Unfortunately, My Student is a Magnet for Trouble (2.1)

My favored phrase 'to work is to lose' had the misfortune of meeting an entirely different culture. While it perfectly fit the wage-slave reality that awaited most Japanese males, the comforting embrace of my favorite pessimistic phrase simply does not work in this world.

To not work is to lose, the exact opposite of my father's sagely advice, rang true.

However, that didn't mean that I disliked the work that I was thrown into this world. It is true that I had the great misfortune of being shoved into the occupation of Adventurer against my will. That I did not choose this path is something I cannot deny. While I freely lied to other people, I will not lie to myself.

I did not hate my job as an adventurer.

No sane, young, and hot-blooded male wouldn't enjoy killing monsters for a living. Not only that, but when extreme exercise and strenuous training is conducive to staying alive, a person understandably has more incentive to go the extra mile.

Also, muscles looked good and the Blessing made keeping them a cinch.

Pervert gods, I bet that's why so many female adventurers still had womanly charm despite all their training and healed wounds!

The next time I go to a bar, I'll buy a drink for the next god I see, as thanks.

Anyway, over the course of the last two years, I'd gone through every method of training imaginable. Or, to be more specific, I had the grace of knowing how to shape my body for exceptional fitness and strength thanks to years spent in Physical Education.

This world, being in a perpetual stage of medieval-times, generally did not have standardized education to spread knowledge of how to get in shape. Learning how to gain muscle mass, speed, and endurance is all 'secret methods' kept by schools of combat like something straight out of a martial arts film.

Young pupil, shave your head and submit yourself to 100 pushups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats and a 10 Kilometer run EVERYDAY and you will gain great power!

Heh.

Wait.

Shit.

I didn't manage to watch that show's anime!

Augh, even when I try to make myself laugh, I can only hope to depress myself.

I'll get straight to the point. It's better if I don't waste time anyway.

To put it simply, Cranel-kun was now experiencing 'Hikigaya Hachiman's Training from Hell.' A lovingly crafted workout regimen birthed by Shounen anime and Physical Education multiplied by ten.

All the while still fighting monsters in the dungeon.

…

"Sensei… please… no more…" Cranel whimpered on my back, his legs twitching in my arms. Passerby adventurers looked and pointed. I swore a few called us a cute couple. Hey! My heart is for Totsuka only! Cranel might be able to compete but Totsuka is still number one! "Sensei… you're making that disturbing smile again… please… stop."

"Oi, I'm carrying you back and treating you to lunch." I admonished my student by giving him a quick knock on his head with my own skull. I fixed him upon my back and went about going onward faster. I wasn't doing it for him. I just didn't see a point in wasting anymore time. I'm hungry as well, after all. Not only that, but I was taking my ten-percent to pay for the food, so it's free! Good job, me! "Have a little respect, brat."

"I do respect you… Sensei…" Cranel's words slurred and I felt some drool leaking on my shoulder. For such a fearsome protagonist, he really needed to get his diet in order. Though I knew his Familia was in dire straits, I didn't expect him to be dead on his feet after doing a quarter of the exercise I did every day for a week. Brat, you need to take better care of yourself. "…that's why… I'm telling you to stop… smiling... Sensei…"

"Do you want to get dropped, brat? Because doing what you're doing will get you dropped." Snarling lightly, I walked into the Guild Hall and ignored the tittering that went around. These people, don't they have better things to do with their time? Heading straight to the conversion counter, I nudged my sleepy, tired meal-ticket/student awake. "Oi, give me the crystal and rubbish bags."

"…it's too big for the tray… Sensei…" Cranel tiredly declared his observation, his head lolling to gaze upon the counter. I didn't bother answering his question. Instead, I gestured for the teller behind the screen to open the lower tray. A box the size of a footlocker opened at our feet. A moment later, Cranel adjusted himself so he could give me the pack he usually wore and my own. "Ah… Sensei is… very smart… and… knows many things."

"Yeah, yeah, go to sleep, brat. I'll wake you when we get to the inn." I threw Cranel's bag of item drops and crystals into the upper tray as I dumped my own into the larger tray below. More than a few whispers and stares came from all around us. Augh, I supposed I placed too much hope on Cranel's innate cuteness. Totsuka would've made the hearts of all my enemies fall apart. My white-haired student's cuteness ranking wasn't high enough to ward away troublemakers. "Wait, scratch that, stay awake until you know I'm only taking ten percent of your spoils, you lazy brat."

"S'alright… I trust you, Sensei." With a final yawn and a slump, Cranel slumped against my head and began to snore. This kid took too well to my lessons on sleeping in the correct nooks and crannies in the dungeon. That, or I might have expected too much from him after his first week of the Hikigaya Hachiman's Hell Training Supreme Deluxe Super Platinum. I supposed that I expected too much of a boy on the cusp of adulthood. "…I'll… pay… for my lunch, too…"

"I don't know whether to be disappointed in the fact you don't know what 'being treated' to lunch means, or at your lack of fiscal responsibility." Truly, my protagonist hero is a dense, trusting idiot. I have my work cut out for me. Wait. The only thing that matters is if he can kill monsters! I don't need to teach him about such things! Hold on a second. People will try to steal his money! Dammit, this kid demands too much of me! "Oi, Teller-san, cut ten percent from the kid's Valis and put it into another pouch. Everything in the lower tray goes straight into my account."

"Yes, Hikigaya-san." The invisible Teller-san's voice was music to my ears. The beautiful sound of grating metal, burgeoning beneath all the items and drops I was selling, carried their muted voice well. "Congratulations, Hikigaya-san, you've made another million and a half Valis."

Ah, money. I love you money. The perfect hypocrisy. Irreplaceable, yet replaceable. Infinite, yet limited. Valuable, but not important. As my perfect, pessimistic idol once said: "Just as there isn't a problem a problem that can't be solved by being right, there isn't a problem that can't be solved by money." Truly, a character wise beyond the pages of a certain Light Novel. In this world and the last, his words rung true, with enough money, no problem is a problem.

Still, looking over my shoulder, I spotted a few troubles that having a lot of money made.

Hmmm… I can't deal with them with Cranel on my back…

I needed a babysitter for a few minutes.

After a few moments of looking, I spotted Cranel's Second Girl. While Tulle-san might be irresponsible with private information, I'm sure that she can take care of her crush for a few minutes.

There's always a few of the Soma Familia with higher levels trying to accost Level 1s for their hard-earned money. Damn addicts.

Unfortunately for them, and fortunately for me, they picked the wrong person to mark today. The more intelligent of them knew to stay away from the Guild now, but there's always a few 'special' idiots who can't take a hint.

Either that, or they just recently Leveled up.

And if that's the case well… Levels aren't everything, you know~

…

"Hey, sensei, where'd you go when you left me with Eina-san?" The combined effects of the Hostess of Fertility's chatter and his ravenous consumption of food made Cranel's words near incomprehensible. It was only thanks to one of my 108 skills: Interpretation of Full Mouths, born of having a talkative sister whom I ate breakfast with every day, that I managed to understand him. "You seemed a lot happier when you returned, Sensei! Eina-san was really surprised! She told me she's never seen you happy!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, brat. Also, mind your own business and enjoy the meal properly." I chose the restaurant because of two things. I had a discount for eating here, thanks to the fact I rented a room above it, and the food was great. Though I missed the taste of soy sauce, rice wine, and other traditional foods, this place had food good enough to make me momentarily forget about them. "Eat up and make sure to order enough to bring back to Hestia-sama."

"Of course! Hestia-sama would love to try everything I'm eating!" Beaming, Cranel raised his hand. Sorry, Cranel, but you're not ready for the grim realities of this world. I'll tell you all about how to deal with unscrupulous adventurers when you're strong enough. As you are now, you'll be chew up and spat out. No offense. "Grand-san, another order of what you've given me please! I am sure Hestia-sama will love your food!"

"Oho! It looks like Hikigaya managed to find someone to make up for his sharp tongue, girls!" Grand-san, a dwarven woman that was up to my shoulder in height, gave a booming laugh as the servers tittered around her. I was tempted to use my 'sharp tongue' but I had no intention of picking a fight with the person who cooks my food. Also, she's at least Level 4. All I could probably do is bleed aggressively at her and annoy her with some stains on her apron. "Make sure to keep the young man safe from Hikigaya, I'm going to cook up another House Special!"

"Yes, Mama Mia!" Oi! Why are you all agreeing?! Why isn't there a single voice of dissent amongst you! Cranel isn't cute enough for me to attempt anything on him! I hate this world, even the cute girls in maid uniforms are against me! "We'll take care of him!"

"Hahaha! You have some funny friends, Sensei!" Cranel laughed innocently. I don't know whether to be happy that you can't see their terrible natured or worried for your innocence. My poor student, for your sake, I hope this isn't a Visual Novel. You're just the sort of guy to end up on a happy boat. And by that, I mean dead. I can only hope some seed of common sense is in that head of yours, my student. "How did you meet them- woah!"

"Bell-kun!" A streak of silver, and suddenly there was a girl hanging off Cranel's arm. So. This is how it all began. Was this the childhood friend? The Tsundere? The Kuudere that's secretly a child soldier? Oh, wait. It's just a maid. Just Syr Flova, one of the waiters. How disappointing. After an Oppai Loli and a Megane Onee-chan… isn't a maid too safe? Zaimokuza, I am disappointed in you. "Muu! Weren't you taught to never keep a girl waiting? After I made you breakfast, you should've come right away and had dinner here!"

"Aha… so the breakfast was meant to make me have dinner here?" Eh? Where did this insight come from? Cranel doesn't have a single bone of common sense in his body! Who are you?! What did you do to my student! "Sensei, stop looking so happy and surprised! It's creepy!"

"Indeed, Hikigaya, wipe that despicable look from your features." A voice, cold and terrible, entered my ears. My happy mood, borne from beating up terrible people, eating good food, and enlarging my bank account… was banished away. I had forgotten that the devil herself followed the steps of Syr Flova. Tearing my gaze away from my amusement, I met the gaze of the living devil with my own glare. "I see you have somehow survived the dungeon again, you cretin."

"Lyon." I ran through my list of insults. Unfortunately, the despicable woman had an advantage since she played off my student's cry of dismay. Well-played, bitch. However, I've had years of practice. Soon enough, I found the correct set. "Despicable? Features? Cretin? Learning new words just for me? Aren't you afraid you'll overtax that brain of yours?"

The blonde elf's teeth ground against one another and some of my earlier happiness returned.

Alright, Cranel, look alive and pay attention, your teacher is going to show you an important lesson: don't fight against rotten bastards, we'll just tear you down to our level, and beat you with experience!

…

Unfortunately, My Student is a Magnet for Trouble (2.2)

…

"Listen, you two, this happens every time the two of you get even within a meter of one another." Grand-san's shadow loomed over me and my unlikely compatriot. The tall dwarf's appearance seemed chiseled into stone. A statue looming over me, about to fall, and crush me. Will I have to forever guide Cranel from a video camera while strapped to a hospital bed after my judgement has been rendered? In such a limited state, can I properly teach Cranel the dangers of this world's society? "Like I said before, if the two of you hate having to clean the entire pub after service, the pair of you need to cease bickering and bantering like stray cats during dinner service."

"I merely suggested that Hikigaya-kun change his features and cease distressing customers, Grand-sama." As expected, Lyon has no compunction about throwing me under the figurative bus headfirst. Devilish, evil elf! I bet those blonde locks of yours are made from stolen Valis! Stolen from orphans! Orphans working your sweatshops! Also, stop with your proper, measured tone of speaking! It doesn't work when you're forced into a Seiza! "After that I merely greeted him, and he saw fit to insult me."

"Oi, oi, you're leaving out some important parts, Lyon-chan." I sneered the added honorific as Lyon did, except I did it better. I was born and raised in Japan! My ability to be condescending in less than five words is unmatched! Hell, my people tried 'to kill with silence' once! It didn't work out, but I can try! Still, the glare the devil elf sent my way confirmed it got under her skin just the right amount. Heh, heh. "Lyon-chan, didn't you call me a cretin? Then, after that, weren't the words: imbecile, fool, and idiot used in quick succession by Lyon-chan?"

"I'm surprised you can remember someone else's words besides your own, Hikigaya." Lyon's glare could've killed a goblin with its intensity. If a certain reality-warper was nearby, I'm sure I'd be dead! Lyon-Beeeaaammmm! Yep, that's correct. If only you could bend reality to your whim, could you hope to defeat me, demon maid! "I had believed that your massive ego only allowed your own words to be registered. Ah. My apologies, I am wrong. If that were the case, you'd have remembered you called me-."

"Enough, I swear if the two of you acted like this to anyone else, I'd have already kicked you both out!" Grand-sama's declaration was followed with a sigh. Placing her hands on her hips, she shook her head. Clearly, she was disappointed. Shame, Lyon-chan. You've disappointed your boss~. Ah, the message was received! My mockery was successful! Lyon-chan's anger levels have reached new heights! High Score! "But, the two of you are… civil… to everyone else, and there's never anything beyond… insults… gods, the two of you are a pain to even consider thinking about! Augh, the two of you know what to do! Clean the pub, I want it spick and span by tomorrow morning!"

"Yes, Grand-sama/It will be done, Grand-sama."

"Alright then, you two." Grand left with a wave. "Lock up when you're done."

A moment of silence followed, and I carefully waited…

"I still cannot understand how Grand-sama can trust you to lock the doors for the night." Lyon took the mop and bucket, and spilled the soapy water upon the floor. Flova had gone over the flooring with a broom before 'volunteering' to help Cranel home. As expected, he already has a girl chasing after him. Huh, I was actually somewhat disappointed I wasn't going to see the confrontation between the Oppai Loli and the Kawaii Maid. Was there going to be a magical battle with clothing destruction, or just a simple hair-pulling skit? It seems I will never know. "You are the epitome of an untrustable being, Hikigaya."

Ah, there it is, thus the ritual begins.

"It's probably because if you were alone in cleaning, you'd be in no shape to do your duties tomorrow." I fired back my traditional insult while taking a pair of rags. The tables were already mostly cleared, but there are always a few stains that needed some elbow grease to be taken off of them. Deciding upon starting on where Cranel and I had eaten, I was appalled at the amount of stains my student left. Tomorrow, my student, I will be teaching you table manners. "You've yet to become commendable in anything but taking orders, clearing tables, and washing dishes, Lyon."

Usually, at that, we'd simply work through our little punishment in peace. Typically, that was all that was ever between Hikigaya Hachiman and Lyon Ryuu. Some thrown insults, and a somewhat acceptable time spent doing something we both would've been roped into doing sometime later with others besides one another. Neither one of us worked well with others. So, understandably, we were capable of working around one another with ease.

In the end, our relationship was borne of our goals to avoid others.

"Hikigaya, a moment of your time, please."

That was what I believed, until Lyon Ryuu broke the silence I had expected.

"Hm?" Glancing over my shoulder, I found her still doing her own chore. Was the question not serious enough to warrant Lyon to stop cleaning, or too serious for her to look too interested? Either way, I quickly turned my head and decided against investigating. It's been a long time since I'd needed to look at someone to read between lines. "What's on your mind?"

"That boy you brought along. Syr fancies him." Lyon's words made me freeze. Of course she'd have noticed. The short-haired, blond elf is far too perceptive for her own good. Looks like I didn't need to read between the lines. This woman never holds back on her criticisms. "You will not make the same mistake with him as you did with your previous students, correct?"

By all respects, the question was a decent one. Something that I would ask myself, even. Anyone who would know of my past failure would be right to ask me such a question. The staff of the Hostess of Fertility probably make up the entirety of the people, besides myself, who know of my immense error. Lyon Ryuu was well within her right as a decent person to ask me the question that she did.

"So…" Nevertheless, as doing the 'right' thing did not mesh well with reality. The words slipped unbidden from my tongue. I was aware of how it was suddenly more difficult to focus on remaining impassive. Not turning around, grabbing Lyon by her collar, and screaming at her took me an immense amount of concentration. Because of that, the words and tone that slipped out of my mouth were anything but reasonable, decent, or friendly. "You only care if someone dies if your friend fancies them? What a very harsh thing to say, Lyon Ryuu."

"That…" Lyon's words halted. My insinuations unraveled in her mind. I knew that Lyon Ryuu was not inclined to speaking with others. In fact, the elf found it difficult to speak true because of the blunt honesty and honor that she upheld herself to. To that stalwart being, I pointed out that she did not give the dead the fucking respect they deserved. "Hikigaya, you know that is not what I meant to say."

"I…" I bit my tongue and took a deep breath. Have some sense, Hachiman. Still, it was easier said than done, and I couldn't try to get my act together while keeping myself composed. Besides, only Lyon was here, and with her past… well, she can keep her mouth shut. I simply leaned on the counter and took several, deep breaths. "Yeah, I know. I apologize."

A moment passed with just me and my thoughts. Soon enough, I managed to calm myself down. Reasoning and logic prevailed over anger. My fingers uncurled from the washcloth, which had been wrung dry.

"Then, I must offer my own apology." Surprisingly, I felt Lyon's hand settle on my shoulder. I hadn't heard her move. I recoiled at the touch, of course, but the elf held fast. "I construed your lack of your words on the subject as though you've made peace with the fact." Quietly, the ex-adventurer added. "You have always been very resilient and stringent; I assumed wrongly."

That must've been how it looked, now that I recount how I simply took my failure in stride. After my mistake, I swore away trying to train anyone else. I focused on finding the Protagonist, before throwing myself back into the Dungeon. In my previous world, my ability to conclude my problems swiftly and decisively can be seen as despicable. In this one, it was seen as something noteworthy. A virtue instead of a sin.

How very disgusting.

"Just… forget about it." After a minute of thinking of the wreck I made out of a single conversation, saved only because I managed to shut my mouth for a moment, I simply decided to forgo salvaging it at all. Scuttle the ship, it's taken too much damage. Farewell, you had the misfortune of having a very, very inept captain. "Let's just focus on Cranel and Flova. What do you think she needs me to do to convince her I won't get her crush killed?"

"Indeed, that would be for the best." Lyon's hand left my shoulder, and I straightened up. I went about doing my chore, and the blonde elf did the same. She didn't mention how I simply leapt to my conclusion. That simplified things greatly. "Syr wishes to see him off every day he goes to the Dungeon with a meal she prepared herself."

"And, she wants to see I'm with him at that time, as well." I connected the dots, coming to the simple answer quickly. Lyon gave a sharp nod. It was an easy solution to a somewhat difficult problem. Flova would know I'm at his side in the Dungeon because she would see me with him in the morning. "You know what? I'll do Flova one better, I'll do that and swing him around whole and healthy whenever we come back from the Dungeon, too."

"I am sure that Syr would be very grateful if you did so." Lyon's usual, toneless voice held a note of gratitude I wasn't used to hearing. I know that Flova saved you from dying, but you're acting more like a servant than a friend to her, Lyon. That's going to bite you in the ass one day. However, it's not my place to comment on people's relationships with other people. I made enough of a mess with what I already had. "And, please accept my earlier apology, Hikigaya, even with the excuse I gave and your insistence… I dislike knowing that I implied such a terrible thing."

"There's something known as being too persistent, Lyon-chan." As my attempt to change the subject left my lips, I knew that Lyon Ryuu wouldn't take the bait. "Keep acting like that and you'll scare any man you approach away."

Yet, I still waited, for just a moment, to see if the elf would try to simply forget the words she and I exchanged.

The silence that came after my words was answer enough. No movement, no sound, save for her breathing and my own.

I tried to make a replacement, and it had worked until now. My exchanges with Lyon Ryuu, until this point, had been enough to remind me of my days in my club. Brash, meaningless exchanges made for simple enjoyment. Now, I couldn't lie about that fact anymore, since Lyon Ryuu did something that Yukinoshita Yukino never did: apologize.

I relented, released a sigh, and shook my head.

"Fine, I accept your apology."

"Good."

With that, a lie I made to give me a semblance of comfort in this strange world was erased, and Lyon Ryuu was left in its wake.

For now, I hoped that did the right thing.

…

Unfortunately, My Student is a Magnet for Trouble (2.3)

…

"Oi! Brat! You still alive?" I entered the room where I left Cranel. After filling most of his pouches with crystals from the first few floors, I did my usual routine of clearing most of the spawn points, and returned to teach my student. "Or are you dead?"

Claws shaped like knives entered my field of vision, heading straight for my eyes. Ducking beneath the blow, I grabbed its throat, squeezed, and swung the monster into the edge where the hallway opened into the room. Despite their speed and skill, they were all born with an easily-accessible weak point. The monster burst apart and the crystal was already in my hand.

"Oh, Sensei! You're already back!" Cranel nearly stumbled as he stopped running. Panting lightly, a sheen of sweat on his forehead, and a blush on his cheeks... the tired smile he gave carried some unfortunate implications. W-what do you m-mean take r-responsibility? What we shared i-is never going to happen again… r-right? Okay, mind, get out of the gutter! "Look! The room's completely dark now, that was the last one of the War Shadows!"

"Huh, nice job." Examining the room, I found that my student was correct. Cranel did indeed tire out the Dungeon for the first time. A feat that most adventurers couldn't say they've done. The required endurance needed to wipeout a room's 'energy' is immense. Well, unless you knew how to properly conserve your energy. "So, did you learn anything, or did you just kill them?"

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

"Well, Sensei… they were spawning very quickly and in large numbers…" Cranel gave a chuckle, scratching the back of his head. Oi! Don't try to look cute and get out of this! I'm weak to those attacks! I cleared my throat, hurrying my student along. "I only managed to pick out three of their special moves! Sorry, Sensei, I couldn't find the last one!"

"Allow me to guess, it's the one that requires them to be beaten within an inch of their life?" I sighed and shook my head. Cranel's smile faded and he gave a meek nod. Looking at an adventurer, covered in his prey's remains, and looking downcast while twiddling his fingers was certainly odd. Well, I was about to lecture him in the middle of a monster-filled dungeon, so am I to complain? "At this rate, some stupid adventurer will run from something they've nearly killed, it'll stumble on you, and you'll have a very bad day, brat."

"Ummm, that was very specific, Sensei." Cranel blinked, his head tilting as he considered my words. "Did that happen to you?"

"I've been in this Dungeon so many times it's easier to ask what hasn't happened to me." I shook my head. I was rubbing off on Cranel. Only two weeks of training him, and he already knows a few tricks to avoid several topics. I like that you're growing up, my white-haired student, but I don't appreciate being the test dummy for your topic-avoidance lines. Save those for your dates. "And, you ignored the question, brat. Why are you still against knowing how much damage it takes before a monster decides to unleash its most desperate attack?"

"I… I don't want to make them suffer, Sensei. Even though you said they don't feel anything…" Cranel turned his gaze towards his feet, and began to cuff his heel on the rocky floor. "I'm not against killing them, but beating them within an inch of their life is just… it doesn't sit well with me, Sensei." The red-eyed, young man looked at me with a wince, regretful of not following my directions. "Can't you… just tell me what they do when they're near death?"

"You're wasting your kindness, Cranel." My white-haired student winced as I said his name instead of 'brat.' Still, I already knew that was the case. Ever since he voiced his displeasure about how I handled that one goblin, I knew that he wouldn't do such a thing. I sighed. "You need to know the dangers of monsters when they're nearly dead. They become a hundred times more aggressive when they know they're going to die. At that point, their only hope is to take you with them."

"…" Cranel remained stubbornly silent. Futilely, I'd hoped that he'd simply do what I'd say despite his own beliefs. Ha, as if a Protagonist would ever compromise on their 'Ideals.' After a moment, he raised his head and met my gaze. My teeth gritted as my stomach curdled. "Hikigaya-sensei, I don't want to do such things to monsters. If I get hurt because of that then… I'll accept it."

What a fucking stupid thing to say.

"There's being an idiot, Cranel, and then there's being a selfish idiot." The reprimand came smoothly from my lips. Oddly enough, I was angrier than I thought at my white-haired student's declaration. Even though I knew it would be in-character for him to say. "You'll 'accept' being hurt because of your choice to not hurt monsters? That's one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard."

Cranel kept quiet, but he bit his lip and gritted his hands. Damned brat actually thought he was right? That what he said was rational and noble in any way? I approached him quickly and swiftly. The small, young man barely reached my chest and yet he kept his gaze unerringly on mine. I ignored the attempt to intimidate and placed a finger on his chest.

"What about Hestia-sama? The goddess who waits for you to come home every day?"

A jab with my finger, along with the surprise of my words, made Cranel stumble back. I followed.

"What about Flova-san? The orphan waitress who makes you food every day?"

Another jab, another stumble, and another step forward for me.

"What about your own damned dream, Cranel?"

A final push, and Cranel was between my finger and the wall.

"What about them, Cranel? Are they just going to simply 'accept' your choice to get injured because you found compassion for a beast that's only born to kill?"

When confronted, people showed their true personalities. Everything I truly knew about my student was all second-hand knowledge. Nothing more than a stereotyping. In reality, I knew nothing about this white-haired, young man.

All I had were guesses at what he saw as important.

His goddess.

A girl who looks after him.

The goal he strives to attain.

I used all of them to antagonize his line of thinking. Essentially, by using the ideals he held as levers, I wanted to clearly see who Bell Cranel was, no matter what the outcome might be.

Looking back onto his face, I was honestly afraid of what I'd see.

"Sensei…" Cranel's face was hidden by his bangs. His hands were still curled into fists. Despite the armor plate he wore, I felt his rapid heartbeat upon my finger. Raising his head, there was no hatred in his eyes that I could see. "I apologize. You're correct. I… I'll do as you say next time."

"Good." A breath I didn't know I had held in left me. Tension left my shoulders as I released my student, and stuffed my hands into my pockets. The words were low and grudging, but that was to be expected. No one ever wanted to admit they were wrong. Honestly, I would've been more worried if he had happily agreed to my suggestion. "Now, let's start gathering these crystals up. We don't want to worry anyone."

The silence that followed, filled with some animosity and reluctance, was far from comfortable.

However, it was real.

I took what peace I could from that.

…

"Bell-kun! Bell-kun! Bell-kun!" Flova's antics, combined with good food, managed to get rid of the stifling cloud between myself and Bell. I wasn't foolish enough to think that tomorrow would be any less difficult, but I counted my blessings as we naturally unwound in the atmosphere of the pub. "Do you have any plans for next week at the Monster Festival?"

"Monster Festival?" My student turned to me, curiosity and a look for aid clear in his eyes. Nope. You need to confront the blatant date attempts yourself. Be a man. No using your Sensei as an escape route. You will get no help from me. No matter how well you can beg like a puppy. "What's that, Sensei?"

"It is an event organized every year by the Ganesha Familia, after Ganesha-sama holds the three-day God's Banquet, Cranel-kun. That takes place over the weekend, so the Monster Festival shall begin four days from now." Lyon decided to give the information herself. Oi. I know you're trying your damned best to get Flova her man, but this seems too rehearsed. Am I already accounted for in all your Scenarios? Where did Flova keep her orange glasses and white gloves? "Hmph, isn't your mentor supposed to keep you updated on current events? What sort of unreliable fool do you have as a teacher?"

Before I could ready my own barrage of insults, the doors to the pub obnoxiously burst open.

"The Loki Familia returns from yet another successful expedition! Mama Mia! Prepare your best ale and food!" Short-shorts, thigh-highs and chest-wrapping-chan cried out, a finger raised to the air declaratively. Nice victory pose. 7.5 out of 10, Loki-sama. Just the right amount of referencing to be a memorable, secondary character. "A round for everyone here! There's plenty of Valis to spare! It's time to celebrate my Familia's triumphant victory, and, more importantly, my survival of having to wear a dress for hours on end!"

"Ah, Loki-sama! Welcome back!" Grand-san, or Mama Mia, gave a big grin at the newcomers and a glare at both me and Lyon. I felt a shiver go up my spine, and Lyon seemed unsettled. Don't bicker today, or you'll both regret it. Message received. Message acknowledged. Ignoring existence of Lyon Ryuu. "Congratulations on your Familia's success! Please, head to your table and I'll have the food served! Alf-sama already reserved and ordered for you!"

"Awww! Good job, Riveria-chan! You really do care!"

"Please control yourself, Loki-sama. Or I will have to control you, Loki-sama."

"Oh no! Aiz-chan! Protect me from Riveria-chan!"

Pomf. A scabbard made contact with the god's head and dropped her like a sack of potatoes.

"Aiz-chan… why."

"Protection… does not require touching there… Loki-sama."

A cheer went across the tavern. Waitresses began handing out free drinks. The rest of the class-act of the Loki Familia went by unnoticed by me. I can only stand so much Riajuu Energy. My dead eyes cannot withstand the 'wholesome, hopeful, and successful' appeal that the Loki Familia's Level 5 Adventurers and their goddess emitted.

Out of principle, I wasn't much of drinker. However, I did respect their choice to give free drinks to everyone. That was why I ignored them instead of ruining their night with a few nasty curses. Ah, not magical curses. Just good, old-fashioned 'wishing-ill-upon-the-more-fortunate' curses. Nothing to be worried about.

"A-Aiz W-wallenstein?"

Ah, crap. I knew I forgot about something.

Cranel's eyes may as well have been in the shape of hearts. His eyes tracked her movements, but not strangely or perversely. Instead of looking at her assets, my white-haired student seemed to be drinking in her presence. Innocent, admirable love.

Stomach. Churning. Need. Bucket.

I gave him a quick rap on the head.

"It's bad manners to look for more than ten seconds, Cranel." I grunted, holding back a chuckle, as my student rubbed his head. Looking about, I was glad to see Flova busy handing out drinks and setting tables. However, judging from Lyon's grimace, the elf wingwoman had noticed. Ganbare, Lyon-chan. "You've got a long way to go before you can sit anywhere close to those Level 5s."

"…Yeah. You're right, Sensei." Still, however, Cranel looked upon the table where one of the top-teams of adventurers sat. His eyes remained firmly on Wallenstein. This time, however, he wasn't drinking her in. He was seeing the challenge ahead. A gap that stretched from horizon to horizon, lay between him and his dream. Yet, in his eyes, there was only determination. "One day, I'll have a group like that, and be just as strong."

"Good thinking, brat." I chuckled. With Realis Phrase, his dream was closer than he thought. "Keep focused on that, and you'll do perfectly fine."

A comfortable silence stretched between the two of us, without the addition of Flova or Lyon, something I was made immensely happy by.

Then, of course, Bete Loga decided to open his damned mouth.

…

Interlude: The Student

…

Weak.

Incapable.

Powerless.

Over and over, I heard those words, just said differently to me.

Soon enough, I began to encounter them in life as well.

Too weak to enter a Familia.

Too incapable to take up other work.

Too powerless to convince people otherwise.

Until Hestia-sama came along.

My Kami-sama, the goddess who I owed everything and more. The first god I met and the only one I can imagine belonging to.

I finally had a Familia. A person who I was connected to. The only person to care for me after my grandfather died.

My Kami-sama gave me her Blessing, a roof over my head, and food to eat.

No matter how much food I needed, I received it. When I needed rest, she made sure I had it. When I needed armor, she purchased it.

A goddess worked at a stall, selling food, just for me.

Acceptance, care, and love… from a person who met me mere months ago. I didn't know what Kami-sama saw in me. What could she have gained from someone who didn't have a penny to his name, no family to help him, or a skill besides tending crops?

However, she did do all that, and she only asked me to stay by her side forever.

What a silly thing to ask. Kami-sama could've asked me to do anything, and she simply asked me to never leave her alone.

That's the first mistake I made.

I didn't change. I hadn't changed.

I was still everything I was before my Kami-sama took me in.

As Sensei said, the only person who could change you is you.

Ah, Sensei, another person I took for granted.

When I first met him, I believed Eina. That Sensei was only someone who looked for ways to quickly gather money. However, I still took his offer because he looked strong… and I was still afraid.

As I had met my goddess when I had no Familia to turn to, I met Sensei after the first time I nearly died.

Sensei taught me everything I knew. If I didn't know, he would tell me. If I couldn't understand, he'd explain it to me. If I was incapable, he'd patiently guide me through the movements. We went at a rapid pace, Sensei never showed pity or hesitation, and so I grew as I was taught by him.

My Sensei and my Kami-sama. The two of them are the most selfless people I know, and I've been taking them for granted all this time.

As… as that adventurer had said in the tavern, I was a weakling.

What have I done besides take blessings and follow instructions? Everything I needed simply fell in place.

I never changed. Everything just changed for me.

I was as weak, incapable, and powerless as when I began.

I could never reach Aiz Wallenstein if I didn't change. I would never have the power to kill a Minotaur in a single strike. Never will I be able to make my Kami-sama proud and happy to have me as her Familia. I could never have fellows who trusted and confided in me, who could make Kami-sama even happier.

When Sensei had asked me to change, I didn't.

I refused to.

I refused until Sensei was forced to finally confront me.

I refused until Sensei needed to hurt himself by saying things he knew I would remember, so that I could finally understand.

What Aiz's teammate… mate… whatever he was… was right.

I was a weakling.

That would never change.

Not until I commited myself to the life I have chosen.

I needed to be strong, so that the Familia I now have can be more than just me and Kami-sama.

I wanted to be skilled because I never wanted to be turned away because I was incapable of anything.

I must have power to reach the side of the woman who saved my life.

Those thoughts in mind, I launched myself into the Dungeon.

Sensei, I'm sorry for running off so suddenly, but I have lessons from you that I have yet to complete.

…

Kobold. Attacks mainly in charges. When near death; mouth foams. Gains extra speed and bite becomes poisonous. Kick when incoming. Embed knife into neck, eye, or heart.

Goblin. Uses claws to swipe. Pounces. Very organized when with companions. When near death; summons four goblins. Blunt force to stun. Crush when possible. Apply edge when necessary. Stay upright.

Dungeon lizard. Slow pursuer, but quick to bite and use tail. Slow to turn, but large and well-armored. When near death; scales become stronger and sharper. Lure to corner, stun with heel-kick, flip, and embed knife in center of third segment from throat. Elbow or knee strike are also acceptable.

Frog Shooter. Quick, long ranged attack with poisonous tongue. Slimy hide, but physically weak. When near death, begins to spit poison. Always croaks before attacking, step to left or right when croak is heard. Tongue sticks to wall. Separate tongue from monster. Poison rapidly kills monster as it enters its own mouth wound.

War Shadow. Skilled, human-like adaptability, and intelligence. Telegraphs attacks, always avoid. When near death; claws covered by viscous, red liquid that causes clothing and armor to stick. Attempt to make strikes collide with Dungeon wall or pillar. Dispatch with fast blow to neck.

Killer Ant… Killer Ant…

I shook my head.

Tired already, I needed to rest. Rest and stamina very important. Sensei said so.

No.

First… need head start on tomorrow's lesson.

Focus.

Attacks with forward pincers. Body is well armored, save for legs and segments between chest, head, and lower body.

Dispatch method? Strike to neck?

…Works.

Still seems alive after neck is struck. Good. Head start on near-death skill.

Ignore for moment, dispatch incoming monsters.

One… two… three...

Ten… seventeen… twenty-eight…

Thirty-five… fifty-one

So many killed already… dozens more coming… so tired…

Still no sign of near-death skill from original monster.

Need to stay… until monster shows skill.

Can't leave until then.

A bite on my arm goes through my jacket. Worse than all the others I allowed to hit me.

I can't feel or move my arm. I drop my knife and grip the wound as hard as I could manage. Need to make a tourniquet.

Bleeding, I still manage to kill the monster with a kick, and I turn to run.

The exit's blocked.

More of them.

There must be hundreds. They have crept on the ceiling.

…I'm trapped.

"Bring Ruin, Fulmination of Heaven." Even with the chittering of dozens of Killer Ants, I heard his voice. I had to train myself to listen to him. He almost never raised his voice, so I always had to. However, this was the first time I'd ever heard Sensei chant for a magic spell. Even then, there was still no glory or wonder in his voice. "Continuous Chain Lighting."

Arcs of white, barely traceable, magic erupted from the doorway from where I entered the room. A single strand killed a Killer Ant before impossibly jumping onto another and sending it flying. When that one died, the same energy leapt and crippled another. I've seen the spell cast by mages before, but with only two or three arcs killing entire groups of monsters.

Sensei didn't send out that few, he sent out dozens. Sets flew towards the ceiling, the walls, and the tunnels that led into the room.

Briefly, I feared he was risking everything to save me, but as soon as he walked in, I fell against the wall with relief.

As I should've expected, he was still bored out of his mind. Even with the continuous stream of power that emitted from the palm of his gloved hand, his eyes were as dull as ever.

Sensei strode into the room with heavy foot-falls, his ankle-length, heavy coat immaculate despite having pursued me through seven floors. His high collar hid his low mask and his broad hat cast a shadow on what the mask didn't hide. Everything he wore was in a shade of black or gray. People stared as he passed by.

He said he used the hat and mask to keep himself clean of monster blood and parts, but I knew that he just thought they were cool. Kami-sama imitated him by scrunching her eyes, covering her face, and making a hat's brim on her forehead. Ryuu-san told me that he was hiding something, but I knew that she was as curious as I was on how he looked.

Though he took his hat off to eat, just as he did when he carried me, he somehow managed to eat with his lower-mask on!

"Oi, brat, what's with that grin you have on your face?" Sensei's eyes, always so bored and dull, locked onto mine. However, after spending so much time with him, I could see amusement in them. There was a little worry in there as well, but it vanished quickly. I noticed that the skin around one of his eyes was differently colored than the rest. "Hmph, if I knew that a few insults would get you this wound up, I'd have said a few more."

"You're… terrible, S-sensei." I winced as my laugh jostled my arm. A part of me wanted to look at my limb, but I remembered Sensei's words. If you think you'll be panicked by looking at it, just ignore it. I laughed at the advice, but now I was sure that I kept calm because of it. "W-what happened to your face?"

"Hmmm? Oh this? Just part of a little payment for me defending my student." Sensei gave a quick chant, too fast for me to follow, and he pressed his hands against me. With a muttered 'Mend,' I felt aches and scratches fade away. I felt my arm again, and it worked perfectly. After a moment, he started another chant, and said 'Nourish.' Upon completiong, I wasn't struggling to stay awake anymore. "You're welcome."

"Sensei…thank you-." I marveled at how easy it was to move. I'd just killed almost a hundred monsters, and I felt as though I'd just woken up! Then, however, a thought occurred to me. "Wait, why don't you always do this for me!?"

"…tolerating mild discomfort builds character." Sensei spouted his usual philosophy before quickly standing and walking towards the exit. You… You… I don't know what to call you! I felt so embarrassed having to ride on your back! So many people laughed and giggled at me! An old lady thought I was a girl and offered me advice! Do you like carrying me on your back. Lazy-sensei!? "C'mon, brat, let's get out of here before Hestia-sama gets worried."

"…Sensei, what do you mean by defending your student." I tried to ignore it. When Sensei didn't want to talk about something, he quickly concluded things or distracted people. Still, I remembered everything he told me about adventurers. That it was best to always be civil to people higher level than you. "You… didn't attack the Level 5 Loki Familia member, did you?"

"You aren't going to stop pestering me if I don't tell you, aren't you, brat?" Sensei gave a sigh and shook his head. He stuffed his gloved hands into his large coat's pockets. Since he always walked oddly, with his entire body moving with the leg that went forward, the action exaggerated his movements. I'm sure he'll explain why he does it someday, but for now it only looked odd to me. "I simply got Loga-san to punch me in the face and through a window."

Ah, that made sense.

…No, it didn't!

"Sensei!" I was shocked to the point that I stood still. The hair on my arms rose, and a shiver crept up my spine. I was afraid. More so than when I was alone with dozens of monsters, earlier. "Why would you do that! He's Level 5! You told me that-."

"Yeah, I know what I said. Calm down, brat." Sensei grunted, and continued walking. A hand left a pocket, and he idly scratched his cheek. He looked over his shoulder and levelled his gaze at me. His blackened eye was filled with satisfaction. The edges of his mask were curled up with the outline of his creepy smile. "Look, there are times when rules don't matter, alright? Those times are when you know you can win, when you can completely destroy your opponent with minimal damage to yourself. That is still a victory."

I took in my Sensei's words, and after that, despite the fact he couldn't have possibly hurt Loga-sama, I felt pity for the drunken werewolf. If Sensei could smile like that at something he did, that meant he must have done something truly and completely vile to someone else. I'm sorry drunken Loga-sama, even if you made it so I finally committed myself to changing, you have experienced a terrible fate.

"Besides, brat, I would've broken another, more important rule if I didn't do anything." Sensei's words shook me from my thoughts, and I hurriedly walked to his side. As soon as I reached his side, he gave me a thoughtful nod. "The only one allowed to insult a student is their teacher, and only when the student really needs to hear it. Remember that, okay? Everyone's insults towards you are worthless, except for mine. So, don't do something stupid like this again, alright?"

I had worried him. Even if Sensei didn't say it aloud, he had really been worried by what I did. Sure, his words were harsh, he ignored the fact I almost died, he made jokes at my expense, and… wow I can go on for a long time, can't I?

Despite all of that, he had still worried about me.

"Thank you, Sensei." The words were hollow, but I had every intention of showing Sensei my gratitude. "I swear that I'll do as you say, from now on."

"Shitty brat." Sensei gave a grunt, but I could see his eyes curl upward. "You were supposed to be doing that already."

If I didn't stray from the path Sensei guided me on, I'm sure that I will truly become strong.

…

Unfortunately, My Student is a Magnet for Trouble (2.4)

…

I made my way to the Hostess of Fertility half-expecting all my luggage to be packed up outside a locked door and Lyon there holding an eviction notice. Though many other restaurants would tolerate some roughhousing, Grand was one of the few decent people in the city that didn't want negative publicity. Even if it was publicity, Mama Mia ran her metaphorical ship tightly.

Well, losing my lodgings is a good price to pay for gaining Cranel's trust.

No matter how good the living conditions in the place are, I spent most of my time in the Dungeon, so it wouldn't be a total loss. Being evicted from the pub, while irritating, was a decent price to get the concrete 'in' I needed to glue myself to the Protagonist. Now, as long as I'm careful, I'm sure that I triggered enough setpieces to be a 'Major Character.'

Hell, I could probably move into one of the ruined buildings beside the abandoned Church. Wouldn't that be grand? It'll be like some after-credit scene where the protagonist wakes up to find his teacher living across him! I'll spout off some line about needing to be closer to him to train him from dawn 'till dusk, and the episode fades to some narration or Cranel's internal monologue.

So, I was surprised to find that instead of my luggage on the front door of the pub, there was Aiz Wallenstein. The Sword Princess of Orario. The Ace of Loki.

"Yo." I greeted the Main Love Interest of the Main Character with a raised hand. My blackening eye, aching back, and annoyance from having to go to the Dungeon twice won against my common sense. "If you're here to take vengeance for your teammate, I'd like to request you do it after I've rested enough to be a decent fight."

"That is not the case, Hikigaya-san." Softly and lightly, Wallenstein spoke. The Sword Princess's voice was akin to threads in the wind. Too damn annoying to go after but attention-catching all the same. Speak louder, dammit. "I have remained to inquire of Bell Cranel's status."

"The brat's fine." I grunted as I walked past Wallenstein. Please be an open door. I really want to go up the stairs and sleep away these pains. My carefully-honed constitution will set me right from these bruises after a night's sleep. I didn't like being too reliant on Healing spells, no matter how good they are. I didn't want to go back home and find myself with tumors and no magical surgeons to get them out of my body. The door didn't open, and I released a sigh. "You'll have to excuse me, Wallenstein-san, I need to find a place to sleep for the night."

"No, you do not. I have the key to the pub." Wallenstein held up the object in question. I'd seen it enough times on Grand's apron to identify it on sight. The Sword Princess presented it to me impassively before hooking it to her belt. What. The. Hell. "According to Riveria, you do not speak to others unless you need to, so I argued for temporary ownership of the key to require you to speak to me."

"I… see." A sigh escaped me, and I decided I was too tired to maintain appearances. I took a seat at the lovingly called 'drunkard's bench' at the front of the pub. Then, I gestured for Wallenstein to take a seat. The Sword Princess did not hesitate to do so. What did she have to fear from a Level 1 like me? "Go ahead and ask your questions then, Wallenstein-san."

"I apologize for doing this to sate my curiosity, Hikigaya-san." Wallenstein bowed, but much like her tone, we both knew her words were hollow. Even if the Sword Princess did apologize, if she truly felt apologetic, she wouldn't be keeping me out here. Apologies aren't magic spells that make people feel better, airhead. "However, it is also not for my sake alone. I would also like to relay to you that Bete Loga will not be permitted into the Hostess of Fertility." The Ace of Loki paused. "Mama Mia also told me to tell you that you are not evicted from the premises, though I cannot imagine why such a thing was even considered."

"Hah? So you didn't notice the fact I baited your friend into punching me through the window?" Admittedly, I was slightly curious by this Dandere Knight archtype. Blue and white colors, blonde hair, and European naming scheme generally only lead to one particular female character. Would you care for a very nice suit to wear? Maybe a motorcycle? I'm sure that Cranel can substitute as a homunculus. Though, I'll have to stop you if you want any wishes granted. It's a monkey's paw. "Causing trouble is a good enough reason to be kicked out in a high-class place like this one."

"Then, Loga was the correct one to be punished. Since, he was the violent one. My Familia member should've known his limits, and held himself to… higher standards." If anything, my questioning of Wallenstein's mindset seemed to invigorate her. There was a gleam in the Sword Princess's eye that wasn't there earlier. Huh. This girl needs to talk to others more. "Raising a hand against a Level 1 who merely slightly bent the truth of your words is a great folly on his part."

"Huh, I see." 'Slightly bent the truth' is… putting it lightly. I'm sure I insulted his ancestors, choice of clothing, and his face in my initial sentence. Fairly sure that I didn't actually mention Cranel until the third sentence I got in. By that point, I was halfway in my flight towards the window after implying that he enjoyed gratifying himself with cacti. I'm not even sure cacti exist in this world. "So… you had something to ask me?"

"Ah, yes, straight to the point then." Wallenstein blinked rapidly, fidgeted, and one hand came to hold her elbow. Seriously, are you the type that's so completely untouchable that you're uncomfortable with talking with other people? I mean, it makes sense since you're reputed to have shot down a thousand brave souls who asked you out, but could it really simply be because you're terribly, ridiculously airheaded and shy? That's some old school copy-paste you've got there, Zaimokuza. "Ummm… ah… I would like to know how Bell Cranel is doing. When I rescued him… I believe that I scared him away by eviscerating a minotaur that was about to kill him."

"…Eviscerated, you say." Blandly, I threw her own words back at her. A part of me knew that I should be treating the main love interest better, but I was nursing a few bruises and it was nearing midnight. Trying to not to be cranky is difficult enough, since I typically had no reason to be on decent behavior, but doing so this late at night. I only need an hour or three of sleep a day, but I can still get tired, you know? "I'd be scared if that were the case, as well. You should consider apologizing for that, then."

"Good, I thought that was the case… then, might I ask for his schedule?" Wallenstein looked downcast for a moment, before shaking her head. There was determination in her eyes. For a moment, the Sword Princess seemed to actually have some emotion in her face. I wondered if she acted like this while facing monsters in the Dungeon. Just very serious and scary. Maybe the monsters just ran away from her? "I believe that I must apologize for my Familia member's words and my actions both. To do requires me to know if he's free within the next few days."

"I'm not the Brat's secretary, kid." I glowered at Wallenstein, but the girl remained steadfast. Annoying. Augh, might as well set up a flag for Cranel. I'm way too nice. You better appreciate this, Brat. I'm sure that the brat would persuade me to chaperone their little meeting. Or maybe Hestia would. That goddess is way too clingy. I checked her face again, just in case my insult worked. Yep, still determinedly glaring at me. I expected it, but I'm still disappointed. "Alright, fine." I wracked my head for good opportunities. "The gods are going to their banquet, right? If you can find some time in the next three days, leave a message for me here at the pub. The brat needs a short break anyway."

"Thank you very much, Hikigaya-san." Wallenstein stood up and gave a small, short bow. You're making me feel old. I'm barely… wait you're twenty just like I am! Two years older than the Brat! Dammit, why do people keep thinking I'm old? Is it the height? The hat? The mask? If you say it's my voice, I think I'll cry. The Sword Princess held out a the key, but pulled it back just as my fingers neared it. "Wait. My apologies, but you did not answer my question regarding Bell Cranel, Hikigaya-san."

"Brat's doing well." I swiped at the key, but Wallenstein's hyper-super-deluxe-reflexes made it clear that I didn't have a chance at swiping them. Since I didn't want to be part of a gag, I decided against trying again. No, I will not be drawn as a cat. I will not be played with. "Sticking to the training I'm giving him thanks to the little spiel that mutt gave. He killed… fifty Killer Ants before I had to get his ass out of the way."

"…Those are on Floor 7. He has… become so strong, so quickly?" Oops, I knew I must've forgotten something. Advancing two Floors in two weeks is stupidly fast. Dammit, Brat, couldn't you have nearly died at Floor 7? Now the Level 5 is interested in how fast you're growing! Alright, Hachiman, come up with some way to get this woman off your student's trail... maybe if I glare at her enough the Sword Princess will simply leave. "…Hikigaya-san you seem angry at me? Might I inquire why?"

"I'm tired from storming into the dungeon in the evening, sleepy because it's almost midnight, and carrying bruises because of your Familia member, kid." I took the opening and lied my ass off. My words registered and Wallenstein immediately began to fret, casting her gaze to the side and clutching at her elbow. Aha, success! I was suffering from none of those things! I gestured at her, then myself, and gave the most tired smile I could manage. "Wanting power is good and all, but would you mind showing a little mercy on this old, weary Level 1, Wallenstein-chan?"

"Ah." Of all the reactions I expected from my lies, I didn't expect the one that I got. At worst, I thought I'd be called out and, at best, I was going to make the situation too awkward to continue. What actually happened was Wallenstein's face turning redder than a tomato out of embarrassment and the Level 5 turning her gaze straight down at her feet. At least, I hoped it was embarrassment and not a liking for slightly older men. "M-My a-apologies f-for b-being so i-inconsiderate of you, H-Hikigaya-k-k-kun!"

With those final words, the key simply fell into my lap and Wallenstein fled. Huh. That was super effective. Note to self: Check if teasing works that well against all other Level 5s.

As I made my way my room, a terrible thought occurred to me, didn't… didn't Wallenstein call me Hikigaya-kun right there?

Did I just trip a flag on accident!?

That might as well be a death flag in a Harem Romantic Comedy!

Am I about to die!?

Eh, probably not.

I'm far from someone any woman would take interest in.