PERIWINKLE

The next time Jonah pulls the van onto the shoulder, the sky is starting to darken with the end of our second day on the road. As we wait for Raze to arrive, I peer out across the rocky landscape with its cover of evergreens.

We’ve been winding through the back roads in this sparsely populated part of the world all day, periodically checking in with our best tracker. Raze has gamely followed the scent of the creature Mirage and I stumbled on last night on an erratic path through the wilderness, and we’ve stuck as close to him as we can within the van.

It takes several minutes for him to emerge from the shadows. He gives his broad shoulders a shake, his impressive muscles rippling across his sinewy arms. “It just kept going to the northeast. I’ve passed a few other scents that have a similar quality, but they’re even older, so faint I’m not sure I could keep track of them very far.”

Jonah sighs and peers at the sky. “I’m not sure how much point there is in even continuing to follow this one. It might be roaming at random.”

“An excellent pep talk from the man in charge,” Hail drawls with an edge in his voice.

I jump in. “It was worth trying, at least. We didn’t have any other leads. But Jonah, you must need to rest now after so much driving.” His fatigue trickles off of him like a thin, salty soup.

Jonah shoots me a grateful smile. “I’m doing all right, but I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. I think it’s best if we find a place to park and camp out for the night, start tomorrow fresh.”

Mirage spins around and launches himself into a tight flip against the wall of the van. “Time to get out of this tin can!”

“Let me just see where a good spot would be. We don’t want local police deciding we’re suspicious and interfering.”

Jonah consults his map and drives the van a little farther until we reach an overgrown lane that leads to a rusty gate. It doesn’t look as if anyone’s opened that gate in years. The padlock securing the chain is so rusted it might snap if I poked it.

I thought the basilisk shifter was loping alongside us, preferring that over squeezing back into the vehicle, but there’s no sign of him. I glance around, my forehead furrowing. “What happened to Raze?”

As he hops out the back of the van, Hail’s voice takes on a disdainful note. “He’s probably off tearing the mortal wildlife into bloody pieces.”

Right. Raze needs to feed to keep up his energy just like I do—and he can’t count on absorbing the nutrition he needs simply by hanging around beings with emotions.

I grab the camping stove and help Jonah set it up on a mostly clear patch of gravel. By the time he’s cooked his canned dinner and eaten most of it, Raze still hasn’t returned.

Remembering the reception he got last night after his hunt, I don’t think I can blame him if he’d rather stay away. But the thought that he thinks we’d be more cruel than welcoming sends a pang of sadness through me.

“I’m going to make sure Raze is okay,” I announce to the others.

Hail snorts, which for once I can understand, since the idea of me protecting the much larger, much stronger shadowkind is pretty ridiculous—if we were only talking about physical defense.

Jonah simply nods. “Just stay on the alert for other beings. We don’t know when we might cross paths with another one that turns aggressive on a dime.”

I can’t follow scents the way Raze and Mirage can, but my emotional awareness has always been more sensitive when I get to know another being and their patterns better. I meander off the path and up a low slope dotted with lumps of granite, and as I leave the van behind, an impression I know is Raze creeps into my mind.

He’s sated and feeling both satisfied and a little ashamed of that. My heart hurts more, recognizing his conflicted emotions. I pick up my pace, hurrying through the brush as quickly as my short and unpredictably wobbly legs will take me.

I can tell Raze has heard be coming before I see him. One crunch of a twig underfoot sets off a pepper-sharp twang of alarm that fades just as quickly.

He can probably smell that it’s me. I hope my shadowkind scent is at least a little pleasing.

It would really suck if he’s smelling dead fish or [something else unpleasant] whenever I’m around.

I’ve only made it a short distance farther before the basilisk shifter comes to me. He marches between the trees with a purposeful stride and stops when we’re in view of each other.

His voice still has a hint of a growl, but it’s mostly confused. “What are you doing, Periwinkle?”

I smile at him. “Looking for you. It didn’t seem fair that after all the work you’ve done on your own the whole day, you’d have to spend the entire night alone too.”

His expression stays puzzled, his stance tensed. “I’m fine on my own. I prefer it.”

I tip my head to the side. I’m picking up frustration and defiance but also a whiff of longing. Definitely nothing that feels happy.

“I don’t think that’s true,” I say softly. “At least not completely. I don’t have to even talk if you don’t want me to. I’d be happy just sitting with you and seeing if that’s better than sticking to yourself.”

Raze scowls, but something softens in his dark eyes at the same time. “Well, come on then, glowbug.”

Despite his grumpy voice, something lights up inside me at the nickname. It sounds more fond than dismissive.

As if he likes the fact that I glow, just like Mirage suggested he appreciates my rainbow of colors, whether I intend them or not.

The basilisk shifter tramps across the slope the way he came, and I hustle along behind him. He glances back to check on me just as a spike of pain radiates up one ankle.

I stumble, and Raze is there unexpectedly fast, grasping my elbow to steady me. He peers at me with a sudden solemnness. “You’re not clumsy. You’ve been injured.”

Maybe it makes sense that a being with keen predator instincts would pick up on the distinction.

An uneasy flush spreads over my skin. I force another smile. “It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

I don’t want to dredge up those awful memories by talking about it.

Raze’s thumb skims over my arm in a gentle arc. He echoes what I said to him just minutes ago: “I don’t think that’s true.”

My throat tightens up. He’s the only one who’s ever noticed that much or at least who’s bothered to show concern.

“I had a bad run-in with a cruel human,” I say, avoiding mentioning how long that “run-in” lasted. “He hurt me, and some of the wounds left lingering effects. But it doesn’t bother me unless I’m on my feet a lot or pushing myself hard.”

A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Raze’s lips draw back from his teeth, which extend into the razor sharp edges that come with his basilisk form. “What man? Where is he now?”

I can only answer honestly. “I don’t know. I’d rather not even think about him. All right?”

Raze expels a growl followed by a long, slow breath. Then, before I have time to realize what he’s about to do, he scoops me up into his arms as if I weigh no more than a feather pillow. Tucking me against his broad chest, he strides onward.

The feel of his sculpted muscles against my side and the heat of him encompassing me send all sorts of tingles through my body. Not the effect I’d imagine he intended to provoke. A flare of need sparks between my legs.

I haven’t thought about that kind of closeness, about having it myself, in years. The few times I dabbled with other shadowkind in the past, it was enjoyable enough but never half as amazing as humans seem to think, for all they seek those moments.

I didn’t really know those beings, though. Just a quick romp with someone who caught my eye and had the same impulse.

How much better might it be with someone I’ve come to care for? Who cared about me?

I shouldn’t let my mind wander in that direction. Raze is only stopping me from slowing him down, not propositioning me.

“It’s okay,” I protest. “I don’t mind walking.”

He lets out a decisive huff. “I mind.”

Something inside me wilts. “I’m sorry I’m slow. I—”

Raze stops and gazes down at me, his mouth gone taut. “No. I mind you hurting when you’re only trying to help me.”

Oh. I stare back at him for a thump of my heart. He starts walking again, and I let myself relax in his careful embrace.

He doesn’t go much farther, just to a small clearing where a ridge of protruding rock sticks out like a bench. Raze lowers me gingerly onto one end and then sits down at the other, a few feet away. As if he assumes I wouldn’t want him any closer than that.

He might have good predatory instincts, but his attraction radar is way off.

Or maybe he has picked up on my reactions and he’s trying to discourage me because he doesn’t see me that way?

I push those muddled thoughts out of my head and focus on the man sitting next to me. I wanted to come with him for his benefit, not my own.

I promised him he didn’t have to talk to me, so I cross my legs on top of the ridge and simply peer off through the forest in the thickening dusk. The crickets are out again, chirping away like birds of the night, and a half-full moon has risen to cast its silvery light over us. The breeze licks through my hair, cool but not uncomfortably cold.

Raze speaks without warning, his voice low and a little hoarse. “You’re always so… nice to me.”

I glance over at him with another twinge through my heart. “Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

He’s looking at the ground rather than me, his mouth twisted in a grimace. “I wasn’t very kind to you when you first came into the dorm. I tried to scare you off.”

I hesitate before deciding I might as well try for more honesty. “I could tell you weren’t actually angry at me. You were more worried. Maybe a little scared yourself? I don’t know why, but I could tell you didn’t mean any harm.”

A choked sound lurches out of him. “I never mean any harm. It just… It happens. You don’t know how many people I’ve hurt, how many beings… If I don’t stay totally in control, my powers can spill right out of me.”

My stomach knots. “I know how that feels.”

Raze shakes his head. “It can’t be the same. I’m a basilisk. I put on contacts to act as shields, but if I get upset, my true eyes can sear right through them—and kill anything I look at. Poison seeps right out of my skin. Everything I see, everything I touch…”

He glares down at his hands. “I didn’t want anything like that to happen to you. I want it even less now that I know how sweet you are.”

He called me sweet. My pulse flutters despite the grimness of the rest of his words.

I scoot a little closer on the ridge. “You’ve never hurt me at all. I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be, though. Everyone else is. Everyone knows what can happen if they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

I dare to push myself closer and set my hand on his arm. He twitches at the contact but doesn’t fully pull away.

“You carried me,” I pointed out. “Nothing bad happened.”

“I made sure I was totally calm. I can tell there’s nothing around that would startle me. And it was only for a few minutes. It was better than leaving you in pain.”

I trace the bulging of his muscles, unable to resist my fascination with his powerful body. A quiver of emotion that’s hot and heady like pecan pie straight out of the oven races through my veins from Raze at my touch.

It’s definitely not that he isn’t interested. He’s still trying to protect me, but mostly from himself.

I tip my head to gaze up at him. “What if you could do more than prevent pain? What if I’d like you to hold me like that… just because it feels good?”

A strangled sort of groan escapes him. Raze gapes down at me as if he can’t believe what I just said, but a starker rush of desire washes over me from him.

I take the chance and bob up on my knees so I can press my lips to his.

Raze’s chest hitches, and then he’s clutching me to him, his fingers twining with my hair, his mouth scorching as it devours mine. Every inch of my body blazes with a glow I can only feel, not see.

Some of it tingles from my scalp into my hair. After a moment, a pinkish haze seeps through my closed eyelids.

Raze will be able to see it too. Know how happy he’s making me. How much I want this.

No shame prickles through me with that knowledge. All I can do is keep kissing him with all the eagerness I have in me, my pulse skipping giddily.

This incredible man, so compassionate and selfless beneath his ominous power. He’s been so very lonely. I can taste it on his breath.

But I light him up too. I’ve proven that not everyone will see him and want to run away.

Raze’s lips crash against mine once more. The kiss has barely begun before he wrenches himself away from me.

His chest heaves with rough breaths. I tense up, but he holds up his hand before I can really start to worry.

“It’s not you. That was—That was— I wanted it. More than I should have. But if I get caught up, I can’t make sure you stay safe.”

I swallow hard. We still have a long way to go.

“All right,” I say. “Will you come back to the van with me? I think everyone will want to see you’re okay. And you can keep me safe while I sleep too.”

Raze’s eyes widen. He dips his head, but I can still feel his reluctance. “I’ll do that. For you.”