After spending a week inside the massive, spacious rooms of Kakeru's palace, the tiny cabin I'd been gifted inside the Hebimaru was kind of claustrophobic—but it did have a small circular window and a pair of single beds partially embedded inside the opposing walls, a tiny sliver of space between them for getting to and from the door. Perhaps the most pressing issue in regards to the situation was the fact that this was apparently the only room we'd been given—either Kakeru was trying to get me killed, or the captain was in space-saving mode and had royally screwed me over.

Karenbana dumped her canvas bag on the end of the bed on the left, and I kind of squinted at her, vaguely annoyed that she was the one who'd gotten to make the choice. Karenbana, clearly sensing my disappointment with her mystical shinobi powers, turned to stare at me. Rather than attempt to slip past her and potentially get killed by some automatic reflex, I crawled onto the end of my bed. I flipped around onto my back and folded my hands behind my head, feeling the shitty pillow squish beneath my weight.

"If I'm going to be running security for you," Karenabana said, turning until she stared down at me. "I need to know where we're going."

"A real shinobi would have already snuck into the captain's cabin and read the manifest," I said, closing my eyes. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"A real shinobi is about to punch you in the throat," Karenbana said, crossing her arms. "When are you going to heal my knee?"

"I wanted to make sure you wouldn't limp off with my money," I said before sitting up. "Now that we're on the ship, we may as well handle that now."

I turned sideways, sliding my legs into the aisle and kicking her in the ankle in the process. Karenbana loomed over me for a moment, face shadowed by her ridiculous wig, and I sat up straight, somehow almost at eye level with her despite the fact that I was still sitting down. Karenbana waited for a moment longer before dropping down to sit on the bed opposite me.

"Hand that leg over, missy," I said.

Instead of waiting for her to comply with my request, I reached down and took hold of her ankle—her hand stretched forward as if to grab hold of my hair, and then she paused, fingers almost touching. I dragged her leg up off the floor and dropped it onto my lap, ignoring the thousand-yard stare she was levelling at me from just two feet away. I placed my hand down on top of the bandages and then dumped all of my mana into a Heal.

"It's just as I suspected—a fake limp and a wig," I said, "What have you done with the real Karenbana?"

Karenbana turned to look down at her knee, her anger entirely destabilised as the pain vanished in an instant. I reached up and attempted to snatch hold of her wig, but she smacked my hand out of the way without even looking at it. Karenbana dragged her foot back off my lap, carefully bending her leg, before starting work on unwrapping the bandages.

"What is this? Some kind of bloodline limit?" Karenbana said, running her thumb across the unmarred flesh of her knee. "You barely even touched me."

"I tend to have that effect on women," I agreed, leaning back on my hands. "Now, you asked me where we were headed—we are going to the Land of Red Bean Jam."

"Answer the question I just asked, not the one from before," Karenbana said, annoyed. "How did you heal it so quickly?"

"Our first stop is actually Nashi, a small port city, which is about a week from where we are now," I said, ignoring everything she was saying. "From there, we'll be heading northeast until we cross into The Land of Neck—then we'll be heading north through Broken Neck Pass to our very first destination."

Karenbana scrunched her face up as I continued to speak, seeming to realise that I wasn't going to explain to her what I'd done to fix her leg.

"North of Broken Neck Pass?" Karenbana muttered, "There's nothing there."

"Incorrect, minion; there is, in fact, something there," I said, "After that, I should be in a pretty good position to start working on designing a new technique, and you'll need to do some training as well—"

"You can create new techniques?" Karenbana said, "That takes advanced control and chakra nature to do—are you actually a shinobi?"

"A week or so should be enough for that, and then we'll be heading off to our next destination," I said, once again ignoring the inconvenient questions. "We'll have to cross through The Land of Vegetables to get there, though—but you look like you could use a few dozen of those, seeing as you're five-foot-nothing."

"I'm not short," Karenbana said in clear warning. "Are you a shinobi?"

I'd never heard such a bald-faced lie in my entire life.

"How long are you going to wear that stupid wig?" I demanded.

"What's wrong with my—are you trying to piss me off?" Karenbana snapped, "You're not answering anything that I—"

"I am trying to piss you off, pipsqueak," I argued, "It looks stupid—take it off immediately, and maybe I'll actually answer your questions."

Karenbana ripped the wig off, headband and all, before pegging it across the room, where it crashed into the wall of the cabin. When I turned back, I found her glaring at me entirely red-faced in frustration. I wouldn't have suspected that she was a brunette, a bit of an odd combination, considering her pastel-pink eyes.

"You're not even bald," I said, vaguely disappointed. "I'm kind of sad."

"Well?" Karenbana demanded.

"Hm?" I wondered. "I mean, you're already gorgeous, but I think you'd look even prettier if you grew it out a bit."

"I wasn't talking about my hair," Karenbana said, flushing. "Are you a shinobi or not?"

"Of course I'm not," I said, "Why the hell would I need a bodyguard if I was shinobi? You're not very smart, are you?"

Karenbana was practically vibrating at this point, stuck between embarrassed, pissed off and wanting a real answer to her questions—it was an oddly flattering combination.

"Then how are you able to use ninjutsu?" Karenbana hissed.

"Who said I could use ninjutsu?" I said with a shit-eating grin. "You're just making shit up at this point."

"You're the most annoying fucking person I've ever met," Karenbana managed, hands squeezing the life out of her bedsheets. "You hit me in the leg with a ninjutsu technique; you killed Shabadaba with a ninjutsu technique; you healed my leg less than five minutes ago with a—"

"That wasn't ninjutsu, idiot," I said, rolling my eyes. "Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh—Broken Neck Pass, there's actually a castle just north of there that belonged to a guy called Kubisaki; that's where we're going."

Karenbana seemed to be having a meltdown at this point—the fact that I was answering the question she'd wanted the answer to a few minutes ago barely even registered because of how heated she was getting.

"Why are we going to Kubisaki Castle?" Karenbana gritted out.

"What the hell is Kubisaki Castle?" I wondered. "The owner was named Kubisaki; the castle was called something else entirely—are you even listening to me?"

Karenbana let out a cry of frustration.

#

I towelled my hair dry as I crossed the hallway and crashed into the wall as the ship rocked beneath me—the towel around my waist almost fell off, and for a moment, I was forced to hold myself up against the wall as the ship settled again. I doubted I'd ever get used to being on a ship, but I was grateful that I didn't seem to be prone towards motion sickness. Karenbana was gone when I entered the shared cabin, probably somewhere upstairs, eating or something.

I dropped the towels on the floor and dragged my prepared clothes up off the bed, fighting the motions of the ship as I attempted to get dressed. Three days felt like an eternity in such an enclosed space, and there was literally nothing to look at up on the deck, just endless water in every direction. I toggled Energy Sense back on and then turned to look out the small circular window on the side of the room—I couldn't see her, but Karenbana was stuck to the wall on the outside of the ship.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Karenbana?" I demanded, pointing directly at her. "I can't believe—hey, get back here—"

I realised a moment later that she wouldn't have been able to hear me in the first place and that pointing my finger directly at her was probably not the best way to convey a message—at least not after I'd destroyed her knee once before, but still. She vanished out of my range, heading up to the deck of the ship, and I was left alone again, annoyed. I dropped down onto the bed and folded my hands behind my head.

Three days wasn't a lot of time to get to know someone, but when you were stuck in a tiny little room with them, it certainly went a long way towards inoculating you to their presence. Some of the innate wariness she'd held over being in such close proximity to me had vanished; either she'd decided I wasn't going to assassinate her while she was asleep, or she'd simply grown better at hiding her suspicions. I'd spent a lot of time figuring out what exactly I could tell her, and I'd come to the conclusion that it would need to be a gradual process—give her something to chew on now to keep her interested, and then once we'd had some time to acclimate, I could start opening up about the really big stuff. I didn't want to give her too much incentive to run off on her own there, so I'd needed to be a bit picky.

"So you've chosen to approach me, little pervert," I said, cracking one eye open. "Did you think you could fool my gaze?"

The Hiding with Camouflage Technique flickered out of existence as she dropped it, revealing her peeking in through the door.

"I didn't realise that you were getting changed," Karenbana said, "I was just checking if you were back or not."

A lie that neither of us would ever believe because if she was just checking up on me, then she wouldn't have been using a literal invisibility technique.

"Why are you standing out in the hallway like a loser?" I demanded. "I've got a bunch of things I want to talk about; hurry up and get inside."

Karenbana slipped into the room, keeping her eyes on me as she went, still not certain I wasn't trying to lure her into a false sense of security. I remained where I was until she'd sat down and then cleared my throat.

"Tell me your elemental affinity," I said, "Along with any elemental techniques you can use."

It probably wasn't that much of a secret for most shinobi, considering an enemy would discover it the moment elemental techniques started getting fired off. Telling me was a little bit different, but if we were going to work together for an extended period of time, I wanted to build some kind of trust between us. Karenbana stared at me in silence, clearly unsettled by the question.

"You're willing to sleep three feet away from someone who could kill you with the point of a finger," I said, speaking up. "But you're not willing to tell me what is most likely a narrow slice of your offensive skillset?"

"I've never had a client ask about my techniques before," Karenbana said, shifting a bit at the words. "I can't trust you with that information either; you could sell it to someone else."

"I'm paying you two thousand moons a month—do you really think I need to sell anything?" I said, rolling my eyes, "No offence, Karenbana, but I don't think there's really much of a demand either."

"It's still not—" Karenbana said, furrowing her brow. "If it's such a trivial thing, you tell me about your techniques."

"Sure," I said, "Let's keep it transactional then—what do you want to know?"

Karenbana looked like she hadn't expected me to actually agree to the concession, and it took her a moment to actually get her mind in order.

"What is the technique you used against me on the beach?" Karenbana asked.

"It's called Line Spear," I said without pause. "It's a narrow beam of energy about the same width as a Senbon—the range at which I'm able to attack is about twelve meters right now, but it's growing as I get better with it."

Karenbana stared at me for a long moment.

"You said it wasn't ninjutsu," Karenbana said, "How can that be true?"

"None of the techniques I perform are ninjutsu because they don't use chakra," I offered, "My turn—elemental affinity, please."

Karenbana looked like she'd just remembered that this was supposed to be a two-way street, and her hesitance returned.

"I have an affinity for wind release, but I only know one supplementary technique," Karenbana said, speaking slowly. "I used it on the beach."

I rocked my head to the side for a moment, thinking about what I'd seen—she'd thrown a bunch of petals into the air when she was fighting Sakura. I hadn't been able to see the genjutsu she'd cast because it hadn't affected me, but I remembered it from the movie; she made herself look like petals.

"You used it to keep the flower petals flying around your opponent?" I guessed. "What is the name?"

"Wind Release: Petal Dance," Karenbana said, biting down on the tip of her thumbnail. "It was on one of the scrolls my clan stole—I think it was the only wind release technique we had."

"That means you know how to change your chakra nature to wind," I said, thinking back to everything I knew about it. "What training have you done for that?"

"I know how to cut leaves with wind chakra," Karenbana said, "That was included on the scroll."

Karenbana knew the basic exercise that taught you how to change the chakra nature to wind, and she knew at least one technique that worked to create a gust of wind to carry the petals around in a loop. From there, it was pretty much learning how to change chakra form—I wondered how angry Naruto would be if I taught Karenbana how to do the Rasengan. Then again, that was supposed to be the pinnacle of shape transformation, and she might actually be garbage at that.

"I've seen you walking on walls," I said, "Can you walk on water and do the leaf-sticking thing?"

"Yes to all three," Karenbana said, frowning. "Why don't your techniques use chakra?"

"Because I don't have chakra," I said, "I have a different source of energy inside of me, and I use that to power my techniques."

"How is that possible?" Karenbana said, taken aback. "Everything has chakra."

"I know you can use the Hiding with Camouflage Technique," I said, ignoring the question because it didn't really have anything to do with techniques. "Can you do the Body Flicker Technique?"

"I can use it," Karenbana said before pausing. "How do you keep finding me?"

"I can sense the energy signatures of people within a certain range; it's about thirty meters right now, but it's getting larger," I said, "Stealth, genjutsu, poison, wind release—I think I can work with that."

"What do you mean, work with that?" Karenbana asked.

"Wind, wind, wind," I said, closing my eyes for a moment. "I guess my original route works for that, although it's kind of annoying that we have to add another place to our list of destinations."

"Another place?" Karenbana asked.

I rolled over to face the wall, scratching at the stubble on my chin.

"Are you serious?" Karenbana said, offended. "We were in the middle of a conversation—hey."

#

We left the port city of Nashi behind, setting out after spending only a single night there. I was moderately surprised that Karenbana didn't vanish in the night and even more surprised when she woke me up the next day with a backpack filled with travelling supplies.

"I don't want to carry this," I complained, "It's way too heavy."

"Too bad," Karenbana said without looking back. "I need my hands free in case someone attacks you—deal with it."

Honestly, despite my complaints, I was flattered that she'd spent some of her own money on supplies for me. Most of it was useless, considering I had half of The Land of Moon stashed away in my inventory, courtesy of Kakeru's generosity and patronage, but still. Putting the bag into my inventory would mean I'd have to explain it, but that seemed like a waste since I could probably use it as a bargaining chip to ferret some more information out of her. Getting a chance to actually stretch my legs was amazing, though, and it reminded me that I'd had done absolutely no physical training during the week on the Hebimaru.

"Screw this lame-ass walking," I decided, "This is now a marathon—try and keep up shorty."

I took off running, passing her by and ramping up to my maximum running speed, feet slamming into the rough dirt road with each step. The bag was just as annoying as I'd assumed it would be, but maybe it would work as a training tool. My unholy pace was eroding my stamina at an alarming rate, and soon I was bent over with my hands on my knees, panting for breath. Karenbana came to a stop beside me, looking just as fresh as when I'd first started running.

"You're not supposed to stop five minutes into a marathon," Karenbana said, sounding smug. "Should you really be taking a break already?"

It took less than a dozen seconds for Meditate to drag me back into good condition, and then I stood back up completely fresh once more—Karenbana frowned at the sudden change.

"You know what, you're right," I said, taking off again. "Let's keep going."

Karenbana fell in step beside me a moment later, matching my maximum speed without any kind of visible effort. I ran until I could barely breathe again and then toggled Meditate back on before starting it all over again.

"How are you recovering so quickly?" Karenbana said, keeping pace. "Is this another technique?"

"Got it in one—I could do this all day long," I managed. "Then you'll be eating my dust, shinobi girl."

"That will never happen," Karenbana said, "I could go to sleep in the middle of the road, and I'd still beat you to the border."

Karenbana sped up, pulling away from me, and I dug deep in an attempt to find some extra speed, but the gap continued to widen.

"You go on ahead," I cried out in an attempt to regain some of my dignity. "I'll catch up."

Speed has increased by 1.

"You're damn right it has," I panted.

Eventually, I spotted Karenbana leaning against a tree on the side of the road about a hundred meters in front of me, picking at her fingernails as she waited for me to catch up.

"Oh, would you look at that," Karenbana said, feigning a yawn. "I was just thinking about taking that nap."

Motherfucker.

#

The sun began to dip below the trees, and with it, the light began to quickly fade. I came to a stop in a small clearing by the road and then dropped down to sit against the base of a tree. I could feel Karenbana moving through the trees ahead of me with Energy Sense, returning when she realised I'd stopped following the road.

"You're pretty slow," Karenbana said, dropping her pack against the tree. "But I'll admit, we got a lot further in one day than I was expecting."

"I'll get you tomorrow," I warned, "Just you wait."

"What happened to your pack?" Karenbana said, sucking in a breath. "If you left it behind in a stupid attempt to catch up—"

"Tiny minion of little faith," I said, smacking the ground in front of me. "Sit."

Karenbana 'accidentally' kicked me in the leg as she rounded the tree and then loomed over me for a moment as she searched the area for the bag. Eventually, she did follow my direction, dropping down to sit crosslegged in front of me. I watched as she shrugged off her coat, leaving it to slip down her back to pool around her hips on the ground. A full day of running had left her looking rough around the edges. Slow my running speed may have been in comparison to a kunoichi of her calibre, but she'd been forced to keep moving from morning to dusk.

"I'm going to reveal to you a secret I have never told anyone else," I said, "In exchange for this incredible show of trust, you will owe me a secret of equal value."

"What kind of secret?" Karenbana hedged.

"I mean, if you don't want to know, I could just keep it to myself," I said, shrugging, "Is that your final decision?"

"Fine," Karenbana muttered, "I agree to the terms—tell me the stupid secret."

"Behold," I said, withdrawing a bottle of water from my inventory. "A bottle of water."

It appeared in my hand without transition, and Karenbana stared at it for a long moment before reaching out to take it from me.

"You have a storage seal in your hand—which is where the bag is," Karenbana guessed, "How are you hiding the ink?"

"It's not a storage seal," I said, shaking my head. "Behold, an apple."

The apple appeared in the middle of my outstretched hand, and Karenbana took it from me. She placed both objects down on the ground before moving to investigate my hand—I grunted when she jerked me forward a bit to get a better look at my palm and again when she twisted it around to get at the back.

"It's not a storage seal?" Karenbana frowned, "Where are you pulling these from?

"It's actually a large subspace that only I can access," I explained, "Pretty much any object that I'm capable of picking up can be placed inside of it—food won't expire or degrade while it's inside, and water stays refreshingly cold."

"It preserves food?" Karenbana said, genuinely impressed. "That actually sounds amazing—what else does it work on?"

"Everything, more or less," I said before clearing my throat, "Behold, your shirt."

My hand, still trapped in her grasp, was well within the range of her collar, so I hooked my index finger inside of it—and the entire thing vanished into my inventory, leaving her sitting on the ground, naked from the waist up. Karenbana's grip on my wrist became impossibly tight, and I struggled not to react to the increasing pressure.

"Now, in my defence, you did peek on me while I was getting changed," I said, staring at her shamelessly, "I feel like that should buy me at least a thirty-second head start."

Karenbana paused at the words, face flushed in the low light.

"You get ten seconds," Karenbana managed. "Then I'm going to kick the living shit out of you."

I retrieved my arm from her now loose fingers and pushed myself up to my feet. I took a moment to straighten out my clothing and brush off some of the dirt that had accumulated over the course of the day—and then I took off in the direction of the road. Karenbana, the filthy little liar, didn't even wait four seconds before she vanished from her place with a startling speed. I attempted a desperate, last-second evasion and ended up getting kicked in the leg hard enough to send me crashing forward onto the ground.

I got one hand behind her knee and then, using my shoulder as a fulcrum, attempted to force her to the ground with the full force of my weight. Instead, I found her feet sealed to the ground and completely immovable—pain burst into existence across my face as she brought her knee up into my chin with a crack. I rolled backwards with the momentum of the hit, attempting to come up on the other side with my hands up in front of my face. Karenbana stalked forward towards me without fear and entirely without a shirt.

"You dare challenge me, tiny naked demon?" I cried out, "You could have at least put a shirt on first."

Karenbana made a strangled noise in the back of her throat and then swayed past my attempt to punch her in the face—my head snapped to the side as her fist crashed into my cheek, and I stumbled backwards in an attempt to keep my feet underneath me. I took another swing at her, and this time she caught it in her palm, stopping it cold. Karenbana's foot crashed into my instep; she hooked her foot behind my knee and then dragged it back towards her—my knee crashed down onto the dirt under the force of her inhuman strength. My clenched fist, still caught in her grip, was pressed back over my head as she pushed forward, and if not for the foot planted on my calf, I would have fallen backwards.

"Just so we're clear," I managed, straining with all of my might. "I'm only letting you win so I can keep on enjoying the view."

I dumped all of my mana into a Heal, bringing me back up to full health and using my new-found second wind, I took another swing at her with my free arm. Because she was a goddamned shinobi, she caught that one as well. I had absolutely no leverage from the odd position, and this time when she pushed forwards, I fell, crashing down onto my back in the dirt. I wheezed out as she sat down on my stomach with all of her inconsiderable weight. I attempted to force my way up, but I couldn't budge her at all; she had to be using chakra to keep her knees attached to the ground. The size disparity between us should have done something to help me fight her off, but it was contributing literally nothing to the fight. I'd been in a dozen or so fights back home—some of which had been against people who'd been bigger than I was—and I'd never been manhandled like this in my entire life.

"This is such bullshit," I said, still struggling against her. "How are you this strong—you vertically challenged muscle monster."

I grunted as she forced my forearm down onto my face, pinning it there and tragically cutting off my ability to see her. Pinned on the ground and unable to force my way free, I decided to just cut my losses—I let myself go limp.

"You win," I complained. "I give up."

Karenbana lifted my now limp arm up, checking to see if I'd really given up. Once she was satisfied, she slowly and very deliberately moved my hand down to curl around her thigh. I tightened my grip on her, more out of reflex than any kind of higher-conscious thought.

"This doesn't mean anything—and I want my clothes back after," Karenbana said, looking down at me. "Understand?"

#

Broken Neck Pass was a mess of trees, layered hills, and ridges, zigzagging back and forth, overlapping one another. Beyond it all was simply the horizon, empty of obstruction, the sky bright and visible.

"How far north is the castle?" Karenbana asked.

I kept my eyes on the shitty paper map that Karenbana had brought back in Nashi, using it as sort of a tool to refresh my memory of Kakeru's far superior one.

"I'm not exactly sure about that," I said, "It's not actually on any of the maps I've seen."

Karenbana frowned at the words, turning to look over at me.

"I've never heard of a castle being here at all, and if it's not on any map," Karenbana said, "What makes you think it even exists in the first place—someone would have marked it on a map."

"That would require them to have seen it in person, and the people who end up seeing it usually end up dead," I offered, "So it kind of makes sense for nobody to know about it."

"What do you mean, they end up dead?" Karenbana said, "I thought you said it was old and unoccupied?"

"It's actually not that old compared to most castles—fifty years old if I'm remembering correctly," I said, waving the map around to accentuate my point. "As for unoccupied, that part is true—for the living."

I wriggled my fingers, accompanying the gesture with a spooky noise that I thought a ghost might have made—Karenbana looked entirely unimpressed by the theatrics.

"I don't care about any of that," Karenbana said, speaking slowly as if to a small child. "Why do people end up dead?"

"Do you mean, like, in general?" I wondered. "Because there's a lot of reasons why people end up dead—"

"Broken Neck Pass is about to claim another victim," Karenbana warned, and then quickly continued when I opened my mouth to respond. "It's you. You are the victim, and I'm going to break your neck."

"What kind of shitty bodyguard threatens the client?" I demanded.

"The kind that has to put up with you for more than a week," Karenbana insisted. "Sora—what the hell are we even doing here?"

I grunted at the words, taking a moment to fold up the map before vanishing it into my inventory. There was probably no reason not to reveal what we were looking for at this point, and she was starting to look a bit jumpy—my spooky ghost impression had totally gotten under her skin.

"Kubisaki's castle isn't actually a castle at all—like you said, if there was a castle here, it would have been marked down on a map, and people would have actually heard about it," I said, spotting a familiar fork in the road. "It also wouldn't be abandoned because what's the point of building a castle if you're only going to leave it behind—we're getting close."

I turned off the main road, following the smaller, shittier path into the trees, and Karenbana followed.

"How is a castle not a castle?" Karenbana asked. "What is it—an illusion?"

"It's actually Shiromari, the Boss Summon of the Chameleons," I said, squinting through the trees. "Fifty years ago, he was summoned to The Land of Neck by Kubisaki as a trap to kill the man's enemies—he lost a battle or something; it sounded super traumatic."

"The Chameleons?" Karenbana said, at a loss for words. "Like the summons of the Sannin?"

Karenbana caught hold of my shoulder, directing my attention up through the trees on her side of the path. I could just see a flash of blue-black colour between all the browns and greens—I smiled.

#

"You're going inside of it," Karenbana said, "Are you stupid?"

"Of course I'm going inside of it," I said, baffled. "How else do you think I'm going to save the guy?"

"You literally just told me that anyone who goes inside of it gets trapped forever and then dies of dehydration," Karenbana said, "Why the hell do you think that's not going to happen to you?"

"That kind of thing could never happen to me," I said, rolling my eyes. "Look, just chill at the camp until I get back—it's going to take me a few hours, tops."

"You're going to die," Karenbana said, "Just like everyone else that goes inside."

I reached out and took a risk by patting her on the head, ruffling the two inches of hair.

"Sit, stay—good girl," I said, being as condescending as I could manage. "Don't bark while I'm gone—fucking hell—wait, it's going to break—"

Karenbana let go of my finger, and I shook my hand out, hissing in pain—she was getting way too worked up over this. I glared at her for a minute, dumping my mana into a Heal just in case she'd actually manage to knock off a few Health Points.

"Fuck," I said, with one last shake of my hand. "If I'm not back in—how long until our month is up?"

"Two weeks," Karenbana said, frowning. "You'll be dead long before then."

"You better fucking wait it out—I paid for a month, you shitty bodyguard," I warned, drawing a line between our eyes to make sure she knew I'd be watching. "Don't let anyone steal our tent, okay? Anyway—I'm off; wish me luck."

I leapt off the little raised overhang and down to the road, stumbling from the drop before managing to catch my balance. Nodding at the sheer grace of my descent, I set off down the path towards the towering castle. The closer I got, the more I had to force down the rising panic that what I was walking towards was actually a gigantic animal that could easily kill me by rolling over. I made it to the massive stone steps, and then as I started my ascent, the range of Energy Sense started to overlap with the actual castle—and then a wall of densely packed chakra made itself known to me.

"There's no way a sensor shinobi wouldn't have figured out what you were the second they got close," I said, speaking out loud. "Shiromari—you've had it pretty rough, huh?"

The massive double doors creaked open, the wall of chakra inside of each shuddering with the movement. The further up the stairs I got, the more walls of chakra came into my range, including the ceiling of the first and second floors.

"Fifty years is a seriously long time to be away from your family," I said as I reached the front doors. "I'm actually in the same situation right now, if you can believe it—I kind of woke up here, but all my family and friends are in a place I can't get back to."

I stepped through the doors and into the massive hall, continuing on until I was standing in the middle of it. The grand staircase sat ahead of me, leading up to the second story, a balcony ringing the entirety of the room. A dozen doors on each floor lead off in every direction; roughly half of them had nothing but densely packed chakra behind them, while others had deadends. Three of the doors on each floor were hallways that led deeper into the building and far outside of my range. I could feel the front doors of the building slowly closing, and considering how fast they had opened, I made an educated guess that Shiromari was deliberately giving me time to get my bearings.

"Don't worry, buddy, I'm going to send you back home," I said, feeling around with Energy Sense. "I think we both know what I'm looking for, but you're a big guy—it would be a lot easier if I knew which direction to go."

The chandelier, hanging high above the hall, rattled once before falling still again—up seemed like a safe bet. I started forward, feeling some of the other walls start to slowly move, some of the entrances closing off, others opening up into newly built hallways. By the time I'd made it to the second floor, almost everything on the first floor had changed—it was kind of impressive just how much control he seemed to have over his own body. I followed the balcony around, ignoring the fake doors that were creaking open as I went, attempting to entice me in.

The next set of stairs was much smaller than the staircase below, and they curved up to the right, a long hallway joining them to the opposite set of stairs—only by the time I'd reached the top, that set had been entirely walled off. I felt a new shape within my Energy Sense, long, tubular and filled with densely packed chakra, rotating in the opposite direction to everything else around me.

"I actually only figured out where you were about two weeks ago, and because I'm kind of weak right now, I had to hire a kunoichi to help me get here," I said, "Her name's Karenbana, and she was super upset about your situation when I finally got around to telling her where we were actually going."

I paused at a set of three doors that definitely hadn't been there a few moments ago. One of them was a dead end, one had a hole in the floor, and the first one on my right led to the third floor proper. Opening the door on the right, I stepped inside and started to cross the room, tracking the scroll through the wall and using its position to find the best way upwards.

"Karenbana wanted to come help save you, but I made her stay at the camp because she would have probably gotten eaten or something," I said, "I told her it was because I was worried about bandits stealing our tent—as if I don't have three of those stashed away as a backup."

I avoided the hole in the floor, covered only by a large ornate carpet, and then stepped through the door on the left corner of the room. Another staircase, small, cramped, and made from stone, led up and to the left in a long curve. I could feel the walls slowly creeping inwards as I ascended, the entrance sealing shut first before the stairs began to collapse behind me.

"Anyway, I'll probably give her your scroll to hang onto, so expect her to attempt to call you up in a few days for a proper introduction," I said, stepping over the wall of flesh that was slowly rising up to block off the doorway. "I suppose that depends on whether or not she actually has the chakra to manage that—let's call it a work in progress, yeah?"

The walls of the room twisted, slowly reaching inwards towards me as I reached down and placed my hand on top of the scroll.

"Either way, enjoy your freedom, Shiromari," I said, "Cya."

The scroll vanished into my inventory, and then the room vanished along with it—at which point I realised I'd made something of a strategic misstep. Namely, I was on what amounted to the fourth floor of the building, and now the building no longer existed. The stone foundation that had sat beneath the building, some leftover structure of a bygone era, raced up to meet me. I hit the ground feet-first, my legs snapping beneath me, and then the rest of my body followed. My right arm broke at the wrist, unable to withstand the force of the impact, and my face smashed into my bicep a moment later.

Stunned as I was, I managed to find the presence of mind to dump my mana into a pair of Heals before dropping into Meditate—the skill actually took the edge off the pain, and through it, I managed to fire off a series of consecutive Heals that brought me back to full health. I struggled up into a sitting position and looked down at the mess of blood coating the stone foundation—I'd completely ruined my shirt. I glanced up as a familiar energy signature crested the stairs and found Karenbana staring at me with wide eyes. I pushed myself up to my feet, struggling not to slip in the blood, before starting forward in her direction. I opened my inventory, paused as I realised my hands were covered in blood, and then spent a moment further ruining the material of my shirt by wiping them clean.

"Sora?" Karenbana managed.

I withdrew the Chameleon Summoning Scroll out of my inventory and pushed it into Karenbana's hands, the size of it comically large.

"That has to be worth at least two months of protection, you shitty bodyguard," I said, stepping past her and down onto the stairs. "I told Shiromari you'd try to summon him in a few days, although I doubt you've got the chakra for it yet—maybe start with something smaller and work your way up."

"You're just giving this to me?" Karenbana said, stunned.

"You have to sign the scroll with your blood, and the hand you sign it with is the one you use to actually use the technique," I said, the bottom of my shoe sliding against the too-smooth step, "You bite your thumb, smear blood on your hand, and then press your fingers down onto a surface."

"Can you stop?" Karenbana tried, "We need to talk about this—"

"I also told Shiromari that you cried when you heard about him being trapped here for so long," I said, continuing down without pause. "He totally thinks you're a crybaby now, so you better figure out how to summon some tears when you meet him—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Karenbana strangled out.

#

I eyed the Skill Creation Resistance with a critical eye, the number two shining back at me—two weeks was a hell of a long time to wait for it to get back to zero. The backlash hadn't been too back at this level, had it? It was only the three-to-four where it got really bad. Besides, I'd learned a very important lesson after smashing into the ground from four stories up—namely, that my durability was absolutely non-existent. What was worse was that no matter how much I stared at my Vitality score, I couldn't imagine it having any effect in that area.

Having more health wouldn't increase my damage mitigation; it would just keep me alive and in a horrifically damaged state for much, much longer. Ergo, I needed to create some kind of skill that directly addressed my inability to increase my durability. I didn't want an active-use shield because I wouldn't be able to block anything that I didn't know was coming—what I really needed was something that was up all of the time. The same type of reserve mana skill that Energy Sense and Stealth both functioned within. The first thing that came to mind was that guy from the sound four coating himself in that yellow stuff—but that sounded like a mess to clean up. Kimmimaro had a bloodline limit that allowed him to harden his bones to supernatural levels.

Hiruko had stolen another bloodline limit that allowed him to turn his skin into steel—Kakazu had something similar, didn't he? Earth Release: Earth Spear—which made his skin as hard as a diamond. Those both sounded like something that would protect me from any number of things being thrown my way. A barrier, either held flat against my skin or one that actually hardened my skin with mana. I closed my eyes and dropped into Meditate, coming up with a mantra that would get me the kind of skill I was hoping for.

"A passive skin-tight barrier of mana," I murmured, "Damage mitigation, defensive barrier."

I imagined what it would look like and repeated the mantra, the pressure of the Skill Creation rising up quickly, far more responsive than the last few times I'd used it. I kept going, curating the pressure into what I wanted, pushing it into the mould I was creating. A defensive net of energy held skin tight around my body, increasing my durability, mitigating incoming damage and protecting me from all harm.

You have unlocked a new skill, Iron Hide.

The wave of despair that followed was caught in the hold of Meditate and promptly torn to pieces beneath the twisting mass of energy. It withdrew from my mind, all at once, receding into the dark, and when I opened my eyes, I spent a moment remembering exactly why I'd wanted to wait for Skill Creation Resistance to reach zero.

Iron Hide(Lv1)

Reserves 109.50(150) mana to mitigate incoming damage by 0.25 (+0.25 per level)

Active skill use grants EXP towards this skill.

"You can zero-point-two-five my dick," I grunted, "What's this going to save me from, a papercut?"

I toggled it on and found myself without enough mana to do anything else, right back at square one. I needed some kind of daily schedule for this, I was starting to get to the point where I had too many skills to train, and they came in two sets—the reserve cost ones, which lowered my mana to the point where I couldn't cast anything else, and the instant cast ones that depleted my mana. My physical skills hadn't increased at all, with the singular exception of Martial Arts, which was now level two courtesy of Karenbana beating the shit out of me. Maybe I could rotate days; on the first day, I could do Stealth, Energy Sense and Iron Hide while also exercising to increase my attributes, and then on the next one, Heal, Line Spear, Status Removal, and Meditate.

"Good enough for now," I sighed, pressing my finger against the ground. "Line Spear. Line Spear—"

"What are you doing?" Karenbana said, speaking up for the first time in hours. "You've been muttering to yourself for a while."

"I'm training, which is exactly what I told you I was doing," I said, annoyed. "What are you doing—didn't I tell you to practice summoning?"

"I don't know the hand seals," Karenbana said, "They weren't inside the scroll."

The fact that she'd kept quiet rather than actually ask me for help was something I couldn't help but note down—was it her being embarrassed about asking for assistance, or was she simply too anxious about what my response would have been?

"You don't even know how to do the summoning technique?" I needled, "Maybe you would have known how to do it if you actually went to shinobi school you damn drop out."

Karenbana scrunched her face up at the words.

"Say I knew what they were; what would that be worth to you, huh? A secret—" I said before pausing. "Hey, I just realised that you totally scammed me—I told you about my amazing subspace technique, and instead of telling me a secret, you beat the shit out of me."

"You deserved that," Karenbana said, averting her eyes for a moment. "Do you actually know the hand seals?"

Well, I vaguely knew what they were from before because I'd been the kind of loser who'd run around shouting Summoning Jutsu: Nut Cracker before smacking people in the nuts. But far more recently than that, I'd actually asked Naruto for clarification about them under the guise of attempting to Summon a steaming hot bowl of ramen. Something I'd long since purchased in the city and then pulled straight of my inventory—he'd been exactly as impressed as you might have expected.

"Of course I do; exactly what kind of legendary kunoichi trainer would I be if I didn't know something as fundamental as that?" I said before squinting at her. "You're not getting them until I get two secrets."

"What do you want to know?" Karenbana said, struggling a bit. "I already told you about my techniques—I don't have anything else."

"That stuff is boring anyway," I said. "Tell me about you and your old team—Ishidate, Kongo and Karenbana."

Karenbana tore out a handful of grass.

"Ishidate was a piece of shit," Karenbana muttered, scattering the grass with a flick of her wrist. "He was the son of the previous head of the Uemon Clan, so he was the one who got to make the decisions when we were doing missions—if you didn't do what he said, he would kick the shit out of you."

"Kongo?" I prompted.

"He had anger issues," Karenbana said, "But I suppose he was alright when he wasn't in one of his moods."

"How long were you working together?" I asked.

"Ishidate and Kongo were actually on a separate team with someone else, and I was kind of stuck filling the role of whichever team didn't have a third member at the time," Karenbana admitted, "I got pulled into a mission with them about nine months ago after their third got killed—it was only supposed to be for about a month."

"You liked them so much you decided to become their third?" I wondered, "How progressive."

"Idiot," Karenbana said, rolling her eyes. "The entirety of the Uemon Clan got wiped out while we were out on that mission, and we were the only three left."

"You don't seem too upset about that," I pointed out.

"I'm not," Karenbana said. "The clan was a mess, and most of us didn't even get a choice about joining in the first place—I'm glad they're gone."

"Congratulation on your freedom," I said, "Who wiped them out?"

"Iwagakure—at least that was our best guess," Karenbana said before shaking her head. "I suppose it could have been Kusagakure or maybe even Takigakure."

"What was the catalyst for that?" I asked.

"Either someone paid them to get rid of us out of revenge for something we'd done in the past, or they did it because we were undercutting them," Karenbana said, rolling a blade of grass between her thumb and index finger. "Probably both."

There was a bit of a lull, so I hummed at the silence.

"Ishidate was a piece of shit, and Kongo had anger issues, but he was alright, sometimes," I said, repeating what she'd said back at her. "What was Karenbana like during all of that?"

"Angry," Karenbana murmured, "Lonely."

I thought I could understand that a little—not about the shinobi nonsense because that was just crazy—but the loneliness and the feeling of not really belonging. I'd never been one to make friends easily; my personality came off as pretty abrasive to most people. Too irreverent, too impulsive, too upfront about what I wanted and too forward about asking what they expected in return. A lot of people didn't like to think about just how transactional our relationships were, and almost none of them could appreciate someone peeling back the layer of shared obfuscation that everyone seemed to have come to a silent agreement to live within.

"Well, it's you and me now, buddy." I said, catching her eye, "We can be lonely together."

#

"Why did you go to the Land of Moon?" Karenbana said, breaking the silence. "Were you hired by Prince Michiru alongside the shinobi from Konohagakure?"

"Why would you think that?" I said.

"Because you showed up right after his ship docked?" Karenbana said, frowning. "We watched the palace for like an entire week before Shabadaba finally gave us permission to attack—you weren't anywhere near the king at that point."

"Huh," I said, scratching my chin. "When was the first time you actually saw me?"

"When you stepped out of the trees and hit me in the leg," Karenbana said, "I had no idea you existed before that point."

"I didn't even go there on purpose," I admitted, "I actually washed up on the beach about two weeks before the coup started."

"Washed up on the beach?" Karenbana repeated, "Where were you before that?"

"Not on the beach," I nodded. "In other words, elsewhere."

Karenbana grunted at the answer—and I was vaguely disappointed that she didn't attempt to dig further; she'd clearly spent enough time around me to realise that I wasn't going to answer.

"You were there before the coup started and before the Prince arrived," Karenbana said, "How did you even get involved?"

"I was hiking in the forest, and I found a cave with a guy inside doing his best impression of a statue," I said, "Kakeru looked like he could use some help, so I fixed him up and sent him on his way—well, technically I carried him down to the beach with the intent of dropping him off on a ship, but still."

"You just randomly stumbled onto King Tsuki in a cave?" Karenbana said, stunned. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"You know, I was thinking about it the other day," I said, ignoring her outburst. "If Shabadaba had waited until Prince Michiru had returned and Team Seven had left, you would have totally succeeded in taking over the country instead of getting absolutely handled by yours truly—"

"Fuck off," Karenbana insisted.

"—I probably would have set off on this journey without you—Kakeru wouldn't have given me a bunch of money either because he would be dead, so I'd be pretty down bad," I said, squinting. "I probably would have pawned that Summon Scroll off to some loser in Nashi so I could buy a new set of clothes—"

"There's no way you would have done that," Karenbana said in disbelief. "Are you serious—"

"Then I would have just made a beeline for the Land of Mountain without any more detours," I wondered, "No, wait, that's not true—I would have needed to find some other loser to follow me around and do my bidding—Land of Rivers has one I could pick up."

"Shut up," Karenbana demanded. "What's in the Land of Mountains?"

"The three losers that attacked the Land of Snow are dead, so it couldn't be them. Haku and Kimmimaro are both dead as well, which sucks for real, and I can't control Jugo on my own," I muttered before clicking my fingers. "I could have freed Suigetsu and then convinced him to work with me by giving him the sword, but he probably would have killed me and then run off with it—"

"You're doing the fucking thing again," Karenbana accused. "You're saying random names and places, but everything is too vague too—"

"—If I could figure out a way to get Itachi on his own, I could promise to heal him in exchange for his help, but he'd be too busy trying to do his own thing to run around the country with me," I said, "Utakata is way too high on his own bubbles to play ball. Guren, Kabuto and Karin are all enthusiastic Orochimaru dick riders—seriously, they put in some damn work—and even if I could break them away, I'd probably end up under a knife—"

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"If you keep on ignoring me," Karenbana threatened, "I'm going to make you answer me."

"Damn, where are all the surprisingly desperate, incredibly disenfranchised, and highly vulnerable shinobi that were supposed to be running around," I said, stumped. "This little thing can't be the only one, surely?"

I lunged to the side in an attempt to preempt her attack, her hand barely missing as she reached for my shoulder. Planting my foot against the ground, I threw myself forward into a dead sprint—and she caught me before I'd made it four steps. My leg vanished from underneath me as she booted me in the ankle with all the force of a sledgehammer, and I went down, barely managing to get my shoulder in place. I attempted to painfully roll with the momentum and then found myself pinned to the ground, as she stamped in the centre of my back.

"We do not, squish, the client," I wheezed, "What the hell is your problem?"

I grunted as she dropped down onto me and then let out a pained cry as she twisted my arm behind my back. My cheek scraped against the grass as she took hold of my hair and then pressed down, leaving me flailing my one free hand in an attempt to discourage her from further violence.

"Are you listening to me now?" Karenbana said, twisting my arm higher. "Because if you're not, I can wait for you to finish."

"This is the opposite of waiting for me to finish," I complained. "You tiny demon—wait—it was just—we can be civil about this—"

"You keep dropping cryptic hints about places we're going," Karenbana said, leaning down until she was speaking directly into my ear. "I don't like that; it makes me anxious."

"A little bit anxious? Maybe if you drank a tall glass of—I'm so, so sorry for all the things I said," I squeaked as she twisted my arm again. "I didn't mean anything by it, I swear."

"Well?" Karenbana murmured. "I think you have something to tell me?"

"It's true—I really do have something to tell you—I—I—I have the most confusing erection right now," I admitted because I simply couldn't stop. "You've somehow actually managed to use pavlovian conditioning to make me enjoy being beaten up—hold on, let's talk about this—"

"This is me talking," Karenbana managed, flustered. "Why are we going to the Land of Waves?"

"Because I need to pick up a weapon," I said, with one eye clenched shut in pain. "That's all I'm saying about it."

"What about the Land of Rivers?" Karenbana said, easing up on the pressure. "Why are we going there?"

"I'm not telling you," I said, attempting to stake out a hill to die on. "You still owe me another secret; you're not getting any more of mine until you actually follow through."

"Does everything have to be a trade with you?" Karenbana said.

"Your damn right it does," I managed, "Everything in the world is a trade, Karenbana; the faster you figure that out, the better off you'll be."

"Why do you even care about my secrets?" Karenbana said, her grip on my wrist lessening. "You didn't even get a secret last time; you just asked me a bunch of stupid questions about something that doesn't even matter—it was a total waste."

"I got to learn more about you, Karenbana; I could never call something like that a waste," I said before pausing. "That was a pretty good line, huh? You can put your panties back on, squirt—I'm no longer in the mood."

"I'm seriously going to break your fucking arm," Karenbana managed to strangle out.

"That's the spirit," I said before sucking in a sharp breath. "Wait—I'll totally cry, and you'll feel terrible about it."

"I don't have any more secrets," Karenbana said.

I didn't believe her for a second—but there'd be more chances for me to ferret something like that out of her in the future.

"Tell me something embarrassing about you that you don't want me to know," I said, "How'd you feel when I gave you that scroll the other day—you were surprised, right?"

Karenbana's grip on my arm loosened again, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're wasting it again," Karenbana said.

"I don't think it's a waste, and you don't get to decide that for me," I disagreed, "Did your heart beat fast? You fell in love, right? Admit it."

"Idiot," Karenbana muttered. "I—I felt confused."

"That's it?" I wondered.

"I don't understand why you'd just give me something like that," Karenbana said, clearly trying to verbalize her thoughts. "There's nobody in the world who would just give something that valuable away."

"Technically, I traded it to you for two months of protection," I corrected. "Just so we're clear."

"Don't you know how much that's worth?" Karenbana asked.

"Well, there's probably a few dozen summoning scrolls floating around the world, but there's only one for the Chameleons—so it's probably priceless," I said, blowing out a breath in order to try and get the grass away from my mouth. "Now, doesn't that sound familiar?"

"The occasional priceless artifact," Karenbana said, "You said that back when we were negotiating prices."

"You thought I was just making shit up?" I guessed, "I always follow through on my promises—you better keep that in mind going forward."

"Why would you only ask for two months of protection when you know it's priceless?" Karenbana murmured. "Do you get off on making bad deals?"

"Bad deals? There aren't enough summoning scrolls in the world to pay you what you're really worth, Karenbana—because to me, you're irreplaceable," I said before taking a peek back over my shoulder. "Got you again, didn't I? You're totally blushing right now—"

"Why are you like this?" Karenbana managed.

"I've been told that I talk a lot when I'm nervous—but I only ever get nervous around women who possess an otherworldly beauty," I said, lowering my voice a shade. "Can you feel how fast my heart is beating, Karenbana? You did that to me."

"Stop talking," Karenbana said, mortified.

#

"There's nothing in the Land of Vegetables that we need," I said, watching the treetops. "So we should just try to blast on through to the border—shouldn't take us more than three days to cross into the Land of Fire."

"What then?" Karenbana wondered. "East will get us to the coastline; where's the nearest port city on the Senzai Gulf? We can probably find a ship to take us to the Land of Wave from there."

"Hell if I know," I said, shrugging. "I'm thinking we just follow the coast all the way to the bridge."

"Bridge?" Karenbana wondered.

"The Great Naruto Bridge, named after the same blonde kid who kicked your ass back in Moon," I said, "It stretches from the mainland all the way to the Land of Waves."

"I don't remember any bridge like that," Karenbana said, frowning. "When did it get built?"

Considering the Sunagakure-Otogakure invasion had only occurred a few months back, the mission to the Land of Waves must have been a month or so before that.

"The start of this year?" I guessed. "There's actually a pretty interesting story behind—is it just me, or is that smoke?"

"It's a fire—multiple fires," Karenbana said, frowning. "Stay here."

Karenbana vanished in a blur of motion, and I glanced up at the trees, in the last place where I'd felt her energy signature, but she was already gone. I kept on walking because I wasn't going to take orders from some five-foot-nothing kunoichi—at least not when my arm wasn't in danger of breaking. I kept my eyes on the trees above, searching through the gaps for more flashes of the sky, and after I'd passed through a few different clearings, it became pretty clear that she'd been right.

There was at least a dozen different fire spread out all over the countryside, singular and thin trails of dark smoke striking up into the sky, marking each of them. My first thought was that they were burning off crops, but that seemed like a pretty incredible feat of synchronisation from a dozen different people, none of which were anywhere near one another. My second thought was of an arsonist running around and causing strife.

"You know what really steams my vegetables?" I muttered, "A countryside in shambles."

The Land of Vegetables—I hadn't given it too much thought because It wasn't one of my main destinations, but I did have a vague memory of the name. Had they gone here for one of their missions in the show, or maybe it had been a game? Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables. Bordered by the Land of Fire, and it was currently on fire—suspicious, for sure, but I couldn't place it, which made me think it had been named only as a way to flesh out the worldbuilding. Karenbana had still yet to return, and with my vision of the sky blocked, I was left in a complete informational blackout.

I should really try copying their whole tree-climbing thing because walking around down here on the ground like a loser was totally lame. It was still about three days before Skill Creation Resistance ticked back down to two again; I could wait that long, at least. Karenbana appeared at the edge of my range, coming from behind, and then she landed directly beside me.

"What part of stay don't you understand?" Karenbana demanded.

"The part where you thought I was going to actually listen," I said, "Anything to report? Please try to keep it short, though, because that's what I've come to expect from you."

"I could only get a visual on three of them," Karenbana said. "They are all farms, and it's only the buildings that are burning—the crops are untouched."

"Arson," I deduced, "Just as I suspected."

"You didn't suspect shit," Karenbana grunted, "The capital is to our northeast, about four hours' walk from here, and there's two fires there as well."

"Are we talking little teeny-weeny-Karenbeany-sized fires or the kind where the entire city is burning?" I wondered, closing my eyes to avoid her glare. "Because we might have an opportunity on our hands."

"There isn't much smoke compared to the others," Karenbana said, teeth bared. "It looks like it's under control."

"Is there a Daimyo here?" I frowned, and when she answered in the affirmative. "Name?"

"Kybetsu Aoki," Karenbana said.

"Never heard of him," I sighed, "Whatever, let's swing past the capital to see if there's anything interesting going on—maybe I'll stumble on another king in a cave."

#

"Listen, you don't want any of what I've got, lady," I said, raising my fists up. "Trust me—I invented martial arts when I was six years old."

"Stay behind me," Karenbana hissed, holding her kunai up. "What is your business with us?"

The masked woman watched the two of us from her branch, silent and with her arms held loosely at her sides. There was another person, hidden behind the trunk of a tree to our left, his energy signature clear as day to me.

"Who hired you?" The woman said.

"Nobody," Karebana said, "We're passing through—is the capital off limits?"

"For you, it is," The woman said. "Either turn around here or die."

"Nah fuck that, I'm going to the capital, and you can't stop me," I said, rolling my shoulders back. "Karenbana, you've got way more chakra than her, beat her up, and I'll get the one behind the tree—the first one to die loses."

I started towards the tree, throwing out punches to make sure he knew what was coming his way.

"Sora," Karenbana hissed, making as if to stop me. "You fucking—"

Karenbana surged forward, cutting between the woman up in the tree and me, kunai raised high. I caught the shower of sparks flashing into existence as she deflected a trio of shuriken out of mid-air, the motion too fast to follow. I turned back as the man twisted around the tree, moving at an obscene pace as he circled around until Karenbana was somewhere behind me.

"I can see you move," I cried, bolstered by the knowledge that I was actually getting stronger. "You're a Jounin, aren't you? That's why you're so fast—Karenbana, if I can beat him, you're getting fired."

The shinobi stepped back out of range as I finally reached him, his footwork looking far too nonchalant for how pressured he must have felt. I tossed out a punch, aiming for his head—and then stumbled backwards as his foot somehow crashed into the side of mine.

"Motherfucker," I cried out. "That was a freebie—"

I thrust my foot straight out in front of me in an attempt to kick him square in the chest, but the little bastard slipped to the side and then spun low, sweeping my standing leg out from under me. I crashed down onto my back and then started rolling to the side in an attempt to avoid any kind of follow-up. Three rolls in, I attempted to rise to my feet, and then he was on me, his leading punch passing through the middle of my guard. I stepped into it, attempting to tank the punch head-on, hoping it would give me a chance to actually hit him. It felt like being hit by a truck, and my nose shattered beneath the force, but I managed to keep enough forward momentum to strike out at him. He slapped my attack out of the air like he'd seen it coming from a mile away.

"As expected of a Jounin from the Land of Vegetables," I gasped out, covering my bleeding nose with my hand. "You're just as powerful as I imagined you would be."

I dumped my mana into a pair of Heal's, fixing my nose and bringing me right back up to full health—I blew a burst of blood out of my nostril before straightening up.

"But this match has already been decided," I said, jabbing a thumb at my own chest. "I've only been using half of my power—"

Karenbana crashed into my opponent from the side, moving so fast that I wasn't even sure where the hell she'd actually come from. Her foot took him in the side of the head, and then she drove him into the ground with the same attack, kicking up a spread of dirt from the impact—the guy didn't get up, and I was left staring at her in disbelief.

"Are you kidding me, Karenbana?" I cried, "That was my Jounin, and I was fucking winning."

"On what planet is this trash a Jounin?" Karenbana managed, breathing a bit heavily. "He was barely a genin—and you were getting destroyed."

"You take that back," I demanded. "Fuck you—where is the other one? I'll beat her instead."

I grunted as she snatched hold of the front of my shirt, her eyes wide and filled with an energy I hadn't seen since the last time she'd kicked the shit out of me.

"I already killed her," Karebana said, gripping the front of my shirt. "You—I—are you fucking stupid?"

"You wanna tangle with the Jounin destroyer, pipsqueak?" I cried, trying and failing to break her grip. "Let's go a round—wait a minute, there's a third one—"

I hit the ground back first, bounced off a tree, and then ended up halfway buried in the bushes as Karenbana threw me out of the way. The guy had at least twice as much chakra as the girl had, and Karenbana was driven backwards out of the clearing. I fought my way free of the mess and set off in an attempt to follow them. Karenbana went backwards up a tree, doing her best to block, deflect and survive the much larger man's savage assault.

"Fire Release: Great Flaming Balls," I cried out. "Got you, dumb fuck—that's not even a real technique."

The man broke off his attack the second the first two words cleared my mouth, and then I shot off a Line Spear at where I thought he was going to land—it missed entirely as he stuck his foot to a branch and then used the momentum to spin up on top of it. I dropped into Meditate and then fired at him again, but he was already moving towards me. My attack was at least a second too late, and he'd already hit the ground in front of me, the white line of energy vanishing above him. He caught my arm before I could aim it at him and then buried his kunai into the side of my neck.

I choked at the sudden overwhelming pain that burst outwards from the contact and then bent my finger to the side—Line Spear took him in the side of the head and passed straight on through before vanishing into the forest beyond. The man collapsed, and the kunai tore free of my neck in the process. Given he'd been the only thing really keeping me on my feet, I fell with him. Karenbana caught me before I could hit the ground, and I managed to get Meditate back up as she pressed her hand tight against the wound.

"Sora," Karenbana managed.

I reached the threshold for a Heal and fired it off, wiping out most of the wound, but I couldn't stop coughing; too much blood in my throat. It took two more to fix the damage and a few more minutes for me to actually clear my throat of the mess.

"Was that guy a Jounin?" I tried when I could finally speak.

"No, you fucking idiot," Karenbana said, breathing out. "That was a Genin."

"You suck," I complained, "How the hell was he beating you?"

"I was seconds away from killing him when you started to shout random crap out," Karenbana said, scrubbing the blood away from my neck in an attempt to check the wound. "The only reason he didn't die was because of you—you can seriously just walk off getting stabbed in the neck?"

I brushed her hand away and attempted to get up.

"Of course I can, you literally stabbed me on two different occasions, and I was fine both times—did you forget or something?" I said, "Whatever, were these Vegetable shinobi or what? Why were they trying to bully us?"

"There's no such thing," Karenbana said, "They don't have headbands or any other identifying mark—they're wandering shinobi and probably the ones who set all the fires."

"They could be a veteran group of special operatives from one of the hidden villages," I countered, "Chosen specifically because they knew we'd be coming to mess up their shit."

Karenbana dragged me up to my feet, her medical checkup apparently over, and I immediately moved to check through the guy's hip pouch.

"They were Genin," Karenbana repeated, "There might be more of them—do you really want to get involved in whatever is happening here?"

"You're damn right I do; there's something vaguely familiar about this place, and it's starting to really piss me off that I can't remember what it is," I said, "Who knows, maybe this will end up like the Land of Moon after all—that turned out pretty well last time."

"My entire team died, my knee was destroyed, I failed my first mission, and I didn't get paid," Karenbana said, staring at me. "How did that turn out well?"

"Well, I saved a kingdom, made friends with a king, gained the support of Konohagakure, made about fifty thousand moons, and retained the single, strongest member of the Uemon Clan as my personal servant," I said, listing them all off. "I would consider that pretty well."

"I'm the only member of the Uemon Clan because everyone else died," Karenbana said, annoyed. "I'm also not your servant."

"I can't hear you over how busy I am, not listening to a thing you've said," I said, finally figuring out how to unclip the damn pouch. "Oh, sweet—what do these tags do?"

Karenbana snatched the entire pouch out of my hand, aimed it away from her face, and then rifled through the contents. I attempted to get it back, but she just turned away, and I gave up, returning to searching the man's pockets.

"Explosive Tags, Flash Tags, Smoke Bombs, Ration Pills, Food Pills," Karenbana muttered, "Stay here; I'll check the other two."

"Whatever, you little thief," I muttered, rolling him over to get at the other pouch. "Shuriken? So cool."

I clipped it onto my belt and then stuck my hand inside—then shook out my hand as I stabbed myself under the fingernail with the tip of the shinobi star. I tried again, more carefully this time, and then stuck the hunk of metal on my finger, using the hole in the middle to spin it about.

"You think these three have a Jounin following them around?" I asked, stepping over the dead guy. "That's the standard set, isn't it? Three Genin, one Jounin?"

"That's what the Hidden Villages use to protect their Genin until they're strong enough to protect themselves," Karenbana said, already moving on to the third one. "Wandering clans don't have that kind of time, and a Jounin is far too rare to waste playing babysitter."

"Is that right? If I recall, Ishidate was a little bit weaker than Kakashi, while you and Kongo were way, way weaker than both of them," I said, thinking back. "Seriously, he was like a titan wading through a pack of puppies—what ranks were you three?"

"Ishidate was a Jounin," Karenbana said, audibly annoyed at the summary. "I'm a Chunin, and Kongo was as well."

"That's kind of embarrassing, isn't it?" I wondered. "Rock Lee was only a Genin, and he would have destroyed everyone on that beach if he went all out with the singular exception of Kakashi—he would have pulled off some sick mind game that left Lee exhausted before he popped out and whacked him in the snout."

I mimed the imagined battle, adding a sound effect to really drive it all home.

"Which one was that?" Karenbana said, glancing back. "The green one that killed Kongo?"

"Yes," I said, "That poison of yours was putting in work during that first fight, and they were all kind of holding back anyway."

"Kakashi might have been," Karenbana said, rising to her feet. "But that pink one was weak."

"Sakura has only been a shinobi for about eight or nine months?" I guessed, "She actually just started training under Tsunade of the Sannin, so give her a couple of years, and she's going to be an absolute monster."

"Fucking hidden villages," Karenbana muttered, "It took me a decade and a half to get as strong as I am right now."

"Give me one year, Karenbana, and I'll have turned you into something that eats the monsters of this world," I said, stashing the shuriken back in the pouch. "Now, it's already getting dark, so let's go find a clearing to sleep in that isn't littered with dead bodies—we can find out what's happening at the capital tomorrow."

#

The massive rocky outcropping we'd found worked as a pretty good shelter, blocking the wind and leaving us in a position to not bother with the tent—well, Karenbana hadn't wanted to sleep in it when there were potentially more shinobi running around in the forest, and I couldn't exactly blame her. We had killed three of them, and if anyone decided to hunt us down in revenge, starting that fight inside of a tent seemed like a pretty bad idea overall.

"Why do you stay awake for so long?" Karenbana murmured, curled up a few feet away. "You're always awake before I am as well."

"The energy source I have inside of me pretty much means that I don't need to sleep," I said, slowly boring a hole into the rock with Line Spear. "I technically don't need to eat food or drink water either."

"You don't have to eat?" Karenbana asked.

"Food tastes awesome, so I do it anyway," I said, "But I don't need to do it to survive."

Karenbana was silent for a long while, long enough that I actually thought she'd fallen asleep already, but eventually, she spoke up again.

"What do you do all night?" Karenbana murmured. "Just practice your techniques?"

"It's not like there's much else to do in the middle of nowhere like this," I admitted, "Sometimes I exercise, but that kind of thing would probably keep you awake, so I've been slacking off a bit."

"I don't care if you exercise," Karenbana mumbled.

"What about you, huh?" I wondered. "You still haven't managed to summon anything?"

"I summoned one the size of my finger yesterday," Karenbana said, cracking an eye open. "I'm getting better at it, but it takes a lot of chakra."

"You're coming up a bit short on chakra, are you? I suppose we better address it now rather than later," I wondered, "Fine, from now on, we're going to be working on increasing your chakra capacity every single day, provided we aren't doing something else important."

"How?" Karenbana muttered.

"Chakra is made up of two distinct but interconnected forms of energy—physical energy and spiritual energy—and it is the combination of these two forces that determines your overall chakra pool," I said, closing my eyes for a moment. "Physical Energy is increased by improving the body itself, so exercising and training needs to become something you do every single day."

"I can't do that and be in good condition to protect you," Karenbana said, frowning. "If I'm exhausted, and we get attacked, then I won't be able to fight effectively."

"I'll just heal you after you're finished training yourself to exhaustion, dumbass," I said, rolling my eyes, "Now, stop interrupting me while I'm explaining how you can get all the other shinobi to stop making fun of you at work parties."

Karenbana blew a sharp breath out of her nose but refrained from firing back.

"Spiritual Energy, on the other hand, comes from your conscious experience and your mental fortitude. To increase that, you need to process, integrate and overcome existing experiences and meditate on new ones—in summary, you need to learn introspection and challenge yourself mentally."

"Okay," Karenbana murrmured. "How do I do that?"

"I meditate by swirling my internal energy around in a spiral, and then I spend a lot of time thinking about stuff while I'm doing it; start with that and treat it like a chakra control exercise that helps you become more familiar with your energy," I said, "Think about difficult questions or tough points in your life that you've been avoiding, and think about how you could have handled them better, using the new experiences you now have at your disposal."

"Should I do that now?" Karenbana hedged.

"Do it for an hour, and then go to sleep," I said, "You better do it properly and actually try to succeed, or I'm going to tell all the other shinobi that you failed to summon anything, and then you cried for like three days straight."

"Shut the fuck up," Karenbana demanded, carefully sitting up. "Don't say that to anyone—you liar."

"Karenbana," I said, "For the last fifteen minutes of every meditation session, I want you to sit perfectly still and blank your mind out completely—cut off any thoughts that attempt to sneak in, got it?"

"Fine," Karenbana said, moving to sit crosslegged. "Are you going to tell me why?"

"Eventually, I'll take pity on you and tell you why, but for now, you'll do it because I told you to," I said, smiling. "Keeping you in the dark isn't really that important—I just like telling you what to do, and you're cute when you're frustrated."

Karenbana glared at me.

"There it is," I beamed. "Adorable."

#

"Karenbana," I murmured, carefully touching her shoulder. "Wake your shapely ass the fuck up."

Karenbana twisted up into a sitting position, my wrist already trapped in her grasp, and despite the fact that she was less than a foot away from me, I couldn't see her at all. The trees and the outcropping completely hid us from the moonlight.

"What's wrong?" Karenbana managed.

"Two people just passed through the edge of my sensing range; they're headed for the road," I said, carefully standing up. "One of them is definitely a shinobi—we're going to investigate."

I started moving without waiting for her to get up, following the edge of the rock around in the direction of the road. Karenbana caught up within a second, falling in step beside me, and I paused at the edge of the clearing beyond, where the moonlight actually touched the ground. I could see all the way to the road now, and two people were standing just at the edge of it. For a moment, I couldn't believe that I was looking at Hinata Hyuuga; the idea that we'd somehow run into her out in the middle of the Land of Vegetables was simply unable to compute in my brain. Hinata turned suddenly, looking in our general direction, and then the woman who was with her smacked her over the back of the head with a rock.

"How the fuck did you do that?" I said, alarmed.

"Sora," Karenbana hissed, making an aborted grab at my shirt. "Why do you keep—"

I stepped out of the shadow, starting forward in their direction, completely stunned by what I'd just witnessed. The woman with the rock in her hand looked horrified and backed up as I stepped onto the road with them. I fired off an Observe to try and figure out just what kind of otherworldly monster this could possibly have been.

Name: Haruna Aoki

Title: Princess of the Land of Vegetables

Gender: Female

Age: 24

Level: 17

Health Points: 220/200

Chakra Points: 10/10

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Despair. Fear. Guilt.

History: Haruna Aoki is the daughter of the now-deceased Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables, Kybetsu Aoki. She was taken to a foreign country as a political hostage when she was very young and now seeks to take her place as the rightful ruler of the Land of Vegetables. She is currently disguised as a merchant in an attempt to avoid her pursuers.

I'd been training non-stop since I arrived in this world, and I'd gotten my ass kicked by someone who Karenabana had dubbed as 'barely a genin.' Now there were random ladies running around knocking out named characters with rocks?

"Is that a fucking magical rock? Did it get handed down through your family line? Is it covered in seals?" I demanded, "You just knocked out Hinata Hyuuga—explain yourself immediately."

"Stay back," Haruna managed, holding the rock up. "Don't come any closer."

"Don't point that thing at me, you menace," I said, stepping to the side, but she swung her arm out to follow me, holding it up like a shield. "Karenbana, take that rock from her, but don't hurt her—thanks."

Karenbana snatched hold of the woman's arm and peeled her fingers away from the rock before tossing it aside.

"How did you do that?" I repeated.

"No," Haruna said, terrified.

"I didn't say did you do it, I said how—you know what, I don't care," I said, "I'm waking Hinata up before she gets brain damage, make sure she doesn't pull out her secret backup rock and defeat us both."

I crouched down and placed a hand against her shoulder, dumping my mana into a Heal—Hinata stirred immediately, the influx of energy apparently enough to wake her up. In an attempt to avoid her freaking out and kicking my ass with her stabby-finger kung-fu, I took a few steps back from her.

"Who are you?" Hinata said.

"I'm the guy who just healed your brain damage," I said, "You're Hinata Hyuuga, aren't you?"

Hinata spotted Karenbana, who was now standing directly behind Haruna, still restraining her from taking any action—before the situation could spiral out of control, I cleared my throat.

"Haruna—" Hinata swallowed.

"Karenbana, you can let her go now," I said, "Hinata is from Konohagakure, which makes her our friend by default—so absolutely no fighting."

Karenbana scoffed at the words but let go of Haruna's arm and then pushed her towards Hinata. I watched as she rotated back around to where I was standing, keeping her distance from the two of them. Hinata moved to stand between Haruna and the two of us, looking like she wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to do.

"How do you know my name?" Hinata said, testing the waters.

"While I commend the bravery needed to turn your back to the woman who just hit you in the head with a rock, I highly discourage it," I said, vaguely impressed. "In answer to your questions, I have a bloodline limit that lets me discern names at a glance—so what's this all about anyway?"

"You're not here to kill me?" Haruna asked.

"Nope, we were just passing through, and I noticed you two sneaking through the trees," I said, "Hinata, who else is on this mission with you?"

"Thank you for helping me, but I'm sorry," Hinata said, shaking her head. "I can't reveal that information."

There had been a bunch of filler missions with Team Eight, one of which involved giant wasps or something—but now that I thought about it, hadn't there been one with an escort mission involving a travelling band of merchants? Had that taken place here? Naruto was part of it, I was certain, along with—Shikamaru? Choji? Kiba? It was one of the three. Team Seven would have made it back to Konohagakure already; they would have been moving at shinobi travel speed and not my garbage speed. Had we inadvertently stumbled into another one of his missions?

"This is totally a Naruto mission, isn't it? It's got his name written all over it; I should have known—I should have known," I said, clicking my finger. "A princess trying to retake control of the country after her father died? Just how many times did they repeat this crap?"

Karenbana turned to look at me, eyes narrowed, and I realised that I'd just revealed a lot of information that I probably shouldn't have known.

"You know Naruto?" Hinata said.

"I helped Team Seven save the Land of Moon about a month ago," I said, humming. "You can't tell me who's on your team, that's fine—who are these shinobi that are running around lighting fires?"

"You've seen them?" Hinata said.

"We encountered a team of wandering shinobi earlier today," Karenbana said, frowning. "Three genin, two men and one woman."

"They threatened our lives, so we were totally forced to kill them," I said, "Kind of a bummer, honestly, but what can you do—who were they anyway?"

Haruna seemed to regain some of her rock-slinging confidence because she stepped forward to stand beside Hinata.

"They are part of the group who were hired by the Janin," Haruna said, coming to stand beside Hinata. "You already know I am the rightful ruler of this land and that we now share the same enemies—if you help me, I'll make sure you are greatly rewarded."

"Now you're talking my language," I said, impressed. "I'm an Emissary of the Land of Moon, so in exchange for us solving your situation with all of our kingdom-saving-might, you are agreeing to an official agreement that I will dictate to you the moment you're back in your castle."

"I'll agree to whatever terms you ask," Haruna said without even pausing. "Anything you want."

"Haruna," Hinata murrmured. "This might not be a good idea."

"You said that very quickly, and that makes me nervous," I said, eyeing her. "Haruna Aoki, if you attempt to back out of the deal afterwards, you will not like what happens next."

"I give you my word as the rightful Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables," Haruna said, "If you return my country to me, I will accept any agreement."

"Fantastic," I said, clapping my hands together. "Hinata, we're on a joint mission now, so you can stop being so cagey; let's link up with the Jounin who is in charge. Who is it, Kakashi? Kurenai? Asuma?"

Hinata's paranoia seemed to be waning in the face of the names I was throwing her way.

"There isn't a Jounin," Hinata said, hesitating. "This was only supposed to be a D-rank mission."

"Only a D-rank mission?" I said, stumped. "Haruna, did you—hold on, are you actually trying to scam me?"

"I don't have the money to pay for such an expensive mission right now," Haruna defended, "But as soon as we take back my kingdom, I will make right on what I have agreed to, I promise—please, you must trust me."

"Trust you? Next thing you know, you'll be standing over me with a rock," I accused, "It couldn't be me, you damn Koyuki clone—hey—"

Karenbana pulled me backwards a step and then spoke up.

"If she doesn't pay up once we've fulfilled our side of the agreement, then we will be completely within our rights to deal with her then," Karenbana said, interjecting. "Who are the Janin?"

"They are three shinobi who conspired with my father's retinue to overthrow him," Haruna said, swallowing. "They killed my father and then everyone else in order to secure their own control over this land."

"This is literally Shabadaba all over again," I said, unable to believe what I was hearing. "Exactly how frequently do things like this happen?"

"Three shinobi, of what rank?" Karenbana asked.

"I don't know what rank they are, but at least one of them was able to kill Kikunojō—and he was a Chunin," Haruna said, hesitating, "The information I've managed to collect suggests there's about a dozen shinobi working beneath them."

"If we're getting involved in this, then it's time to take it seriously," Karenbana said, eyeing me. "Where is the enemy currently located?"

"In the capital, but at least one of them has been following us," Haruna said when Hinata hesitated to speak up. "We set a trap back that way—Naruto, Chouji and Yurinojō are attempting to lure out the shinobi who was tracking us with some kind of cloning technique."

"Shadow Clone and the Transformation Technique?" I said, scratching my chin. "Well, there are three potential Chunin-killers out here, and who knows how many Genin—splitting up like this is a bad idea."

I considered what little I remembered of this whole ordeal—wasn't there some kind of Kisame-lite guy running around with floating sharks? Whatever, this was easy; we just needed to get everyone on the same page.

"Hinata," I said, "You have radio communication with your team; now would be a good time to contact Naruto."

#

"Yes, it's me; yes, I hired the shinobi that beat up Sakura, no, she isn't an enemy anymore, and yes, we're going to save another country together," I said, clearing my throat. "We'll be coming back to the camp as soon as I'm done explaining the plan—so everyone put their listening hats on."

"Why are we going back?" Haruna strangled out. "You're going to get us all killed."

"Wrong, Princess Dirtbag," I said, "Your plan was to run away from the enemy, hope they let you go, and then one day come back with your tail between your legs, begging for your people to take you back—"

Haruna sucked in a breath at the disrespect.

"My plan is to kill every single one of your enemies and then get you back to ruling your country in the shortest possible time, at which point you can pay me and Team Hinata the amount we deserve for putting up with you," I said, ignoring her reaction entirely. "Now, please relay the plan to the others via radio—Naruto, Choji and Yurinojō; you keep working on luring them out, and we'll move to a position nearby, ready to assist."

Hinata, finger to her ear, murmured into her earpiece, relaying her own role to the others at the camp.

"Karenbana, go full stealth from here on out; keep your eyes on areas where a shinobi would have a good line of sight on the camp from a distance," I said, "Your main job is to find the perfect opportunity to assassinate whichever Janin shows up—don't go into a one on one with them, wait until they attack our group, figure out how to win with a single attack, and then take them out."

"That's—actually a good strategy," Karenbana said, eyeing me. "Fine."

"Hinata, you're on Princess guard duty, so please, keep on doing what you already have been. Haruna, she is literally trained for situations like this; you aren't. Stay close to her, be cooperative, and don't hit her over the back of the head with a rock," I said, "If any of the Genin they've hired show up, Naruto will need to bring out a few dozen clones to keep them off our backs—the clones should focus on blocking the enemy while defending themselves, the longer your clones live, the more time we have to take out the bad guys and the better our chances are."

"What are you going to do?" Karenbana asked.

"I'm going to pretend I'm a civilian until the point where everything inevitably goes wrong, and then I'm going to come out swinging. I'm also the designated medic for this mission; if you get injured, come to me," I said, "Everyone has their jobs, but if something surprising happens, be flexible. Now, you probably have a bunch of questions unrelated to this plan, save them for after we win—that's all."

"I'm moving out now," Karenbana said.

I leaned in to speak into her ear before she could turn away.

"If you get hurt at any point, return to me immediately," I said, "Do not get yourself killed, Karenbana; I'm not finished with you yet."

Karenbana hesitated for a moment longer before vanishing up into the trees. I turned back to Hinata and Haruna before stepping past them, heading in the direction of this supposed camp.

"Sora?" Hinata said, "Are you the same person who healed Rock Lee?"

"I am," I nodded, "How'd you find that out?"

I imagined something like that would have reverberated around a bit, but I wasn't exactly sure how much the Rookie Nine interacted with Team Three—was Neji back to talking with Hinata at this point?

"My cousin is on the same team as Lee," Hinata admitted, confirming my guess. "Naruto also told me about it when I asked a few days ago—did he really fight a thousand soldiers all on his own?"

"Just about," I said without pause. "I wasn't really counting, but there were definitely a few hundred of them trying to kill us at the end there—if he hadn't stepped up, we would have been in some serious trouble."

"What?" Haruna muttered. "How could a boy like that be so strong?"

"Are you kidding me? That guy's going to be the god damned Hokage in a few years; the fact that he's out here doing charity work for you is incredible," I said, "You better start sucking up to him now if you want good relations with Konohagakure in the future—you're right on his border, and you wouldn't want him to remember you as the one who tried to scam him."

"He's going to become the leader of Konohagakure?" Haruna said, taken aback. "That's impossible."

"It's not impossible," Hinata said, speaking up. "It's true."

Haruna fell silent at that, clearly realising that the Naruto fan club had arrayed itself against her and that she was entirely outnumbered. It took us about fifteen minutes to get within line of sight of the camp, the distant fire flickering and sending shadows crawling up the outcropping they'd nestled inside of. The three of us settled in to wait amongst the trees—and I immediately regretted sending Karenbana away. Hinata was too timid to start up a conversation on her own, and Haruna had fallen into some kind of anxious, quiet state. Thankfully, the shinobi who had been trying to kill everyone finally showed up, coming from up on the ridge and leading with a shower of shuriken. The metal stars shredded the camp, ruining the material of the fancy tents they'd brought with them, and scattered Naruto, Choji and Yurinojō. I fired off an Observe the moment I could actually see him.

Name: Ruiga

Title: Janin

Gender: Male

Age: 30

Level: 176

Health Points: 3340/3340

Chakra Points: 3880/3880

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Excitement.

History: Ruiga was born in the Land of Sea and is one of three brothers that share the title Janin. Ruiga possesses an extraordinary affinity for Water, and that has granted him access to unique Water Release Techniques. Ruiga, along with his two brothers, currently share the responsibility of being the acting Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables.

He was weaker than Kongo had been back in the Land of Moon, which meant that this was pretty much handled already; it was just a matter of dogpiling him. Naruto could literally give the man the Mizuki treatment, and they could move on to the second phase of the plan—hunting down the rest of them.

"Hinata, his name is Ruiga, Chunin level, and he uses Water Release Techniques," I said, "Pass that along to the others."

Hinata repeated the information through the earpiece, and I watched as Ruiga came to a stop on top of the ridge directly above the camp. The man seemed entirely too confident, hands planted on his hips as he stared down at the three shinobi arrayed beneath him. They were entirely too far away for the conversation to be audible.

"You can tell that from just looking at him?" Haruna said.

I ignored her, unwilling to take my attention away from the ongoing—well, conversation, really, because Ruiga seemed to be trying to intimidate them instead of wiping everyone out. People really seemed to have a problem with that, and it made me wonder if these guys had ever been to shinobi school—Ruiga fell forward suddenly, the handle of a kunai sticking out of the back of his head, and then Karenbana appeared, her Hiding With Camouflage Technique falling away from her. Ruiga crashed down onto the stone ledge, head first, and with enough force to send blood spraying outwards.

"One down, two more to go," I said, stepping out of the trees. "Hurry up, would you? We've got a country to save."

#

"I can't believe they sent you straight back out again," I said, "Don't you get downtime?"

"I had like two days off, but it was super boring because everyone is out on missions right now," Naruto said, scratching the back of his head. "Sakura went off to do some medical stuff with Shizune. Kakashi went off to do some kind of super secret training that he wouldn't tell me about."

Figuring out how to use Kamui, most likely.

"What about Lee?" I wondered.

"Lee had to go see Grandma Tsunade as soon as we got back because of what you did—I kind of pissed her off, so she sent me on this mission as punishment," Naruto said, folding his hands behind his head. "Hinata and Choji were the only ones who would agree to come with me, but jokes on everyone else because it turned out to be a super awesome mission after all."

"I don't know about that," Choji said, scrunching his face up. "Having a bunch of Chunin trying to kill us hasn't been very fun—and I'm still worried about the merchants."

Haruna shifted on her fallen log, looking away from the rest of them.

"What have you been doing?" Naruto asked.

"Travelling mostly," I said, "I'm not really as fast as you shinobi-types, so it took me ages to get here—I kept trying to make Karenbana carry me, but she's totally lazy."

A kunai buried itself in the ground beside my foot, and I snatched it up by the handle before flinging it wildly in the direction of the branch she was sitting on. It hit the trunk beneath her, ring first, bounced and then fell limply to the floor.

"You missed," Karenbana said.

"Why'd you hire her, anyway?" Naruto said, squinting up at her. "She was totally a bad guy."

"I can fix her," I declared, absolutely confident. "Besides, you can't just throw all the bad guys you come across into the bin, Naruto; sometimes it's better to recycle."

"I'm starting a running tally of all the annoying things you've said to me while we're on this mission," Karenbana said, "As soon as it's over, I'm going to take my time explaining to you why they were all mistakes."

Naruto glanced over at me as if to ask if I was sure I could handle it.

"It's a work in progress," I said, "Listen—we've gotten kind of sidetracked here; let's go over the plan for tomorrow again."

#

"This is a terrible idea," Karenbana said. "Why on earth would you let him make the plan?"

"Because he has a lot of main character energy hanging around him," I said, "You know what I mean?"

"No, I don't fucking know what you mean," Karenbana said, eyes darting all around the gate as we stepped through into the city. "I hardly ever know what you mean, and half the time, you're actually just making shit up completely."

"I resemble that remark," I said, feigning offence. "Karenbana, you've been really nasty today—am I not showing you enough attention? Do you need me to compliment you?"

Karenbana blew a sharp breath out of her nose, and I was almost certain it was going onto the mental list she'd been making.

"Say less, queen," I said, bravely wrapping my arm around her shoulder. "You're looking exceptionally tall today—have you been working out?"

Karenbana reached up and took hold of my wrist, looking for all intents and purposes like a couple taking a stroll through the streets. My eyes began to water beneath the terrible, terrible grip strength she could so effortlessly bring to bear, and I was almost certain the creaking of the bones in my wrist was audible to the pale-faced civilians who were going about their business, eyes locked on the ground in an attempt to avoid catching any attention.

"Have I told you how much I like your eyes?" I managed, eyes reduced to pained slits. "They're so beautiful—such a—such a lovely shade of pink."

The pressure eased up a fraction—although I doubted it had anything to do with my attempts to suck up to her—and I managed to steer her into a restaurant we'd almost walked straight past. Karenbana stared at me like she was trying to convey some kind of silent, frantic message as I changed up the plan on the fly, but I just kept my arm around her shoulder, pretending not to notice. I removed enough Ryo from my inventory to pay for our order of vegetables over rice and green tea before moving to sit at one of the tables. The pair of men on the opposite side of the room made no attempt to look at us. Karenbana's silent panic was not the most subtle thing I'd ever seen, so I leaned in towards her and lowered my voice.

"Karenbana," I said.

Karenbana leaned forward in an attempt to give me access to her ear, and before she could realise what was happening, I changed direction, kissing her full on the lips. The waitress, carrying the tray with our orders, swayed as she attempted to put on the breaks, some of the tea sloshing over the side of the cups, and Karenbana took hold of the front of my shirt, her grip tight. I reached up to cup her face in my hand, pressing forward, and Karenbana made an odd, strangled noise as I pushed my tongue into her mouth—

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry; I thought we were in public," The waitress said, clearing her throat. "Should I come back some other time—maybe after you've taken each other's pants off?"

Classy.

"Not at all, miss," I said, pulling back. "She had something on her face; I was just making sure I got it all."

The tray settled onto the tabletop, a few shades heavier than it needed to be, and I reached out—snatching one of the beans off the top of the bowl with my finger, holding it up before my face.

"I'm sorry to drop by so suddenly, but I like to keep my food reviews on the down low," I said, waggling the bean around. "If I announce I'm coming, then people tend to try harder to make sure I give them a glowing recommendation, only for the food quality to go down the moment I leave—I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

I tossed the bean into my mouth, chewed once, and then paused.

You have been poisoned.

"What?" The waitress said. "You're a food critic?"

I grabbed my throat in both of my hands and made a show of choking. I spat the bean at the waitress before collapsing forward onto the tray, making an effort to knock the tea onto the ground as I went. Two casts of Status Removal was enough to wipe it out, gone before I'd even finished making a mess. The two men on the other side of the room stood up, looking a bit startled by what had just happened.

"What the hell did you use?" One of the men said, "It was only supposed to be a sleeping agent."

Karenbana stared down at where I was lying on top of the tray, eyes wide.

"That's all it was," The waitress tried. "I didn't mean to kill him—maybe it's an allergy?"

Line Spear passed through the bottom of the table, out the top and into the centre of her chest at an angle. It hit the roof a moment later before vanishing from the air, and I rose up, tipping the table over like they did in the movies—a kunai crashed into my sternum before I'd managed to get behind it, the force of it sending me toppling backwards over the bench. A brown bag floated across the room and then burst open, scattering a cascade of pink petals everywhere, and then Karenbana's hands blurred into a sequence of seals I couldn't follow.

The waitress had clapped a hand over her chest in an attempt to stop the bleeding, and I hit her in the face with a second Line Spear once I'd come to a stop, flat on my back on the floor. Karenbana kicked off the table, brushed her hand against the ceiling, and then used the contact to pull herself up onto it. The two men ignored her entirely, spreading out across the room to get an angle on me from behind the table, and it took me a moment to realise that they couldn't see her—to them, she was nothing more than a bunch of petals in a room full of them.

"Nobody poisons the greatest food critic in the Elemental Nations and gets away with it," I cried, "I reward you zero stars, and may god have mercy on your souls."

I curled up into a ball as half a dozen shuriken crashed into the floor around me, most of which ended up buried in my flesh. I pulled Meditate up and started healing myself as best I could manage. One of the energy signatures of the men collapsed to the ground as Karenbana dropped down from the ceiling directly behind him. The other one turned in that direction, and I shot him in the leg with an opportunistic Line Spear. He stumbled, and then Karenbana crashed into him, burying her kunai in his throat on impact.

As if by some kind of magic signal—and absolutely not because Karenbana was now wearing the earpiece she'd taken from Choji—Team Hinata began their assault on the front gates of the city. It was about an hour earlier than we'd planned, and we hadn't had a chance to fade into the background like we'd hoped, but now was as good a time as any. I attempted to sit up and then gave up as at least three of the shuriken still embedded in my body informed me that this was the incorrect course of action.

"Karenbana, I can't go on any longer; this is it for me," I managed, "I'm sorry I'll never get to see you reach the proper height of a human adult."

"Shut the fuck up," Karenbana panted, sliding through the petals until she was crouched over the top of me. "Just—stay still."

"How about we leave them in," I suggested, "We could do that instead—Oh my god—let's leave them in—"

Karenbana, heedless of my pleas, started yanking the metal out without any kind of regard for my continued health. I crawled away from her, healing myself as I went, and then attempted to kick her in the face as she yanked the one out of my Achilles tendon.

"What was all of that crap about being a food critic? No, forget that part," Karenbana said, dragging the kunai out of my chest. "You kissed me—who said you could do that?"

I fully healed us both, even though she hadn't been hit by anything, and then attempted to push her off of me again.

"We can talk about how much you loved it later," I said, managing to get to my feet. "We've got shinobi to kill—and you're supposed to be outside already."

I grabbed her shoulders and then twisted her around, pushing her towards the door. She went out without complaint, tossing a single look back over her shoulder before she vanished—yeah, I was getting my ass kicked later. Maybe I could hire the remaining Janin to protect me? I turned and headed out the back, snatching one of the genin's pouches as I went.

"What did I get?" I muttered, opening it up. "Tags? I can't use this shit—Smoke Bombs, yoink."

I dumped the rest of the pouch, vanishing all of the smoke bombs into my inventory. I checked both ways before stepping outside, crossing the street and attempting to find a higher vantage point. Angling for the stairs that led up to the next tier, I paused halfway up, spotting a man walking across the sky like someone from the wrong manga.

"How are you doing that?" I said, stumped. "Observe."

Name: Renga

Title: Janin

Gender: Male

Age: 34

Level: 194

Health Points: 4320/4320

Chakra Points: 3970/3970

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Excitement.

History: Renga was born in the Land of Sea and is one of three brothers that share the title Janin. Renga possesses an extraordinary affinity for Wind and Water, a combination that has granted him access to unique Ice Release Techniques. Renga, along with his two brothers, currently share the responsibility of being the acting Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables.

Ice Release? This guy was like Haku? I turned around, heading back the way I'd come, keeping an eye on his position. He was headed towards the gates, where the bulk of the fighting seemed to be occurring, but he also didn't seem to be in much of a rush. Odd, considering I could hear dozens of voices that could only be Naruto tearing shit up and explosions that were almost certainly a series of Rasengans.

A genin-level energy signature passed by without seeing me, sprinting across the rooftops in the direction of the gate, and I let him go, unattacked. Instead, I continued my slow journey towards Renga, aiming to get close enough to attack the guy—thankfully, he actually started to descend a bit as he approached the gates, no doubt to have a big old conversation about how strong he was, just like his chatty brother, Ruiga.

"You have made a terrible mistake this day," I said, lining up the shot. "Line Spear."

It crashed into something that I couldn't see, a dozen glass-like shards refracting the light in every direction before passing through the bottom of his left foot and out through his right shoulder. The white line vanished about a foot above him, the man barely inside of my maximum range. Renga tilted sideways, apparently no longer in control of his body, before falling out of the sky. He hit the edge of a roof, scattering clay tiles everywhere before rolling off and falling the last distance to the ground, unmoving but very much alive.

"Renga, you appear to be having a very bad day, so I'll keep this brief," I said, approaching. "You agree to join my shinobi team and help me save the world; in exchange—"

"I will kill you for this," Renga managed, "You, your family, everyone you have ever loved."

"Oh," I said. "Can't win them all, I guess."

I shot him in the back of the head.

#

"It's going to take at least a month until we are able to get things in order," Haruna said, rifling through all of the papers on what must have been her father's old desk. "From what I've learned from the staff, two of my father's advisors fled the city immediately after the coup—and they took most of the treasury with them."

"That's totally a lie, right?" I accused, "You're lying right now."

"I'm not lying," Haruna said, barely paying any attention to me. "We have a grand total of one point six million Ryo in the treasury, which is just enough to cover Konohagakure's A-rank mission payment."

"But I saved the country for you," I argued, "Sure, Team Hinata did some of the work when they took out Jiga. Renga and Ruiga were Team Sora, though, and we got like eight or nine Genin between us—I want some money too."

"Sora," Haruna tried, "Most of the farmers are without homes, the city has been damaged, and the people aren't spending money right now—it's going to take time."

"But I need it," I whined, "I'm trying to save the world, and you're making it harder."

"I don't have any money," Haruna managed, clearly frazzled. "It's not going to magically appear just because you keep asking."

"Ugh, stingy," I said before dropping the petulance entirely. "Then let's move straight onto your fulfilment of the terms of our agreement."

Haruna turned to face me for the first time, the change in my disposition catching her off guard. I crossed the room, approaching her, and Haruna took a step back in an attempt to maintain some distance between us, but she only ended up bumping into the desk behind her. I watched as she turned her gaze to the small staircase that led down to where Yurinojō had vanished.

"Tonight, you'll write up an official document to send off with Team Hinata for Tsunade of the Sannin, the current Hokage; inside this document will be a request," I said, "Every citizen within the Land of Vegetables will exclusively hire Konohagakure shinobi for their mission requests, and in exchange, you will ask for a ten percent discount on mission costs across the board."

"You're not even from Konohagakure." Haruna swallowed.

"The second thing you'll be doing is writing up a message for the Daimyo of Land of Red Bean Jam and the Land of Forests—who your country currently has very good relationships with," I said, leaning down towards her. "Inside those messages will be a glowing recommendation referencing the unmatched skills of the shinobi of Konohagakure who helped you retake your country from a hostile force and a suggestion that they quickly reach out to the Hokage for the same exclusivity deal."

Haruna was now partially sitting on top of the desk now in an effort to actually look up at me, the mess of scrolls, paper and other items shifting beneath her. The small container of ink had tipped over, the mess of black pooling around her hand as she held herself up.

"The third and final thing you'll be doing is sending a message to the Land of Moon, addressed to King Kakeru Tsuki," I said, smiling down at her. "Just a simple note of interest in facilitating a mutually beneficial trade deal between your two countries—Haruna?"

"Yes?" Haruna managed.

"You're making a mess," I said.

Haruna looked down for the first time, noting her position, the items that had fallen onto the floor and the mess of ink spreading across her desk—it had already begun to seep into the thigh of her robes. When Haruna finally managed to lift her gaze again, she was even more flustered than before, her hand dripping ink as she tried to hold it up and away from us both.

"I'll be checking with Team Hinata before the three of them leave tomorrow to make sure they have the documents with them and that you're holding up your end of the bargain," I said as I took my time straightening back up. "You'll have everything ready by then, won't you?"

"I will," Haruna said, still not quite looking at me. "Is that all?"

Locking her country into an exclusivity contract with a single shinobi force was no small thing, and the amount of money that would drive towards the Land of Fire over the course of something like a decade would be immense. Potentially roping two other countries into a deal like that was just icing on the cake.

"With that, we're entirely even," I said, turning away. "Be a good ruler, Haruna—I'd hate to have to come back."

I left her behind amongst the mess of ink and parchment before descending the stairs. Yurinojō looked up as I stepped into the room, offered a nod of greeting, and then vanished up the stairs to retake his previous position in the room with Haruna. I continued through the building until I found where Team Hinata and Karenbana were sitting.

"Is the mission over yet?" Karenbana asked, cheek leaning against her palm. "Because I've got a whole list of things I've been looking forward to dealing with."

Yikes.

"The mission will be continuing for a long time, potentially forever, if I can somehow make everyone involved immortal," I said before pausing. "Moving past that, Haruna has indicated a great interest in signing an agreement for her citizens to exclusively hire Konohagakure in the future—no doubt because of how impressed she was by the three of you."

Karenbana narrowed her eyes at the words, having spent more than enough time around me to know that something wasn't adding up—but the three genin perked up.

"That's wonderful news," Hinata said, surprised. "She hadn't mentioned anything to us about that."

"We were talking about a trade deal with the Land of Moon, so it was that kind of discussion, I guess," I hedged, "Haruna will be giving you the official document to read over tomorrow, and you'll have to get it back to Tsunade as quickly as possible—if there are any problems with it, just tell me and I'll sort it out for you."

"What type of problems?" Naruto wondered.

"Naruto," Choji said, sounding almost impressed. "Did you already forget that she lied to us about the entire mission?"

Naruto just gave a sheepish laugh at the words.

"At least you got a cool story out of it, Hinata," Naruto said in an attempt to rally. "Now you can tell everyone that you fought the Daimyo of the Land of Vegetables—how cool is that?"

I snorted at the words.

"I didn't fight her," Hinata protested, fiddling with her fingers. "It was just a misunderstanding."

"Yeah," Karenbana said in agreement. "She somehow misunderstood that you were on the same team—even though she was the one who hired you in the first place."

Hinata kind of sunk in on herself at the attention she was getting.

"Maybe leave out the part about her bludgeoning you with a rock when you give the mission report," I suggested, "You wouldn't want it to sour such a lucrative deal—and it will look better on your record."

"They're leaving tomorrow," Karenbana said, clearing her throat. "When are we leaving?"

"We'll hang around until these three are gone, and then we can get back on track," I said, "Naruto—how long until you leave with Jiraiya?"

"A month?" Naruto guessed. "He said it might be earlier—knowing him, he'll drag me away at a really annoying time."

"Is he back in Konohagakure yet?" I wondered, and when Naruto shook his head, I continued. "Well, whenever you see him next, tell him to teach you Sage Mode as soon as possible; it's a super rare and awesome technique that will make you stronger than him—and I can tell that you have a talent for it."

"I do?" Naruto said before blinking. "Does that old pervert really know something cool like that?"

"Jiraiya knows dozens of cool things—he's got this awesome technique that turns his hair into a deadly weapon and even one where he can turn himself invisible," I said, doing my best to hype him up. "I mean, just imagine the sneak attacks you could pull off with a bunch of invisible Shadow Clones?"

#

I snuck through the sprawling halls of Haruna's castle, sticking close to the walls and low to the ground to maximize shadow coverage, Stealth and Energy Sense in full effect. It had been a struggle to get as far as I had, and I'd lost a lot to get here—including my shoes in an attempt to minimize how much sound I was making. I couldn't allow anyone to find out where I was going because that would invariably draw attention to me, and then everything would be ruined. I carefully slid a paper door open, peeking inside in an attempt to figure out what was in there, and found an otherwise empty room.

The moment I slipped inside, an energy signature appeared at the edge of my range, and in my rush to remove any evidence of my passing, I was forced to close the door—a soft clack rang out, and the energy signature stilled, halfway down the next hall over. Crossing the room on the balls of my feet, I made it all the way to the other side and started the tortuously slow process of opening the sliding door—until the worst happened. A tiny hiss of lacquered wood on wood broke the silence. The energy signature started moving at a terrifying pace.

I threw the door open, slamming it shut behind me and took off down the hall. The corner hid me from sight just long enough for me to drag another door open, but the signature was already turning the corner. I slammed the door shut behind me, but it stopped halfway, and I was left to stare at the hand now wrapped around the edge of the door.

"There is nothing waiting for you on this side of the door except an ass-kicking of magnificent proportions," I threatened, "If you even think about coming in here—hold on—I'm not ready—"

I stumbled back from the door as Karenbana forced her way in, and I swung my head around in an attempt to find the next exit—but there weren't any more doors. Breathing deeply, I raised my guard up and tried not to flinch as the door clicked shut.

"You were harder to find than I thought," Karenbana said, "That was a good trick with sending me to check on Haruna. I thought you were actually worried about her betraying us—"

"I bet you didn't even look inside—there could be an army amassing in her bedroom," I accused, "You should go back and check properly—"

"—taking your shoes off was a good idea, as well," Karenbana continued, ignoring everything I was saying. "The sound tends to carry unless you know how to move silently—"

"What if Haruna is fanning the fires of a last-second betrayal?" I said, "How long has it been since you last saw Team Hinata? Maybe they're involved—"

"—but you made a mistake by trying to move after I was already alerted; you should have stayed still until I'd moved on," Karenbana said, stepping forward. "Now, these last couple of days have been pretty stressful—"

"You're doing my thing," I realised, "Stop this immediately—"

"So I'm going to—" Karenbana started.

I attacked before she could get the chance, lunging forward and wrapping my arms around her in a bear hug. I heaved upwards and found myself fighting against the chakra adhesion locking her to the floorboards. I tried harder, putting even more force into it and actually felt them start to shift upwards—Karenbana came free of the floor all at once, and I almost fell backwards from the sudden loss of resistance, twisting violently around in an attempt to catch my balance.

Karenbana twisted with me, throwing me off, and I lost my footing, crashing down onto my shoulder. I attempted to climb on top of her, but her foot swung around, hooked under my neck, and then dragged me over the top of her to land flat on my back—I managed to catch hold of her hair before she got on top of me, and then cried out as she struck me across the face.

"Don't you ever—urk—come into—the range," I managed, trying to turn my head away from her strikes. "Of my ultimate move—Physical Release: Bountiful Uprooter—"

I yanked hard, pulling her to the side by her hair, and since she didn't want me to tear it out, she was forced to unseal her legs from the floorboards. I cackled in triumph, and then she wrapped her fingers around my wrist hard enough that I was forced to let go. Sensing the impending loss, I threw my head forward into her nose as hard as I could, and she drew back for a moment, stunned but pretty much unharmed.

I stared up at her as a tiny trickle of blood ran down her nose. Unlike the ludicrous level of durability shinobi seemed to possess by default, Iron Hide did exactly fucking nothing to stop the attack, and my nose broke under her own counter-headbutt. I Healed it the second I stopped seeing white, but by then, I was already trapped beneath her.

"That actually hurt a bit," Karenbana said.

"Hah, I've got your number now, Karenbana," I managed, "As soon as I learn how to stick to things, you're going to have to scrape my nuts off your face—urk."

I coughed as her forearm pressed down against my throat, both of my hands pinned on the floor beside my right shoulder.

"That doesn't sound very difficult," Karenbana said, close enough that I could feel her breath against my face. "My nose hurts—fix me."

There was more than enough contact for Heal, and I felt my mana drop as it engaged. Karenbana took her arm off my throat and then sat up, allowing me to regain control of my arms.

"See? Isn't that enough? We can totally get along," I managed, rubbing at the skin of my throat. "No need to rough me up."

"It's not enough," Karenbana said, looking down at me. "You said a lot of things."

The tone in her voice was like a bell ringing in my mind, one that had been rung by a lot of different people from my past—and I'd had more than enough experience with her by now to know that she wasn't looking to prolong a fight that she'd already won.

"Then I suppose I'll have to work pretty hard to make it up to you," I said, vanishing her pants into my inventory. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable up there, and I'll get started."

#

Team Hinata passed through the gates, far below, the three of them tossing a final wave back up towards us. I watched them go, wondering if we shouldn't have gone with them to Konohagakure. I planned on going there eventually, but I had a terrible feeling that if I went now, I'd never leave again. As good at stealth killing shinobi as Karenbana was right now, and as scrappy as I could be, we'd only been up against relatively small threats—the soldiers in the Land of Moon had been a very real threat to me.

There would be nothing stopping Tsunade from locking me down in the village, and we wouldn't be fighting our way out of that. Danzo, likewise, would probably mess my shit up the second he found out about the whole future-telling stuff that I'd fed to Kakashi. Our best bet right now was to keep moving, and when both of us were capable of actually fighting at a high enough level to avoid a fate like that, then we could waltz into Konohagakure with all the swagger we could muster. I was lucky, in a way, that I'd arrived here so early in the timeline because if it had been after Shippuden, then I wouldn't have been able to avoid it.

I'd have had to subject myself to their whims, let them pump me for information, and I'd have had zero agency the entire time. Honestly, I was in a weird spot—Line Spear gave me the attacking potency to kill people far above my league, but that would only work on people I could actually target. Hitting unaware Chunin from stealth was one thing; trying to shoot a Jounin in the face was another when they were moving so fast that I couldn't even catch the blur. I needed time to grow stronger, and I'd been gifted with three years to play with—and considering the rate at which my skill and attribute growth was starting to slow, I was going to need it.

"Why do you like Konohagakure so much?" Karenbana asked.

"I know about a lot of the people there, I guess," I said, "That's the only reason why anybody likes anyone, isn't it?"

"You think that's all there is?" Karenbana asked.

"I think that's where it all starts," I corrected, "People are just indifferent to others they don't know personally—that's why you didn't care about Kakeru or the fact that he had a son named Michiru and a grandson named Hikaru that would have grieved for his loss."

"Maybe," Karenbana murmured.

"Think about how you thought about me the first time you saw me and how you perceive me now," I suggested, "Proximity is the only reason you had a chance to accumulate the experiences necessary to undergo that change in perception."

I lost track of Team Hinata in the distant trees, even the orange of Naruto's jacket lost in the greens and browns.

"Your proximity to me, or my proximity to you," I said, "If neither of us ever went to The Land of Moon, we'd have been two completely different people right now."

"Doesn't that mean that none of this really matters?" Karenbana said. "If I could create these experiences with anyone, simply by being near them, then there's nothing special about this one—it's just one of many."

"That's what makes it special, Karendumdum," I said, rolling my eyes, "The person you are now is one that might never have happened, but we collided, and it did—you should be grateful, honestly."

"Fuck you," Karenbana muttered. "You should be grateful you met me."

"I am grateful for that," I said.

Karenbana glanced away, clearly unready for the comment, because she opened her mouth and then caught herself before falling silent again. I leaned back on my hands and turned my gaze up at the sky—it hadn't been the cleanest passage through the Land of Vegetables, but we'd managed to do some good in the end.

#