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Murphy's Law
Chapter 20 - Comparing sizes

Chapter 20 - Comparing sizes

Mana Recovery branch unlocked

Attunement +2

Meditation twig unlocked

Attunement +1

Meditation skill acquired (Passive)

Helps recover mana.

“We’re both over level 35… did the summoning break your mind or were you always this crazy?” the guard named Julan looks at his stoic friend and puts a hand on his shoulder, “What do ya say Bracks, feel like knocking some sense into him? I’d do it but I’m not sure I can hold my strength back enough to not kill the fucker.”

“I wouldn’t worry old man,” I start stretching and warming up, “if you win I’ll make Simca here rub one out for you.”

“Bah! Keep her to yerself ya cunt. We have our own slaves. Come as a perk of the job,” he shoos Simca away with a wave of his hand, but as it’s not a verbal command it doesn’t override my order for her to stand by the wall and do nothing. “I’ll tell ya what though, you win against mah boy here,” he smacks Bracks over the shoulder, “and I’ll go down on my hurting knees and suck you off myself. Whatcha say? Nothing to lose in it for ya. I just want a good laugh.”

Although the pair of guards refuse to let me in or send for someone to call the princess, I hold no grudge against them. They’re just doing their job and in my time as a guard I never liked taking initiative or making my own decisions. It usually resulted in trouble for me, even if I did the correct thing.

But since I refused to leave and said I’d wait, while practicing my magic, for someone to come by and pass on the message to the princess, Julan and I started talking and he turned out to be a fun guy. An old adventurer turned knight because of his busted knees, he was then promoted to be one of the princess's personal guards. He’s been at it since she was little and by now he had none of the strict discipline that Bracks showed. The difference between the two was clear, with Julan leaning on the wall relaxing while Bracks stood straight as an arrow, face forward and hand on his weapon.

-He’ll tire out of it in a couple of months…-

Julan opened up quickly once I started sharing stories from my time in the army. I had to change some details otherwise he wouldn’t understand the modern references, but guard duty is guard duty. Be it in the 21st century or the middle ages.

Eventually, with all the bragging Julan was doing while storytelling, I wondered how strong he really was and offered a friendly spar. This made Julan explode in laughter so loud that I’m surprised no-one came out to check what happened.

“So… Bracks was it?” I ask the guard who refuses to utter a word and just keeps staring forward, “What do you say about a friendly spar?”

I wait for a response that doesn’t come, while Julan snickers.

“I promise I’ll shut up if you do,” this makes him look at me at last, “Win and I’ll even consider leaving.”

“Now you've done it. Go get him Bracks!” Julan rubs his hands together in glee as Bracks leans his obscenely large claymore on the wall and takes a step towards me.

“Maybe you should lose the fancy armor? Wouldn’t want you to complain how it slowed you down once you lose.”

“A Paladin, slowed down by his armor? Bah!” he roars in laughter, “Aren’t you in for a surprise.”

-Jane?-

-I’m ready.-

With my knees bent and center of gravity low, I wait for him to start the fight.

Bracks cracks his head and I can hear his vertebrates pop. He rolls his shoulder back and a few more pops echo in the silent corridor. Not bothering with formalities or showing any hesitation at all he simply takes another step towards me and extends his hand.

Jane activates Increased Processing at twice the speed but Brack’s hand moves forward as if not affected.

I bend my knees and tilt my whole body backward but my body is moving at half speed. Because he tried to grab my throat and not punch I barely manage to avoid.

-Times three,- Jane says.

I try to lift my hands to grab his outstretched arm but my body is moving three times slower and my jaw doesn’t even have time to drop in surprise as Brack’s hand darts back.

While my jaw is slowly opening and my eyes widening I see him walk around and disappear behind me since my eyes can’t turn fast enough. A moment later I feel something grab me by my collar and throw me backward. The world shifts suddenly and a sinking feeling drops into my stomach as my feet leave the ground.

With Jane almost as surprised as I am, she forgets to deactivate the skill and I find myself flying slowly through the air as Brack’s calmly walks back to his spot.

Back in his rigid position, with his back straight and hands on his weapon, he looks at me and I can tell apart the faintest hint of a smile on his face. To his left, Julan’s mouth is opening wide in a fit of laughter.

-I’m not sure what to think of this…-

Instead of talking Jane cancels the thought acceleration and reality jerks back into gear as my vision blurs and my body impacts a wall. With a dull thud, I fall to the floor in pain. Julan’s roaring laughter echoes in my ears as I struggle back to my feet.

Although level three in Increased Processing prevented the mind-numbing pain that followed accelerating everything more than twice the normal speed, it did leave me nauseous and cause my vision to spin.

-Argh, my thinking feels sluggish as well…-

-It’s not. You just need a moment to adjust. Try blowing on your thumb,- Jane suggests.

Kneeling on one knee I lean my shoulder on the wall and blow slowly on my thumb. It doesn’t take long for my nausea to subside and my thinking to return to normal.

Self-Defence Tree sprouted another bud.

Willpower +1

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

Pacifier skill learned.

Quell yourself.

-Oh?! I guess it actually works,- I’m genuinely surprised as I read the notification and feel myself regain focus.

-Or it works because you believe that it works and so the system accommodates.-

-Fair enough. Any way we can test it?

-This doesn’t count?- she lifts an eyebrow, -It’s why I suggested it in the first place.-

-Not really. I know I was always sceptical of it but supposedly blowing on my thumb actually has a physiological basis for it. Sure, I mainly used it to help with ill-timed erections but it can also be used for stress control. I think… can you check?-

-Now?- Jane puffs her cheeks.

-Please.-

Julan’s laughter dies down eventually and I decide that sitting on the floor with my back against the wall is a fitting place for the loser of our spar.

“Level 35 you say?”

“39,” Julan says proudly, “and the one who sent you flying is 36. You should’ve seen ya face,” he bursts into another round of laughter.

“I’m just glad I didn’t pee myself…” I chuckle with him as I imagine myself flying through the air, “Mind telling me what makes 35 so special?”

He looks at Bracks and Simca before staring back at me and blinking a few times, “Right. I keep forgetting you don’t know shit. Were there no levels in your world?”

“Nope. No levels, no classes, no magic and the only monsters were humans.”

“Ya don’t say… maybe I need to try and visit your place then. It’d be nice being the strongest in the whole world. Always wanted to rule a country.”

It’s my turn to burst into laughter.

“Rule a country? The first country to find out about you would lock you up and use you as material for experimentation till the day you die. I doubt you’ll ever see the light of day.”

“Lock me up? A bunch of weaklings like you? Even ten thousand won’t be enough to hold me down,” he sniggers.

“Really? What’s the strongest weapon you know of?”

“Why the sword of course!” he unsheathes his bastard sword and lifts it while striking a heroic pose.

“So valiant! Oh mighty Julan, your radiance hides how ugly your mug is,” I pretend to grovel from my seated position while he poses in an even more extravagant manner, “what I meant though, is what is the largest physical destruction caused by single use of a single weapon?”

“Hmm if ya state it in such a fancy way… most destructive weapon,” he lowers his sword and returns to leaning on the wall, “it’d have to be a mage spell than. I know some of the named individuals can single handedly change the flow of battle but there are stories of mages, if given enough time, destroying whole armies with a single spell.”

“A couple of years ago,” Bracks opens up out of nowhere, “I was escorting a high priest when we saw the royal army on the road. Some looked like dead husks while others were ecstatic. The priest I was with went to one of the officers and asked what happened,” he paused to take a long breath and looked like he was contemplating his words, eventually he sighed and continued wryly “Long story short… they were sent to subjugate a noble for treason but while setting up a siege around his castle an old man appeared out of nowhere, floating above them. He stayed there for a few minutes and they could hear chanting carried by the wind. A few decided to aim their bows at him and were told to stand down by the general. The old man disappeared as suddenly as he appeared but not before sending a slow-moving ball of lightning towards the noble's castle. When the ball hit, the crack of thunder caused the soldiers closest to the castle to bleed from their ears, while the flash of lightning blinded anyone who looked. When the chaos died down all that was left of the castle was a blackened hole in the ground. The stone it was made of was scattered and the bodies were ash. Once the soldiers were healed everyone rejoiced at their easy win, yet on the way back home it started to dawn on many how utterly powerless they actually are. The priest tried to lift morale on the way back but many still left the army because of that. Some of them have taken up banditry in the area and are active to this day,” he paused again and in the silence that followed I heard him swallow before continuing, “Three thousand individuals lower than 20. A thousand between 20 and 30, fifty over 30 and four over 35. Gone without even a trace of their equipment.”

“Is that how the Unseen Mute…?”

Bracks nodded in response to Julan’s question.

While he was speaking I watched Julan’s and Simca’s horrified expressions. Simca, with her large eyes and small head was especially comically expressive, but all three looked desolate.

“That’s it?” the three look up from their feet at me, “In my world, there are weapons that can wipe out a whole country off the map. Years back they used them and more than a hundred thousand people died in an instant. The weapons were so horrible they even poisoned the earth, water and air making the area uninhabitable. And all it takes to use them is a press of a finger.”

“That’s impossible ya little shit.”

“Not only is it possible, it’s not even the strongest weapon we have. A weapon named the Tzar or the king is three thousand times as powerful.”

They reel back as they try to imagine its power.

“Even worse is that some countries have thousands of these weapons. However, Julan, there won’t even be any need to use it on you. We have weapons that even a child can wield that will tear you to pieces,” this causes Julan to raise an eyebrow in disbelief so I add, “Actually… I can bring one of the weakest weapons from my world and we can try it on you. Just make sure you have a healer nearby.”

“If ya telling the truth, and this isn’t just boasting cause ya lost to Bracks, then a potion will do anything a healer can and more,” he smacks his breastplate with a gloved hand, “darn it ya crazy fucker, got me all excited and shit. A weapon even a baby can kill with! I wanna see that. Ha Bracks? Interesting ain’t it?!”

Like a child lost in a candy store, he starts pacing back and forth while his hand fidgets, “Whatcha waiting for then? Go get it, will ya!”

“Maybe later,” I smile and let my head fall back onto the wall, “Right now there’s a princess I need to meet.”

Julan walks over and kicks me in the boot. I ignore him and he kicks me again and again until I respond, “What?”

“The princess isn’t going anywhere. Go get the weapon,” he looks down at me in excitement.

“It’s not gonna run away, relax. I’ll bring it after I get what I need from the princess.”

“Argh!” he walks to Bracks and circles back to me, all the while ruffling his own hair, “Listen, you little shit, bring me that weapon to look at and I’ll pass to the princess what it is you need of her, deal?”

-Interesting,- I look at him suspiciously, -I’m sure I can steal the gun from Elsa but I rather not wait for another iteration.-

“You tell the princess what I want and then I’ll get you the weapon, deal?”

“Give your word ya’ll bring it even if the princess refuses to see ya and we have a deal.”

-Whelp… that was easy,- for a few moments I stare at him, trying to understand how it serves his interests, -Sure, a gun might be interesting but what’s got him so hysterical?-

I get up from the floor and extend my hand for him to take, “I promise.”

He looks at my hand, not entirely sure what to do with it, but shakes it properly nonetheless, “Why’s it got you so hard and excited anyway?” I ask before letting go of his hand.

“I was a blacksmith’s apprentice before I became an adventurer, and the past few years it’s become a hobby of mine again. Seeing a weapon forged in a different world, a world without any magic, is an opportunity I can’t pass up.”

“Ya don’t say?” a grin creeps up my face, “Play your cards right Julan, and I might just share with you a few other weapon designs you might find very interesting.”

-Compound bows and canons shouldn’t be too hard to reverse engineer once the idea is out there.-

“Marcus,” Julan opens his hands wide, “You’re making me weak in the knees ya little fucker,” he grabs me in a hug and lifts me off the ground.

“Put me down you old hack! Save your knees for the slaves that have to suffer through your stench.” I try to wiggle out of his vertebra pooping embrace and eventually he puts me back down, “Seriously, when was the last time you washed yourself? You smell like a whore’s room in the morning,” I take a few steps back and wave my hand in front of my face as if I’m trying to fan away a bad fart.

“You don’t smell like flowers either ya cunt so don’t go changing the subject, c'mon tell me what you need the princess for? Making her scream once wasn’t enough for ya?” he slaps me on my shoulder, nearly knocking me off my feet.

“You heard about that?” I chuckle.

“Half the palace did. Must be one hell of a sword you have down there.”

“Too big to wield one handed,” I wink at him.

“Bah! Can’t be too big if ya think she can handle it,” he nods at Simca and laughs.

“And that’s what I need to talk to the princess about,” I put an innocent smile on my face.

“Ya what now?” Julan tilts his head at me.

“You see,” I walk to Simca and pat her head, “she’s the first half-human half-animal I ever saw, but like you said, she’s so small I just might kill her. So I want the princess to change her from a public slave to my private one until she grows up a little.”

Scratching behind the base of her long ears absentmindedly I look at Julan and ask “Whatcha say? Can you help me make her mine?”

“That’s it?” he says laughing. “Ya don’t need the princess for that. Follow me.”