Chapter 17
“You failed…” Hiruzen said. “Worse than that…you crippled us.”
All they could do was stand with their heads bowed in shame before the third Hokage. He sat at his desk dressed in the uniform of Hokage, smoking his pipe to relieve stress. Kakashi observed his three surviving students in a pitiful state as he stood beside them. He glare intensified as he looked down the row of his subordinates.
Sasuke’s flame chakra had finally expanded back to more than four feet on the way back to the Hidden Leaf in length but he was still blindfolded. He was still suffering the effects of using his Mangekyo Sharingan. For someone so unused to it, Sasuke had yet to fully regain his sight and so his eyes needed protection. All of their chakra layerings, save Hinata, were withdrawn for now as there was no need to use them.
Kakashi had thought that Sasuke of all people would be able to complete the mission without overexerting himself but that proved untrue. The idea that he had to use the Mangekyo to deal with those ninja…it was a disappointment considering his bloodline. Kakashi had hoped that someone that closely related to Itachi would have put up a better fight than immediately having to resort to their strongest dojutsu.
I would have preferred Itachi over him to be the last of the Uchiha. He thought. I always knew the younger of the two would be a lesser version.
And then there was Hinata. She had no serious injuries and had more than three feet of water chakra surrounding her. This meant that the Hyuga girl had done little to no fighting and had not exerted herself. The girl was too afraid of fighting, plain and simple. Too gentle, too meek, too soft-spoken to be a fearsome shinobi. It was why her father disowned her.
Honestly, Kakashi expected as much. She was about as willing to kill prisoners as Naruto. However, anyone with a Byakugan and merely average taijutsu proved to be a threat on the battlefield. But Hinata wasted that by never going for the killing blow or wishing to lay a finger on others. She never even killed any condemned prisoners, just like Naruto.
I’ve seen her fight too many times to know she winces and squeals at the slightest instance of pain. Kakashi thought. Not from herself but others. Gentle souls do not make good shinobi. I thought that on the battlefield she might be willing to defend herself but she too acted as Naruto did and couldn’t even kill when his life depended on it.
Almost as useless was Sakura. Kakashi had asked Sasuke, Hinata and Naruto what happened to her and the reality of it felt so karmic it hurt. The Terror Jar technique was a perfect counter to the girl. She was squeamish and afraid of battle but not as Hinata was. Sakura was willing to kill condemned prisoners, if with a little coercion. This meant she was willing to harm others for her own sake.
However, she had no selflessness about her, no resolve. She thought nothing of the future or had any real drive or ambition. Sakura thought nothing of the Leaf Village and did not view herself as a protector of it. She merely thought about how comfortable a life she could have and how little she needed to do to be happy and live in it. What a shallow, simple girl.
Then came Naruto. The object of Kakashi’s hatred. His normally lightning nature chakra had become fire nature at many points between leaving Dotou Island and returning to the Hidden Leaf. It went on and off between those two natures, a rare feat for someone to accomplish. Kakashi was usually too stoic to let it get under his skin. But this was different.
Kakashi recognized that Naruto was a threat to the Hidden Leaf Village in a way no one else was. He did not spare Tazuna for financial gain or political maneuvering. He was not paid off by an enemy of Konoha or thinking about the fallout from assassinating a top engineer in another country. Naruto’s concern was not how the Land of Water would hold a grudge. He just thought it was wrong.
He’s just like my father. He thought. A traitor of moral conscience.
This meant he was chaotic by nature and his future decisions were dictated by his own personal sense of good and evil. This was far more destructive than any other reason as it was too unpredictable what Naruto would think in the future. One who was governed by self-interest was easy to figure and to guess their next moves but one who had a strong morality was bizarrely frustrating.
Naruto could be put in an almost exact scenario and still kill if for a different reason. Kakashi thought. If killing Tazuna meant the Land of Water couldn’t transport troops or weapons to kill innocent people, Naruto might have killed him. But because Gato, a crime lord, wanted him dead to continue his drug trade and shipping monopoly, Naruto couldn’t comply with the Leaf’s orders. Still two situations where we want Tazuna dead for his bridge making abilities but a situation where Naruto might have taken different actions simply because of intent and motivation. This is why we shinobi try to degrade our young ninja’s sense of individual morality and replace it with a collectivist sense of duty and honor for our nation–because individual morality and objective right and wrong would hurt our village’s prosperity rather than aid it. These ninja are just tools meant to kill and serve whoever and however we say…ideology, questions of morality and personal hang-ups do not in any way sharpen the tool…only dull it. And it seems that did not happen with Naruto…
“Now that Gato has stopped giving us requests we have lost a vital portion of economic opportunity,” the Third Hokage said. “It may be seventeen percent of our finances are gone with Gato’s Shipping Company withdrawn.”
Hiruzen…? Kakashi thought. Why did you just blatantly say that?
“Seventeen percent?!” Naruto asked. “That much?”
“Quiet you!” Hiruzen shouted.
The Third Hokage’s surprisingly harsh voice caused the normally cheerful and exuberant Naruto to wear a pained expression. He bowed his head in submission. Hiruzen was usually fairly nice to Naruto and lenient of his behavior so his sudden outburst must have hurt the boy. The favoritism and compassion he showed Naruto for having no parents was now gone and replaced with a scowl that was almost exclusively aimed at Naruto.
“I have a good mind to execute you, Naruto Uzumaki,” he said. “For betraying our village the way you did. You should be grateful for me that we raised you despite the…fear the Village had of you. And you repay our kindness for the privilege of tolerating your existence with betrayal. I have decided against it but only barely…you are young so you are naive but are also as disciplined and …hardworking. Keep those traits and guard them closely as they are the only merits to your existence. If you had been much older and more lazy…I could not excuse this evil and would like to see your head on a platter effective immediately.”
He then looked down at his desk and sighed in contempt.
“To think you have all failed such a vitally rewarding mission,” Hiruzen went on. “That one hundred and twenty million ryo…the things we could do with excess money. I’m so disappointed in all of you.”
“Hokage-sama,” Sasuke said, still blindfolded. “I eliminated every ninja deployed by the Hidden Mist instead of Zabuza…I did everything I could to complete the mission.”
“Yes,” Hiruzen said. “And for that I commend you. You were probably the most loyal and useful Leaf ninja deployed on the battlefield that day…”
His scowl hardened.
“However,” he said. “As an Uchiha I did not believe you would need to exert yourself so much. Your lineage would incline me to believe that you would handle those Hidden Mist shinobi without nearly killing yourself and impairing your eyesight for several days. I would have expected better from the sibling of Itachi.”
Sasuke grunted in distress, clearly angered by such a comment.
“Hokage-sama,” Hinata said. “I-I truly tried my best…I was…I was merely-”
“Merely soft,” Hiruzen seethed.
That shut her up very quickly.
“Weak is what you are, Hyuga outcast,” he said. “Not weak in physical ability…no, much, much worse…you do not have the spirit to be a shinobi despite your Gentle Fist proficiency…Hiashi was right to expel you from his presence.”
She sighed, very obviously trying not to cry.
“However,” Hiruzen said. “We do have use for you if you cannot fight properly. After this meeting we will make arrangements for your new position in the Leaf Village.”
Hinata smiled a little, obviously glad to no longer be fighting. Hizuen shook his head in frustration, clenching his fists in anger. Hiruzen then turned to Kakashi. He glared at the oldest of the team.
“And you,” Hiruzen stated. “You promoted these genin directly to tokubetsu jonin. And allowed them the privilege of such an important mission. This rest is almost entirely your fault, Kakashi Hatake. I don’t know who to blame more…you or Naruto.”
“I understand that,” Kakashi said. “However, with all due respect Hokage-sama…Gato might reconsider his stance on not providing us work. The Hidden Sand might prove less effective in completing missions than us…that has happened before and the Hidden Sand certainly couldn’t take all of Gato’s requests.”
“Yes,” Hiruzen said. “I agree. But in between regaining Gato’s trust either from our reputation as shinobi or frustration with the Hidden Sand we have lost a large chunk of our funds. And the people of Konoha will be disappointed to know their nation’s village has lost so much good business from one ninja’s treachery.”
He then continued glaring at Naruto.
“I see I have not only made a mistake in raising such a weak hearted brat but also in appointing a jonin with such poor judgment as sensei,” Hiruzen said. “Kakashi…did it ever occur to you that promoting genin straight to tokubetsu jonin and skipping over the chunin rank was such a good idea?”
Kakashi felt his breath cease flowing under the strain of the heavy question. His heart slammed like the knocking on a door as he prepared to answer. He could not hope to give an answer satisfactory to the Hokage. Kakashi tried to think of an excuse for his failure.
“I-I…” Kakashi stuttered. “With the exception of Hinata…I-I thought that each of the students I promoted would do well in battle.”
He eyed the Hyuga girl as she was on the brink of tears, as usual.
“I was trying to weed her out so that we could use her for the purposes of securing the Byakugan,” he said. “She would participate in a few missions to prove she wasn’t capable of combat and would no longer do so or at worst she would be willing to kill. The others…I thought their abilities were enough to compete roughly with that of jonin.”
“Yes,” Hiruzen said. “Knowing the students you picked I would agree their abilities were proficient enough for that of a jonin in some aspects. However, Kakashi there is one thing you lack.”
“What is that?” Kakashi asked.
“The ability to recognize mental fortitude,” Hiruzen answered. “Something I would think a veteran like you would know better than the back of your hand. You did not recognize that three, three, out of your four team members did not have the resolve to fight without backing down. If I recall correctly from the report given to me, Sakura was so afraid the Terror Jar killed her and she did not attempt to fight back, only flee. And Hinata and Naruto were too childish and naive to fight. And Sasuke did not have the mental fortitude to think of a strategy without using his Mangekyo Sharingan.”
“I have done the same to genin in the past,” Kakashi said. “With mostly positive results. This was a fluke in comparison.
The third Hokage shook his head in response.
“A fluke it may have been,” he said. “But an easily avoidable fluke nonetheless and one that cost us too much this time. You have cost us just as dearly as your father did.”
The words stung before hitting Kakashi like a blow to the chest. Hiruzen knew not only of Sakumo’s unwillingness to fulfill his last mission and how much it disgraced the Hatake name. Kakashi was aware Hiruzen brought up the issue just to rub salt in what was still an emotional wound for him. Not a day went by when he didn’t think he had to make up for the mistakes of his father and Hiruzen knew it.
“Kakashi…” he said. “I cannot demote you as you are too powerful a ninja to be deprived of active duty and too skilled at teaching other ninja to take you away from your position as an academy teacher. So…your position is secured…so long as you continue to not make more mistakes.”
Hiruzen then looked over the rest of them.
“I will try to make amends with Gato and see if a deal can be worked out,” the third Hokage said. “Hinata…”
He stared at the Hyuga girl.
“Kakashi will appoint you to your new position,” he said. “Go with him. You are dismissed.”
Naruto looked like he was ready to cry and fled the Hokage’s office as fast as he could walk. Kakashi could tell the young man was doing his best to not run in shame as he left. Sasuke waited for his sensei to help him in leaving as he was still partially blind. Kakashi walked over and placed his hand on Hinata’s shoulder. She looked very nervous at him.
“Come with me,” he said. “You won’t have to fight any longer.”
As Naruto walked home, he became bathed in the long shadows of the late afternoon. His head was hung, staring at the sidewalk at his feet as he was in too much pain to look up. Naruto walked from one shadow to another, glad they were like long pillars he could hide behind and hoped to blend in with. Every time he walked out from one he was afraid of being seen, like prey hoping to be obscured in the night behind dark objects.
He was glad to be hidden in the shadows cast by the dying sun as he didn’t want to be seen. The news about how he let Tazuna escape was all over the village for the sole sake of punishment. Naruto remembered this about shinobi villages.
The feats accomplished or the failures of a ninja are purposefully reported to the Village. He remembered. This increases the collectivist mindset they hold so that every action one takes is weighed by the entire village rather than select individuals. It encourages ninja to do better and follow orders since they will have to face the consequences of their actions.
Naruto thought about that for a moment.
Consequences of their actions…He said to himself. I used to think that was just the natural state of things…now I know it to be a weapon of bunch idiot authoritarians wanting to pressure you into obeying their personalized will.
He was shocked that he thought that for a moment. Naruto wondered where that came from before realizing it was pent up aggression. He had always hated the Hidden Leaf for never accepting him. He had been so nice to everybody for years and they repaid his kindness with hatred and malice. Naruto thought that maybe after completing a successful mission that would change. It was his only hope of being accepted by others. That dream was gone.
When Naruto finally found his apartment in front of him his relief turned to apprehension when he saw what lay in front of him. Standing in front of him were a mob of familiar faces. Naruto recognized many of them, some the parents of his classmates and others older ninja. They included Shikaku Nara, Inoichi Yamanaka, Iruka Umino, Ebisu and Hayate Gekko.
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None of these people liked Naruto and there were more than thirty in total. Usually they treated him with some amount of apathy and ignored him as well as ordering others too. But right now all looked downright murderous with anger. Naruto could feel every glare directed at him piercing him like a knife. The shame he already felt was now magnified. He winced at the sight and took in a deep breath.
Just ignore them. He thought. And move through the crowd like it’s nothing. Act like you don’t even notice them.
Naruto did his best to push himself to take the first step forward into the mass of people. He would have gone around but that would have probably angered them more. There were also too many of them to avoid. It took all of Naruto’s remaining strength to walk up to the crowd.
He stood in front of Choza Akamichi, quietly gesturing for him to move so he could pass through. Choza was a rather large man with long, messy brown hair and a red bandana. He was rather fearsome looking and quite hateful.
Please move…Naruto thought. Please…please…please move…
“Naruto,” Choza said.
The young man looked up at him to find his voice was terse rather than angry. He almost wanted to cry as he looked up at him. Naruto held back tears to the best of his ability, not daring to show any weakness.
The large shinobi pulled a knife from the sheath at his waist. Naruto stepped back in fear only to find the Akamichi dropped it at his feet. The young ninja looked down at it in confusion.
“Wha-?” he asked.
“The Tradition of Deadly Choice,” Choza said.
Naruto looked up in fear, remembering the tradition. When a ninja made a terrible choice on a mission that caused a failure they were given a choice. Either stab themselves with a ceremonial knife or continue living in shame and dishonor. The reason for the tradition was simple.
All shinobi would make mistakes on missions but the ones purposefully made by the ninja sent on them that sacrificed the goal could not be forgiven. These ninja were usually loyal to the Leaf but in one instance could not carry out their duties. So one did not want to execute the shinobi that had been handpicked and raised that still were willing to serve the village. It’d be a waste of time and resources to train another ninja in their place, especially if the ninja in question was still loyal to the Hidden Leaf Village.
So they allowed the treacherous ninja to decide. If they killed themselves out of shame in a public fashion it served as a warning to all others not to do the same. If they did not then it was even better. The punished ninja would be punished as a deterrent to others and the village would still keep the ninja that had cost food, water and time to raise. It would also spur the punished ninja on to do better to earn back his respect. It was a surprisingly effective technique at keeping the other ninja from disobeying as someone who did not kill themselves would forever be a walking reminder of what failure to meet the Hidden Leaf’s demands were.
It was not common that this happened but when it did, it was a public affair. The most famous case was Sakumo Hatake, the renowned ninja who destroyed his reputation by sacrificing his mission for his comrades’ lives. Naruto couldn’t help but feel tears well up as he looked back up at Choza.
“Now…” he said. “I am sure you are well aware of this tradition. Go on…”
“B-But…” Naruto said.
“You were aware of the consequences of abandoning the duties of the Hidden Leaf,” Shikaku said.
He stepped out from behind Choza and glared at Naruto.
“You know the responsibilities of being a ninja of the Leaf,” he said. “One must put aside their personal morality for the prosperity of our village.”
“P-Please-” Naruto said.
“Do not attempt to rationalize your way out of this,” the Yamanaka ninja said. “Apologies won’t matter. You have caused our village to lose out on a lot of money. If we do not have sufficient funds, Konoha starves, our infrastructure is put in disrepair, we are more prone to disease due to not being able to buy the ingredients for medicine and we are more likely to be invaded. You are not the victim here.”
“C-Come on-” Naruto said. “Can–can even one of you say you’d miss me?”
There was not a single voice that rose up from the crowd at that moment. Naruto waited for a long while, hoping someone would say something. His heart beat against his chest with the intensity of thunder to his eardrums. Then a voice finally arose.
“I wouldn’t.”
Naruto looked to see a ninja parse through the crowd to stand forward. He had a long brown ponytail and a scar that was carved along the bridge of his nose. The man had no exceptional abilities as a ninja so he had to serve as a teacher to young students who did not even know the most basic of ninjutsu practices. Iruka Umino glared at him with intense passion.
“I would be glad if you died where you stood,” he said. “Naruto…your pranks…your arrogance and childishness…I always knew you were never fit to be a ninja.”
Naruto looked up at Iruka to find eyes that were full of pleasure. Unlike the rest of the ninja standing around him and glared with distaste, Naruto could see satisfaction in Iruka’s gaze. By examining his expression, he found the older chunin was having a tough time not smiling in his distress. Almost like trying to suppress one’s laughter at a great joke. And the worst part was that Naruto had always known that Iruka hated him.
Ever since he was an Academy Student Iruka had it out for Naruto. He gave him the most amount of punishment for whenever he ever made a mistake and rarely bothered to explain things properly to him. Iruka would punish Naruto for the slightest things, obviously trying to make him frustrated and break his spirit.
It was something that forced Naruto to do his own studying and ninjutsu practice on his own since his own teacher wouldn’t. Through Iruka, he learned a principle that he’d heard long ago from Jiraiya. He didn’t think of it much when he first heard it but it made sense due to Iruka’s neglect and Naruto’s desire to improve.
“The most well-educated men are those who are self taught,” Jiraiya said.
And now Iruka’s anger finally made sense to Naruto. For years he wondered why the academy teacher hated him but now knowing the nine-tails that had wreaked havoc on the Leaf Village was inside Naruto he understood. And it was from knowing how Iruka’s parents died.
Iruka’s parents were killed during the nine-tails’ rampage. He thought. Iruka must hate me for being the nine-tails’ host…he takes his anger out on me as a way to direct the hatred for being orphaned at a young age. He’s just like me. Alone…and lost. Hating others for things we can’t control…and making futile attempts as a result.
Naruto looked up into Iruka’s eyes and for a moment, saw what he saw. A ninja who was a bastard with no skills and yet had a dangerous monster lurking within him. Someone who had no talent, only managed to become a true ninja through obsessive practice and now was a traitor. This was not Iruka being mad.
This was him enjoying the moment and glad it came about. Finally the satisfaction of seeing a student who came in deadlast throughout most of his early years and what housed the murder of his parents would get his just deserts. It was cathartic for Iruka.
“Come, Naruto,” Iruka said while trying to suppress his glee. “End this for us. We want you to die. We condemn you. Make amends for your mistake…and leave this world like the worthless person you were.”
Naruto looked down at the knife, mulling the decision over. He understood Iruka’s motivation for wishing him to die more so than his own desire to live at that point. It didn’t make sense to live.
His entire life he had wanted to be Hokage, just hoping with all his might that dream would come true. Now there was no way someone forced to take this tradition would make it. If the village didn’t wish him dead before, this had tipped it over the edge now. He had cemented their hatred by driving away potentially their best paying client. He would never have friends at this point. What point was there to life now?
Naruto thought with all his might, wondering what there was to live for. He tried to reach for something, anything in his memory that would be worth living for. But he couldn’t think of anything. Naruto couldn’t think of it.
Sakura was dead, Sasuke had proven to be a more loyal ninja than him so he surpassed him again, Kakashi hated him, the village hated him, everyone hated him. Being a ninja did not help Naruto become Hokage and gain recognition. Only shoot that possibility in the foot. He began to weep before remembering what happened with Tazuna.
Wait…He thought. The yang chakra…
He remembered the white, light chakra that he had emitted. It was extraordinary due to how rare it was. Most ninja went their whole life without their chakra being transmuted into yang chakra. It came from the very core of their spirit’s desire to do good. Not from mere emotion. No, the decision to act honorably and with good faith above all else. Why was he the one to experience that when no one else did?
Maybe…He thought. Maybe it’s because I’m alone. Because I’m hated. Maybe it takes someone that…special? Is that the right word? I don’t know. Someone that…that is excluded to exhibit that trait. And maybe…just maybe…it’s more important than my desire to become Hokage…to gain friends…more important than my own happiness.
He stared back into Iruka’s wanting eyes, knowing more than anything the older ninja wanted him to give in and give up. Naruto stared up defiantly against his former teacher and glared back. This gave a shock to Iruka, his face breaking out into terror.
Maybe what I did back there with Tazuna was more important than any of this. He thought. More important than me. Than them.
Naruto stood up proudly, wiping his tears away. As he did, he grabbed the knife laid on the ground in front of him. To everyone’s shock, he threw it into the street in front of him. Everyone gasped as the knife was sharp enough to bury itself in the pavement at his feet. Naruto continued glaring them down.
“Sure,” he said. “I’ll die. As soon as you all take the first step and try to kill me.”
This caused a very odd reaction from the mob. They stepped back or moved anxiously, obviously confused at this statement. Iruka’s mad joy he’d been trying to suppress disappeared from his face. Naruto lifted his fist at them, almost as if he was about to fight as he rose with determination.
He didn’t want to fight but couldn’t help it. The desire was there and he was almost willing to start brawling with anyone in the crowd who’d be willing to. Not a single one in the crowd had ever allowed their children to play with Naruto or allowed him to help out with chores.
He’d always been isolated from the rest of the village children and watched with jealousy as they played and received attention from their parents. It infuriated him that with all his hard work he never had that. Only Jiraiya gave that to him on his sparse visits or Hiruzen when he was a child on his off days. Otherwise, Naruto was alone.
“Come on,” he said. “You were all willing for me to die here and now. What’s wrong? Cowards?”
“Just punishment is different than murder,” Shikaku said.
“You’re the coward!” Iruka shouted.
Naruto watched as Iruka burst into tears. He pointed at Naruto accusatively and began screaming. The young ninja looked on at his former teacher with confusion at his turbulent switch of emotions.
“You abandoned the village because you were too scared to kill!” Iruka shouted. “Huh?! Isn’t that it?! You’re scared because you didn’t want innocent blood on your hands! Well you already do! You already do have the blood of others on your hands! Except you couldn’t even do it for the sake of the Leaf Village! You only killed for yourself and yourself alone!”
“Calm down, Iruka,” Shikaku said.
He tried to take the academy teacher by the shoulders only for him to get emphatic before Iruka threw him off.
“No, no!” he shouted. “He refuses to die! After all the pain and suffering he’s caused us…caused us all! And now he won’t even participate in making sacrifices for the village! Why did we ever raise him then?!”
He looked like he was ready to throw himself at Naruto and start tearing him apart.
“Why should we tolerate his existence any longer?!” Iruka shouted. “Why? Why?!”
“He refused to kill himself as part of the tradition,” Inoichi Yamanaka said. “He’ll serve as a living reminder of those who betray the village.”
“But he’s already been shunned by us for what he is!” Iruka said. “What more can we do to him?! What more?!”
Naruto looked at Iruka with bizarre fascination. He’d never seen the sensei so distraught. In class when dealing with the most frustrating students, Iruka always kept his calm and rarely faltered. What Naruto was witnessing was truly weird.
Shikaku then turned to glare at Naruto with frustration and contempt. Choza looked ready to attack the young ninja. The mob was clearly more frustrated than angry at this point, anticipating the ninja would give in and kill himself. Instead Naruto stood more proud than anything as he looked on stoically at all of them. As Shikaku calmed Iruka down by holding him back, it was Ebisu who stepped forward.
“Even if you do not end your life through the tradition,” the older tokubetsu jonin said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Your life will be difficult for you. Your dream of becoming Hokage is shot as no one will recognize one who committed such an act as letting an enemy of the Hidden Leaf live.”
“I’m glad of that,” Naruto said.
He found Ebisu’s expression becoming puzzled as he let out a slight gasp.
“If it takes evil acts to continue the Hidden Leaf,” he said. “Then the Leaf Village is evil.”
This incited a look of utter shock in the entire crowd. They were obviously aghast that Naruto had dared to state such a thing. It was near criminal to speak something so outwardly negative of the Leaf Village. One could receive jail time for such a thing.
“I’m glad I spared Tazuna, now,” he said. “I’d rather him live and you lose out on the money of a drug cartel than him be dead and you all be spoiled in wealth like the pigs you are.”
“Pigs?” Choza said. “Who are you calling a pig?!”
“All of you,” Naruto said. “You’re all pigs. Filthy swine who roll in ill-gotten gain like the mercenaries you are.”
He tightened both hands into fists now.
“I learned something that day I refused to kill Tazuna,” Naruto said. “Something from Zabuza…that in order to preserve one’s dream…one must be willing to sacrifice things…even people.”
He glared.
“And that day I said I was willing to sacrifice all of you,” he said. “You all raised me but only to become a tool. Gave me scraps and told me I was worthless. All so I could grow up to one day be your weapon. Well…guess what? I abandon my dream of becoming Hokage.”
He sighed in contempt, uttering that hurting him.
“I-I-” he said. “I give it up. Because…because I don’t want to be a tool for evil. And being Hokage…he isn’t the one who uses the tools of the village…he is the ultimate tool of the village. The ultimate weapon of this sick people since he bears all the responsibilities and burdens to prosper this place. And since I don’t want to be evil…”
Naruto tried his best to work up the courage to say it.
“I’ll sacrifice everything for my sense of right and wrong,” he said. “It-it’s what gives me new meaning. A meaning I never had before.”
The whole crowd paused for a moment, obviously shocked by this change in disposition of Naruto. They were clearly not only unexpected but the opposite of what they wanted. A long pause emerged while tension filled the air. Finally, Hayate broke the silence.
“Well,” he said. “You may feel that…but the rest of us prefer the safety afforded to us by the Hidden Leaf Village. It is our home after all.”
“Even if you have to shed innocent blood to keep it that way,” Naruto said. “What good is a home like that?”
“Enough of this childish idealism,” Inoichi said. “If you cannot handle the real world…then you have more growing up to do. Maybe one day you’ll prove useful. But until that day comes…never expect good will from us, Naruto Uzumaki.”
And one by one they left. At first it looked as though they were bored, the excitement they were hoping for denied. Choza sheathed the knife protruding from the street back into its scabbard before walking off. Once they were gone, Naruto was left alone as usual.
He stood alone, stiff and rather empty. What he said sounded so cool in the moment but now he felt hollow. Naruto sensed his words had no real meaning. They were as lifeless as the corpses he had seen stripped of life on the battlefield.
As the shadows around him elongated a soft wind blew against him to kick up his blond hair and edge of his pant leg. Standing there he felt like the last tree in a forest that had been cut down. All that remained of his fine words was him with his loneliness, his emptiness, his guilt. There was nothing for him. Or his life for that matter. Because there was nothing he had.
Whether I want to be Hokage or not…Naruto thought. Doesn’t matter. Because no one cares anyway. What I want or don’t want, my ambition doesn’t affect anything. No one cares about what I say…because no one cares about me.
A tear stung his eye.
Whatever changes on the inside of me. He thought. Doesn’t matter to them because they can’t see it. And if they can’t see it…there’s no point in striving for anything.
Naruto glared, hating that thought.
No. He thought. There is. There is a point in trying to change oneself. In trying to strive to do better. Trying to earn more.
He looked down at himself, mystified by the same person they all called a monster, a coward and a traitor produced yang chakra in a moment of moral clarity. Even if just for a few seconds it meant something. Something Naruto couldn’t grasp and certainly not put into words but he could feel regardless. It was a deeper sense of understanding than what emotions provided.
That yang chakra…He thought. I don’t know what it is…but it was beyond human. Beyond human…but not in the way the nine-tails was. It was something more than survival, something more than getting my emotional needs met…something more than petty desires. In fact…after my chakra transmuted into light I no longer had the problem of the nine-tails taking control over me…why is that?
Naruto looked down, hoping it would happen again. Hoping that with all his might the white chakra would erupt from body like it did with Tazuna. He wondered if he could do so again.
I realize now…He thought. That chakra was born from me deciding good was more important than human needs. Even if my village needed that money it would defy the laws of objectionable good and evil written…written on my heart. Because it’s not an emotion…it’s a state of one’s spirit too foundational to who they are to be called a feeling. Less an emotion and more of a…nature.
And Naruto looked at the setting sun with gratitude. For what felt like the first time in his life he felt grateful for something. Grateful that his pain had taught him something. Grateful that he was above the understanding of the ninja that had surrounded him and chastised him for what he knew was an immoral action. Naruto was grateful that he had something that the rest of Konoha could never know. And if that was the gift he received in exchange for the years of loneliness…then so be it.
Because that is my ninja way. He thought.