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My Second Normal Life
The Golden Spoon Life is Harder Then It Looks

The Golden Spoon Life is Harder Then It Looks

There was no doubt that her lavish noble life was better than the life this body had lived before. She wore a different set of clothes whenever she wanted to change. Her baths were always at the perfect temperature, and her skin was better than it was in her past life. Her room was always clean without her even lifting a finger either. The servants were nice too, paying attention to her every need. All of that was great. In her past life, Ning Yun had to take care of all that by herself, and before this body had only ever bathed in a cold river. Still, such a lavish life also came with heavy duties. It had only been three days since she arrived in the Ning territory, and she already found herself taking classes, studying, and playing dress up. By the time she woke up after her first night there, she found herself swarmed by her grandmother and a tailor who were obsessing about how nice her features were and the colors they paired with them. The next day, she found herself being introduced to three different people that her grandfather hired on to be her teachers for the common subjects. And today, she found herself sitting at the desk in her room reading medical books one of the servants delivered on Ning Qian’s orders. Which reminded her that she hadn’t interacted with him once since the ignoring incident. For the past three days, since everyone had their own schedule, she would only see him in passing before or after she finished a meal.

“So much for being a parent. The guy acts like he picked up a cat or something.”

If she had to be honest, they interacted more when they weren’t living this lavish lifestyle. It made her want to see just how far he was going to go with their petty little fight. Then again, putting her past life into play, the two of them were around the same age. Maybe she should be the bigger person and initiate the conversation first.

No, there was no point in doing that. What use was a conversation neither side wanted to have. Why would she waste her time on a person that wasn’t going to give their own? It was the same in her past life too. She never talked to someone first, never texted or called someone first unless she was sure that they were going to answer or the situation was important enough. Her mom would always get made at her for not calling her grandparents when she was little because of this. Ning Yun knew that they weren’t going to answer due to the difference in schedules and time, and it’s not like they had much to talk about anyways. Besides, it wasn’t like they were looking forward to her all anyways, so what even was the point? It was the same here. What was the point of approaching first if it wasn’t wanted? There wasn’t any, so it was better to just keep doing what she has been doing.

“Young Lady Ning Yun,” one of the servants called out to her from beyond her room door, “The Young Lord is wondering how your studies are coming along.”

And now he was using a servant to convey the message. He didn’t even have the common decency to check up on his own child himself, and sent a servant who didn’t even walk past the door, to confirm her condition…No, her progress. It was a little aggravating.

“Everything’s progressing smoothly,” and that was all she had to do on the matter. Right now, she didn’t want any further interaction with anyone who even spoke of his existence. Looks like her having a father was meant to be in both his life and the last. Not like it mattered anyways. All she needed was herself and a few occasional people to temporarily fill her void of loneliness. That’s how she lived her past life after all. Why would this one be any different?

“I’m tired.”

It wasn’t that her eyes were heavy, or her head was dropping. Her body wasn’t feeling weak either. She wasn’t dozing in and out of sleep. She was just tired.

Getting up from her desk, Ning Yun didn’t even bother closing the book she was taking notes on. She didn’t even take the time to put her writing utensil away. She just cleaned her teeth and washed her face in the bathroom before climbing into bed without even changing into her night clothes.

After covering herself with her purple and black patterned blanket, her eyes remained open while staring at the wooden ceiling. Even though she claimed that she was tired, for some reason her mind wasn’t allowing her to fall into a sweet dream.

“There’s gotta be a reason that I’m here on Earth…” her little hum faded as if taken by the darkness. She chuckled a little bit.

Was she even on Earth?

The sun shone through her drawn shades, like always. Her desk was cluttered, as always. Her chair was layed by clothes, like always. And her clothes, whether they were pajamas or not, like always, were the same as when she fell asleep. Her room, situation, everything, was normally normal. Sometimes, coming to this realization gave her a bitter taste in her mouth.

Every so often, she would wish that her queen sized bed had another person in it. Sometimes, she wished that she had someone to call when she was lonely in the dark. Other times, she would look at old pictures while silently crying because she could never see those people again. She could never go back to the moments captured in those pieces of paper where her smile was anything but forced. Her little apartment always seemed colder than other people’s.

Sometimes, trying to convince herself that everything was alright, she was envious of other people whose lives seemed more exciting than her own. She knew that was a stupid thing to be jealous of. She knew that everyone had their own problems, and yet, she was jealous that the problems of other people just seemed more prominent than her own. It was inconsiderate for her to be jealous of something like that. It was stupid and that rotten, bitter taste in her mouth that irked her stomach was more than proof of it. But, she couldn’t bring herself not to. She knew all too well how pathetic she was.

Ning Yun woke up in a sour mood. She wasn’t grumpy, angry, or anything like that. She was just moody from the dream she had from her past life. She didn’t understand why she remembered an unimportant dream like that, or why her feelings about it rose up to the surface. Her past life was a normal and lonely one. She had friends and fake friends. She had acquaintances and coworkers. She had her awkward moments that turned into funny memories. It was nothing like a protagonist.

Ning Yun sat up. She should stop thinking about it. This life and her last are different. She shouldn’t go about mixing the two together. Still, if things kept going on like this, she seemed to be heading down that same road.

Ning Yun pulled herself out of her blanket and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. She stretched her arms over her head and rolled her head around before standing from her bed. One step at a time, she reached her cluttered desk to reach the servant bell she had placed there the day before when she was studying. She picked up the golden bell from the table and shook it the slightest bit so it rang out past her wooden door. As soon as the rim of the bell lightly collided with the only empty spot on her cluttered desk, there was a knock on her door.

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“Come in,” she said as her hand disconnected from the wooden handle of the bell. As the door opened, she took the time to organize everything on the desk. The ink that had dried because of her leaving it out overnight.

“Good morning, Lady.”

The bell called a servant to her room like she wanted, but she couldn’t remember why she called her. Maybe it was because that’s what she saw happening in the novels and manhwas she read. Maybe she thought that if she did what they did, she could become like them, but doing this just wasted the time of other people. She shouldn’t have rung that bell in the first place.

“Is everything alright Young Lady Ning Yun? I see that you fell asleep in the clothes you wore yesterday.” the servant asked. Closing the last open book on her desk, she responded, “Good morning, and yes, everything’s fine. I just didn’t have enough energy to change.”

The room was quiet. Ning Yun, despite having lived the noble life for the past three days, didn’t know what to say, and the servant, who wasn’t used to her new master, was waiting for words to be spoken to her. Still, being in this quiet stand still leads to nothing.

“Would you like me to prepare a bath for you?” the servant asked. Ning Yun nodded her head, “If you would.”

Maybe it was because she was an introverted person, or maybe it was because she just woke up, but her responses were almost dragged out with little energy behind it. In the past two days, she was lacking that much energy. She could tell that the servant was catching that something was wrong with her today whether she said everything was okay or not, but if someone asked her what it was, she wouldn't know.

“I’ll inform you when it’s ready,” and the servant walked out of the room. This nice looking room was as quiet and cold as the one in her past life.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Ning Yun was just out of it. None of her family members noticed simply because they weren’t around. Her grandfather was busy in his office managing the territory. Her grandmother was shopping and meeting her friends in town. Her aunt had actually set off on a sudden journey moments before Ning Yun woke up as told by a servant, and her father…She didn’t know what he was doing, but she suspected that it had something to do with their house and territory. All in all, she was left to interact with her strict teachers and awkward servants. Maybe she had that dream because of this. Maybe she was lonely.

“Young Lady Ning Yun, are you listening?”

Right, rather than going to sleep or self-studying like she did when the sun went down, Ning Yun was forced to take a late night class about arithmetic. Right now, she was being taught how to solve variable equations. It wasn’t hard since that's what she did for the majority of her school life, but her mind was still going in and out of the lesson.

“Could you repeat what you said?”

The late night was also affecting the teacher seeing as his tone was on the ruder side today.

“I told you to solve this equation.”

She looked at the question in front of her. It was one she would commonly see when she was in the beginning of Sophomore year of high school.

4(3x+15) = 8x-2

Finding the answer was simple. All she had to do was distribute and a few other things and she would get the answer. Thankfully, she’d gotten permission from all her teachers to bring a book to class to take notes, so it was going to be even easier. She picked up her small tipped brush, dipped it in ink and prepared to write in her little notebook. She copied the equation, then went to solve it.

“The answer’s -15.2,” she said. It was a pretty simple problem with the hardest part of her finding what went after the decimal, but she didn’t want to do this anymore. Was it right for her to even end the class of her own volition? She couldn’t even lay her head on the desk because this was a one person class, and she was a noble which probably entailed that she couldn’t do something as unrefined as sleeping with her head on a desk during class.

“Solve this,” Another problem slid her way which again she answered with ease.

“X equals 4,” she responded, not even using ink and paper. To her, it just seemed to be a bore. Was she some sort of genius? Her teacher seemed to be thinking on that track without Ning Yun noticing.

“The lesson ends here.”

Her lesson was over? Ning Yun’s ears perked up for the first time. It was shorter than she thought it would be. Still, she was grateful. She wasn’t sure when she was going to crash out.

“Thank you for your guidance today,” Ning Yun said, getting up from her seat and leaving without taking anything with her.

Walking through the quiet, barely lit, wooden hallways, Ning Yun didn’t feel anything. It was weird. It’d been a while since she’d come into this new world. At first, she thought it was because of the sudden shock of being in another world. She thought she was deluding herself, and the reality of the situation would hit in a few days time. But that wasn’t it. From the moment she woke up in that coffin, she calmly accepted her situation like it was normal. When she figured out that she was in a different world, her mind accepted it without ease. She continued living without truly ever thinking about her past life, but now that she was all alone in these dim hallways, it all just seemed to hit her all at once. The reason she felt so lonely despite having a family here.

Ning Yun…No, Vivian White would never get to see any of those people again. Her friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and the people she simply passed on the street every so often would never pass her gaze again. She’d never get to see the pictures saved in her phone or in her yearbooks. She’d never play her favorite games again. She’d never have the chance to figure out how her favorite books and TV shows ended. She’d never get to pet her dog again. She’d left all of that with saying so much as a goodbye. She couldn’t even remember the last time she called her mom or texted her sister. When was the last time she even saw her best friend’s face?

She…It hit her all at once. Vivian White wasn’t a person who existed here. Neither her family nor friends were here. Her favorite books or games, and TV didn’t even exist here. Her new life…Well, it was great, but the pain of losing all that made the small hole of loneliness a large gaping and endless underworld. It was no wonder why she had that dream. She really was alone. Alone in this unfamiliar world.

Her face was hot, or was it? Her cheeks were wet with tears, at least, she felt like they should be. Her body was shaking, but there was nothing to prove why. She bit her cold, pale lip. She clenched her fists by her side. Her walking speed slowed until she stopped walking. Then, she laughed. It was a hardy, joyful, and forced laugh. Her smile was bitterly large, and her fist kept weakly hitting the wall. When her hand turned red from the constant impact, her laughter stopped.

“This is ridiculous,” she said, under her breath with a small sour chuckle.

Her pupils shook as her teeth were clenched together. Her legs had forced her to her knees with her forehead pressed to the cold wood floor.

“Why…” her voice shook. She didn’t have a particular love for her past life, but still, “Why…?”

Her hands lingered to her neck. Her nails scratched at the bandages wrapped around her sutures until the cloth broke.

“Ha…” it felt like she was choking on her own breaths that ironically, she didn’t need to take to live. Soon, her ripped bangaged fell from her neck and her nails, rather than ripping cloth, were digging through skin.

From her neck, she felt pain but no warmth. Blood was usually warm… “It doesn’t even hurt…”

Her left hand stayed on her neck, covering only half the wounds she created while the right was clenched and used to pound into the floor no matter how scared or hurt her hand became.

“Shit…fuck…ass…bitch.”

This damned body of hers couldn’t even cry.

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