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Chapter 9: Repose

Wander Moon / 7 / 1207 A.F.

That was a rough night. Nearly cut my hand open three times, wasted way more silver than I wanted to, broke four tools, and lost some very valuable sleep. I won’t be able to train or hunt efficiently today at all… Though it’s a holiday today, so I suppose I could just eat some stew and catch up on my studies. Ma did just send me a new history book. Yeah… I think I’ll just spend the rest of the day on that.

Regardless, it is done. I’ve cut up some silver, polished two pieces to round, smooth teardrop shapes, and fashioned them into lockets. Managed to engrave some simple patterns on them and attach a sturdy silver chain to the top. You’d need two horses to pull this chain apart. It can be smelted down in a pinch or even used to choke out an unsuspecting enemy. It’s far from the prettiest necklace, but it’s sturdy. That’s all a good hunter needs. I open the door to my dorm and find Seth sitting at his desk reading a letter.

“Heeey. Seth.”

“What is it?” he asks without looking back at me. He sounds like he’s gritting his teeth.

“I have a present for you. Can you close your eyes and raise out your hand?”

I see Seth’s body decompress a little bit. “Alright. Thank you…” he raises his hand above his head.

I drop a locket into his hand and slide around to his side. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

Seth lowers his hand and opens his eyes. “A locket? I didn’t know you were a fan of jewelry.” he picks up the locket by the chain and bobs it up and down. “It is rather beautiful… is there something inside it?”

“Open it and find out.” I smirk.

Seth’s finger slides over to the little clip, opens the locket, and his eyes transfix upon the thing I hid inside. “Astrid…”

“I even made one for myself. See?” I equip my necklace and rub it between my fingers. “Now we match.”

“Astrid… you know I can-”

I press my fist to his lips. “Ssssh. I’m not saying you have to wear it. I’m not saying you have to sell it. You can chuck it in your desk and never see it again for all I care. I just want you to have it. You never know. It could be useful down the line.”

Seth slides a letter under an open book on his desk. “Fine…” he sighs, but puts on the necklace and smiles. “I appreciate it…” his lip begins quivering. “It looks rather nice…”

“Thank you, I spent all ni-whoa!”

Next thing I knew, Seth pulled me in for a hug. His arms wrap around my sides, he buries his face in my chest, and just holds me in place for longer than I can count. “Thank you… Thank you so much…”

“It is no issue.” I run my fingers through his hair before returning the hug. “That’s what partners do.”

I swear I can hear him cry a little. What a baby.

Warm Moon / 23 / 1218 A.F.

Everything fades to nothing. Again. My insides feel dry and withered, my eyes have a layer of crust over them, and it feels like something pressing in between my eyes.

“Astrid?” David’s voice leaks into my mind. “Astrid? Are you okay?”

My eyelids flicker open and I’m staring up at the carriage ceiling. It’s rumbling at a normal pace. It’s gotten much darker and colder outside. Only moonlight illuminates the carriage. Both of the stones are still accounted for. My hand’s still gone… I look at my stump and try to move fingers that aren’t there. No matter how much I know they aren’t there, they won’t stop hurting… It’s the only part of me I can feel right now. It’s the only part that feels warm or alive. The rest of my body is nothing more than a cold, damp, damaged husk. I’m using all my energy just keeping my eyelids open. I want to fall back asleep, but my body won’t let me.

“Yeah… just chipper…” My left index finger won’t stop hurting. Feels like something’s burrowing inside of it, trying to chew its way out. I’d bite it off if I could. “What time is it?”

“Twenty-one I think.”

“Heh…” my chest rattles. “Guess I was out for a while. Good to see you’re still alive and that the carriage hasn’t caught fire.”

“I can say the same.” David sighs and smiles down at me. “Did you sleep well? Did you have any dreams?”

“I slept.” I pinch the gunk out of my eyes and sit upward. Back feels like there’s a sheet of ice over it but at least my ears feel better. “Didn’t have any dreams.” I lean the back of my head against the carriage seat and bend my back to not hit the roof. “Why ask?”

“Oh, I just… you did that in your sleep.” David points down to my left.

“Hm?” I look down to see part of the seat cushion torn to shreds. The wood under it has some significant scratches in there too. Looks like a mountain cat got in there. “Are you sure that wasn’t there before?”

“Pretty sure…” David avoids looking me in the eye.

I glance down to my fingernails and see clumps of ground-up wood under them. Fingers are cut to hell too. A sigh escapes my body and I feel my chest deflate. “How much did you hear?”

“A lot.” David mumbles. “Do you need to talk about something?”

“No.” I fold my arms and stare David in the eye.

“Are you sure?” David finally looks at me.

“Yeah. Quit asking.”

“Talking would make yo-”

“Do you want to die?”

“I would prefer not to…” David sighs and falls back in his chair.

“Then shut it.”

The carriage comes to a slow halt and Driver knocks on the wall. “We’re setting up camp for the night here. Horses are tired and I need a fire.”

“Sounds good.” I yawn. “Who’s keeping watch first?”

“The horses.” Driver replies. “Best damn night guards I’ve ever had. Trust me.”

“Alright then…” I kick the door open and cough. “Clerics first.”

“Thank you…” David gives a short bow, exits, and offers his hand. “I will set up the camp for you.”

“Don’t patronize me.” I sling the trunk onto my back, dismiss his hand, and get out of the carriage on my own.

“I wa-” David sighs, shakes his head, and follows me. “Never mind.”

We’re in a small clearing of dead trees. The ground and trees are covered with a fresh coat of pure white snow. Damn near slipped on my ass getting out of the carriage. I can see two owls nesting on a nearby tree and a Yapper in the distance. We exchange glances for a moment before it turns tail and burrows underground. I hear snow crunch under my boots with each step. David won’t stop smiling. He throws some snowballs at trees and then proceeds to fall to the ground and make little snow angels. It actually manages a smile out of me for a second.

“You got any fire stuff?” I put my stump in my coat. “I can chop some wood if you got a hatchet.”

“You’re not chopping anything.” Driver shakes their head and begins unbuckling something towards the back of the carriage. “Sit down and rest yourself.”

“Bite me.” I march towards Driver. “I’m pulling my we-”

Driver pulls off a tarp off the back of the carriage and reveals a large, metal contraption, some logs, a hatchet, a rolled up tent, and some containers. The contraption has a backpack component that connects to a large funnel with a tube. There’s some buttons and switches on the side. Either it's a fancy cleaner or a hell of a cannon. Driver pulls the contraption onto their back and points towards the firewood. “Then carry the wood.”

“Good.” I grit my teeth and begin carrying the logs one by one to the center of the clearing.

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Meanwhile, David pulls off the containers and sets them beside the pile of wood.

The Driver just stands there fiddling with the funnel part of the contraption.

I pull a stick of blues from my satchel, stick it in my mouth, and begin looking for my lighter. “Do you need a light?”

“No need.” Driver smiles, points the contraption at the bundle of logs, and fire spews out of the contraption’s nozzle. Heat surges through the area. David falls backwards onto his butt and makes some distance between himself and the fire. The sheet of ice holding my back captive melts away. Feeling returns to my face and my remaining fingers. I just want to collapse in the fire and sleep in there. “What do you think?” Driver finishes lighting the campfire and stops spewing flame.

“Nice.” I sit down, light my stick with the campfire, take a deep puff, and start warming my arms with the campfire. “You make that yourself?”

“I wish.” Driver shakes their head and stretches their shoulders. “Nope. Had this puppy made by Elizabeth.”

“The Elizabeth? No way.” I cackle. “What the hell did you do to get on her list?”

“You don’t want to know.” Driver cackles, bends down, and begins opening the containers.

“I guess you’re right. I don’t.” I close my eyes and let the campfire’s heat embrace me. It’s the warmest I’ve been in a very, very long time. I’ve forgotten what warmth feels like. “Want some?” I offer Driver my blues box. “It’ll help you with poisoning.”

“Thanks.” Driver takes two sticks, lights one with the campfire, and sticks it in through a hole in the mouthguard. Indigo smoke puffs out of the helmet’s pores. “That’s good… where did you get this blend?”

“Serenissima. The shop with the sapphire sign. Forget the name.”

“Ooooh Ms. Big Spender. Why’d you go there?”

“I don’t like coughing.” I feel the smoke fill my head and lungs. Everything feels lighter and clearer. Throat doesn’t feel raw either.

“No complaints there… though I suppose with deposits like that, money’s not really an issue.”

“Are we going to have a problem with that?”

“Nah nah…” Driver chuckles. “As far as I’m concerned, whatever’s in that trunk is cursed. Never seen mirages like that before and I’ve been transporting people along the eastern border for fifteen years.”

“Good to hear.” I yawn and feel my body begin to lull off to sleep again.

“Although,” Driver brings out a series of metal skewers and some raw meat from the containers and begins skewering the meat. “a little chunk of that new deposit would be nice.”

“That’s fair.” I shiver. “We’ll negotiate when we get to Frigus. Sound good?”

“Indeed.” Driver offers me a skewer dripping with thick slices of red meat. “Hungry?”

“Hell yeah.” My body perks up, my stomach awakens, and I swipe the skewer and hang the meat over the fire. “What is this?”

“Venison. Been marinating in some sage, blood mary, and baby belladonna since last night.”

“Baby belladonna?” I watch the thick, delicious juices drop from the meat and sizzle against the firewood. “Ain’t that poisonous?”

“Not when you cook it.” Driver starts cooking some venison next to me. “What's the story with the kid? Doesn’t look related to you.”

I look over to David. He’s still messing around in the snow. Looks like he’s trying to build a snowman right now. Won’t stop giggling like an idiot. “He got lost in the Boundary somehow and needs me to escort him back to the Monastery.”

“Ooooh. Lombard, huh?” Driver and I marinate in a growing indigo cloud.

“Are we going to have a problem?”

“Nah. I don’t care about any of that.”

“Really? Why?” I feel some marinade sizzle off the meat and land on my arm.

“That war’s got nothing to do with me and it’s got nothing to do with him.”

“I respect that.” I see grey begin to grow along the outer ring of the meat cuts. “Got any vegetables for the kid?”

“I got some corn, carrots, and grass, but those are for the horses.” Driver pats two large containers that are half their size. “Best I can spare is an apple.”

“Thank you. That’ll do. Either he eats or he doesn’t.” I look down at the open container and see at least three more skewers worth of meat slices.”

Driver reaches into one of the containers, pulls out an apple, and places it in the container with all the venison slabs. “Good lesson to teach.” Driver yawns, takes a bite of meat, and gets up. “I’ll be tending to my horses. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Will do. Careful though. I saw a Yapper when I was getting out of the carriage.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much.” Driver pats their backpack. “Yappers don’t agree with fire. Feel free to take the hatchet if you need to feel safe.”

“Will do… thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Driver gives me a little salute and rolls the containers away to their horses.

I feast on the skewer by myself and let the flavor wash over me. It’s sweet, but salty. With just the right amount of spice on the aftertaste. I almost feel like I’m eating meaty candy. It’s chewy, but has that right amount of give too. I’d sell that smaller Mist deposit just for the recipe. I pluck every last bit of meat off the skewer and lick it clean, but I’m still not full. I begin prepping another skewer and see David come over to the fire absolutely covered in snow still giggling like a baby discovering object permanence.

“Having fun?”

“Yes indeed!” David rubs some snow off of him and begins hovering his hands over the fire. “I have never seen snow before! I had no idea it was so soft and tasty.”

“You didn’t eat the yellow snow, did you?”

“No. Why? What’s wrong with yellow snow?”

“Heh. Nothing.” I hang out a fresh skewer over the fire. “Just don’t eat it.”

“Dearly noted…” David takes out his notebook from his robes and begins jotting something down. “What is for dinner?”

“Venison.”

“Oh…uh, what’s that? Is it good?”

“It’s meat and it’s delicious.”

“I see…” Joy slowly dissolves off David’s face.

“Driver spared you an apple from the horse’s meal.” I rest my skewer on the ground, take the apple out of my container and toss it to David. “Eat up.”

The apple hits David’s forehead, falls onto his lap, then rolls onto the icy ground beneath him. “Ow! Hnn…” David groans and rubs his forehead before picking up the apple. “Is that truly all there is?”

“There’s a bounty right here.” I pick up my skewer, point it at the meat container, then point it back in the fire.

“Right…” David picks some marinade and meat chunks off the apple and begins digging in. “C-cold…” his mouth recoils and nearly spits the apple out.

“Wanna roast the apple? It’ll warm it up.”

“That is not how fruit works.”

“Have you tried it?”

“No…” David looks at the fire as if to consider it for a moment before shaking his head and continuing his pitiful feast.

We sit in warm silence for a while. My face softens. My muscles relax. Back and arms are still sore as hell, but it's a good sore… the heat probably helps with that.

“So…” David ruins the silence once again. “You know how you said you heard something from the mirages on the boat?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “What? Did you hear them this time?”

“No. Just some yelling.” David shakes his head. I could not hear anything besides you in the wind. I am surprised you can yell that loudly.”

“Yeah me too.” I rub my eye with my stump.

“Did you hear anything this time?” David takes another bite of an apple.

“Yeah, actually… it was really clear too.”

“What was it like?”

“Well… hmm…” I rest my chin on my bicep. “The voice was calm, almost motherly. It was firm, but gentle. Really powerful too.”

“Hmm…” David’s lower lip trembles for a moment. “What did it say?”

“It said something like… Give me a second. I want to get the words right.” I grope around in my brain for the words, but the scent of meat keeps distracting me. I take a bite of meat to satisfy my urges before I continue thinking. “Got it. It said, ‘Thank you for taking care of my disciple… I shall be taking my stone back to where it belongs now. Please join me. Rest for a little. You’ve worked so hard. You’ve done so much. You’re so brave and strong. Come here, child. You’ve done enough. You won’t have to suffer anymore.”

David stops chewing, swallows, and looks down at his apple. I see his back tense up like a frightened street dog. “Are you certain that is what you heard?”

“100%.” I try to look David in the eye, but he won’t look back at me. “You don’t think your Matriarch would be sending those mirages after us, do you?”

“No… no.” David shakes his head and closes his eyes. “That is impossible. How would that even work?”

“I don’t know.” I take a bite of meat. “No one really knows the extent of the Boundary’s power or how mirages work. It makes sense to me.”

“NO!” David digs his thumb into the apple and finally looks back at me. “The Matriarch would never associate with those fiends!”

“Then what is she doing, hm? She’s been spending a long time in the Boundary.”

“She is looking for Paradise for us.” David’s eyes start to get moist. His lip’s trembling. Looks ready to bite me at any second. “Every. Single. Day. She risks life and limb to purge the world of mirages and lead us to the promised land.”

“So you think she’s still alive then?”

“Of course. She could never die.” David won’t take his eyes off me. His hands look like they’re trying to split the apple in half, but they just can’t do it.

“So why is it impossible for her to be sending those mirages? Maybe she’s just trying to get her beloved little disciple back.”

“She would never use those monsters to come get me…” David takes a deep breath and wipes his eyes. “She loves me… she would never do that.”

“How do you know that?”

“You were just hallucinating!” David throws the apple at me, but misses completely and hits the tree behind me. I didn’t even have to dodge. “Mist causes all sorts of hallucinations, right!? You must be poisoned right now. You are saying very stupid things!”

“Fair.” I chuckle and take another bite out of meat. “I’m just telling you what I heard. You don’t have to believe it. Hell, I’m not even sure I believe it. I’m just saying it’d make sense if it were true.”

“You…” David grits his teeth and curls his fist into a ball. He’s so close to exploding, but doesn’t. He just closes his eyes and deflates a little. I’m disappointed. I wanted to see him go off and let off a little steam. It’d be good for him. He puts his fists together, presses them to his forehead, and begins muttering something under his breath. David takes a few deep breaths, opens his eyes, and stands up. “I am sorry for being angry at you. That was unbefitting for a disciple.”

“David. Relax. It’s healthy to yell every once in a while. I can take it. Let it all out.”

“No.” David shakes his head and goes to collect his apple. “I will not succumb to anger. The Matriarch would not want that.”

“Whatever does it for you.” I shrug and take another bite.

“I forgive you for your insolence.” David collects his apple and sits down across the fire. I can’t see his face past the flames.

“Alright cool.” I pick the skewer clean, seal the venison container tight, and lie next to the fire looking up at the stars. Feels like the fire’s hugging me. I know it doesn’t care about me, but it’s nice to feel like it does. “I’m knocking out now. Wake me up if I commit any heresy in my slumber.”

David sighs. “Please do not…”

I close my eyes, spit my stick into the fire, and fall asleep warm.