ninja will be pleased and give me much leeway. They may even reward me for doing so. And…

He looked down at Sakura as he thought more.

No one has thought of me as a protector before. He thought. Only a killer. If I were to do this…I would be offering Sakura the same security my brother once showed me. Is…is this how Itachi felt about me?

“Fine,” Sasuke said. “I will put in a good for you with Kakashi and request it of him.”

Sakura smiled and tightened her grip on him, burying her face in his shirt.

“Oh, Sasuke,” she thought. “You’re the best.”