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Murphy's Law
Chapter 10 - Not gonna happen

Chapter 10 - Not gonna happen

For almost a minute I stand paralyzed with shock, axe in hand and bag slowly slipping from my shoulder. It was one thing for the stats to turn to zero during the whispering, but for them not to be increasing even after all the notifications is alarming to say the least.

-Should I explain the situation to the trainers?-

-No… they’ll just say to go find a priest.- fear let itself be known.

-Nothing I can do about it right now… I’ll need to find a priest as soon as possible though.-

-Maybe I’ll get them once I level?- hope lingers.

“Why’d you freeze?” Elsa asks as I come close.

“Saw something weird. Where were we?” I notice her blushing face and remember, “Ahh right. You were interested in what I did with Gardami,” I smile and wait.

She gives me an awkward look but continues “And you were interested in what I did to you.”

“Thank you for confirming my theory, princess,” I smile half a smile, “Indeed I am.”

“I doubt the two have the same value,” she counters and straightens her back.

“I guess we just have different values then. Shall we start?” I walk away and throw my shield to the side.

“It’s not like I don’t already have a good guess at what it was,” she grins.

“Good for you. Brings up the question of why ask about it in the first place then,” I answer while playing around with a double handed, double headed axe.

-I thought the stat gain in strength will help eventually… but without it I’ll need to switch weapons.-

“Ready?” I have to ask since she just stands lost in thought.

“Hmm… yeah.”

-Is she really that horny? She’s too good looking not to have someone… shit, almost forgot.- I close my eyes and imagine myself dropping an anchor where I stand. I have no idea if that's the correct way to activate the skill but I get the feeling it worked.

-Even though I don’t really notice any change…-

With a small sigh I jump forward, swinging the axe behind me in an arc and dropping it with extended hands on Elsa. She panics but manages to deflect the metal head and it gets stuck in the ground.

Not waiting for her to counter I jump forward again kicking her shield to knock her back. As I land I keep my left hand on the wooden shaft, sliding it down until I reach the metal axe head. From a crouching position I stab towards Elsa. Letting my hand slide down the shaft as a guide, the axe flies in a straight line with the spike on its end slamming into Elsa’s shield. It ricochets to the side so I swing with the direction and transition into an overhead chop.

Instead of avoiding she again lifts her shield to deflect, and just like in a carnival game I bring the axe down with my whole body. It slams into the shield, overpowering Elsa and banging her shield arm into her face.

Hitting her nose, tears begin to flow and I look at her as she stumbles a few steps backwards while trying to blink her eyes clear.

Two-handed Axe twig unlocked

Strength +1

“Three zero me. Should I go easy on you, Ice Queen?” I rest the axe on the ground and pant lightly.

-Too bad these moves are a one time thing… she’ll stop defending so much now that she’s in fight mode…-

Glaring at me she spits some blood to the side and gets ready for another round.

“How are you so good at this, anyway?” she asks while wiping away her tears.

“Same as everyone I guess… practice, practice and more practice,” I smile, “access to youtube and a love for fantasy helps as well...”I shrug.

-Surviving the frontlines of two wars and too many operations to count might also have a small part in that but who knows…-

“I like Harry Potter… doesn’t mean I go on youtube to learn magic,” she lowers her shield and moves half a step forward.

-Are you really gonna try a surprise attack?-

“Not the best analogy, but I also like Harry. Although not Potter but Evans-Verres. And before you jump on me let me switch to another weapon first.”

I run before she gets a chance to protest.

-How simple should I go here?-

I eye the weapons crate waiting for something to jump at me.

-Oh… Maybe a hammer or a mace?-

-Is there a solid steel one? Nice! It’s even completely black… how charming.-

Holding up a flanged mace I smile when I see it comes with a short leather strap on the handle.

-A shield and a mace… would get uncomfortable carrying… I’ll need a dagger or a knife as well…-

I pick up a simple looking rondel dagger and attach its scabbard to my belt.

“Ready?” I pick up my shield and fasten my hand into it. Elsa looks out of it again, half heartedly getting into a fighting stance.

-This is getting annoying…-

“How about a bet? You win and I’ll tell you about my skill.”

“And what happens if I lose?” she squints her eyes at me.

“Well… you already said you’d fuck me so how about you share your skill instead?” a half smile appears on my face.

“I don’t remember saying anything like that…”

“Right… you tried to kill me before we decided on anything,” I smile innocently. “So if I win you give me a bj. Deal?”

“Nice try,” she smiles back, “but I rather tell you my skill.”

“And I prefer a blowjob. Let’s fight.” I raise my shield and new mace and advance fearlessly before she can respond.

Mace twig unlocked

Strength +1

I won.

This time, however, I had to block a few of Elsa’s swings and could feel they were stronger than during our first spar.

-She’s clearly getting the stat benefits…-

I sigh to myself as I sit down to catch my breath. Elsa sits down next to me and concentrates on her arm.

“Feel something?”

“Nope…”

“Check your mana to see if it's going down.”

She looks at me, surprised she didn’t think of something so simple, and concentrates on her palm again after summoning her status screen.

“Oh…” she exclaims after a moment, “It went down by one point.”

If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

“Cool.”

“Still can’t feel anything though…”

We sit in silence, each practicing their magic.

For some reason it comes easy for me and I get my palm to glow on the first try.

-How uselessly wonderful.- I chuckle to myself, -A talent for magic but no mana to use…-

“So when do I get my bj?” I ask without looking at her.

“Now. Lie back,” she answeres after thinking for a moment.

Without hesitation I lie on my back and unbuckle my belt.

“Stop! Idiot… you really have no shame, do you?”

Disappointed I sit back up and give her a shrug.

“Too much actually,” I tell her honestly.

“Right… so how come you don’t have any stats?” she asks looking slightly flustered.

“Is that also the effect of that skill?” I ask, “Makes people want to kill you after you glance at their stats?”

“I didn't know it would make you homicidal… it’s called ‘Equal Ground’. I can designate a challenge to anyone I want and I’ll get the same attributes as the person I challange. Thus the results should be solely based on personal skill and nothing else.”

“Interesting… useful only against higher level opponents but seems kinda useless considering a higher level opponent will also have better skills.”

“Not so useless if I get to keep the attributes after I win,” she smiles slightly, “If I win that is…”

-What? That’s insanely overpowered…-

“Wow… lucky you. Thought of how to munchkin it?”

“Huh? Munchkin?”

“Hmm… it’s actually a really good card game, but nowadays it’s used as a term for abusing fictional powers in games or stories. In your case you can ask the princess to get you some really strong people you can kill to get their stats.”

“Yeah… not happening. I’m not killing innocent people,” she looks at me in horror.

“Ok… what about going to the prison I’m sure they have here and getting some of their worst criminals. I’m sure we can find someone with higher stats than you.”

“No!” she jumps to her feet, “I refuse to kill people just so I can get stronger.”

“Are you aware that in this world, that's like the main way of getting stronger? What are you planning to do once you’re on the battlefield? Run around hoping no-one notices you? You stand out to much for that…”

“I’m not gonna fight. I’m going to solve it diplomatically by acting as an intermediary. I’m sure that if I can get them to talk to each other they’ll see that wars are useless and that everything can be solved peacefully.”

Stunned into silence I take a moment to digest how naive she is.

“And how exactly do you plan on achieving that?” I hold myself from facepalming.

“Don’t know yet. I’m out of mp. Get up.”

This time we slow it down.

Each standing their ground we take turns at trying to pass each other's defences.

Even though we don’t move too much, the layers of padding combined with the weight of the armour and weapons leave us panting after no more than a minute.

“I was afraid of this… we may be strong enough to use the equipment…” my hands are on my knees and I’m panting hard, “But gyms back on earth just don’t require the level of endurance needed for this…”.

“We’re gonna be so sore tomorrow…” Elsa opens her leather cuirass together with the gambeson underneath and sits down to rest.

“Not necessarily.” I lie down perpendicularly to her and put my head on her stomach.

“Get off! I can’t breathe as it is!” I try to position my head on her breasts but she smacks me so I settle for her hip.

“The stats might take care of it.” I unbuckle my upper armour as well.

“Oh… could be. Or Val can heal and prevent it.”

“Don’t know if I want him too… if he heals us completely does it also heal our muscles? If it does than they will never grow stronger...”

“But isn’t that what we assume stats to be for?”

“Right…”

-Sucks for me then...-

For the second time this day we lie on the ground, resting and enjoying the last moments of sunlight. After emptying our mana pools we just lie there and let our minds relax.

-I guess they’ll send us to dinner soon. I wonder where we will sleep.- I never was good at relaxing.

“Give me your hand.”

“Why?”

“So I can put a ring on it, ice queen.”

“Will you stop with the stupid nickname if I do?”

“Mhhm.”

I take her hand in mine and reach for my mana.

“Get ready. I’m going to unfreeze your heart.”

She gasps as I penetrate her skin with my mana. Mana stimulation activates intuitively and she grips my hand in response.

I close my eyes and try to concentrate on my mana slowly flowing up her arm. In my mind I can almost picture the new appendage moving about, so very different to Elsa’s mana.

As if an MRI image is being projected into my brain I faintly see her whole body pulsing around the mana appendage I sent stumbling into her. With the skill I don’t really need anything more than just skin contact but I decide to try some at the same time.

-Should I go right for the source?- The pressure in the arteries is strong enough to affect my control for some reason so I pick a vein and follow it instead. I decide against messing around with Elsa’s brain for now and direct my mana tributary to follow the subclavian vein down into her superior vena cava. From there I follow the inferior vena cava down into the abdomen, turn left into the common iliac and find in the wall of the external iliac vein the opening to the pudendal vein. Here I get a bit lost so I brute force my way through muscle and connective tissue until I reach the clitoris and locate the pudendal nerve.

In my mind's eye the nerves shine brighter than any other tissue of her’s so it’s easy to differentiate from the rest.

I make the tributary of mana flow as thin as I can and gently touch the nerve with the intention of stimulating it. The Mana Stimulation skill reacts to my intention and I feel the little bit of mana that I managed to regenerate in the past few minutes leave me all at once.

Elsa moans and twists her body in pleasure, causing my concentration to break. My empty mana pool prevents me from reestablishing control over the flow of energy inside her. Remembering what happened last time such a thing happened, I cut the connection to prevent a magical lashback from electrocuting my hand and her nether region.

Mana Stimulation (Toggled) Leveled up (+1)

Biology tree unlocked

Vitality +3

Constitution +2

Anatomy branch unlocked

Constitution +1

Human Anatomy twig unlocked

Vitality +1

Female Human Anatomy skill acquired(Passive)

Helps remember the female anatomy.

Female Human Anatomy skill acquired (Passive) Leveled up (+5)

Vine connected between Human Anatomy twig and Foreplay branch.

It never hurts to know what you’re touching.

“Why’d you stop?” she asks while I read the notifications.

“Out of mp.” I go over the notifications a few more times while ideas keep popping into my head.

-If I assume that the anatomy skill leveled up so fast because of my prior knowledge then maybe I can find a way to cheat the system. I never thought that my inability to stick to one hobby could actually be helpful for once…-

As I make a mental list of all the things I could try I feel Elsa’s breathing slow down to a normal rhythm.

“So?”

“Huh?”

“You said you prefer people with experience before… do I pass your high standards, Snow princess?”

-Not gonna whack me on my head this time?-

“Maybe…”

“Fair enough. How about I try to impress you again tonight? We can do it properly this time. I’ll start slow and increase the roughness gradually. Safe word will be Freeze. You think we’re gonna get proper beds? Though doing it on the floor also has its charm...”

“You can get the same bed as the real princess for all I care. Don’t expect me to go anywhere near it.”

“Why not?” I turn my head to look at her seriously.

“Ahh…” she stumbles with her words when she sees I’m not joking for once, “Well… let's see. There’s the fact that we’re in a different world. The small matter of us meeting for the first time today. Oh! And let's not forget that you’re an asshole.” She gives me her best fake smile.

“So?”

“So I’m not going to sleep with someone I just met.”

“Hmm… I get your point. Even agree with one. But what do you gain from waiting? It’s just a matter of time before we do it anyways.”

She laughs.

“Fuck you’re arrogant.”

“Not really… think about it. Like you said… new world, so new rules, right? And you may have just met me today but the same goes for everyone in this world. This is a fresh start. Use it to do what you always wanted to but were too afraid of what people you know might say. Nobody knows you and everybody is too busy right now with surviving to even care.”

“And who says that what I want to do is you? Just becau...”

“Do you have anyone else?” I cut her off.

“I have a bo…”

“And soccer has a goalie but you can still score. What I was asking though is do you see yourself sleeping with anyone else in this world?”

“Oh…” she goes silent for a moment as she goes over the list of people she remembers since coming.

-Not much choice really… most of the earthlings who aren’t little kids are either females under thirty or men over forty.-

“There’s the man child. Looked really hot too.” Elsa says finally.

“Fair enough. Didn’t you say you wanted someone who knew what they were doing though?”

“I did. But I wouldn’t mind teaching him the ropes.”

“I see. I’ll ask Marry then. She’ll be dtf for sure.”

“You’re disgusting… you really need to relax.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do!” I let my tiredness show and a weak laugh followed by a sigh escapes me, “I’ve been summoned into a new world in the middle of the night. Didn’t sleep for almost two days now. Was told that in a month I’m going to die in a war I have no reason fighting. Probably gutted by a fucking half human half animal of some kind. A bunny most likely. Got fucked by some crazy voice that gave me the worst headache I ever felt.”

“Shit…” she says slowly as I pause to take a breath.

“Yeah… and to top it all off there was the exploding little girl. Which is something I thought I’d never have to see again. So all I wanna do at the moment is fuck until I’m senseless and then sleep.”