Dear Dairy,

Okay I’ve calmed down a bit now, it’s been a few days since last we spoke and at the risk of turning you into an actual dream journal I kinda just need to get my thoughts together, and your my unwitting audience so sit back enjoy and let me know if you can make sense of any of this because I sure can't. Ever since my I guess brush with death I’ve been having weird dreams more like nightmares I guess though it's not like they are scary or anything just really fucking creepy, I don’t wake up screaming or panicked just with a feeling that I wasn’t alone, as though I was being watched by someone, until two days ago I haven’t really been able to remember the dreams just the feeling of being watched.

But something’s changed, no idea what but two days ago I woke up except everything was tinted green when I looked around at my bedroom there’s these think black veins pulsing all over the place, on the floor ceiling and walls, I tried to rub my eyes thinking I was just half asleep but then I saw that my skin was covered in the same veins, and that’s when I noticed I was naked, during all of this I didn’t feel anything I wasn’t scared or freaked out, I felt for lack of a better word empty, I looked back up from my hands and body to realize that my room had faded away and I was just floating in a dark void with just giant clouds of green and black scattered around me, they flashed and pulsed sort of like the veins on my body did, but these pulses were sporadic and inconstant.

The Clouds started to pulse brighter and faster until they all stopped, and that’s when the feeling came the first I had felt since waking up, the feeling that I was being watched, I still wasn’t scared but I couldn’t help but notice it, and that the clouds seemed to be moving closer, my body remained suspended in the void as they kept getting closer, after what felt like a lifetime they finally arrived and joined together to surround and cover me, that’s when the second feeling came, pain a pain that I couldn’t remember ever feeling before my skin felt like it was burning my bones as though they were shattering removing and shattering again, my head felt like I had the worst brain freeze and my muscles twitched and stung until they would burn away, then they itched as they grew back only to twitch and burn over and over again.

While this was happening the mass of clouds surrounding me never stopped pulsing, they only grew stronger and faster, after yet another lifetime of pain I must have blacked out and that’s when I actually woke up but this time I was scared, between me and you I curled up under the covers and cried for god knows how long, safe to say I didn’t go back to sleep that night. That’s one thing an actual nightmare no big deal, everyone has them, it sucked but oh well, but last night was the same thing, kind of the same thing anyway, it played out the same waking up, everything green, see the veins and then I’m floating, except the clouds seemed to have noticed me sooner this time and there was more this time, and the pain, the pain was so much worse, by the time I woke up the sun had already risen my bed was cover in sweat, and this is the part that scares me the most there was blood, at some point my nose had started bleeding I don’t know if I was freaking out and hit it or something while I was dreaming, but by the time I woke up and noticed there was a lot of it and a good amount of it had already dried, but it was still bleeding.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

Just makes me wonder, how long was it bleeding for, just how much blood did I lose, I didn’t feel dizzy or anything when I woke up, out of it sure but that’s more down to the dream I think not the blood loss. What about tonight? I don’t think I can take another night of torture, what if it’s a side effect of dying? I know it was less than a minute but maybe the doctors missed something maybe my brain’s bleeding or something, maybe I dying for real this time, just a slow painful death, shit maybe.

I have my appointment with Doc today I know I didn’t think much of this journal crap but I just needed to say that before I saw him, he doesn’t need any more reasons to lock me back up, I’ll ask about the potential that they missed something and just say I’m having headaches or something, no reason he needs to know about me evil clouds and the things they keep whispering to me.

I don’t know if Doc is going to ask to read you or not, it’s not like he can force me to show him you right? There’s no law to let him look at my diary that would be crazy. No, it's simple I just won’t take you, I’ll say that I’m using a laptop for the convenience of it and that I didn’t see the need to bring it with me, as I’ve already written in you today, then I can just make up some shit that he will believe about how life is precise and every second m alive is a miracle, that’s what he wants to hear anyway so shouldn’t be a hard sell, I might have to tone it down a little but the general idea is solid, isn’t it?

I’ll write again after the appointment, keep you updated on everything Nick, and let you know just how crazy I am, I wonder if Doc will say anything useful or if it will just be the same motivational poster bullshit as everyone else gives, “hang in there” The grass is always greener” “stop being a freak” the last one may not be very motivational but it came from my brother so it’s just brimming with unspoken love, dick.

See you soon Diary