News of Mia spread like a pestilence. It was 7:00 A.M. when I heard fists on my dorm room door.

Opening it, I was met with an incoherent Daichi. He looked like he went through a washing machine on his way here. His usually neat uniform was wet and his face was red and blotchy. Behind his foggy glasses, his eyes were bloodshot.

“You knew,” he said.

“What?” I asked, my mouth full of bubbles.

“About Mia you bitch!” He snatched the toothbrush from my hand. “And you better tell me everything or else I’ll shove this down your throat so far your insides will get a cleaning.”

“Go ahead and try it,” I said, and spat on his shoes.

Even though he was a head taller than me, Daichi was a year younger than I was. So I never saw him as anything other than a somewhat awkward, albeit smart brat.

He made me rethink that.

With a scream that tore out of him, Daichi launched at me. We went crashing back into the dorm room, my feet tripping on the carpet so I fell with him on top of me.

I had to get rid of that stupid rug.

“You knew she was having problems!” He cried out, bringing a fist down on my cheek. “You could’ve told someone!”

“I didn’t know shit!” I shouted, nearly choking on toothpaste foam. I jerked my knee up hard, making Daichi cry out in a voice that was an octave higher. Then bringing my legs under him I kicked him over me, wincing as I heard a crash from the direction of my table.

We got up at the same time. Surprising me once again, Daichi charged into me like a bull. We went staggering into the doorframe, my back digging against the metal.

“Bullshit! You had to have known!”

As I kneed him again, I saw that he still had my toothbrush clenched in his fist. It was so absurd that I almost laughed. But then Daichi said something that stopped me.

“You loved her too, didn’t you!”

Everything I thought I knew about the boy changed then. That word - ‘Too’ - took down all my walls and prejudices I had against him.

Too.

He knew.

He knew that I knew.

I jabbed my elbows down onto his shoulder blades, right in the pressure points. He yowled, took a faceful of my knee, then went down.

"You think I'm her girlfriend or something?" I asked, panting. "I didn't know she was trying to get into the Top Ten until she already did!"

Daichi struggled to stand, using the wall for support. "That' because you're too full of yourself to see anyone else, Aiyano. But I guess that's to be expected from someone whose father had to sleep with the director just to get a job, huh?"

A dark cloud hung over my eyes. "What the fuck did you just say?" My last word came out as a scream. Behind me, the door was still open, and I could hear people racing out into the halls.

"I heard he had to beg," Daichi continued, wiping saliva from the corner of his grinning mouth. "Like a dog, just so he can get a place on the Academy board."

My fist connected with his nose, sending shocks up my arm. Daichi's head snapped back. Blood spurted across the walls of my room. I then grabbed his wet shirt collar and threw him out into the hallway.

"You don't know shit about us!" I screamed, following him outside. He was on his knees, wheezing. I kicked him in the stomach, making him curl up like a cooked shrimp. "You think you're the only one in pain? You think I don't grieve for Mia as well?"

He rolled over, gasping. I straddled his chest and rained blows onto his face. "You don't think I ask myself that same question? WHY, WHY WHY!" With each word I punched him, slapped him, poured all my rage out until hands were grabbing me, pulling me away.

"Stop!"

Someone was screaming. And it wasn't just me. A blonde-haired girl was crouched in front of Daichi protectively.

Samantha. My brain provided the name but I didn't much care. She was in the way. I lunged, straining against the people holding me. My fingers formed claws that I wanted to use to tear through that pretty face, get at the fleshy body behind her.

And then I heard the siren of a drone, felt a sharp shock on the back of my neck, and everything was dark.

I woke up sore and cuffed to a surgery bed. My mind was foggy and my head wouldn't move much due to how much it was pounding. Still, as soon as I opened my eyes I knew where I was and what I'd done.

I fucked up. And now I was going to pay.

The Testing Lab was a place someone like me usually went to only once. And by 'someone like me', I meant a normal, hard-working student of the Academy. So, I guess not me.

Before we started our first years as God Gier II pilots, Dr. Oswald had every student undergo an extensive physical and mental examination. The physical exam was straightforward enough, run so-and-so many laps, do an obstacle course. But the mental part was more akin to a sick experiment.

Being strapped in the same bed I was in now, the memories assaulted me anew. I remembered being hooked up to electrodes and injected with all sorts of serums, some made my heart race, others made my muscles cramp up. It was all so our 'higher-brain-functions' could be clearly calculated, but that was not what it felt like at the time.

Anyway, after it was all done, we were promised that none of us would ever need to endure that torture again. "On the one condition," Dr. Oswald had said, "that all of you perform your studies to the accepted levels. Should anyone's grades or behaviors be deemed unfit for piloting a Gier, they will be sent for... reassessment."

The threat seemed far-fetched at that time. Who wouldn't be working their best for the glory of humanity?

Me, it turned out.

I started to struggle, and it quickly brought two hover drones into the room. They pointed their tasers at me, the ends of the black rods crackling with electricity. A man entered the room next, gripping a palmtop computer in his wide, hairy hands.

"Oh, shit," I whispered as I watched my biology professor stride over to my bed. He wore a long lab coat and his face was set like a mask. He stopped by my side and looked down at me with hard eyes.

"There's no need for that language, Aiyano, especially not here."

"Yes, Sir," I said. "Or should I call you Doctor, instead?"

"Sir is fine," said Professor Kindle-James. He flicked open his computer and clutched it in one big hand. "Alright then, seeing how you're well enough to make remarks already, let's start with the first question."

"You're here to quiz me?" I asked. "But I... haven't studied."

"You don't need to have studied for this test," the professor answered curtly. "Do you remember how you got here, Aiyano?"

"Took a wrong turn on my way to the cafeteria."

Professor Kindle-James eyed me over his computer. "You're doing this now? Here? I trust you know why you're here, Aiyano."

I sighed. "That kid had it coming to him."

"That's not what I asked."

"I beat him up, okay?" I said, exasperated. My throat felt sandpaper-dry, but it didn't look like my basic needs were of much importance to anyone right now. "Could I get a drink?"

"After you answer all my questions. Why did you attack a fellow student?"

I looked up at the ceiling. "He talked badly about Dadd- my father."

I heard the sound of the professor's fingers stabbing against the screen of his computer. "Was that the reason Daichi went to your dorm?"

"...No."

"Then what was the reason?" Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the professor looking at me. My mouth was opened to answer but my words were lost. Mia's death was still raw inside me, but there was something that felt off about it, like my mind still couldn't believe it really happened. This in turn made everything else feel like a dream as well.

"Might I remind you that the status of your recovery into the God Gier program hinges on your behavior here?”

"He asked me about Mia," I said finally in a voice that didn't sound quite like mine. "He asked if I knew why she killed herself."

I felt tears well up again as I realized that Daichi was right. If I really loved Mia, why didn't I at least suspect anything was wrong?

It was because I was too focused on myself, on my own problems.

"Do you know anything about Mia Robinson's death?" Professor Kindle-James asked, sounding way too casual even to someone as out of it as me. "Do you know why she jumped off the building?"

"She didn't ju-" I started to say but then the door opened and a woman said,

"Thank you, Mark. I'll take it from here."

Besides me, Professor Kindle-James straightened. "Good afternoon Lindsey," he said. "It is a pleasure to see you as always."

Footsteps echo sharply as Lindsey Oswald entered my vision. She was in her normal lap coat and high heels, looking every bit as smart as the day I first saw her in Hikari's room.

"And you too," she said, holding her manicured fingers out for the computer in Mark's hand. "Now why don't I finish off the questions? The Acadamy hall has a lot of preparations needed for the graduation ceremony. I don't want anything left last-second."

"Of course, Lindsey," said Mark, handing her the computer and a smile I'd never known my biology professor was capable to have. "She's all yours."

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Then, after the professor had left, Dr. Oswald turned to me, and I saw it. A shift behind her grey eyes, a dropping of her guard.

“You’re finally awake,” she said softly. “I was worried you might miss the graduation ceremony.” She came closer and I could smell her perfume. A fruity, deep coloring.

"Doesn't mean I won't," I said, blinking as Lindsey held up a small torch to my eyes. I directed her gaze over at the serum machine, tucked in the corner of the room.

"Ah, that?" Lindsey said when she figured out what I was talking about. "Don't worry about that. I can just fudge the data."

"Yes, because everything you do is a lie anyway."

For a moment, the warmth in Lindsey's eyes vanished. She went over to the wall, dragged over a stool, and perched on it. Sitting like that made her stockinged legs look super long. I could see why so many people fell for her, Daddy included.

I knew they'd been sleeping together. They'd done it for almost three years now. Didn't mean anything Daichi said was true though.

“I remembered everything,” I said, hoping to throw the Doctor off her game before it could start. "On the roof. What you did."

The truth wasn't all that simple. I remembered the lipstick, the flash, Mia’s startled expression. It wasn't nearly enough to frame the most powerful person in the entire Eternal Heaven fleet. But I didn't have anything else to use against her right now.

“You must have questions, I know,” Lindsey said, leaning forward. She didn’t look distressed like I'd hoped. In fact, she looked almost… tender, as she reached over and parted my bangs out of my eyes. “But before I answer any of them, I’d like you to answer a question of mine.”

I looked up into the Doctor’s sharp face and steeled myself for her first move, the placement of the first pawn.

“How long do you think your sister is going to live?”

It wasn’t a pawn. It was a rook, crashing straight down the board and into my queen.

Her first move. And it was already checkmate.

I tried hard to make my face as still as possible while my mind whirled. Stretching out in front of me, I saw two possible pathways for Hikari's life to pan out.

In the first one, I’d break out from the restraints holding me, clobber Lindsey over the head with the tablet computer she’s holding, and condemn her for even thinking about laying a hand on my little sister. Then I would run out of here and get Hikari and Daddy off this goddamn ship and live happily ever after on a wasted planet.

Three years ago, I'd have taken that path without a second of hesitation. But I wasn't fourteen anymore. So I took the other path.

“I don’t know,” I told Lindsey Oswald. “But I sure as hell can promise you that when my time comes, she’ll be the one to send me off on her own two feet.”

I stared hard at the Doctor, silently telling her that I knew what she did and I knew it didn't matter that I did. I wasn’t going to talk. Not when my sister needed Eternal Heaven’s technology to live.

Lindsey Oswald sat back, a satisfied smile on her face. Her hand was still on my forehead, and it trailed down so her fingers were on my cheek.

“I always knew you were a clever girl, Aiyano,” she said, stroking her thumb over my cracked lips. She pressed down on a spot that had bled, making me wince. Then she pulled away and licked the pad of her thumb. “You just have trouble speaking your mind, that’s all.”

Yea. Like that’s my problem.

“Are we done?” I asked. “I have dinner plans and they don’t involve you.”

I’d lost the game before it even started, that was clear. But I wasn’t going to take the defeat lying down.

Dr. Oswald rose from her stool, her labcoat falling down to her knees. She wore black stockings as usual, but I saw there was a little hole in the left one.

Three years of this life takes its toll on someone like her, too.

“You’re free to go, Aiyano,” she said, tucking her tablet under one arm so she can lean down to kiss my hair. “But I hope you’ll stop looking at me like the enemy from now on. It does no good for either of us.”

I stayed silent and watched her leave the room. Just before she could make it to the door, I called out, “You’ll never take the place of my mother. You can fuck my dad all you want but it doesn't change anything.”

Lindsey Oswald paused, her fingers hovering above the keypad to the door. Turning, she gave me a smile that was filled with barbed wire.

“Heaven forbid,” she said.

Daddy was sitting by Hikari’s bed when I burst in. He swiveled so fast from his chair he dropped the tablet he was holding. I caught a glimpse of a page full of words before the computer slipped out of view.

"Aiya!"

“Ai-neechan!” Hikari giggled in delight and threw her small arms out to me.

I all but slammed into her. I didn’t really, but it was hard not to. I needed her then, more than I’d ever wanted to admit.

“Yesterday you weren’t here,” Hikari said. “Daddy said you were busy with getting ready to finish school. Are you finishing school?”

“Three more days,” I said, gathering as much of her little body in my arms as I could. Besides us, I heard the sound of Daddy’s chair scraping back.

“At the risk of sounding like an old fart, I’m going to tell you kids that, back in my days, we didn’t have graduations to look forward to.” He picked up his tablet, wiped his jacket sleeve across the darkened screen. “Boy, I really hope this isn’t broken. The Academy wants it back. Can you believe it? Said they're going to recycle them.”

I wanted to shout at him, Who gives a shit about your stupid school and your stupid tablet? But that was uncalled for and I knew it. He didn’t know what happened with Mia, with Daichi, with me.

When was the last time he even asked about my life?

Untangling myself from Hikari’s nest of tubes and wires, I asked my sister, “How are you feeling?” And was surprised at how composed I sounded.

Hikari’s joy instantly evaporated. She shrugged. “Fine.”

That was what she said, but I’d learned long ago to hear the things she didn’t, like the raspy cough in her chest, the faster-than-normal beeping of her heart rate monitor, and the band of merry machines all stacked around her like a Gundam that's been dissected and laid out in the cramped hospital room.

“That’s… good,” I said. “Fine is better than meh, right?”

Hikari shrugged again. “I guess.”

“How have you been, Aiya?” Daddy asked from his chair. He hadn’t gotten up to hug me, I realized then immediately chastised myself for wanting him to.

“Fine,” I said, sounding a hundred times angrier than Hikari. On second thought, please don’t ask me about my life.

“That’s good,” said Daddy with all the casual muster of an old steamboat. He clicked open his tablet, his face relaxing as it lit up normally. “I was just telling Hikari about radiation. Want to listen in?”

“No, I don’t… what did you say?” I twisted around to face him properly. “Aren’t you just the linguistics teacher for the First Years? What do you know about radiation?”

Daddy pretended to look hurt. “I’m going to ignore the belittlement to my specialty because I love you, Aiya, but I thought you kids should know better than to pigeonhole someone based on their breadth of knowledge.”

“Alright,” I said, climbing off Hikari’s bed. I stood next to her with my arms crossed. “Sure. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Daddy cleared his throat. “Let me have a look. Where did I leave off…” He punched a few places on his screen and pulled up a page of text. “Ah-ha. The standard unit of radioactivity was actually recorded to have been discovered accidentally.”

I nodded. “Like penicillin.”

“It was by a gentleman by the name of Henri Becquerel. He was awarded this really prestigious award called the Novel Prize, way back in 1903!”

“Whoooa,” Hikari said. “That’s…” She brought her tiny fingers up to her face and started counting, but soon lost her way.

“Many years ago,” I concluded, tussling her hair. “And so the international standard unit of measuring radiation is called becquerel.”

“Though there are others, of course,” Daddy added, swiping across his screen. “There is the curie, roentgen for measuring exposure, and one of my personal favorites, sievert.”

I stiffened. That was what Mia was using for her hand-made Geiger counter. Worried Hikari might sense my unease, I retracted my hand and went back to having it crossed over my chest.

Daddy didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. “Now you might be thinking, why are there so many units for measuring the same thing?” As he glanced over to us, his glasses caught the light of the setting sun, hiding his eyes behind glowing shields.

“Why, Daddy?” Hikari asked, clearly not understanding the topic but glad to spend time like this, all three of us as a family.

I couldn’t remember the last time we even had a conversation together.

“Why, good question, Hikari!” Daddy cooed. “It’s because radiation is measured in cause and effect! You see, becquerel tells me how radioactive something is, while sievert tells me how much of that radiation is received by the human body!”

Hikari giggled.

I had gone very still. This was third-year teaching material, and even then our lecturers never went in-depth on the topic of radiation. Other than what radiation poisoning can do to us while out on the field, we weren’t taught anything on how to actually measure it.

I never noticed it before, but now it seemed strange, this gap in my knowledge. And as Daddy went on about ambient dose and personal dose, something Professor Kindle-James asked me kept coming back.

“Daddy,” I asked, breaking his flow. He looked up, expectant.

“Yes, honey?”

“Do you know a girl by the name of… Mia?”

At the sound of that name, Hikari perked up. “Oh, I do!” she cried. “She’s Ai-neechan’s girlfriend!”

The outburst was so unexpected that by the time I covered Hikari’s mouth, it was way too late.

But Daddy just laughed. “I believe that name does ring a bell.”

I took my hand off Hikari’s giant grin. “Okay. Did she… ever talk to you about anything? maybe relating to radiation?”

The smile on Daddy’s face froze. “I believe she did.”

We both stared at each other for a beat, then Daddy looked back down on his tablet. “Wanna hear a joke about radiation? What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don't get along?”

When I didn’t respond, Hikari pulled my sleeve.

“Ai-nee?” she said. “What’s wrong?” Her lips started quivering, as if she could sense the oncoming storm.

My next words came slowly between my teeth. “What. Did. You. Say. To. Her?”

Daddy was still not looking at me. He fidgeted with his tablet, moving the screen without reading anything off it. Finally, he said, “I think the answer to that question is one you already know, Aiya.”

“Like hell I do!” I hammered the railing on Hikari’s bed, making everything jump, including her. “How can I know anything when nobody tells me shit! What did you do, Daddy! What the fuck did you say to her?”

I saw Daddy’s shoulders tense but he still wasn’t looking at me, or even acknowledging my outburst. And somehow, it made it much worse than if he straight up lied, or tried to downplay the situation.

I strode around the foot of the bed and swatted the stupid tablet to the floor.

“Tell me I’m wrong!” I yelled into his stoic face. “Tell me Mia didn’t die because of this radiation fuckery! Of the words that came out of your mouth!”

Daddy peered at me from behind his glasses. The lenses were dirty with dust and sweat patches, and only now had I noticed how tired he looked too.

Just like her.

My voice grew low, a growl. “You helped Mia build that Geiger counter, didn't you?”

“Some questions shouldn’t be asked, Aiya.” Daddy went to pick up his tablet but I stomped on it.

“Didn’t you!”

Daddy didn’t speak. But his silence told me everything.

Then it hit me.

“And now you’re trying to tell Hikari about this?!”

“Aiya…”

I slapped him. I wanted to do so much more, but then I heard Hikari wailing and everything stopped mattering.

“No.” I turned and gathered her up. “No, don’t cry, please. I’m sorry.”

Hikari squirmed from my arms. She turned her teary eyes up at me, and it damned shattered my heart.

“Don’t fight,” she whined. “I don’t want you two to fight.”

I heard rustling, then Daddy’s voice, calm as ever. “I’ll be home if you ever need anything, Aiya, if you want to ask anything else.”

“I don't,” I said without looking at him. “Just... just go. Get out of my sight.”

Daddy was silent. I heard his footsteps heading away. The door slid open, then his voice, one last time, saying,

“I know you’ll do right by us, Aiya. You’ve never let me down before and you won’t now. I know it.”

And then at last he was gone.

I pulled back from Hikari. “You okay?”

Hikari sniffled, her wet eyes lingering on the door. Did she miss him? I didn’t know.

"You swore."

"I what?"

"A lot of times. I counted."

“Oh…” I swallowed, annoyed and exasperated and smiling all at the same time. “Yea, sorry about that.” I kissed my little sister’s head, messed up her too-thin hair. The last round of experimental drugs didn't do what they were supposed to, but that just meant she needed Eternal Heaven more than ever.

She needed Dr. Oswald.

I tried to plaster a smile on my face as I asked, “I’ll get you a pudding to make up for it?”

“Only if you get the chocolate flavor.”

“You have a deal.” I gave my sister a tight hug, squeezing the network of electrodes stuck to her everywhere. “Wait for me.”

When I came back, Hikari was fast asleep. Her eyelids were puffy and her cheeks were red.

She’d cried when I wasn’t there.

I sat down in the chair Daddy left, and watched my sister’s tiny chest rise and fall with the rhythm of her failing lungs. The ventilator hissed with its band of machines, all playing their part to keep her alive. For the first time, I found myself wondering if maybe, just maybe, we might have the technology back on land to transport Hikari’s brain into one of these machines. Of course, the end machine will need to be a combination of everything in this room, preferably compacted into something the shape and size of a human body. Like a suit.

Like a God Gier could be.

I stood.

Exactly what a God Gier should be. A suit of armor for the brain only. Not only will any bodily weaknesses be nulled, but as long as the head is kept intact, the human can live forever inside it.

There will be no need for radiation protection if the body isn't even there to absorb it.

“Oh, fuck.”

I raced for the door. Everything made sense. Thoughts flew around my head at lightspeed, jamming pieces into places I never knew had been missing them.

The radiation. The mental training all of us did. The secret of the God Giers…

My hand paused on the door latch.

Mia's death. It was all because of this.

But then, so what? Even if I found any evidence to back up the theory, where does that leave me? Dead by the sidewalk as well?

I remembered the conversation with Lindsey Oswald earlier this afternoon. She knew someone was helping Mia, and she knew I’d find out about everything eventually.

That was the real reason she asked me about Hikari.

I turned to look at my sister. She was still sleeping. Her eyebrows had drawn together and a drop of blood was making its way from the corner of her eye, down her cheek.

I went back to sit with her. The pudding rolled against my foot. I picked it up, set it on the bedside table.

It didn’t matter what I knew, what the truth really was. If Lindsey was willing to throw one of the Top Ten off a building for getting too close to the right questions, she’d do it to me in a heartbeat. Then, she’d do it to my sister.

Reaching over, I wiped away the bloody tear from Hikari’s face, smudging it across her cheek.

“I won’t let anything harm you,” I whispered. “Promise.”