TL note: Some of you may be wondering why I am translating a story written originally in English, to English. I remember reading this story many years ago, as a teen, and had since dismissed it as a bizarre fever dream. Only recently, through much Googling, did I manage to rediscover it, and as such decided to not only read it again, but fix the author’s many typing issues and share the context of what I remember from its original happening. I believe the story underneath to hold deeper meanings than its strange happenings, but at minimum I hope you will appreciate it for the sheer weirdness of it all. For the best experience, skim it for your first reading and, if you are interested, read more deeply the second time.
Some typing is left as-is to preserve what I believe to be authorial intent, or at least necessary effect. If you notice any typing issues I managed to miss, please email them to me at [email protected]
author note: yaaa hurray it’s my first story ^U^ i hope you all like it! all characters belong to my special friends who submitted them!!
ok heres the first chapter enjoy ^U^
Anime Ayn Rand has sworn her life by the sword, the sharp sword of capitalism, to slice prices to never-seen-before lows and even unlock the mystical power of controlling her sword without touching it, through the force of her invisible hand! She was on a mission that day, under the oppressive heat, oppressive like the communist regime she was going to end with her sword of rationality.
But then, it was cold.
A cold wind blew over, cold like the frosty communist north that she hated. It herald the coming of barbarians. As she expected, the barbarians arrived. She hid behind a corpse and watched… and listened.
“But dad, I don’t want to slay the furries!” said the son.
“Shut up, son!” said the dad.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,” said the eleven sisters, “shut up!”
The son was wearing very little wolf-skin clothes and was carrying a sword that Anime Ayn Rand thought was attractive. The dad was burrlier and wearing a bear-skin, and wielding two axes. The eleven sisters wore hamster-skins.
‘No, now’s not the time to get distracted, I must end communism,’ thought Anime Ayn Rand.
She jumped from behind the tree and shouted, “I must end communism!”
TL note: This is not a mistake by the author. To say any more would be a spoiler.
Stolen novel; please report.
The dad shouted back, “I must end furries!”
Anime Ayn Rand attacked the barbarians, because as uncivilized people they probably practiced communism, which she disliked. She was a Paladin of the righteous order of being a badass, and also capitalism, so she had an advantage against Barbarians who were less badass.
Except, the dad was more badass than she expected.
“Aha, I have you now! You may not be a furry, my sworn enemy, but if you are attacking me then that means they must have hired you! You die now, furry-loving scum!”
“Daaad,” the son complained.
“Get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em,” the eleven sisters burped, “Dad!”
Anime Ayn Rand was very offended by the burping girls, and being upset increased her power. She cleaved through the dad’s axes with her sword of the free market, deeming them unfit in a competitive weapon economy.
“Stop!” the dad admitted defeat. Anime Ayn Rand was ready to kill him, but the son stepped in front and she couldn’t bring herself to kill him even though he might be a dirty communist.
“Communism must, be, defeated,” she struggled.
“We aren’t communists,” the son explained, “we just want to kill the furries.”
“Are furries communists?”
Seizing his chance, the dad said, “Yes, the furries are communist! Join us in killing them and I’ll let you marry my son!”
“Daaad,” the son complained.
“I like that idea,” Anime Ayn Rand agreed.
“Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome,” the eleven sisters sang, “Twelfth sister.”
author note: ^U^ there’s my first chapter, did you all like it? of course you did!! how could you not like how badass anime ayn rand is?
i’ll post the second chapter as soon at least three people comment on this one mwahahahaha ^U^
TL note: I would like to offer an interpretation of the above passage. While on the surface the first chapter may appear clumsily constructed, with ambiguous language and questionable writing methods, the author is actually trying to convey their discomfort with modern institutions. ‘Anime Ayn Rand’ is more that a communist-hating Paladin, but instead a champion against a systems she sees as unjust. Meanwhile, the furry-hating family of barbarians are likewise tackling their own discomforts. How furries relate to society will, I believe, become more clear in the following chapter.
Secondary TL note: The author received not three, but seven commenters on the first chapter.