RAZE

Peri halts in her tracks at my growled words. When I glance at her, her eyes have widened.

A chill washes through the animosity stewing inside me. Did I sound like I want to hurt her?

I don’t even want to hurt Jonah. Not really.

Only a little bit, nothing fatal.

Peri’s voice is unusually tentative, but not as frightened as I feared. “We were only talking. He didn’t do anything to me. You don’t have to worry—he’s always been kind.”

I can’t hold back another growl. My nerves are too on-edge, adrenaline still churning through my veins from the hunt I’m on my way back from. The lingering flavor of raw flesh in my mouth, more a memory than anything concrete after making part of the journey through the shadows, brings out all my most savage impulses.

I should have been going straight back to the school to cool down, but a cry I recognized as Peri’s caught my ears when I was passing the building. I had to dash over.

And when I peered through the shadows around the doorway—

“He was holding you. He looked like he wanted to do a lot more than talk.”

My hackles rise, remembering the enraptured expression on the sorcerer’s face. As if he was seconds away from pushing her up against the wall and rutting into her. If he hadn’t let go of her…

Another trickle of cold cuts through my anger. What would I have done? Unleashed the murderous power of my basilisk sight on one of our teachers?

There’d have been no more reprieve for me then.

Peri is still studying me. Now she simply looks puzzled. “I slipped and he caught me so I didn’t get hurt. Would it be a problem if he wanted something more?”

A flood of shame overwhelms every other emotion. I still can’t trust myself. All it takes is one bad moment—

I spin around. “No. It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

As I leap into the shadows, Peri calls out my name. Ignoring her, I hurtle toward the academy’s reform building.

The trouble is, there isn’t anywhere for me to go except my dorm bedroom. Which is also Peri’s bedroom. I don’t feel safe around any other beings right now. But naturally my glowy roommate isn’t willing to let the conversation end there.

I crouch in the darkness next to my bed, balling my shadowly presence as tight as I can and willing the niggling nips of anger away. It’s only a few minutes before Peri walks in.

She can sense exactly where I am. She turns toward me with her hands on her ample hips, her head cocked to one side. The set of her mouth is determined, but her voice comes out soft. “Something’s bothering you, and it has to do with me. I think we should talk about it until we work it out. Otherwise it’ll just keep upsetting you.”

Is there any chance she’ll give up if I simply don’t respond? I could laugh at that idea.

Maybe I should slink out of the school, where she can’t find me and I won’t run into anyone else either. If the staff realize I’ve been roaming for longer than the time they allot for my hunting sessions, I could get in trouble over that, but—

Peri takes a step closer. “Please, Raze. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

Her plea cuts straight through my resistance. My entire being shudders at the thought that she believes she caused any of my distress.

I can’t run off and leave her feeling guilty over something that’s not at all her fault, can I?

Reluctantly, I push myself back into physical form. I solidify my body into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, my hands clenched on my lap. “I’m not upset with you.”

Peri’s brow knits. “What are you upset about, then? I told you, Jonah was only helping me. Whatever else could happen with him, I know he wouldn’t put me in danger.”

Even after that night in the forest, she doesn’t see. I grope for the right words to explain it, but eloquence has never been my strong point.

I can’t help sounding gruff. “I don’t want anything else to happen with him. I want you.”

Understanding dawns on Peri’s pretty face. “You’re jealous.”

I grimace, but there really is no more accurate word. “Yes.”

“But… You said you didn’t think we should even be kissing any more.”

A different sort of shame prickles over me. I look down at my hands. “I didn’t say it wasn’t selfish. You are in danger when you’re around me. But I still… If you’re going to be with anyone… I wish it could be me.”

There’s a pause, and then Peri sinks down onto the edge of the mattress next to me. Close enough to rest her hand on my arm.

My entire body jolts with the awareness of her presence and the electric desire it stirs inside me. I don’t dare look at her.

“It could be you,” she says, her tone nothing but gentle. “I don’t think I’m in that much danger.”

My fists squeeze even tighter. “You don’t know. I thought it would be fine before—that I would never— But I was wrong. There’s too much poison in me.”

Peri strokes her thumb up and down my arm. “Why don’t you tell me what happened before, and then I can decide.”

A lump clogs my throat, but at the same time, a refusal seems selfish.

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Why shouldn’t she know? If I tell her, she might recoil in horror—and that would be a good thing, wouldn’t it? She’ll realize what I’m capable of and leave me alone so I don’t have to worry about doing her any harm.

I close my eyes. “For a little while, I was living among humans some of the time. I liked being around people, hearing them talk, seeing the things they’d do. What they could make. There was this woman who’d come to the lake at the edge of town to paint, and I’d watch her, and we started talking to each other… I wanted to be with her all the time.”

Peri’s stroking thumb stills. Is she at all jealous? I don’t know if I’d want that or not.

I force myself to go on, the image of Caroline’s dark hair and pale eyes swimming up from the back of my mind. “One night when we were together, we came back to her house and saw someone had broken in. They’d smashed one of her windows, thrown her things around, stolen stuff. I got so angry that they’d ruined her home, that I hadn’t been able to protect her, that my powers surged up before I could stop them. She was holding my hand—my poison shot right into her through my skin. It only took a second, and she collapsed. She was dead.”

“Raze.” Peri’s voice shakes. Then, instead of pulling away like anyone sensible would after hearing my story, she pushes herself up on her knees and wraps her arms right around me. Her chin tucks over my shoulder, her bare cheek against my neck, with no fear of what might seep out of me now. “I’m so sorry. That must have been awful.”

“I was awful,” I mutter. “I lost my head. I ran around the neighborhood and murdered at least a dozen more people with my sight and my touch thinking one of them must have been the thief, just wanting to punish someone—but it was my fault. I’m lucky the staff here even gave me a chance to reform instead of banishing me right away.”

“They must have been able to tell that’s not who you are. You had a bad reaction in a horrible situation. Anyone would have gotten overwhelmed.”

“Most beings wouldn’t have killed all those people because of it.”

“You wouldn’t again.” Peri touches my face and turns it toward her so I have to meet her gaze. Her bright blue eyes shimmer with so much compassion my gut aches. “That was the first time it ever happened, right? You probably never cared about anyone the way you did about her—you didn’t know you’d be set off like that. You’ve never gone on another rampage, have you?”

My mouth twists. “Only because I’m so careful. I’ve hurt a few of the other beings here accidentally when my temper got away from me.”

“You’ve obviously been getting good at holding on to it. Hail was picking on you a lot during the mission, and you didn’t hurt him. You didn’t hurt Jonah even though you were upset just now.”

“I still could. Part of me wanted to.”

“Then it shows even more control that you didn’t, not even a little.” Peri cups my cheek, the tenderness of her touch tingling through my skin. “I think you’ve been doing amazing after an accident that you never would have wanted to happen. And you couldn’t hurt me as badly or as quickly as you did her, could you? I’m shadowkind, not mortal.”

“I could still hurt you a lot—and if I couldn’t stop it in time—”

“I’m not scared,” she says quietly, and leans in to brush her lips against my cheek.

My pulse stutters. For a second, I sit there frozen.

I want her so badly, with a fire that sears from my heart to my groin. She knows how much damage I’ve done to people I care about, and she still wants me.

How can I push her away, right into the arms of whoever else will welcome her? If I refuse her, she should find someone else who’ll adore her the way she deserves.

But it should be me. It should be me.

I have to show her how much I mean that.

I swivel toward her, scooping her up and claiming her mouth like I did the other night. Her hum of approval urges me on. She tastes and smells so sweet—she feels so soft in my arms. The joyful thrill of holding her close vibrates through my being.

Caroline never knew what I really was, the beast that lurks inside me. Peri knows every piece of me and offers her affection in spite of it.

She deserves all the adoration in the world. Every kindness, every pleasure.

Maybe I can be careful but still have her.

I settle her on my lap without breaking the kiss. Peri slips one hand around my neck while the other teases into my hair. The brush of her fingertips sets off sparks through my scalp.

Now that I’ve let loose my desire, I want everything. I kiss her again and again, absorbing every eager noise she makes, and then trail my lips along her jaw, down her neck, over her shoulder. Her shaky breaths and the squirm of her ass against my groin have my cock aching.

With one arm looped around her waist, I bring my other hand to her breast. The swell of it through the fabric of her shirt fits perfectly in my large palm.

I stroke my fingers over it and earn myself a whimper. Peri dapples kisses along my neck, swaying into my caresses.

When I tug at her jacket, she doesn’t hesitate to help me peel it off and toss it aside. Her gaze locks with mine as I ease my fingers under the hem of her shirt. A hazy pink glow beams off her hair, turning ruddier when I flick my thumb over her hardened nipple.

Peri bites her lip, which makes me want to kiss her again. Her eyelids flutter lower.

Then she sets her hand on my wrist, stopping me but stroking the skin to stop the gesture from feeling like a total rejection.

“Raze,” she murmurs, so breathless my cock turns twice as hard, “if we’re doing this… does that mean you expect me to only be with you from now on?”

I hesitate, a fresh chill dousing some of my hunger. “Do you want to be with someone else?”

Her smile is so brilliantly fond it melts away the momentary ice. “I’m very happy doing this with you. I just—I never thought before about needing to put restrictions on having fun like this. But I guess humans do. And what we’re doing… it feels like more than just having fun. I don’t want to hurt you. So I thought I should make sure what I’m agreeing to.”

I open my mouth and close it again. I want to tell her yes, that she’s mine and mine alone for the rest of all time. If I made the demand, I think she’d smile again and say that’s perfectly fine.

But not because that’s what she wants. Only to avoid hurting me. Because this beautiful being always puts everyone else’s feelings ahead of her own.

If I’m being honest with myself, she was looking at Jonah with nearly as avidly as he was looking at her. Maybe there are others who’ve caught her eye.

She’d give every other possible lover up if I asked her to, without even thinking about what would make her happiest. How can it be fair for me to ask?

The internal battle tangles me up inside. I bow my face close to Peri’s, breathing in her sweet scent, soaking in the warmth of her.

“You always want everyone to be happy,” I say finally. “I couldn’t say I really care about you if I tried to cut you off from being happy too. If you find that you’d want to get close with someone else, it doesn’t seem right for me to say you’re not allowed. But if that happens, would you tell me before you do anything? So I know and I’m not surprised? I might need to take some space for myself, but I don’t want to get startled and lash out.”

Peri’s face has fallen. “If it would make you upset, I don’t need to—”

I cut her off with a kiss, as tender as I’m capable of. “It’s not about whether you need it. You shouldn’t put your happiness over mine. That would make me upset—knowing you’re holding yourself back from everything you’d want… I would never put you in a cage.”