The moment they got back to the inn, Ning Yun regretted saying that she wanted to start learning. As soon as she got into the room, books were put in front of her, reminding her of her high school days. Gosh, she loved and hated those days–mostly hate. Well, it wasn’t like she ever studied a day in her life.

She started remembering all of the work she had to do. Well, it wasn’t anything hard, but it was still a pile of work. There were summer assignments, and because she was in an extracurricular that started an entire month before school, she never really got to experience a nice, full summer break. It was bullshit sometimes.

She remembered all of the nights she had to stay at school until 11 pm for games and wake up at 3 am for competitions. Ning Yun remembered all of the effort she put into perfecting her fundamentals. The bruises she got from her nails pressing into her skin because she was holding a bass drum mallet as sweat and oil dyed the wood a dark color. She even remembered the one sided rants she would have with her parents, saying that she was going to quit, to get steam off then go back to rehearsal the next day with a smile.

She could still feel the frustrations for when her director held that band over the time for rehearsal to end. The annoyance and pain. But, this was her life now. This was just something she had to do. Sure, she didn’t pay money for any of these makeshift lessons, so she didn’t really have guilt in dropping out. However, that didn’t change the fact that she was a “go with the flow” type of person. If there were no immediate reasons that prevented her from walking down her medical path then it would be too much of a pain creating an excuse to not walk down that road. Besides, she would feel guilty for giving up an opportunity given to her. Of course, that wasn’t going to stop her from complaining and expressing her anguish in seeing a pile of books she was probably going to have to memorize if not now then some time down the road.

“Do you not know how to read?” Ning Qian asked.

The question probably came up because Ning Yun just stared at the stack of paper binded books, complaining in her head. She came back to reality when she heard the question, and she had to think about her answer.

Obviously, from the kid’s memories and the memories from her first life, she knew how to read, but answering this question was a matter of “could or couldn’t it pass as a coincidence.” And thinking about it, it was quite rare for pheasants to be able to read or write, especially when they came from a small village. Combine that with the fact that she was faking memory loss, was Ning Qian really going to trust her after this? Was he going to find out that she lied at the beginning? Was there a chance that he was going to leave her?

Not like that was something she should be worrying about. She can take care of herself…But still, she didn’t want to be hated. She never did. Whether it was a person she just met, someone she’d known for years, or some random person who didn’t even know her. She didn’t want to be hated by any of them. She couldn’t be hated by them, but she couldn’t be perfect. And even if she could, people were just too fickle and selfish to not hate at least one person in their life. However, even though that was true and she told herself that multiple times, that didn’t stop tears from silently spilling out of her eyes after the sun went down.

“I…” she paused, thinking about her answer a little more.

“I think I can,” she said, responding so quickly that her words smashed into each other.

Ning Qian didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he observed her for a little while, trying to find the smallest hints to what she was thinking about. Although, because of her previous life, not a single thing she didn’t want to be seen slipped out of her.

“If you start having trouble, it won’t do any harm to ask me for help, and if there’s anything you need, don;t hesitate to ask.”

Ning Yun smiled, “Okay.”

After that, Ning Qian said that he was going out to run a few errands then left.

Ning Yun sighed, complained a bit more about how she didn’t want to read a whole book, then sighed again before picking up the book and opening the paper over. Truth be told, she rarely ever read physical books in her past life. Flipping through pages rather than scrolling on a screen almost felt foreign to her.

As soon as she opened the book, she found the known differences between east and west literature. One: rather than using letters, she had to read characters. Two: the direction of reading up and down rather than left to right. And three: the pages weren’t numbered. It was a different type of reading she wasn’t used to, so being honest with herself, she was going to have a bit of difficulty with getting out of the habit of reading horizontal lines. There was also going to be trouble when it came to her memorizing everything inside the book.

See, Ning Yun didn’t have photographic memory nor did she have eidetic memory. Rather than remembering the details of the finished product, what she remembered was the steps in which she got there. What was the first thing she wrote on the page? She would draw out, in the air, everything step by step in which she did before. However, she could never remember all of the steps she went through. There were always going to be blank spots that her mind always tried to fill in with whatever made sense.

This was where it became difficult for her to remember things just by reading them. There were no steps in reading. No steps that could help her in remembering the small things. Reading a book was just that. You’d read page after page until you got through the book, and that was it. A boring, no specific step, process. Something she couldn’t remember. There wasn’t even any specific muscle memory like when it came to her memorizing her music, so when it came to memorizing books, she would take what she read and summarize it on another piece of paper in bullet-point notes. Basically, she took notes off the book. That’s how she remembers books. However, at this time, such a thing wasn’t normal. Taking notes wasn’t a normal practice during this time. Actually, it was seen as a waste because paper was a precious material, but she wouldn’t maintain any of the information otherwise. Unless there happened to be a funny named herb in the book, there was no way she was going to remember a single word or phrase.

Looking at it from that angle. There was just no way for her to memorize this. There was no way Ning Qian was going to buy her stacks of paper just for her to learn something out of stupid books. Besides, he probably didn’t have that type of money. They were wandering doctors who spent the little money they had on lodging, food, and all of the daily necessities. Ning Yun didn’t even want to imagine how much money Ning Qian spent getting the clothes she was wearing.

She sighed, “It’s better to just read the thing and get out whatever I can.”

Then, she would hope what she managed to retain was all she needed to know. After all, she wasn’t one for reading the same book twice. Unless it was a binge worthy book, rereading it was just a waste of time.

“And here I thought you were going to be a studious child.”

Returning to the inn after finishing his errands, Ning Qian saw his student pass out at the desk which was against the back wall of the room. In truth, he thought that his dead student would be more of the studious type.

“I suppose that is my fault for jumping to conclusions.”

After all, he did just pull the girl up from the dirt. He shouldn’t have tried to feel out such an eccentric kid in the first place. But, she was interesting, and he already named her. There was no point in throwing her to fend for herself on the streets. Besides, she was probably just a little overwhelmed with her new situation. She’d get over it and start opening up both her heart and the books she was sleeping in front of. The little walk she went on earlier today, for example. Obviously, there was something more to it. It was hard for Ning Qian to find it, but he knew that something was there. However, the girl was tight lipped. She said nothing of her true intentions, and it gave Ning Qian more insight on her character. Her ticking time bomb of a nature. He couldn’t wait to see what her explosion would look like. For now though, he guessed that it would be better to move her to her bed. It was a more comfortable place to sleep after all.

The next day, after bathing, became another day of study. Similar to before, she wasn’t absorbing any of the information she needed. It was frustrating that she couldn’t memorize the important parts, and in a book, there weren't many. She really needed those pieces of paper, but there was nothing she could offer in return for such a thing. Nothing materialistic anyway, and even if there was something, it wouldn’t be much help with her dead 15 year old body. It made her feel a little guilty that she couldn’t do anything, but there was nothing she could do. The situation was out of her hands after all. Though, that didn’t mean that she didn’t feel guilty for doing anything. Like those months in high school where she had a crush on one of her upperclassmen. Unfortunately, because of her worry for other people, there wasn’t a step in advancement with her feelings.

You see, her and her crush happened to be in the same extracurricular, so it was better for her to not say anything to avoid the awkwardness between the two which could affect the entire group. Besides, he planned to quit a few months after she realized her feelings, and he already had feelings for another girl. So, no matter what, it was going to be unfruitful.

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

Whether it was because she was too scared to make a move or because she didn’t want to be a bother to anyone, nothing happened between the two of them. And so, she just let those feelings run it course until there was only a memory to have. Of course, she was thankful to that crush of hers since it was the first true crush she ever had. When she thought back to those times, there wasn’t an ounce of regret. Rather, it was of appreciation and gratitude. Thanks to him, she learned something about herself that she never thought she would, and honestly, she was a bit scared of herself. Her insanity when it came to her liking someone was one of those things. Ning Yun ended up digging up everything she could find on the internet. It was quite scary how much one could find using the internet. Though, no such thing existed today. However, there were equal scares that she’d not yet discovered in this world, and she’d love to keep it that way.

“I could really use a few pieces of paper, ink, and a skinny brush,” she said, sighing and laying on the table. If it went on like this…“There’s no way I’m going to become a decent doctor.”

Without those things, there was no hope for her. She really didn’t know how people managed to be scholars in this time. Though, they became scholars of their own free will unlike in the modern era where it was forced. They were raised to be smart like factory pigs.

“I’m going to short circuit, at this rate.”

She wanted to take a walk outside. In this day in age, those were the best when she wanted to clear her mind. That and a nice shower. Though, showers didn’t exist and one couldn’t take a bath whenever they were having complicated thoughts. Besides, it’s not like they had the money for that.

Ning Yun sighed. She got up and went for a walk since it was the only option of the two that she had. Thankfully, it wasn’t hot outside, so it was a pretty nice walk. Thanks to her looks, some people even gave her food which made her little outing even more fulfilling. However, all of that didn’t stop her from thinking about her school days. She remembered all of the gossiping she did with one of her best friends that was two years above her. They talked about all sorts of things. Rumors, relationships, they even did some researching through social media. Some would consider that stalking, but it was online which people put on willingly so, technically, it wasn’t stalking. It was researching. Either way, it was so much fun talking with them.

Ning Yun remembered one of them, specifically, listening to all of her rants. She remembered accompanying him when he moved his car every day after high school before rehearsal.

She remembered going to a cafe after school with another one of their friends. It was their little group thing that they always did together, but after those two friends of hers graduated, there was no one she could gossip with. No one she could research people with. No one she could talk to without leaving a few words behind. It was sad, but they ended up drifting away because she went to an international college while the rest stayed in their hometown. After that, they’d never really got to gossip or talk to each other again. Nothing besides the once a year, “How you doing” text messages. She regretted letting their friendship end that way.

Then, there was all of the energy and motivation she had to continue on. All of her accomplishments, the money she raised. She was envious of that side of her. Now, with no goals in mind, nothing to chase after, Ning Yun didn’t know what she should do. Her goals were always set by other people, not her. With no one to tell her where she was supposed to end up, she never knew where she was supposed to go. Though, now, the goal to become a doctor was set in front of her, and she had nothing better to do but to chase after it.

Ning Yun was never good at deciding things for herself. All she could do was sigh and go along with it. Whatever happens, happens because she never knew what to do besides going with the flow. You could say that destiny held her leash, and she never tried to fight it.

“Maybe that’s why I ended up alone,” she said, biting into a persimmon. But, “It’s not like I have enough energy to do anything about it,” she replied to her own thoughts. There was no point going against her more dominant thoughts. It was always better that way. It was less of a strain on her, and she hated living with constant worry. It was hard to ride on the winds when you weighed more than a leaf.

Huh? Maybe she should make that her motto. Either way, it was a great quote to put on her name.

“I wonder if they have pineapple here…”

That was her favorite fruit after all. Though, it always made her stomach bubble if she didn’t eat anything beforehand, but that was normal. After all, acid plus acid equals your stomach eating itself which results in bubbling. Still, such acid was what made the fruit so delectable.

Well, anyway, her mind was clear now, seeing as she ended up thinking about pineapples. Although, she hadn’t had one of her little life lesson speeches yet. Then again, those only happened in the shower. A shame. Those were the smartest things she ever said. It was her semi-old soul wisdom and self delusion which got her through all of the hard times. Basically, it was her other personality convincing her primary personality that everything was going to be alright as long as she stayed on the same path. So, all in all, she was sort of bipolar, but it wasn’t a bad thing. It’s what got her through life, so there couldn’t be anything bad about it. Besides, it never came out abruptly. Well, never around other people. Technically, it was her personal therapist while she was everyone else’s therapist. Still, her life turned out alright, so there wasn’t anything wrong with it.

“Guess it’s time to turn back around.”

So, she did and headed back to the inn where she really should’ve been studying. Though, ironically, when she got back to the inn, she flopped onto the bed and fell asleep. Ning Yun really had no motivation to study like she was supposed to.

“Is there something wrong with the book? Is that the reason I have not seen you making any progress?”

Well, Ning Yun tried. She really did, but the words didn’t even reach her mind let alone stick. But, she guessed that it wasn’t an excuse for the reason she was found sleeping with not making progress in even one of the books. There was no excuse for her not learning everything.

Right now, absorbing information was akin to her job, and when one wasn’t doing their job, being fired was the only thing left for them. In cases like this, it was better to just accept the guilt and keep going on with life. After all, people are never good listeners, especially when they're in a foul mood, and such a mood Ning Qian seemed to be in. So, the only thing she knew to do was to bow her head, say her faults, and keep moving.

“I’m sorry for not focusing on my studies. Instead of playing around, I should be reading this book you so graciously got for me.”

Ning Qian narrowed his eyes. He found that the girl was completely apologetic. Well, he expected her to be. It would be weird if she wasn’t. However, at the same time, her actions in not studying didn’t reflect what she was doing now. For instance, her not studying gave Ning Qian the impression of her being a rebellious or lazy child. However, contradicting that, she was showing a sincere apology unlike other children her age who would give a half assed one because they don’t care for what they’re apologizing for. It was a clear sign that something was wrong.

Was it her current living conditions? Was there something wrong with them? Were people disturbing her in some way? But, no one besides them and the housekeeper should be able to enter the room. Then, did it have something to do with becoming a doctor? Did she not want to be one? No, she seemed willing to learn something, but that could’ve been used to get out of the conversation they were having. Or…maybe it had something to do with his teaching methods?

There was no point in mulling over it. Ning Qian was a great doctor, but he knew nothing about teaching. He couldn’t read people’s minds either. He was an ordinary human, much like all others, who only knew things if told to him. So, he thought it best to ask what the problem was. There was no other way to know what was going on besides that.

“Is there something wrong? Is someone bothering you?”

Ning Yun couldn’t say anything. She hated to be a bother. What was he going to do when she needed paper, ink, and a brush even though they didn’t have the money for it? Nothing! He was going to do nothing but feel bad because he couldn’t provide the materials his student needed. And, Ning Yun hated when something she did or said made some feel guilty or sad. She hated inconveniencing, annoying, or causing anyone pain. It was just a mentality that’s always been inside of her and grew as she aged.

“No, there’s nothing. I’ll get to reading now.”

Obviously, there was something wrong with her. This time, it was out in the open like she wanted him to know about it, and it seemed that Ning Qian was going to have to do a little stalking to find out what it was. Really, why do kids have to be so difficult?

Thankfully for Ning Qian, Ning Yun wasn’t a kid. She was more like a kid-ish adult. At least, she called herself that. Either way, she was a person that had a tendency of talking to herself. During one of her little rants, Ning Qian was right around the corner listening to everything, and well, it was safe to say that he was a little offended by her words. Just a little.

“…but we’re broke!”

Okay, maybe a bit more than a little offended, but it wasn’t bad enough that he was going to hit Ning Yun on the side of her head. Though, the thought did cross his mind.

“Maybe he’s a quack. Ughhh, I can’t believe I’m learning from a quack…!”

It would be satisfying to hit her, but he shouldn’t. She was just a kid, after all, and it made sense that she was doubting him seeing as she’d never seen him at work. So, it was quite generous that that was the conclusion she came to. Honestly, it could’ve been a whole lot worse.

Because of that, he let it be and got on his way to fixing the little problem his student/daughter was having with her studies. After all, he should make sure his student has everything she needs to become a good doctor. Ning Qian couldn’t have her running around while spreading nonsense with his good name attached to her back. He couldn’t let that happen to his reputation.

This was unfair. Really it was! Usually, in all of the manga and manhwa she read, the main character would always have some experience in the profession they choose to pursue from their past life, but Ning Yun was a forensic psychologist for goodness sake! Sure, she had to go through a few years of medical school to get the degree, but it’s not like she really paid attention or had experience with patients. Rather, during her days when she needed hours helping a certified doctor for school, she avoided all of the patients and settled with dealing with the paperwork. Thankfully, the front desk people weren’t good at their job, so she was able to make that kind of agreement with her assigned doctor.

Either way, there was nothing she could use from figuring out the reason behind a murder in genuine medical practice. Shoot, she would do a better job as a therapist, but it’s not like they had such a job in this world. It was completely hopeless for her. Really, all she could do was plaster on a smile and leave it to fate.

“Not like I don’t do that already.”

Still, whether she was used to doing such a thing or not, going through all of this was such a pain.