In her past life, her friends always complained that math was difficult. Algebra, geometry, calculus. She could sleep through the majority of the class and pass it with an A. It was almost the same with her other classes. She never studied and passed with good grades, but this was different.

If Ning Yun had to choose the most likely reason she was going to enter her villain phase at the current moment of time she was in, it was going to be her damned etiquette class. It wasn’t even her teacher that was the problem–she was actually being taught by a nice lady–but it was the curriculum that sucked. In the modern world, saying please and thank you with a few prefixes was enough. There was the occasional sir and ma’am that was said in the south, but it really wasn’t this serious.

“Your steps are too big,” this, and “Your bows are not low enough,” that.

“Your hands are too deep in your sleeves,” here, and “Your smile is too forced,” there.

“Make sure the seat you’re sitting in faces the back door.”

“Cover your mouth when you eat.”

“Stop showing your teeth…Suck in your stomach…Your head is too high…Straighten your back…”

It was one thing after another. One more useless thing that was going to be washed away with the waves of time. In her world, all of these, oh so, important customs were just written in books that were never read and played out on a stage for pure entertainment. Still, this wasn’t her world. It wasn’t the past life she was all so familiar with. Whether she was in a book, movie, tv show, or the history she was forced to learn, she had to forget her past life. The name she used to have, her old face, her friends and family that laid in a past she hadn’t the slightest bit of access to. She had to forget it all before she was swallowed by the grief of losing it all.

Sometimes, she wanted to go running to Ning Qian or some other house authority and take back the decision of her going. She just thought that going through all of this to go to a single gathering was too much. She was just going to be in front of people that had never met her before, though, in this time and age, that actually mattered more than it should. She had to admit that people during these times had too much time on their hands leading them to gossip about everything and anything. Doing that all day just seemed like a waste of time. They could spend their time trying to solve a possible food crisis or something of that nature. Then again, in this day in age, it was always a person over the population. Her past history classes were more than proof of that.

“Young Lady, your back is slouched again.”

A while ago, her teacher had pulled out a fan and started lightly tapping her body where all the mistakes were. It would be a lie if Ning Yun thought that she wasn’t getting annoyed with a teacher tapping her all over her body without even asking if it was alright. Like everyone else, she avoided the touch of people she didn’t know or was uncomfortable with.

“Right,” she straightened her back and held her head at a medium height. She was never supposed to be as confident as the men around her. What was the point of that if she was obviously smarter than them? She released an unannounced sigh with the thoughts running through her head.

“Young Lady Ning Yun,” the teacher’s voice was stern, “Focus.”

Ning Yun repositioned herself. Her hands were gently tucked into their opposite sleeves. Her back was straight, and her chin was pointing straight forward. Her eyes were gentle, and her lips took the form of a slight smile. She’d never been this fake in her life.

“Right. I apologize.”

This was such a pain. If she kept living a life like this, she would be sure to lose her humanity bit by bit. No wonder, people in those historical manhwa seemed to be lacking in some sense. She had to admit that the stuff in fiction was always cringy. Of course, it was touching when reading it, but in real life, a person who spoke like that could go suck it.

“Young Lady Ning Yun, your father is here to see you” there was a knock on the sliding door. From the soft and well-manned voice, it was obviously one of the servants.

“Enter,” Ning Yun said, wanting to relax her body, but couldn’t because she was still in front of her teacher.

Her door slid open with Ning Qian’s curious head peeking in through the door.

“Can I help you with anything?” Ning Yun said. She looked so elegant and dignified. Nothing like that child he pulled out of the ground. It was kinda scary how much she’d changed. She adapted to the environment faster than he thought she would. It was almost like she’d forgotten about the life she lived before.

“The tailor is here to size you for an outfit.”

Ning Yun nodded acknowledging what Ning Qian said, then slowly turned her entire body towards her teacher with a pleasant almost empty smile.

“Please excuse me. I have another engagement to attend,” she said. The teacher nodded in both acceptance and understanding. Seemed like that one interaction was finally up to standards. Now she had to figure out how to duplicate that same energy every single time. This was more of a pain then they made it seem in all the novels she read.

“You seem to be tired,” Ning Qian commented after the door closed from the room. Ning Yun kept her elegant composure, determined to keep it up even while she was sleeping. Since this was her life now, this was something she was going to have to get used to.

“Just a bit. However, I’m glad to be learning these new things for the greatness of our family.”

She was already being brainwashed by the noble teachings. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing for her. With the state she was in earlier, it might be good for her to have something to latch onto even if it’s a family name that’ll end up being washed away by history, but then again, it would be bad if she ended up dedicating her entire life to keeping this family afloat. Whether she was living or dead, she still had her own personality and had the right to go out, explore the world, and discover herself little by little. As a child who was merely adopted, she didn’t have a reason to cling to the family in that manor. Ning Qian was a bit scared for her.

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“Ning Yun, there’s no need for you to serve this family with your entire being. I hope you understand that,” he said. Just in case, she was getting too absorbed in the role of being the Ning Family’s only grandchild. If things kept moving this way, she might think that she was adopted to be the heir of the family.

“I have no intention of dedicating the entirety of the time I have to this family. However, I will forever be grateful for the kindness this family has shown me,” she said as calmly as a cucumber. She was like a completely different person. Maybe, it was just another mask she made and put on. One of the multiple every person had.

“I’m glad you understand that,” Ning Qian said. Ironically, he had that same mask for the majority of his life.

“Every color really does look fantastic on you, Young Lady Ning Yun,” the seamstress seemed to be overly excited when it came to picking out the fabric she was going to use to create the formal outfit. Ning Yun really didn’t understand why the lady was matching fabric to fabric with her skin when the family already decided that the main color of their outfits were going to be green since it was the family color. Ning Yun thought that all she was going to have to do was say that she liked a design that Ning Qian ended up picking out, but where she was getting fabric after fabric pressed onto her face like she was going to get an entire new wardrobe. Wait, was she? Ning Yun looked at Ning Qian who was just sitting next to Madame Ning in a chair at the side of the room watching this all happen.

The moment the two of them made eye contact Ning Qian could read exactly what was going through her head and simply closed his eyes in response. He knew that this was going to happen. His mother always had the habit of going overboard when it came to getting clothes. One outfit would turn into two, then three, four, and five. There was a chance that she’d already prepaid for this entire thing.

Ning Yun didn’t even bother to look at her grandmother. She just turned her head back towards the mirror while the seamstress continued with the draining compliments and switching of fabrics. Though, if she had to be honest, bold colors didn’t suit her. Her skin, which was already pale, would appear deathly, and her goal was to make sure that no one figured that out.

“I prefer pastel colors. Keep your selections under that requirement if you will,” she said. The seamstress nodded her head in understanding, “Of course.”

There was no chance that she didn’t pick up on the same fact Ning Yun did. Humans always gave out false compliments just to rise up in the social ranks. Humans were always fake whether it was intentional or not. Survival of the fittest which was the smallest percentage of their remind set, forced them to be. Which reminded her of something from her past.

Sometime in highschool–it was around the beginning of her junior year–she’d gotten into a fight with one of her friends. Or maybe it wasn’t a fight…She didn’t know what to call it. Still, somewhere in there, her friend sent a text that she didn’t want to be friends with a person who didn’t know how to grow up. She never understood why her friend said that when, in the middle of having a serious conversation, her friend sent laughing emojis and posting on social media about the situation, albet with no context, but anyone who knew what was going on knew what those posts meant. Still, she found that to be immature. Sure, she never denied her fault in the situation–if anything, the entire thing was her fault, and she admitted to it. She’d even said that she was willing to take on all the blame that was going to be pushed onto her, but still, talking about being mature when acting like that was ironic.

That conversation really only happened because one of their mutual friends was trying to be a mediator between the two, and wanting to end off on a good note with that friend, she reached out first to explain herself. However, rather than being taken seriously, her friend would rather laugh at her sincere thoughts and make assumptions in which her friend wouldn’t even hear the truth about. She talked on deaf ears, which she knew was going to happen, but all of that left her with a question.

“Who was more mature? The person who was dominating the conversation while laughing, the person being sincere in admitting their guilt, or the person who never even got involved in the first place?”

But, now that she was thinking about this years later, there was no way of her avoiding that confrontation. It was either she admitted her fault to her friend, or continued hiding it with her growing anxiety. She was going to get dragged in whether she wanted to be or not.

“All of them are on the same level of immaturity.”

Ning Yun heard a male voice from the side of the room.

“The one laughing is refusing to listen to the one being sincere. The one being sincere knows there’s no point, but continues speaking anyways. And the one who never got involved, continued to avoid the problem.”

Ning Yun almost laughed. If that was true, then what choice should she have made back then? She tried to express herself. She tried to explain herself. Was that not the route she should’ve taken?

“Then, would it have been better if the one at fault exposed their back with continuous apologies even if they weren’t sincere?”

When they first had started “fighting,” she had apologized. It was the first thing she did, and after, her words weren’t being believed and assumptions were being made. Her admittance to guilt was dragged through the mud. What more could she have done besides roll over and apologize until those three words meant nothing?

“Being sincere and explaining themselves was the right choice,” this time, it was an older female voice, “because bowing down to a person who refuses to open their ears only subjects their feelings to be further ignored and disregarded.”

Well, maybe that was the right answer. But, there was only one side being told. Maybe, if they heard the entire story from both sides, their answers would be quite different. There was no way of knowing since those people didn’t exist outside of Ning Yun’s memory. It kinda sucked since she never was going to get the true answer behind this question.

“Is that so…?” Ning Yun’s voice drifted out with her rhetorical question. There was no point in even thinking about this. It was a past she could never go back to.

At the end of the fitting, multiple designs were chosen along with multiple different fabrics. Ning Yun’s opinion was only involved when it came to the potency of pigment in the fabric. After that, she didn’t care enough to say anything else. Her mind was too busy going to the possible different choices that could’ve been made in situations god knows how long ago. She knew that there was no point in doing it, but her mind always went back to those situations that could’ve had a different outcome if she simply thought a little more before opening her mouth.

The night was longer than it usually was. For some reason, her old life continued to creep into her head for her to try and find different solutions to problems. Some of the problems were easily solvable, some of them never had an answer she wanted to choose, and some were unsolvable. But, her head going back and forth from all of these different and regret filling situations was more strained than it usually was. Thinking about all of it kind of made her want to cry.

“If I could go back in time,” she thought, “would I have made a better choice?”

There was another question with no answer. There was no way she could go back in time. No way she was going to be able to reach that world again. No way to live in that same body again. That life was over, and, like she admitted before, she could only look back at it with regret and anguish that left a heavy weight on her shoulders.