He was not the most amazing person. To be honest, he annoyed me so much sometimes I wished he was gone. I wished he was never there. He never seemed to do much but sit around in the house and smoke. He never seemed to hear us; his eyes were always glazed over. After a while he stopped hearing us and would only grunt every now and then, whether in satisfaction or anger.

He always told me, “You’re so pretty, you’re so kind. You’re such a wonderful granddaughter, the best I could ask for.” I thought it was just so...thoughtless. It was like when I told my own father that he is the best dad in the world. No dad can be the best possible dad, no dad is so perfect; however when I think about it now I would not say such a thing--I would not have said such a thing--if I did not think it. My own father is an amazing father, the best dad I could ask for. In the same way my grandfather thought of me.

When I was younger, before he hurt his back and his memory loss became so apparent that he thought he was forty, he was a wise man full of proverbs. Every time we--my family--visited, he would advise us. He repeated them every time that I eventually zoned out when he talked, paid him no mind, cared so little for what he was saying that I nodded and smiled mindlessly while thinking of a ton of complaints.

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I barely even smiled at him.

He looked so old, so tired, so grumpy, so...disgusting that I didn’t feel like putting in the effort to love him. Everything that I did for him was something I could do for any stranger on the street. I didn’t care, didn’t think I would care what would happen, what did happen, to him.

But now I know, I did love him, I do love him. And I wish I did more for him. I didn’t think I would cry so much when he died, feel such a weight in my heart that I realized how little the love I showed him was. If I could see him again, I would change the way I acted toward him. I would tell him everything I ever wished to tell him. I would listen to his proverbs and laugh with him.

I would do everything I ever wanted to do for him.

But now he is gone, and I will love him in my memory. I will do for others what I wanted to do for him. I will live without regrets, learn from even this last piece of teaching he has given me. He was truly the best grandfather one could ever have.