With this, if we wisely choose not to count my assault and theft and disturbance of the peace, I'll finally become a true criminal!!

I didn't have to look for long to found the most suitable victim for identity theft. A plain-looking man in a plain white coat with a plain id, ripe for stealing.

Now, how do I steal it? I can think of several ways just off the top of my head, but none of them feel, let's see... right. Plan one, I could just grab the id and make a run for it. at a thousand mile per hour, his chances of catching the are the same as being both a weeb and having friends. I'll have to do something more... tricky. Let's see, how much Thieved Blood do I have?

Thieved Blood to be used:

4 005 892 B

-Right, a fair amount. With that much, summoning enough Thieves to such him dry would be easy as pie. Take his id, drag his body into one of the many rooms, and leave it there to rot.

Simply. Easy.

...Boring.

As much as I adore the idea of releasing a deadly gas into a city, threatening hundreds of innocent civilians with a bomb or killing sidekicks just to mess with the hero, killing just a single dude to steal his id is, well... It isn't any fun, to be fair. No, there has to be something more interesting I can do! Something that'll bother him to no end, leave him despairing and maybe make him end up fired!

...Oho. Ohohohohoho. I have a plan!

I've been flying behind him for a while now, but only now shall I act. I let pace fall a bit, fly backwards a little, and...

"Help, help!!" with a Noise of 75 000, emulating the voice of a young, frail woman with but the beating of my wings is mere child's play.

The man jerked his head around, squinting when he came to realize there was nobody there. Before he went back to walking, he craned his head and looked up towards the second floor, as if a patient up there was calling out. Time to disprove his concerns, hehehehehe.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

"Please, sir, help!!" I called out from just around the corner, proving that this was clearly not coming from just anywhere.

Come on, take the bait...!!

He looked up the hall, down the hall, and then... he started pacing towards me. He didn't look extremely concerned or anything, but he seemed worried enough for me to know that my plan had worked without fail. Score!

"Help, quickly!" I called, flying away from him as he approached me. Gradually, his pace picked up, and finally, I found the room I had singled out before. I had no idea what it contained, it seemed to be filled with prototyped for drugs and other paraphernalia, but that didn't matter. I wedged myself into the cranny between the door and the doorframe, and said, "Help, in here!", making sure that the voice sounded muffled enough to be believable.

The man glanced inside the square window showing the inside, but after the wild goose chase I led him on, he didn't hesitate to unlock the door and march right on inside. His mistake, my success!

"Fool, you absolute fool!" I said, a cackle on my lips. He swirled around, but it was already too late. With the strength of a thousand mosquitos, I ripped his id off of his coat, and retreated, making sure to slam the door shut behind me.

"H-hey!!" the man said, running up to the door and futilely trying to bang on it. Oh, the foolish fooling fool! Let's see him try to get out if the door is even more shut than it is right now-!

I retreated a fairs ways from the door, put myself at a blunt angle, and then...

I flew right at it. With the speed I kept, the metal door could do nothing but whine and part like butter and I sank into it, continued through it, and due to the angle, finally lodged myself into the doorframe and, finally, the wall itself. A final jerking flight ensured my escape from the inside of the wall, and I stood witness to my masterpiece. The metal door had successfully somewhat merged with the wall.

No escape for you, lab rat!

Kekekekeke!!

Alright, that's the scouting all done, let's return outside and try not to be seen even though I'm holding this id.

While I'm flying back outside, I put what little I had heard of the man to mind, letting his "hey" run through it several times until I got a feel for it, at which point I could repeat it with such precision that it kind of scared me. With this, aren't I the Magic Kaido of mosquitos?...

Using what little voice I'd heard, I could, in fact, recreate his entire voice, and in turn make it say stupid things, such as "I am a gullible foolish lab rat who got stuck in a closet waah waah", which made the few people around turn to look for the voice, but by that point, I was already gone.

And, finally, I was out. The sun shone down and the blue sky was clear of clouds but filled with planes and-, is that a guy up there, flying?...

Okay, let's get going.

My body is sitting over there, still staring at the newspaper. Good.

I easily slide into pilot mode, disregarding the pop-ups regarding it, and stood back up, holding the id in front of my eyes. Joe Dork. What a guy! I fastened it to my coat without the slightest hesitation and headed inside. The waiting-room was about half-full, but that didn't bother me. I just needed to get to the blood room, and once I was in, I'd call upon my millions of mosquitos, have them flood inside, and escape in the ensuing chaos. That was all.

"Um, sir, may I help you?"

Oh, fuck, broad spotted!

"I was just catching some air, don't mind me, nurse."

I said in Mr Dork's voice, preparing to head inside.

"Um, sir, if you'd like to enter, please grab a-,"

"I'm a doctor, and I have much important business to attend to! Allow me entrance or I'll have your salary cut!"

She flinched, but her attitude did change. For the suspicious.

"...Right, doctor, may I see your identification-?"

While she said that, she was actually reaching below the desk, and I have reason to believe that she was ready to call security on me. Not that that would've helped much, but either way.

"Certainly, here you are."

Saying so, I handed her the id, taking immense glee in how her eyes lit up in surprise, confusion and disbelief. Don't think I'm a doctor, do you?? Why I'll-,

"...Very well. Enter through the proper entrance next time doctor, I hardly recognized you in that coat and hat."

Proper exit my ass, next time I see you I'll have you flogged!

But, I'm in.

And I'm going to WIN.