John raised himself from the coffin like an owl from the hollow of a tree. "Why has my Hilgooth gone sideways?"

In answer, a terrific splash of sewer water shot into the air as Hilgooth's starboard side crashed back into the water. Josef (who had indeed closed his mouth), Claudius, and John all found themselves crashing to Hilgooth's ramshackle floor as the storm water rapids tore them forward once again. The wave of sewer coated Hilgooth's deck.

Like a petal floating through a rock-laden stream, Hilgooth nicked and spun in dizzying circles through the remainder of the gauntlet.

Josef couldn't believe they weren't drowning in gujai toxins. John awkwardly stepped out of the coffin and surveyed the world afresh. Claudius sucked in buckets of air as he mourned the loss of his entire collection of teethbreeze. Each of one them, however, was quite happy to continue their existence.

"Blighted begonias," John said sighing. He was on his hands and knees and staring at his tin can of slewslog rolling on its side. "What did you do with my slewslog? The gujai, their screams…I've never heard anything like that."

Hilgooth gave a sickening crunch as she bashed into another gujai pile. Josef, gazing over the railing, could see that they were about to clear the last of the mounds. From behind him, he heard John sigh again as another leak forced him to tear off another shred from his clothing.

"The things we do for our children," Claudius said to John while giving him a tepid pat on his shoulder.

But John shrugged him off. "Keep your webbed hands off me, fishman. Hilgooth is my life. You might be down here for a joyride, but I earn my living from this vessel."

John said nothing more as he crammed the ripped piece of cloak into the fresh hole.

"Well at least she's still kicking," said Claudius, taking a step back from John. "As for your slewslog, we transmuted it. Josef had the bright idea to harass the gujai with it, but it needed more potency so we added every bit of teethbreeze I had, as well as some merrycherry for fizzing power."

Claudius then turned to Josef, who was bidding a gleeful adieu to the gauntlet's final pyramid passing by on Hilgooth's port side.

"Josef," Claudius began, "you played a major part back there in getting us unstuck. I meant what I said as well. I think your neocortex has blossomed."

Josef hesitantly touched the top of his scalp. "Everything feels a bit clearer. I feel like I can actually speak in full sentences. I'm not eating my vowels, which is great."

Claudius nodded approvingly. "Consider yourself through phase one. You could've gone out early in any number of ways, but you've persisted."

Josef was about to thank Claudius as well, but the Sea Gwell's ego seemed excessively large already and didn't need any more boosting. "I'm just happy we're back on track to arrive at The Crow Meadow."

Claudius craned his neck to look at John. "How far to The Crow Meadow, John?"

But John simply shook his head. He was holding his broken oar in his hands. "We'll get there, we'll get there" he replied solemnly.

"Should we give him some more money, Claudius?" whispered Josef. "He's taken on a lot to get us out of these sewers."

Claudius looked at Josef. "More chunks? We can't spare it. They paid me a pittance working at the Ba'ha Company. We'll need every coin we can spare if we're to make it to Kaway Mahay."

"Kawah Mahay?" replied Josef. "I thought we were going to The Crow Meadow?"

"Oh we most certainly are — but after that, and hopefully there will be an after, dear Josef, we need to reach my contacts. They're the ones who supplied me with Izzblum's Guide to Drinkers of Goo. I've learned my fair share. I've studied hard. But soon you'll need more help than I can provide. Everything quite quickly becomes non-standard. The initial steps have a strong patterning to them, but after that the theories begin to grow like weeds."

But Josef shook his head. "The only thing I have on my mind right now is The Crow Meadow. Everything else is pointless if I don't get ratified. You said it yourself…" Josef made a gruesome face and flicked his both hands away from his head, mimicking an explosion. Josef, while joking in this moment, was starting to sweat all over his gujai-bite-ridden body. The sewer tunnel seemed to stretch on forever while Moonsneeze, he'd learned, might fade away at any moment.

Claudius saw Josef's face paling. His goo-drinker was agitated. "Josef, now calm down. Just because your neocortex has blossomed doesn't mean that you can start engaging in calamitous bouts of brainmoling. Stay with me."

But Josef had already crouched, curling himself into a ball. "It's just too much, Claudius. I want my goo-sac back. I don't even remember being inside of it, and that was so, so pleasant. Is there a way I can go back to that? Does the Ba'ha Company have some kind of reinsertion method?"

Claudius took a step back. "Ok, Josef, just hold on a second." Claudius then dug into his herb pouch and produced a delicate pink petal. He folded it into quarters and then ripped it along the pressed lines. Josef was still crouched down as Claudius knelt and pressed a quarter of it against his forehead.

Josef started, a swirling coolness flowing over his face. He breathed as the colours around him dipped to a dull pink. "What's going?" Josef said, unfurling himself and feeling only a small hint of fear, but it was quickly assuaged by the coolness of pink petal.

Claudius reached out and nicked the pink petal off his forehead. The pink world instantly disappeared. He held it out to Josef in his hand along with an empty pouch. "This pink petal is Fenham. It's your portable goo-sac. I didn't want to give it to you before your neocortex had blossomed. Use it wisely. Each petal has only a handful of uses, depending on how long you leave it pasted to your forehead. Obviously it's not your goo-sac, but it mimics its effects quite well."

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

Josef reached out and took the petal from Claudius's teal hand. He grabbed the pouch as well. "I suddenly feel very legitimate."

"Don't," replied Claudius curtly. "You're wearing a rag sack for clothing and you look like you've been infested with some kind of rot." Claudius then turned away before Josef could retort and started to bungle about in his rucksack. He then emerged with a small piece of twine. "Here, you can use this as a belt to carry your first herb pouch."

Josef snatched the twine from Claudius and wrapped it around his waist, twisting a loop, threading the cinched pouch through, and then pulling it tight. He straightened.

Claudius nodded while scratching his chin. "Yes, it's certainly an improvement."

John coughed aggressively, trying to get Claudius's attention. Claudius turned, catching John's eye. The sewerman nodded his head in the direction of the holdspace, which was now a bit light on gujai, but it still contained a good haul.

"Why is John gesturing towards the holdspace?" Josef asked, stepping towards and it observing the mucus-coated gujai. Many were dead, but a few still flipped about now.

Claudius and John exchanged another look. Claudius began slowly, "Well, Josef, do you remember when Boris back there mentioned that the Ba'ha Company was guarding the sewer exits?"

Josef nodded his head warily. "I do…"

"Well, John here had the rather brilliant idea to help sneak us through said checkpoint. We can't be seen, but they don't suspect John."

"I'm following," Josef replied, glancing at John, who had his back turned.

"Are you?" said Claudius, wincing.

"We need to hide," replied Josef, retracting his nose at the smell of the wasting gujai.

"Precisely," Claudius said, looking at John again, buying himself a bit of time. "Camouflage is difficult to come by in these sewers…the gujai."

Josef's eyes widened. "No. No! I won't!"

"They're all practically dead, Josef. It'll be fine. Do it for your brain."

"What about my soul?" pleaded Josef, taking five steps away from the holdspace and bumping into the coffin. He gripped its mildewed ledge, and all of a sudden it felt like he was back in the sewer water, gujai snacking on his pale flesh. He slipped into the coffin. He was trembling, his hands shaking as he tried to loosen the cinch on his herb pouch.

"Josef," Claudius said softly.

Josef looked up. The Sea Gwell was right in front of him, smiling placidly. "What."

"Save the Fenham for real danger."

Josef glanced at the holdspace. "I don't th-think you understand," he stuttered. "That is precisely what this is. What if they teleport me?"

Claudius rolled his eyes. "The theory specifies that you need to give yourself whole-heartedly—"

"That's not the point, fishman!" cried Josef, but then he froze as Claudius recoiled.

"You. You disrespectful." Claudius's gills flew upwards in rage. "Fishman! How dare." Claudius reached into the coffin and grabbed Josef by his rag sack just as he had back when they were in the sewer water.

Josef didn't even struggle. He let Claudius walk him over to the holdspace as if being marched towards his own execution. The Sea Gwell was surprisingly strong, lifting him up and tossing him into the holdspace as if he was emptying his chamberpot.

Josef was back in it, slimed and squelching, his head just above the fish bodies.

"Those, my dear Josef, are fish. I'm tempted to retract my previous statement about your neocortex having blossomed."

Josef treaded among the fish, wrinkling his nose and regretting his choice of words. "I know I deserve this. But how long do I have to stay in here."

John stepped forward, prodding a few of the dead gujai with his broken oar. He rested his arms on the holdspace's ledge, looked down at Josef. "You look comfy in there."

Josef swatted away a gujai angling its pincers towards his elbow. He closed his eyes and felt his breath. "How long."

"Not far now, Josef lad. The sewer bends for a bit then straightens out before the exit. I'd push us forward faster, but," he said, raising the oar, "no can do. It's only good for keeping us away from the edge. Listen, though, once we get close I'm going to have you tunnel your head underneath the gujai. You understand?"

Claudius leapt in beside Josef. "We'll suffer together."

Then John disappeared and both Josef and Claudius heard a great clattering.

"What was that?" Claudius asked, standing on his tip toes, trying to apprehend the cause of the noise.

"Your coffin has been disposed of," John said, dusting the mildew from his hands.

"That was our escape dingy!" cried Claudius but then gave up and turned to Josef. "In case you didn't catch on, your comment wasn't appreciated."

"I accept my penance," said Josef with resignation.

"It's just beginning. The life-debt you owe me is going to be more claustrophobic than being stuck with these gujai."

"Life-debt? Are you serious?"

"No, but it should be. I will have favours to ask, of course, but for the moment we should focus our conspiring on what comes next. The Crow Meadow."

Josef brightened. "Yes, please. What do I need to know? What do I need to do? How do I become ratified?"

"As I said earlier, The Crow Meadow is an ancient feld and it unfortunately has been pressed almost fully into submission by the Ba'ha Company. When I started here, the crows were still kicking up a fuss, but they've become more and more subdued. They've lost many adherents due to the Ba'ha Company recruiting from the surrounding area."

"So if the Ba'ha Company controls The Crow Meadow, how am I supposed to get ratified?"

Claudius raised a finger. "I didn't say controlled. The crows still possess autonomy. If they didn't, the feld would most likely collapse or implode or file for some kind of bankruptcy. I don't really know, but what's important is that you indeed can still be ratified there. It just makes it more difficult."

"Do we even have weapons?" Josef asked.

"I have a slingshot. My aim is horrendous, however."

"I thought you trained for septujinnys for this?"

"I read a lot of books. I've always considered weapons a secondary pursuit."

Josef let his face collapse into his hands. "Are we doomed, Claudius? Just tell me if we're doomed so I can make my peace with it."

"Not at all. In fact, while I won't go so far as to say you're destined, you certainly could make something of yourself. How long you have to make yourself into that something is uncertain. Very uncertain. But rouse yourself Josef! Once we get closer to the sewer exit, we'll submerge ourselves within these gujai and then creep into the Crow Meadow once we're well and clear of the checkpoint. The Ba'ha Grotto is extremely underfunded, so most of the guards will be stationed along the sewer exits. This is to our advantage as it will mean that The Crow Meadow itself should be relatively free of brainsnakes and machos."

"So we just find a random crow? And what?" Josef was imagining himself begging a crow to ratify him. It seemed absurd, but that word itself was becoming a less useful concept by the hour. The gujai were absurd. The sewer was absurd. Claudius, his wilful Sea Gwell saviour, was quite certainly absurd — but he was also trying to save his life, and so that counted for quite a bit.

"There's a tree. Believe me, we won't be able to miss it."

"Do I talk to it? I just want to make sure I get this right."

"The Crows will make the first move. Don't rush them. Remain calm, listen to what they have to say. I've read a few transcripts and deference seems to go over well. Like I said, they're fairly ecumenical. They take on a lot of goo-drinkers."

John hollered, "Get ready to submerge! I can see the exit and Boris was right. They're guarding the tunnel exit."

Josef and Claudius ducked down among the gujai. Josef was shaking with both excitement and fear. The Crow Meadow. Moonsneeze. He was almost there and his brain was intact. He had no idea what to expect. The familiar sound of rushing water echoed down the tunnel and into his ears.

"I'll give you a countdown," cackled John.