*It’s still Mason’s POV*

A four-year-old me walked into the room, my heart palpitating with every passing second.

"Father is going to be proud after seeing my results!" I said. Whenever I got higher marks than my classmates, father gave me a cold glance, saying that I should have gotten a perfect score . It was understandable of father to say that since he wanted the best of me. Yeah, the best of me.

After months of studying hard, I finally achieved a perfect score in my grades. What would father reward me with? Chocolate? A hug? Or would he finally take me out with him for a hangout?

The possibilities filled me with excitement as I happily skipped to his office. I opened the door and proudly stood about five meters away from him with my result paper in hand. It was a distance where he wouldn't ask me to step back further. Maybe it was because he didn't like people around and I was an exception. Either way, I didn't care as I knew father definitely had his reasons.

"Good evening father!" I greeted, a smile beaming on my face.

As always, he looked at me seriously, his gaze meeting mine. People could call him a cold businessman or a cruel CEO but in my eyes, he was the coolest man alive.

"What is your reason for seeking my presence?" my father asked.

"It is what I promised you father. You told me that I was incompetent, that I should try better to get better grades so I really thought about it," I explained, my fingers tracing against the paper in my hand. "I wanted to show you that I've finally gotten full marks in my overall grade! Isn't that cool father?!"

My father slowly tapped his fingers against his table, pondering about something. Was he... going to compliment me in some way?

"You may have gotten full marks but what about your reputation? I highly doubt that you even tried to present yourself as an Arnold. Am I right?"

"...No, father."

"Try harder and don't ever seek my presence with such trivial matters. You may leave. Now."

It took me a second to understand my father's words. If that's the case, then I'd follow father's wishes. I nodded and left, revising a plan to please father.

A couple of months later, I showed father papers of tests that I had done and explained how my reputation had increased in that period of time... in a good way. It was a bit hard doing both at the same time but I managed to do it and I could finally tell father since he's working in his office today! A sigh escaped his lips as he intertwined his fingers, his eyes on his paperwork. "Is that all an Arnold can do? If not, then try harder."

At the time, I had thought father was just making me strive to be the best. Wanting me to live a good life and to be respected by others.

But that shit happened for weeks, months, then years. And there I stood in his office after two years, hearing the same response he had always told me.

"Try harder," he remarked. The usual smile that would normally appear on my face was slowly becoming smaller each time he said it, 'till it fully disappeared. I no longer cared if he never gave me a hug or some chocolates. All I wanted was for him to compliment me. Just once would do. Just once.

Stolen story; please report.

"You may go back to your room. Now," father stated and all I could was clench my fist in defeat.

Why did he keep expecting me to be perfect when I was not? Why did he not see all of my efforts? Why didn't he not show a single ounce of care for me? Why didn't he love me?

Something streamed down the left side of my face and before I knew it, it streamed on the other as well. I touched it in realization, knowing full well what it was. They were tears.

Father noticed it, a frown appearing on his face. He stood up from his chair and walked towards me, the last glimmer of hope arising. Was father going to comfort me? He finally cared about me didn't he? Almost in a second, my hopes were dashed when I felt a slap across my face, and it took me a moment to process what had just happened.

I was stunned, shocked, physically hurt but most of all, heartbroken. Heartbroken by the fact that every hope I had was for nothing; that he never loved me. Not even once.

"It seems I haven't trained you properly seeing how incompetent you are. But since you are the only heir to my company, it won't hurt for you to learn something from me once in a while, he said as he went on his knees to meet my eye level, as I trembled in fear. Tears ran down my face as I held back my sobs as hard as I could, my face still red from where I had been slapped.

"From when you started going to events which was around a month ago, I've since wanted you to make sure no one can read your emotions. You see, emotions are one of people's greatest weaknesses. It makes us vulnerable to so many things. For example, if you show your true self by showing your true emotions to people you meet at galas or public events, they will use you 'till they get what they want and what you have. 'Till they ruin the Arnold family."

My eyes shook as I heard his words, feeling his cold gaze on me. I couldn't comprehend the meaning of what he said but I could guess what he was trying to say. "But what if they are good people out there-"

"Did I give you permission to speak?" father asked as he shot daggers at me, making me take a step back in fear.

"...No, father."

He stood up and adjusted his tie, giving me a look of disgust. Or was it disappointment?

"Head to your room and reflect on your actions. And the next time I see you, there should be improvements. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes... father."

Once I stepped foot outside his office, I immediately ran to my room as tears ran down my face. I locked myself in it and sat against my room door, sobbing quietly to myself. I couldn't hold back my emotions even when father instructed me to. Maybe I am incompetent.

At that moment, I didn't only cry because I was hurt and broken, but in acceptance to the fact that father will never care for me. That he will never love me.

"Mason?" I heard a voice call at the opposite side of the door. I quickly held back my sobs in case it was her, the assistant my mom had hired.

"It's me, Bethany," the voice informed. Bethany, a name I've known since I was little. She's been my caretaker since I could remember and even though I have been incompetent, she still treated me like her son.

After a minute, I decided on opening the door, and the first thing I noticed was a worried look on her face. She tackled me in a hug once she had closed and locked the door as I stood there, stunned by her sudden action.

"It's fine, Mason. Your parents aren't here so... please don't need to fret."

Those words touched my heart deeply. She is the only one who has cared for me in this house

that I have to call home, when all it is is a locked cage I'm trapped in.

I cry in her embrace, her hands wrapped around me, knowing full well that I am a burden. A child that can never meet the expectations of his father no matter how hard he tries. But even though father doesn't love me, I'm glad I have someone who does.

•••

Here I am 13 years later, knowing that nothing has changed. I know that life hits people hard like a hit by a train but for me, I was hit when I had least expected it, when I was too young to comprehend or even try fixing it. For a long time, I've never wanted to be a pain to others so I shut myself away, even when I did need comforting.

'Everything is fine' is a statement I tell others and myself when I know it's a fat lie, when I know that there were times I felt hopeless, or when I felt alone in this world to suffer. After crying silently, I finally decide to lie down on my bed and hug my pillow, hoping this never ending nightmare will end.

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Lily's Playlist

• Windy Day by Helios Relaxing Space

• Melancholy by Helios Relaxing Space

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