*Lily's POV*

I wake up around 2am in the morning, tiredness surging through me. My eyes still half open, I pause the song I had played overnight, realizing that my phone has almost run out of battery. Great.

I move to my living room couch, noticing that I'm the only one in my house. Dad's probably working overnight again but I really need to start putting an alarm on my mom's phone so she doesn't continue to sleep at the flower shop. She does need a comfy bed after all.

I try to sleep but it's no use, wondering who had asked me to sleep early in the first place. I then think of anything to do: write, listen to music but know that I'm unmotivated to do it. Nothing to do that can take my mind off things at the moment.

I then think of Mason, and before I even know it, I'm looking through our messages, making sure to leave them on read. I'm stupidly and terribly trying to avoid him even though I know something I have will lead me back to him no matter how hard I try. And minutes later, I'm at his front door, my finger hovering over his doorbell as I contemplate all my terrible life choices, this one obviously included.

What if I end up leaving again? What if I say something that ends our friendship? Why do I never learn from past events and why am I even standing here even though I told myself multiple times not to? Don't I... hate him? I put those thoughts behind my head somewhere and think with my heart, breathing in and out as I do so. Before I know it, I'm pressing his doorbell, retracting my finger immediately afterwards. Was that the right decision? What if-

My attention is grasped when someone opens the door, warmth feeling my heart once I see their face. But why this feeling? Didn't I hate their presence? I'm still wondering why I'm even-

"Do you... want to come in? You don't look okay," Mason states, concern written all over his face. I nod my head and enter his house, my heart racing wildly. Why the fuck did I nod my head? And why a nod of all things? Gosh do I blame my consciousness for making me do that. I sit down on his living couch, still famished but how luxurious his house is.

Mason then paces till he stops at his house's wet bar. It's bigger than two corner wardrobes combined and still somehow isn't used that much. It reminds me of a fancy sitting area that could be found in a 5 star hotel, the wine and glasses neatly stocked away on the shelf.

"Would you like a drink?" Mason asks, his eyes focused and his palm on the counter as he comes to a halt.

"...What can you offer?"

"Tea, coffee, wine and hot chocolate but I'm guessing you'll prefer hot chocolate over the other options."

"Why hot chocolate? It isn't cold though," I question, my eyebrows raised.

He looks at me with a shrug, "Well... they say the night is cold."

"Who says that?"

"I don't know. It's a saying."

"But nobody says that."

"But it's still a fact!" he counters with a grin on his face.

"...Fine. I'll take the hot chocolate," I say, accepting my defeat.

A grin appears on his face as he grabs two mugs and begins making it. I sit on the bar stool, waiting patiently as I observe him. He prepares it with a smile on his face and I know that smile isn't fake, his eyes full of life. Something definitely happened that made his day since that smile hasn't disappeared, not even for a second.

After a few minutes, he gives me the warm mug of hot chocolate, and I take it with a polite nod. He sits on the stool and we sit there in silence for about a minute, Mason taking a few glances at me, expecting me to not notice. He probably thinks I forgave him for what he-

"How are you doing?" he asks, his eyes on his hot chocolate.

"A bit tired. What about-" I pause, noticing something different about him. He looks drained, his eyes puffy. Did he... cry?

"What is it?" Mason asks, snapping me out from my thoughts. I quickly look elsewhere as I pick up my mug, taking small but quick steps to the space next to him and sit there. I circle my finger around my mug and quickly turn to face him, thinking of the best thing to say.

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"Did something happen?" I ask and his eyebrows raise. He drops his mug on the counter, his eyes meeting mine. "You could've just said you noticed I cried."

"...I know. Um... do you want to go out for fresh air?" I ask, then wait for him to give me an answer, ready to finish my chocolate as quickly as I can if he says yes.

"Sure," he answers and I start gulping it down, Mason laughing at my action. "Slow down! Choking on something that actually tastes good is not fun, trust me."

He continues laughing even when I finish it, hugging his stomach as he does so. I circle my finger around the brim of my mug, my gaze on it. How did I forget that I'm supposed to be mad at him? That I'm supposed to distance myself from him and lose my childhood best friend? I don't even remember the last time he called me his-

I notice an empty mug in his hand, my jaw wide open. Where did the hot chocolate in it go? He stops, looking at me and then at the mug.

"What? I just gulped it down. It isn't a big of a deal."

"But you finished it in a matter of seconds!" I point out, dropping my mug on the table. With a smile on his face, he stands up, motioning to his front door as stops next to me. "It's called talent and before we forget our agreement..." he says, his hand stretched out towards me. "Shall we?"

•••

We take a walk around the neighborhood, walking past the house in silence. My arms crossed, I look at him as he walks with one hand in his pocket, his face neutral. When I sometimes look at Mason, the one thing I will notice is his signature grin, the one that means he's up to something mischievous or is just in the mood to randomly make a joke. I got used to it, sometimes being the one he says it at or being forced to help with his deeds. Or sometimes, he would joke about his looks but honestly, I at times agreed with him. Especially those grey eyes of his. They were mesmerizing and at times, I saw loneliness in them. Or was it sadness? Either way, when those eyes meet mine, they always light up, a smile will appear on his face. A smile that can brighten up the whole world.

"Um... Lily?" Mason asks, his eyes on his foot. "I will be busy next week so I won't be around too much. I hope you understand that."

"I do," I answer, not daring to look at him. I still hate him for what he did but why notify me of his schedule and act like he cares? That I'm not some obnoxious person who persters and follows him around? His fangirls are just shy girls who have a crush on him unlike me who finds him as an annoying friend and won't be friends with him in the future which is caused by obvious reasons. By neither of us.

I glance at him to see him staring at me, his eyebrows raised. "You... you're alright with it, right?" he questions, a bit of nervousness in his voice. He stays silent, waiting for my answer. Since I'm supposed to be hating him, I ponder choosing the latter, to say yes. I was mad he said that, like we haven't been friends most of the time we've known each other. but my stupid heart is tampling with my emotions, wanting me to oppose the first option. So I do exactly that, nodding my head to his question.

He gives me a soft smile, a hint of tiredness written on his face. "It's nice when you're around. I've wanted to tell you that for a while. And that I... I'm glad that I'm your friend," he confesses, his face a bit red. Is the night really that cold?

I open my mouth to speak but remember that I'm meant to hate him. That he hurt me and expected that I'll forget what had happened, and that everything would go back to normal. Personally, what hurt me the most was that he looked at me before saying those words that day, like they meant nothing. Like our friendship meant nothing.

I stop in my tracks, my gaze on the floor as I bite my lips. For once, I have to admit that I'm confused, but there isn't just one thing I'm confused about. Like... didn't he hate me? If he didn't, then why did he say those things? And I haven't dared to ask him since I don't know whether he'll lie. If all he's ever told me are lies.

Mason stops a few steps in front of me, turning back as his eyebrows lowered. "I get it," he states hesitantly, his voice almost a whisper. "You don't have to forgive me. I deserve it after all."

"Mason..." I call out, wishing I had given a quick answer. For Mason Arnold to just say that means a lot. Is he... starting to lose his self worth?

"It's fine. I'm fine," he lied and my gosh is he a terrible liar. I mean... it's all my fault. I... I know that our friendship will end one day but I got hurt by the words he had said that day, even though I should've expected it. Maybe it's because the words he had spoken were harsh or that I thought of him as a long term friend and I honestly had hoped our relationship would end on a pleasant note. Sadly, it might not.

"We should just... go home," he suggests and I nod in agreement, hoping I could wake up to knowing that this conversation never happened even though it unfortunately is.

•••

He walks me to my house, even though it's right next to his. I stop in front of my door, contemplating whether I should say goodbye or just act like he isn't there. I think rationally, and take the latter, knowing putting my feelings into the mix will complicate things. As I close my front door, I see his fist clenched, regret written all over his face. I'm probably being an asshole but I've started feeling guilty about it. For hurting him and not letting him speak his side of the story. I'm just... fucking scared that he does think I'm what he said. That we weren't what we seemed.

I head to bed right after, wondering why I had even left to visit Mason. It was a terrible idea, our friendship still falling apart and may even start taking a turn for the worse. I ponder those thoughts before falling asleep, a new nightmare hunting my dreams.

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Lily's Playlist

• Windy Day by Helios Relaxing Space

• Melancholy by Helios Relaxing Space

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