“What do you mean I can’t go?”

I had asked my papa if I could go to a different school, a prep academy. It was where I could become an explorer one day. I didn’t think he’d have an issue talking about it, he was an explorer, and he did a lot of good as one. It wouldn’t be bad if I followed in his footsteps, right? So when I asked if I could go to one of those prep schools and take classes to learn about being an explorer, he vehemently told me.. No.

“Why?” I asked, stomping my foot. “Why won’t you let me? You and mama were explorers, so why can’t I be one?”

“Honey, it’s not that simple.” Papawolf knelt to put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s dangerous work and there are other things you can be.”

“But I wanna be an explorer, I wanna be strong, I wanna know how to use my powers!” I showed my hand out to him, flames ignited in my palm, and I played with it as if it were a bouncy ball. “See! I have powers, just like you and Mama.”

Impressive as it was, Papawolf only shook his head. “No, No Sinder. Don’t play with your powers like that. I told you to be careful.” He gently reached to close my hands and the flames went out. “I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I know.” I slumped my shoulders, a little sad. “But.. I want to know how to use it better. I want to be strong.. I wanna grow up to be like you, like your friends. You and mama do so much good for other people with your powers, and I wanna do that too.”

“And you can.” Said Mamawolf. She hugged me, wrapping me up in her thin but strong arms. By the smell of her apron, she had just finished cleaning up dinner. “But you don’t need to be an explorer. You can do other things.”

It hurt to hear that, it was like they didn’t believe in me, that I couldn’t shape up to it. I didn’t let my frustration show, or try to seem hurt. I returned mama’s hug, my tail wagging somewhat dourley.

Mamawolf rubbed my back. She definitely picked up on how I wasn’t all that satisfied by what they told me. “Think on it. Okay? We’ll talk again.”

“Fine.” I huffed, letting myself lean into the hug. Mama was warm, I loved how she hugged me. It felt so special, as if I were a treasure to them.

“Alright then.” Mama said and suddenly picked me up off the ground to carry me to my room. I giggled along at how playfully she hoisted me to bed, dancing around the house as we went down the hall. “Off to sleep young girl. You have school tomorrow and a lot of catching up since you were sick these last couple weeks.”

I gave mamawolf a lazy, “Okay”. She set me down and I went over to papa to give him a hug too. I tried not to let him hug me too hard. His beard was getting really bushy lately.

“Sweet dreams, sweet heart.” He whispered. “Just.. think about what I said.”

I didn’t say anything and just gave him a good night kiss on the cheek. Sitting on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling. I could hear mama’s and papa’s footsteps as they left. When I was sure they were gone, I turned over and did my best to do what they said. Counting sheep came to mind, though that didn’t help, especially since I was growing up. I’d be turning 7 in a couple months and would soon be in middle school. It was getting chilly, which meant winter was coming, so I pulled the blanket closer, bundling up like a little bao.

I hated the cold. A nice summer’s day was better than the past few dreary snowstorms. Tonight, unfortunately, was no different than other winter nights. The wind whooshed against my window and the chill crept in. I wondered if our neighbor would be alright, but I didn’t worry too much. Mama and papa would be able to get us through, and they’d be sure to get everyone else in town through it two.

They were heroes, and used their power to help others even after the war.. A war that was before my time. Unable to sleep, I skimmed through one of papa wolf's books in bed to pass the time or to just tucker myself out. We were still settling into our newly built home here in the European Bloc, so there were a few of papa’s things in my room. It used to be that we all lived in a communal house with some friends. But now? The little village it had been when I was a baby had turned into a bustling urban town by the time I could walk.

Flipping through the pages, I read about the heroics of the so-called defenders of humanity. Explorers. They were special people who were so strong that they could do things that ordinary people couldn’t dream of. I chuckled at the parts about my papa, how he was described as a dashing rogue of such ferocious voracity and how mama wolf was a bewitching fighter with a cunning mind.

I don’t believe that for a second. I always saw them as ordinary and mundane. They did a lot though. Helping the neighbors, being a shoulder to lean on, and helping others down on their luck. My parents were the good ones, the good guys. Except, A little overprotective at times. Which is why they don’t want me to be an explorer. It’s dangerous, they said. But I could do it.

I shut the book and tried to sleep, hoping that hugging it would make me snooze off. Instead, I went about reminiscing on my memories. The first thing that popped up was my fiery tail. I used to chase it, was what papa had told me, and when I got a hold of it, I’d bite and nibble on it. Didn’t really hurt, more tickled me than anything else. Papawolf and Mamawolf would always scold me for doing that, and tell me to stop licking it.

And Uncle did too. Now, he was a weird one. I don’t really remember his face as much anymore. Oddly enough, I recall bits and pieces of my time with him. I thought a little deeper, and the next thing to pop up was a bunch of laughter and a small amount of giddiness in my chest. Uncle was a funny one, strange, but funny.

“Uppy.” I had said one day. I think I was four back then. “Uppy! Uncle! Uppy! Please! Please!” I had continued to demand with my hands held up, just waiting for Uncle to put me on his shoulders.

Eventually, he did, and we were off. Uncle ran so fast through the fields, it felt like I was flying. I distinctly remember that we one day got so bored of the town that I had Uncle take me out into the nearby forest. He rushed with me on his back through the thickets, climbed trees, jumped from them like a monkey, and scaled mountains.

Hmmm? This sounds a little far fetched. Did that really happen? Or was it just my imagination? I shrugged it off, letting myself indulge in the memory. I wanna go again though. Just when will uncle come back? Actually, when was the last time I saw him?

A day, A week, A month, A year? It wasn’t clear, I didn’t have a sense for how long it had been. It was.. Again.. All hazy. I couldn’t recall his face, or.. Even what he sounded like. I.. I just know he was kind.

“Ugh.” I clutched my head, feeling if my fever had returned. There was a dull thrum of a headache coming at me all of a sudden. No fever though, it was a relief, or so I believed. A sudden itch in my throat began to make me gulp and a little gasp rose up into a soft whimper.

My cheek felt wet and I rubbed my eyes to find them tearing up. But why? Burying my face in the pillow, I wished myself to sleep. Just where was this sadness coming from, it wasn’t from frustration from earlier, it was.. Something that I couldn’t get a grasp on.

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Exhaustion was starting to set in, and I dreamed. There was the forest, the greenery of the shrubs and falling leaves of autumn colored the branches. Sunlight leaked down from the shade, and I basked in the warm air. My furry ears flicked in delight as I took in the chirp of birds and the song on the wind. I hoped this would last forever.

Creak Crack.

New odd noises echoing through the forest made my spine tingle. Something was wrong, or starting to become wrong, I didn’t know, but it was just wrong. I sneezed as a shiver went up my arm. The autumn leaves turned gray, the tree became bare, thin and dead. Snow piled up and the cold crept on me like a slithering wave.

Creak Crack.

There was that noise again. This time, I recognized it as footsteps, then voices, then shouts, and then.. I ran. I kicked the ground as hard as I could, trying to find my way out of this dying forest. Every turn looked the same, all the trees seemed like exact copies. A figure, like a shadow of a man, radiating smoke from its head, turned a tree’s corner. I spun around and found another one that cut me off. Then another and another, until I was surrounded on all sides.

I threw my flames at them. They all jumped back and then I threw another. This time I hit one of them and it ran away, disappearing into black smoke. The figures roared, then everything went black. I felt the hard ground on my face, I couldn’t breathe, there was something in my mouth.. A gag, and they were roped around me. I was tied up. Trapped. I struggled grunting as I tried to tear myself out of the bindings.

“Will you shut her up!” Barked a man’s voice. His breath smelt acidic and rancid. “Fucking brat, giving us so much trouble.”

“The plan would’ve gone better if you’d just listened to me.” Said another man, possibly irritated and a little cocky with his tone. “Damn oaf. You better..”

“Enough.” A third cut in. “No time for bickering, Let’s get this job done, get our reward, and then let the client ransom her off. You! Make sure to tie her up good.”

“Got it, but can you do something about this other guy’s breath, I swear, he’s going to kill someone with it.”

“What did you say!” Said the smelly man. “Don’t fucking..”

The one who sounded like the one in charge abruptly shouted. “Be quiet!”

All of the men went silent, their voices turning to a hushed whisper. I couldn’t hear them, which was strange. I had the hearing of a beast man though and I knew this was a dream.. A nightmare.. In any case, I just wanted this to be over. There was a scream a moment later. I heard branches breaking, rocks cracking, and the stomping of feet all around.

The trio of men were in a panic from how trembling their voices had changed.

“What the hell is that!”

“Who cares, kill it! Kill it!”

“Fuck, it’s fast.. It’s coming around.”

“I got him, wait.. Wait no.. What the hell! Grahh!”

“No! Get back! Get BACK! Damnit, we need to get out of here!”

“Yeah, Get the girl! We need to get some distance! WE need to.. Shit.. no.. no no no. Wait! Please, don’t! Don’t kill me! Don’t.. GRAHHHH!”

There was a crack that followed their screams.

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! I’ll kill the girl! I’ll do it! Don’t fucking step any closer!”

One of the men hauled me to my feet. I was still blindfolded and gagged, so I didn’t know exactly what was going on. There was a tense feeling in the air and I smelt blood. I could understand what was happening, my guess was that my parents had come to save me, or well.. Someone did. In any case, I knew my parents would come, even in my dreams. And they for sure weren’t giving these creeps any mercy. Mama could be scary at times, and sometimes Papa would be scared of her too.

Eventually, after what sounded like talking passed, I was thrown to the side and the blindfold finally came off. I found myself in a cave system, the ones where Uncle and I used to explore. After a little use of my fire, I burned the rope off my arms and got free of the gag. Glancing about, I lit the way with a small flame held in my palm.

I touched the stone walls, they were rough and coarse, just as I remembered. I wondered if I could get out of this dream by running home. All the loud sounds hadn’t jolted me awake, so maybe I needed to find the boundary. Turning a few corners, everything again looked the same. Just the same gray stone walls, craggy and rough. I made a few more random turns and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. This was it, the escape.

I bolted ahead and when I was about a handful of steps away, something big and black tackled me to the ground. It came from one of the linking tunnels. I struggled, wailing on it with my fists, and tried to burn it with fire. Nothing worked, it held onto me with a grip that made me worry if I was going to be crushed. I was scared, I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe. Everything got worse when I finally got a look at what had a hold of me.

With eyes like a predator, it stared at me. The thing smelt like blood and the face was an unrecognizable mess of black flesh and guts. Was it going to eat me? If it did, would I wake up?

No, I have to run. I have to run. My thoughts screamed at me to get away. Run.. RUN. RUN!

CREAK CRACK BOOM!

A thunderous echo ran through the cave and threw my head into a loop. I hit something hard and I.. I.. I began black out. I felt the earth around me rumble up my arms and legs, and in my failing vision I spotted the ceiling cracking and crumbling down in chunks. This whole cave was falling apart, I was going to get crushed.

Mama! Papa! Where are you! I heard myself scream from them. Where! Where! Where are you!

The black thing, the monster, whatever it was, took the chance to get me. The mid riff of its body opened up like a black and disgusting maw. Rows upon rows of sharpened bone white teeth replaced my view of the ceiling and I was thrown into an even darker black. I felt faint, bloated, tired, feverish, and.. Afraid.

Then a voice called out to me, it was distant, as if moving away with every word. “Don’t worry, You.. will.. Be.. fine.. and.. will For.. get.. Me.. for.. Ever.”

I blinked awake, rubbing the sleep dust from my eyes. “What the heck was that?” I mumbled. My finger came away wet with tears. “Don’t tell me I cried myself to sleep.”

It was mortifying to think that I did. I was supposed to be growing up, I was going to be seven soon. I know that it’s okay for me to cry since I’m still a kid, but crying because of a nightmare didn't make a lot of sense to me. I wasn’t a baby and It was just a dream. Getting cleaned up and changed into my uniform, I sat down for breakfast.

Mamawolf made me my favorite meal, probably because she knew I was a little frustrated about what we talked about yesterday. I ate in silence, shoveling it in and asking for seconds without hesitation. That was when Mamawolf gave Papa that glance, as if telling him to do something.

Papa sighed and set the newspaper down on the table. “Alright, it’s somewhat early to say this, but I’m willing to let you be an explorer.”

“Really?” That got my attention. I stopped piling food into my mouth. My cheeks were puffed up, so I swallowed and asked. “You really decided that so soon?”

“I’m not saying we’re going to enroll you into an explorer academy.” Papawolf explained. “We’re not comfortable with sending you there, Not yet.. But we’ll let you learn about how to control your powers. There are things you need to know before you can be an explorer. But I want you to really think about your future if you do. What me and your mother do is more than just fighting and being strong, it’s about.. Well.. it’s hard to explain.”

I dwelled on that. This was my chance, and I really wanted to take it. Also.. I had to admit.. Papa was right, I needed to be ready, I needed to be careful. Being reckless would be dangerous. I didn’t want to make them worry and at the same time I didn’t want to give up on pursuing my dreams. So.. I’d do this right, I’d do this with them.

“Okay.” I said. “I’ll do my best.. But.. carefully.”

Papawolf smiled and ruffled my hair. He then couldn’t help picking me up and snuggling me with that itchy beard of his. “Heheheh, that’s my girl, my adorable little Sinder.”

“Ouch!” I writhed in his arms, trying to escape. “Papa! You’re hurting me! Stop it!” I pushed his face away, it was too close, and more importantly, too prickly.

Mamawolf came to my rescue and snatched me away. “Now now honey, don’t go dotting on our daughter too much. I can stand you being overprotective of her, but don’t spoil her.”

“Oh, come on.” Papa frowned and came in for a group hug. “The least I can do is give my girl the best support I can.” He flashed mama a grin. “And I know who exactly to call.”

Mamawolf shook her head. “He’s not going to like it, you know that right. We promised not to trouble him, and he’s busy.”

“Oh, it’s fine, he won’t have a problem with it, and if he did, that’s too bad. He owes me anyway after that stunt he pulled.”

I didn’t know who they were talking about. I was excited nonetheless.