"So there's a bunch of shinobi running around turning people to stone, Shabooba is taking over the island—and your son and grandson are arriving today?" I summarised, "Dude, this place is a mess."

"Yes, well, everything seemed to be running rather smoothly up until today," Kakeru sighed, "Why did you come to the Land of Moon?"

"I didn't even do it on purpose," I said, "Seriously, I woke up face down on the beach two weeks ago with no idea how I got here or where I came from—I can barely remember anything of my life before."

"Truly? We trade quite frequently with the Land of Tea," Kakeru posited, "Perhaps you fell from a trading vessel?"

"That's pretty lame, isn't it?" I disagreed, "It would be way cooler if I was some kind of pirate warlord, and I got abandoned here by my enemies after they stole my ship—"

"Why would they abandon you on a heavily populated island?" Kakeru wondered. "That sounds rather counter-productive."

"Hey, I don't come into your daydreams and knock the titties out of your mouth," I said, offended. "Maybe they got the wrong island, or they were short on time and had to make do."

"Perhaps," Kakeru said, amused.

"Whatever," I sighed, checking my progress on his legs. "Well, you've got one of your knees back, at least—that's a start."

The constant casting and recasting of Status Removal were doing wonders for levelling it up, and its effectiveness of it was slowly rising in turn. Eventually, I'd hit the point where I was taking chunks out at a time, but for now, I had to make do with slivers.

"Indeed," Kakeru murmured, "As grateful as I am for your assistance, I cannot help but wonder if it is in vain—if the ones who did this should find us, there will be no recourse."

"I doubt they're even looking for you," I said offhandedly. "Didn't you say that Shabooba wanted to draw it out? I doubt they accounted for some random guy happening upon a cave with the king inside—or the fact that I actually had the skills needed to help."

"I suppose not," Kakeru said, shaking his head. "Powerful though shinobi may be, I do not think they can see the future."

"I don't know about that one, chief," I said, "There's an entire clan of women who can see the future living in the Land of Demons—although I'm not sure they're shinobi."

"Truly?" Kakeru wondered. "You remember this, but not where you come from?"

"I've got a whole bunch of random trivia floating around up here, but none of it seems to be related to me," I said, "Like I was talking to one of your villagers the other day, this total piece of eye candy called Yuna and I was trying to figure out who the current Hokage was—I couldn't remember if it was Sarutobi Hiruzen or Tsunade of the Sannin."

"Tsunade of the Sannin," Kakeru clarified. "That was a rather recent change, I believe."

"Right, that's what she said as well, only I've never been to Konohagakure," I nodded, "So why the hell do I even know that? It's bizarre."

"It certainly is," Kakeru admitted, "Perhaps your memory will return?"

"I hope so," I said, "That reminds me—I overheard your guys talking about coming back after they found someone called Michiru."

"My son," Kakeru murrmured.

"Sure. Can you make sure none of your men sticks a sword in me when they get back?" I asked, "I kind of snuck in here, and if they see me with my hand under your flap—well, I don't want them to get jealous."

"You are a very odd man, Sora," Kakeru said, "I will, of course, ensure that no harm comes to you—it's the least I can do, considering the help you're giving me and the magnitude of the risk you are undertaking to do so."

"Thanks, buddy—look at us, already doing favours for each other," I said, "This just might be the start of a beautiful friendship."

"Forgive me if I find that a little concerning," Kakeru said, voice a bit dry. "My last friendship seems to have met a rather terrible end."

"Don't even worry about it," I said, waving him off. "If we ever break up, I promise I won't send a bunch of shinobi out to petrify you."

"Thank you," Kakeru said with a short laugh. "I'm sure I will be able to sleep soundly and at ease."

I shifted my hand down to make sure I was in contact with the stone-afflicted area—I wasn't sure it mattered, honestly, but it made me feel like I was doing something more substantial than saying a few words under my breath.

"This Shabooba guy," I said into the silence. "You guys were friends for a while, right? Why'd he suddenly go nuts on you?"

"Four decades, our friendship has lasted; I've known him for most of my life, first as a friend, then as a minister, and a trusted advisor," Kakeru sighed, "I'm at something of a loss, but this has been festering for a long time—we have never seen eye to eye on how best to govern, and I haven't always taken his advice when he has offered it."

"A growing resentment, huh?" I wondered. "I can't remember any of my friends, and I'm pretty sure I never ruled a kingdom, but this feels like it rings pretty true for me."

"Yes, I'm sure that echoes of this have passed through many lives, regardless of their political stature," Kakeru admitted, "You know, I'd thought myself prepared to contest him, but I could never have imagined just how many minds he has twisted to his side, or how many supporters he might have accrued."

"These shinobi, are they part of your Tsukigakure or what?" I wondered. "Can you hire some of them to come to straighten them out?"

"Tsukigakure?" Kakeru said, surprised. "That is a name I haven't heard for quite some time—I'm afraid that the few shinobi that once called this land home have long since departed."

"That's odd—you don't remember any of their names, do you, or where they went?" I asked, "I could have sworn they were still running around somewhere."

"Tsukano was the head of the village about fifteen years ago," Kakeru said, closing his eyes. "I believe he was quite sick—he had a daughter, although I'm not sure I ever heard her name."

"Tsukino," I said, in a spark of clarity. "White hair, dark skin—what happened to her?"

"I'm afraid I don't know," Kakeru admitted, "I must assume that she left the Land of Moon."

I barely remembered her—was she a filler or a villain from one of the games? I shook my head, dropping it.

"No shinobi village to protect you, huh?" I wondered, "How do you avoid getting jumped by shinobi?"

"We have had exactly three conflicts over the past three decades, and none of them involved shinobi. In fact, the only time I've ever needed to hire shinobi at all was to foster trade deals between distant lands—the last time I hired shinobi from Konohagakure, perhaps a decade ago?" Kakeru said, closing his eyes for a moment, "The Land of Moon has no enemies, and we hold no grudges—Shabadaba, I suppose, although he is an internal threat who is, rather creatively, using external forces to strike at me."

"Where did these three shinobi come from, then?" I asked.

"Shabadaba has hired wandering shinobi in the past for sending classified trade documents and exclusively from the Uemon Clan," Kakeru admitted, "I am certain these three are from that wandering clan."

"Not to spend your money for you or anything," I said, "But could you make an offer to them, drag Shabooba into a bidding war?"

"Considering he is currently in possession of my Palace, an army, and all of my resources," Kakeru said, shaking his head. "I very much doubt I could bring them to the negotiating table."

"Unlucky," I said, shrugging. "They're probably just in it for the money, though—something to consider."

"Unless Shabadaba finds himself befallen by some ill stroke of the heart," Kakeru murmured, "Then I fear such an opportunity may never arise."

"You never know," I said, "Say, Kakeru—would you be all that broken up if he did kick the bucket?"

"A day ago, I would have," Kakeru admitted, "An hour ago, I was torn, but now that I'm feeling a bit more alive, I've found my concern for his health vanishingly hard to rediscover—many have died today, and more will likely follow."

"I'll keep that in mind if I ever get the chance to take a shot at him," I said, nodding at the words. "Although, that seems unlikely if he's got—"

I paused as a rock bounced along the rock shelf outside and sent an echo ricocheting around the cavern. Footsteps followed—I pulled up Energy Sense the moment my mana had risen above the threshold and stilled. There was someone directly above me, standing upside down in the shadows of the cave. An identical signature remained near the mouth of the cave, moving slowly to follow a man who I was almost certain was Korega. Behind the two of them were a massive man and a child.

"Who are you?" Korega snapped, sword ripping free of its sheath. "Get away from—"

"Korega," Kakeru said, "Be calm—he is a friend."

"I knew you liked me," I said, playing it off. "Ever since I put my hand under your flap, you've been singing me praises, I swear."

"What?" Korega managed. "You're majesty—"

"Father?" A new voice said, startled. "What's happened to you?"

The massive man that could only be Prince Michiru came barrelling through the cave, and for a moment, I was certain I was about to be crushed beneath his weight, but the man was actually surprisingly agile, given his size. He dropped to his knees beside me, already leaning over Kakeru, his hand gripping the old man's clothing.

"Michiru," Kakeru said, breathing out in relief. "You are safe."

"Grandfather," Hikaru said, passing behind us both to kneel beside his father. "Are you alright?"

"I will be fine, Hikaru," Kakeru managed, "I'm far more concerned about the two of you."

I turned to look up at the man who'd come to stand almost directly behind me—and found Kakashi fucking Hatake staring down at me, only one eye visible from behind his slanted headband.

"Jesus Christ," I said, alarmed. "Aren't you hot wearing all of that?"

Kakashi seemed completely at ease with the situation, standing with his hands tucked away in the pockets of his pants, even as his Shadow Clone stood above us, fingers clenched around something I couldn't detect with Energy Sense but which I was almost certain was a weapon.

"The temperature is pretty nice," Kakashi offered.

"In here it is, sure," I said, "But you were wearing that outside the cave."

"Who are you?" Korega managed.

One more signature stepped into the cave, a small, slight figure.

"I'm just some guy who found this guy lying about in a cave," I said, unbothered. "Don't mind me."

I dropped Energy Sense, freeing my mana back up, and then returned to my slow effort to overcome the Petrification—the flash of white under my had caused a ripple effect throughout the cave. Michiru gave a squawk at the sudden light, Korega stepped forward in alarm, and I caught a flash of pink in the corner of my eye.

"This is getting totally crowded," I said, ignoring the fuss. "Michiru, budge over, would you? I'm trying to save the old guy."

Michiru made a noise of surprise and then kind of shuffled to the side, scooping Hikaru up with one of his massive bear-like arms in an attempt to comply—Hikaru yelped as he was lifted up off his feet.

"Sakura." Kakashi said.

"Excuse me," Sakura said, taking the empty spot to my right. "Korega was right—even just looking at it, his flesh has been transformed."

I watched as her hand lit up in a pale green glow and then fired off another Status Removal once I had the mana to do it. The flash of light didn't incur quite the same kind of reaction as the first time.

"It's not just his skin; it's pervasive," Sakura said, "I don't understand how he's even still alive—it's interfering with his blood circulation; there must be some parts that aren't affected."

"Is it treatable?" Kakashi asked.

"If I'd been here when the chakra was still present, I might have been able to reverse it," Sakura said, shaking her head. "But now, for all intents and purposes, it's nothing more than stone."

"It's treatable," I offered. "I've got it covered."

Sakura seemed entirely nonplussed at the information, and when I dumped my mana into another Status Removal, she turned to stare at my hand.

"What is that technique?" Sakura said.

"It's called stone-be-gone, from the medical school of none of your business," I said, a bit curious. "Did you really expect me to just tell you?"

"Of course not—what is it actually doing, though?" Sakura said, flustered. "How are you turning stone into flesh?"

"I'm using the doop-de-doo to effect the whats-it-called," I said, "Of course, that only really works because of the woobly-effect—you do know about the woobly-effect, right?"

Sakura blew a sharp breath out of her nose and then turned to look up at Kakashi as if he might be able to force me to answer—given the man's history, he probably could.

"How long will it take to treat?" Sakura asked.

"I'm getting a bit better with the technique the more I practice, but even then, it's going to take a couple of hours," I said, "Who are you guys anyway?"

"I am Sakura Haruno, a genin from Konohagakure," Sakura said, clearing her throat. "I'm training to be a medical shinobi, but I don't know very much yet."

"Konohagakure, we were totally talking about you guys earlier," I said, clicking my fingers together. "The first village with a kunoichi running the show, very progressive—wait, is that right? Isn't Mei Terumi the Mizukage? Whatever, close enough."

"Who is Mei Terumi?" Kakashi wondered. "The Mizukage's name is Yagura Karatachi."

"That guy is totally dead by now," I said, shaking my head. "I'm pretty sure Mei took over, or she soon will be taking over—either or."

Kakashi didn't seem inclined to argue, and I wasn't exactly sure when Mei took the hat, so I let it drop.

"Shinobi of Konohagakure," Kakeru said, speaking up. "I know I have no right to ask this of you—but please, I would ask that you hear me out."

"Sir?" Kakashi said.

"The Land of Moon is lost to us, and I no longer have the manpower to contest Shabadaba," Kakeru murmured, "I would ask that you take my son and grandson away from here and protect them where I cannot."

"Father," Michiru said.

"Our mission parameters were to ensure their safety until we had delivered them safely to the Land of Moon," Kakashi said, "We can no longer perform part of that, so we will, of course, remove them from danger."

"Grandfather," Hikaru said, "You're coming with us, aren't you?"

"I am in no condition to move, and now that you have both eluded Shabadaba, he will send his shinobi to find us," Kakeru said, "They may well locate us before the day is through—you must leave as soon as possible, and here, I will remain."

"Father," Michiru managed. "This cannot be the way forward."

"It is the only way left to us, my son," Kakeru murmured, "Sora, you should leave as well—I would not have you drawn further into this mess."

Status Removal has increased by 1.

"Nope," I said, without care. "You're not the king of me."

Kakeru seemed stumped by the outright denial. After spending four or five decades as the king, he probably had a certain level of expectation when it came to people doing what he asked—but I didn't really care about that, and it kind of went against my entire reason for helping him in the first place to just let him die.

"Listen, Kakeru," I said, "I'm kind of finicky about completing things that I've started, and leaving you here to die is pretty stupid. I mean, these guys are superhumanly strong and fast—if they can't carry your ass to a boat, then what's the point of them?"

Korega drew in a sharp breath as I used the king's name, but I really didn't care about the whole first name, last name divide they had going on.

"Whatever you decide to do, I'll hang around until I've finished fixing you up," I offered, "It's not like I can go anywhere until I find the rest of my mutinous crew."

"Crew?" Sakura wondered.

"It was a joke about pirates and memory loss," I said, waving her off. "You kind of had to be there, Sakura."

Sakura seemed taken aback at my use of her given name, but her attention was quickly drawn back to my ongoing attempt to clear the Petrification as I used the technique again.

"See, father?" Michiru said, grabbing onto the words like a life raft. "You can come with us—there's no need for you to remain here."

Kakeru seemed to be losing ground against the combination assault, and then Hikaru came in clutch with puppy dog eyes.

"Grandfather," Hikaru said, speaking up. "Please come with us."

Kakeru closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to come to a decision about the best way forward—but it seemed pretty clear, at least to me, that he couldn't say no to either of them.

"Very well, it would be foolish for me to turn away your help after you have offered it so freely," Kakeru murmured, "Korega—I will leave this situation up to you; my life is in your hands."

"Thank you for your trust, your majesty," Korega said, bowing at the words. "Kakashi, if I may speak with you?"

I watched as the two of them stepped away from the huddle, and I was left to wonder if the Shadow Clone remained above me or not. Most of Kakeru's leg, from the top of his right thigh, just below his knee, was back to normal now—and the two durability damage I was doing per cast seemed to be taking care of a patch of skin roughly the size of my fingertip. Not amazing, but enough that I was genuinely starting to see some serious progress.

"How long have you been practising medical ninjutsu?" Sakura asked.

"Firstly, what the hell is medical ninjutsu?" I said, "Secondly, I don't practice anything; I'm just naturally gifted."

"That's absurd," Sakura said, scrunching her face up. "You're performing a ninjutsu technique right now—"

"Am not," I said.

"I can see you doing it," Sakura insisted before pausing. "You're not even using a diagnostic technique—how are you tracking the changes in his condition?"

"We do a little guessing," I offered. "Diagnostic techniques are for amateurs."

Sakura seemed to be getting pretty mad right about now—I did my best not to smile, but I don't think it was working very well.

"Tsunade of the Sannin, the best medical shinobi in the world, uses diagnostic techniques," Sakura said, cheeks puffed up in outrage. "They aren't for amateurs at all."

"I guess she's only the second best," I said, doing my best to stir her up. "Pretty embarrassing that she's still playing with children's toys—isn't she an adult?"

"You—" Sakura squeaked. "What are you saying?"

"Sakura," Kakashi said, eyeing them. "We're working."

Sakura straightened up at the tone, making an effort to reign herself in, but the way her lips were pursed made it perfectly clear that it was far from over. The sound of voices echoed into the cave, and I switched Energy Sense on in an attempt to figure out if we were all about to die—and found an energy source that was about a dozen times brighter than Kakashi, with a burning centre that was like staring at the sun. A moment later, a second energy source stepped in behind him, weaker even than Sakura and visibly different. Whereas the chakra for each of the others passed through a series of thick cords before spreading out in a kind of cloud that reached every part of their body, this signature was different. There was no cloud of chakra spreading out through his body; it was entirely constrained to the cords, trapped there and unable to escape—I knew who both of them were without even seeing them.

"Kakashi?" Naruto said as he reached the group. "Everything's clear."

"Good work, come here," Kakashi said, "Sakura, Lee—you two as well."

"Right away," Lee said, voice bright.

Sakura scrunched her face up at being called away and then twisted up to her feet to join them.

"These the ones you hired a few decades ago, Kakeru?" I asked, mostly joking. "I can't imagine the little guys were much help at that age."

"I'm afraid time has taken the names of most of the Shinobi of Konohagakure I interacted with," Kakeru said, opening his eyes. "The most recent team—Hizashi and Natsu Hyuuga. There was one other with them, but I cannot recall his name."

"Hyuuga?" I wondered. "You've got people from one of the big clans out here doing delivery missions for you?"

"I didn't have the opportunity to personally select the team they sent," Kakeru said, bemused, "It was a rather important deal."

"If you say so," I said, shrugging.

#

One entire leg, unpetrified and ready for action—and it had taken me the better part of four hours to accomplish. Team Seven-minus-Sasuke-Plus-Rock Lee had all come and go at regular intervals and in different combinations, ostensibly to investigate the forest for any signs of the enemy shinobi encroaching on our turf. I'd managed to drag Status Removal all the way up to level eighteen in that time, and the four-point-five durability damage was putting in work. I helped the man draw his right leg up in an attempt to see if he could feel anything I'd missed.

"I cannot feel anything wrong," Kakeru admitted.

"Good enough for me," I said, "You want to roll over to let me get at your other leg, or are you feeling well enough to try sitting up?"

"I would very much prefer to sit up," Kakeru said, grasping at the chance to no longer have everyone and their dog standing over him. "If you would assist me?"

I slipped a hand behind his back and helped leverage him upwards into a sitting position—Kakeru scrunched his face up in pain as his stone-covered leg thumped onto the ground. Once he had the cave wall behind his back and he was properly supported, I dropped down to start on his left foot.

"Father?" Michiru murmured, rising up from where he'd been sleeping on the floor. "Are you well?"

"I'm well enough, my son," Kakeru said with a great sigh. "Michiru, what do you think of when you see these lands of ours?"

"What do I see?" Michiru asked, moving to sit beside me. "It's a wonderful place—I see beauty, wealth, and prosperity."

"Yes, I see it too," Kakeru said, "But is that all there is?"

"I don't understand," Michiru swallowed.

Michiru turned to look at me as if I might somehow have the answer—I was pretty sure this dude didn't even know my name, and I had no idea why he was looking at me as if I could somehow translate old-man speak for him.

"Wealth and beauty aren't all that matters; it's just a veneer that masks what lies beneath," Kakeru murmured, "What is underneath? Happiness? Joy? Or something more akin to greed, ignorance and cruelty?"

"Father?" Michiru managed.

"I sent you away, my son—you and Hikaru both—because I knew this would happen," Kakeru sighed, "Shabadaba and the rest of my ministers have been amassing their forces for a long time—I'd hoped to have spared you this and to have solved it before your return, but it would seem I'm nothing more than a weak fool."

"I don't believe that," Michiru said, shaking his head. "I'll never believe those words."

"Perhaps you won't," Kakeru murmured, "I'd hoped to transform our lands into something more than it is. I envisioned a place of happiness, realised hopes and fulfilled dreams, and I'd mistakenly thought that Shabadaba had shared that goal with me—what a waste."

"Hopes and dreams," Michiru managed, "You sound just like Amayo."

"Amayo?" Kakeru said, perking up a bit. "Are the two of you speaking once again?"

"No, father, she can't stand to be in my presence," Michiru admitted. "Amayo says that I have no clue what truly matters, but I cannot understand what that might be."

I tilted my head at the words—that had been a kind of side plot to the movie, hadn't it? Amayo had attempted to yoink Hikaru and run away but had been blocked by some contract? It was odd that the thing that stopped her had been a legal contract and not the pressure that a Prince of a kingdom could bring to bear on someone who crossed him—I supposed that spoke more about Michiru's good nature than anything else. It did leave me wondering what the problem between them had been—Michiru was royalty, he had power, and he had wealth—Ah.

"How tall are you, Michiru?" I wondered. "This is vitally important."

"My height?" Michiru said, startled. "I suppose I must be five foot nine—and a quarter."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said, clapping the man on the back. "Some women are just impossible to please, I swear."

"No, no, no," Kakeru said with another sigh. "Michiru, I can't imagine her reasoning has changed much in these three years—you cannot solve all of your problems with money, especially not the ones that exist inside the confines of a relationship."

"Father," Michiru complained. "This is hardly the time to have this discussion."

"Prince Michiru is correct, your majesty; dating advice may have to wait," Kakashi said, coming to stand with us. "Korega and his men have left; for now, they will be procuring a ship under the pretence of stopping Prince Michiru from escaping by sea."

"As expected of Korega," Kakeru said, nodding. "When will we be departing?"

"One hour from now, we will head for the beach to meet with them," Kakashi said, "Will the king be ready to move by then?"

"No idea," I admitted, "I'd start considering a future in which someone carries him—just in case."

"Very well," Kakeru said.

Kakashi crouched down in an attempt to get a better look at Kakeru's injuries, and I moved my hand out of the way to he could check—I'd almost made it just above the ankle, and I tried not to feel too judged by the attention.

"Interesting strategy," I said, clearing my throat. "What's the plan for when it inevitably falls apart and the enemy shinobi attack us mid-transit?"

There was an odd silence for a moment, and then Kakashi spoke up.

"You expect them to attack us?" Kakashi wondered.

There was something odd about his tone, a lilt that made me feel like I'd given away something without actually knowing what it was—surely they weren't expecting this to go off without any problems?

"Let me get this straight," I said, "There are three shinobi from the—uh, what did you call the clan Kakeru?"

"The Uemon Clan," Kakeru said. "A wandering clan of shinobi that do not have a village of their own."

"Right," I said, nodding. "Three Uemon shinobi running around the island expressly trying to turn Michiru to stone—and you don't expect them to have someone watching the water in the event that he attempts to flee?"

"I am almost certain that they will, in fact, attack us," Kakashi clarified, "I'm just surprised that out of all of the people involved in planning this—shinobi and soldiers alike—you were the only one who suggested it."

"It is a bit odd that I'm somehow the most paranoid one here," I admitted, "Still, you didn't answer my question—uh, the guy whose name I still don't know."

"My name is Kakashi Hatake," Kakashi said, "We are prepared for an engagement, and as you suggested, the most likely time for them to attack us is during transit or when we are out in the open with no cover."

"Kakashi of the Sharingan? I totally heard about you the other day," I said, snapping my fingers together. "I was with this chick named Yuna—total baddie, in case you were wondering—and I asked her who the most famous shinobi alive were."

"She said me?" Kakashi said, tapping a finger against his mask. "I suppose I should be honoured."

Technically she'd said Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraiya first, but I'd let him have it.

"That's crazy," Naruto said, speaking up. "People know about you all the way out here, Kakashi?"

"That's something to worry about, isn't it?" I wondered. "If some random village girl knows about you, these shinobi probably know at least some of what you can do."

"You are distractingly observant," Kakashi said offhand. "You're not actually the fourth shinobi in their group, are you?"

I paused for a moment, unsure how he'd come to a conclusion like that.

"What the hell?" Naruto said, jumping to his feet with a cry. "This guy is an enemy shinobi?"

"Sora is not one of the shinobi that Shabadaba hired," Kakeru said, shaking his head. "I owe my life to him—I suspect I would have already died if he hadn't arrived when he did."

"I suppose not," Kakashi offered.

"That would have been pretty awesome if you'd just unmasked me right in the middle of some kind of crazy infiltration plot," I said, impressed. "Once in a lifetime opportunity—you pretty much had to go for it, didn't you?"

"More or less," Kakashi admitted.

"So he's not an enemy shinobi?" Naruto said, "Sakura?"

"Don't ask me," Sakura said, looking just as hesitant. "He's healing the king—why would he be an enemy shinobi?"

I held up a hand for a moment because I couldn't let the serious lack of creativity slide.

"I've got this, Kakashi. A mysterious and incredibly handsome stranger stumbles upon the hiding place of the usurped and stone-afflicted king," I said, clearing my throat. "He inserts himself into the group as the only person with the power, skill, and talent to fix the king's wounds—something that even Tsunade of the Sanin couldn't hope to accomplish with her paltry diagnostic techniques—"

Sakura blew a sharp breath out of her nose at the words.

"His strange technique is oddly effective on this esoteric malady, but it's also slow enough that he ends up spending many hours in the company of the group—many hours listening to their plans," I said, wriggling my fingers about. "He has made himself indispensable to the king's health, and it's become incredibly apparent that he's also the smartest person in the Land of Moon—nay, the entire world—jealousy begins to take hold, and doubt rises, the group is fracturing—"

"Oh my god," Sakura said, stunned. "He's actually an enemy shinobi."

"His presence is exceptionally convenient," Kakashi said, "But he's probably not an enemy."

"The smartest man in the Land of Moon?" Michiru asked. "Truly?"

"Easily," I said, doubling down. "I know things, Michiru, secret things, things hidden away within the depths of the world, terrible, terrible knowledge—knowledge that could even turn a man to stone."

"What?" Naruto cried.

"That's really not helping your case," Kakashi said with a sigh.

#

"So you're really not an enemy shinobi?" Naruto asked.

"I'm really just a guy who woke up on a beach two weeks ago," I said, thinking about it. "I suppose it's possible I had some beef with the Land of Moon before that point, but If I did, I can't remember it."

"That's so weird," Naruto said, "People don't really lose their memories like that, do they?"

"They don't," Sakura said, eyeing me. "Amnesia is actually very rare, and I'm not sure there even is a type that would remove all memories of your past but leave you functioning this well."

"This is functioning well?" I wondered.

"You're using complicated medical techniques," Sakura said, "You don't appear to be having any trouble keeping track of what's going on, so your short-term memory is relatively intact, and you even remember your name."

I fired off an Observe while I had the mana, reading through it while she spoke.

Name: Sakura Haruno

Title: Genin

Gender: Female

Age: 13

Level: 118

Health Points: 1780/1780

Chakra Points: 1880/1880

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Excitement. Determination. Worry.

History: Haruno Sakura was born in the Land of Fire; she is a member of Team Seven and is currently training to become a medical shinobi under Tsunade of the Sannin. Her natural mastery over her chakra has gifted her a unique advantage regarding techniques with fine control requirements. Sakura has a mother, Mebuki, and a father, Kizashi.

Sakura had far more health than just about anyone I'd come across, including myself. If my initial guess was that the Health Points calculation for everyone was the same as my own, then that placed her at one-hundred-and-seventy Vitality. The level, on the other hand, was daunting—Korega was the owner of the highest level I'd come across so far, at fifty-eight, and she was twice his level.

"How do you know your name if you forgot everything else?" Naruto said, "That's totally suspicious."

I fired off another Observe, this time at Naruto, wanting some kind of idea of the level disparity for Genin.

Name: Naruto Uzumaki

Title: Jinchuriki of the Nine-Tailed Beast, Genin.

Gender: Male

Age: 13

Level: 139

Health Points: 8900/8900

Chakra Points: 19790/19790

Status Effects:

Emotions: Excitement. Determination.

History: Naruto Uzumaki was born in the Land of Fire. His status as the Jinchuriki of the Nine-Tailed Beast has left him feared by the people of Konohagakure. He is a member of Team Seven, and he dreams of becoming the Hokage. Naruto is the son of Minato Namikaze, the Forth Hokage and Kushina Uzumaki, the previous Jinchuriki of the Nine-Tailed Beast, both deceased.

"I literally just picked the first thing I saw when I woke up," I denied, a bit taken aback by his chakra capacity. "If I'd woken up face down, you'd have been calling me Suna."

"No way—wait, that's actually awesome," Naruto said, "Guess that means I woke up in a bowl of ramen."

"Idiot," Sakura said before pausing. "What on earth did that Shabadaba guy wake up in?"

I snorted at the words—they'd taken the joke and run with it. I kind of appreciated just how friendly they were, especially considering how dangerous the situation was.

"Naruto, Sakura," Lee said, stepping into the cave. "Kakashi would like us to be ready to move out in a few minutes—Prince Michiru, Hikaru, are you both ready to leave?"

"Yes, yes, we're ready," Michiru said, fighting back to his feet. "Hikaru, come let us prepare—have you got all of your things?"

"I think so," Hikaru murmured.

"Your majesty, do you feel well enough to travel?" Sakura asked, leaning forward. "It seems to just be your thigh that's still affected—can you bend your knee at all?"

"Let us find out," Kakeru said.

Kakeru reached out, and I caught his hand, abandoning my continued attempts to heal him. I helped him rise to his feet and watched as he attempted to put some weight on his left leg. Kakeru grimaced a bit but seemed to manage it well enough.

"Everything below my knee is currently numb," Kakeru said, "I may be able to walk like this, but it won't be with any real alacrity."

"Michiru and I can take turns carrying you, so you shinobi types are free to kick ass," I offered, "You up for that, big fella?"

"I will help carry you, father," Michiru said, clapping a hand on his right bicep. "I may have put on some weight, but my strength has only grown since I was last here."

"Very well," Kakeru said with a rough laugh. "Is there anything I should know before we leave?"

"The strategy remains the same, your majesty," Lee said, firing off a salute. "Korega's team is performing a patrol and will be picking us up on the return trip—we will need to keep a low profile while travelling through the forest, so please keep any conversation to a whisper."

"I understand," Kakeru said, "Shinobi of Konohagakure, no matter how this day may resolve itself, thank you for all that you have done."

"Your majesty," Sakura murmured.

"Don't even worry about it, old man," Naruto said, straightening his forehead protector. "We're going to save you, no matter what."

"Sir," Lee said, still standing at attention. "We'll do our best."

I eyed the three of them for a moment, wondering just how fresh the Sunagakure-Otogakure invasion was for them and if they saw some overlap between the violence that had torn its way through their home and what the Land of Moon was suffering right now—it was kind of hard to reconcile that the three of them were just kids, barely teenagers in Naruto and Sakura's case, and yet they'd been subjected to so much already.

"I'll take the first shift, Michiru, but start warming up those arms of yours," I said, "Kakeru—you want over the shoulder like a sack of potatoes, in my arms like we're about to start our honeymoon, or attached to my back like a sloth."

These sixteen days of non-stop exercising had done wonders for my Strength attribute, and I was already a great deal bigger than everyone else in the cave by default—but even considering all of that, Kakeru the Slothful wasn't anywhere near as heavy as I would have imagined. The remaining chunk of stone on his thigh also made for a surprisingly easy grip. I followed Lee out of the cave, even as Michiru and Hikaru funnelled in directly behind me. Sakura and Naruto took up the rear guard, fanning on either side once we'd made it out onto the rock shelf. I hadn't really left the cave or gotten a good visual of the outside world since I'd first crawled in there, but I was a bit surprised to find the sun was starting to fall away, and the evening light was fading.

"You look a bit older than the other two, Lee," I said, keeping my voice low. "Why is that?"

"I'm actually a member of another team that graduated one year before Naruto and Sakura," Lee said, apparently not at all bothered by the question, "My own team was away on a separate mission when I was called in, so I was available to fill in on Team Seven as a temporary replacement."

"Why weren't you off on the mission with your team?" I wondered.

"This is actually my first mission back in quite a while," Lee said, rubbing the back of his head. "I was injured pretty badly a while back; it's taken a lot of rehabilitation to get me back to where I am, but I still have a long way to go."

That's right, I'd forgotten about how injured he'd been after the whole Gaara fiasco—but hadn't he gone on the mission to bring Sasuke back? He'd been relatively healthy then, hadn't he? No, he'd had medicine to take—even if it had ended up being alcohol—that meant that he'd still been in recovery even then. I dropped Energy Sense and used Observe on him.

Name: Rock Lee

Title: Konoha's Green Beast

Gender: Male

Age: 14

Level: 165

Health Points: 2314/2314(3750)

Chakra Points: 10/10 (2750)

Status Effects: Shattered Bones. Malformed Chakra Network.

Emotions: Hope. Determination. Excitement.

History: Rock Lee was born in the Land of Fire. He is an orphan who is unable to use chakra externally due to a malformed chakra network. Rock Lee shatters the expectations and bodies of his enemies with his honed physical strength. He is a member of Team 9, and he wants to prove that he can be a splendid shinobi despite his shortcomings. Rock Lee has no living family.

Sakura at one-hundred-and-eighteen, Naruto at one-hundred-and-thirty-nine and Lee at one-hundred-and-sixty-five—that was a pretty big spread of levels for Genin. Then again, I wasn't sure Rock Lee could even be called a Genin, and Naruto had been strong enough to kill a Chunin on the very first episode, so maybe the ranks didn't really possess that tight of a correlation to combat power?

"I'll fix that for you after all of this is over," I offered, shifting my grip on Kakeru's legs. "No point in you crawling back up the long way when I could take care of it in an hour or so."

Lee turned to look back at me, startled at the words.

"You could fix something like this?" Lee said.

They were classified as status effects, just like Petrification had been, so Status Removal should do something to help—the worst that could happen was that it failed, and I'd have egg on my face.

"There is no doubt in my mind that I could fix it," I said with complete confidence. "You'll have to wait until Kakeru is back to normal, but after that, we can sit down and have a look."

"That is incredibly generous of you," Lee said, visibly surprised. "I will accept your offer—thank you."

"Sure thing," I said.

Kakeru said nothing towards the exchange, apparently taking his role as a sloth far more seriously than he needed to. Kakashi dropped down in front of us, looking much the same as he had the last time I'd seen him—I fired off another Observe just to collect the entire set.

Name: Kakashi Hatake

Title: Kakashi of the Sharingan

Gender: Male

Age: 27

Level: 274

Health Points: 5600/5600

Chakra Points: 4660/4660

Status Effects: Incompatible Transplant.

Emotions: Anticipation.

History: Hatake Kakashi was born in the Land of Fire. He is a genius in the shinobi arts and is regarded across the world as one of the most dangerous men alive. He was a member of the former Team Seven, led by Minato Namikaze, before its eventual disbandment. Now he has become the leader of the next generation of Team Seven. Kakashi is the son of the deceased Sakumo Hatake.

"We're approaching the beach," Kakashi said, falling in step beside Lee. "There is no sign of the enemy at present, but once they appear, move to check each of them. The rest of you, please remain behind cover until the situation has been dealt with."

This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

"Of course," Michiru said, keeping his hand on Hikaru's shoulder. "Hikaru, please stay close to me."

"Father," Hikaru murmured.

The trees thinned out ahead of them, and in the cool evening light, I could see the water in the distance. We found ourselves waiting at the edge of the treeline, hiding amongst the greenery. The boat was entirely out of sight, but there were two long black shadows steadily growing larger as they approached from the west, passing out from behind a rocky outcropping.

"Small boats—it's Korega and his men," Kakashi said, "They must be trying to keep the ship out of sight."

"Should we go now?" I asked, eyeing the beach.

"No, we will wait until they're close enough—" Kakashi said before snapping his head to the left. "Contact."

Between blinks, Kakashi somehow vanished from directly in front of me, a scattering of sand washing over my foot at his passing. A flash of pink and orange caught my eye before the rest of them moved to join him, just as untraceable—I twisted around, finding them in the middle of the beach, standing across from three familiar-looking figures.

"Kakeru," I said, "I'm setting you down for a moment."

"Very well," Kakeru said, doing his best to catch his own weight. "To think they are able to so smoothly predict each other's strategy—shinobi are formidable, even outside of their individual strength."

"You're not wrong," I said, leaning out enough to get a better eye on the two groups. "How much do you think these guys charged Shabooba?"

"I can't begin to imagine," Kakeru admitted.

"The mission parameters would have been pretty crazy," I said, squinting in the low light. "Killing a king and taking over his land must have cost Shabooba a fortune—Michiru, how much did it cost to hire Kakashi's team?"

Michiru seemed a bit taken aback at the conversation topic—probably because we were about to watch two teams of superhumans kill each other, but still.

"Two-hundred-thousand Ryo?" Michiru offered.

"What is that in real money?" I sighed. "I have no idea about Ryo; the only money I've ever seen is Moon Dollars."

"One hundred Ryo is roughly the same as one Moon," Kakeru said, "So the price for hiring them would have been roughly two thousand moon."

I frowned at the number, trying to put into perspective just how messed up that was—they were putting their lives on the line for two thousand dollars? Split four ways, that was what, five hundred dollars each? Did they even get to keep all of that, or did a portion go to the village?

"That's insane, unethical and is outright exploitative," I said, "You better tell me the exact steps needed to hire a team of shinobi bodyguards—just so I don't stumble into that situation by accident, you know?"

Kakeru never had a chance to answer because the shortest shinobi on the enemy squad tossed a knife into the sand between the two groups—and then it fucking exploded. I dragged Kakeru back behind the tree as sand blasted past our position, propelled by the force of what could have only been an exploding tag.

You have been poisoned.

"Like hell I have," I said, pulling up my Status Screen. "Shit—everybody stay still; I think they just poisoned us."

Status Effects: Slowed.

"Motherfuckers—they totally poisoned us," I said, startled. "Was that from the explosion? Status Removal."

I dropped into Meditate and then cast it again as soon as it was up.

"Poisoned?" Hikaru said, horrified.

"Relax, little guy, all it does is slow us down a bit; I guess that they like to weaken their enemies before engaging," I said, surprised that it vanished after only four casts. "It's actually super weak—I guess we only got hit with a little bit of it."

I planted my hand on his head and then dumped all of my mana into a Status Removal—he'd been hit with so little of it that it only took a single cast to clear. I moved on and cleared both Michiru and Kakeru a moment later, two casts for each of them. The battle on the beach was going pretty poorly, all things considered. Naruto was buried head-first in the sand with his legs dangling above him. Rock Lee was moving fast enough that I could only really see a green blur as he unloaded on the biggest guy, but nothing seemed to connect. Kakashi had his knife to the other guy's throat, which almost had me sighing in relief. Did the dude really think he could go up against Kakashi of the Sharingan and not get handled? I hit the guy with an Observe in an attempt to figure out exactly how outmatched he was.

Name: Ishidate

Title: N/A

Gender: Male

Age: 29

Level: 256

Health Points: 5230/5230

Chakra Points: 4920/4920

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Excitement, Amusement, Impatience.

History: Ishidate is a member of the Uemon Clan, a group of wandering shinobi mercenaries that hold no allegiance to any of the hidden villages. The Uemon Clan routinely brings in new recruits, either willingly or by force. Ishidate was one of the few members born of two members of the clan and is one of the last three remaining members alive.

How was he almost as strong as Kakashi? Ishidate was a movie villain—he was supposed to be a one-note dumpster shinobi. As if to strip away my sense of safety completely, Ishidate suddenly vanished and then reappeared directly behind Kakashi. The two clashed in a shower of sparks as their respective Kunai grated against one another—and then they were moving too fast for me to follow. I turned my attention to the big guy who was in the process of booting Rock Lee across the beach in a shower of sand.

Name: Kongo

Title: N/A

Gender: Male

Age: 33

Level: 193

Health Points: 4220/4220

Chakra Points: 2240/2240

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Bloodlust. Anger.

History: Kongo is a member of the Uemon Clan, a group of wandering shinobi mercenaries that hold no allegiance to any of the hidden villages. The Uemon Clan routinely brings in new recruits, either willingly or by force. Kongo was brought into the clan at a young age and by force. He is one of the last three remaining members alive.

That was more like it—a little bit stronger than Rock Lee, but nowhere near strong enough to even fondle Kakashi's bells. This guy was squarely in the range of what I was going to assume was Chunin-level. Sakura was under attack by the shortest shinobi; the two of them trying to stab each other to death was probably the most disturbing thing I'd seen today.

Name: Karenbana

Title: N/A

Gender: Female

Age: 22

Level: 172

Health Points: 3350/3350

Chakra Points: 3170/3170

Status Effects: None.

Emotions: Anxiety, Excitement.

History: Karenbana is a member of the Uemon Clan, a group of wandering shinobi mercenaries that hold no allegiance to any of the hidden villages. The Uemon Clan routinely brings in new recruits, either willingly or by force. Karenbana was brought into the clan at a young age and by force. She is one of the last three remaining members alive.

What an absolutely unfortunate name—I couldn't imagine why her parents would have done that to her, but it's probably what spun her onto the road of villainy in the first place. Her chakra and health spread were far more even than Kongo, so she had that going for her, at least. Sakura seemed the most heavily outmatched here. In the movie, Sakura had hit this girl so hard that her wig had fallen off, but right now, she seemed entirely incapable of hitting anything at all. The poison was messing with all of them, including Kakashi, who, for some reason, still hadn't pulled out his Sharingan. Lee hadn't even taken off his weights either. Were they all insane? If there was any time to go goblin mode, it was in the middle of a fight to the death—Sakura went down, crashing into the sand, and unable to drag herself back up to her feet as Karenbana came to stand over her. Kakashi got caught out a moment later, his entire left arm turning to stone as Ishidate snatched hold of him. He managed to drive the man away half a second later, but his arm was ruined, incapable of motion. Rock Lee found himself struggling to hold Kongo's massive foot up off his chest, his back pressed against the sand. Where the hell was Naruto? Wasn't he supposed to be going apeshit right about now? Where the hell was Kurama, fucking sleeping on the job?

"I have to say, I expected this to be more fun," Karenbana said, twirling a kunai in her hand. "How disappointing."

I stared at her for a long moment and then at the still unmoving Sakura at her feet—yeah, fuck this. I stood up, took three steps forward until I was within range, and then lifted a hand to point at her.

"Kakeru, I'm going to need a raise," I said. "Line Spear."

A streak of white light burst forth from my finger, crossed the short distance between us, and then crashed into her knee—before continuing through it and then into the sand at an angle. Karenbana collapsed mid-step with a cry of pain, but she managed to throw her weight to her other side—and then I was falling backwards, the kunai that had been in her hand now buried up to the hilt in the centre of my chest.

You have been poisoned.

"You absolute motherfucker," I cried out in pain, "I only just fixed that."

Karenbana managed to get her good foot underneath her, recovered and then leapt away as I took another shot at her. My aim was terrible, and the line of mana hit the ground about a meter away from Sakura, sending a burst of sand up into the air at the contact. I grabbed the end of the kunai and then left it entirely alone, unable to bring myself to pull it out because I was absolutely certain that would just hurt more. Kongo gave up his slow attempt to crush Lee into the ground and instead wrenched his foot out of the kid's grip before booting him towards the ocean—Lee crashed into the sand as he went, sending it scattering up into the air until he rolled to a stop in the shallows, already pushing himself back to his knees. I stepped the rest of the way out of the trees with my hand raised about as high as I could manage and swung it around to point at where Ishidate was—the man vanished, appeared beside Karenbana, and dragged her up off the sand by her shoulder. The three of them seemed to confer with one another, and Ishidate sent a murderous glare towards everyone before they vanished into the trees.

"That's what I fucking thought," I said, "How the hell do I get this out without—"

Kakashi's head snapped around, and he stumbled to his feet, his stone arm dangling uselessly beside him. I turned to follow his gaze as a cry of alarm came from directly behind me—and I found Ishidate standing with his hand fisted in the back of Michiru's shirt, lifting him off the ground with his inhuman strength.

"So this is where you rats were hiding—and the king is still alive?" Ishidate said, voice flat. "I'll be sure to come back and kill you all later; please be patient."

Ishidate vanished just as Kakashi came to a stop beside me, and then the group was silent—because Michiru was gone.

"Shit," I said, "That wasn't part of the plan."

"Lee, dig Naruto out before he suffocates," Kakashi said, "Sakura, can you stand?"

"I think so," Sakura managed, fighting to push herself up to her knees. "I just need to—try and clear my head; everything is so, so, sluggish."

I stepped towards her and then winced as Kakashi's good hand clamped down on my shoulder, fingers almost brushing against the ring of the kunai still sticking out of me.

"Fucking hell, watch what you're grabbing," I cried, attempting and failing to brush off his hand. "I'm going to get rid of the poison, asshole—"

Kakashi's grip faltered at the words, and then he let me go a moment later. I scrunched my face up in agony, still unwilling to touch the knife, before falling down onto one knee beside Sakura. I place my hand on her head and cast Heal first before dropping into Meditate. Once she was back to full health, I started destroying the Slowed status effect with Status Removal.

"What did you just do?" Sakura murmured, looking a bit pale. "All the cuts are gone—"

"It's kind of like the techniques Tsunade uses, only it works instantly and fixes everything because I'm amazing," I managed through gritted teeth. "Question—do you know a technique that numbs pain?"

"I haven't learned something like that yet," Sakura said, eyes trying and failing to focus on the kunai buried in my chest. "Can't you just take it out and heal it?"

"Absolutely," I said, "I just don't want to pull it out because I know how much it's going to hurt—maybe I'll just leave it in forever."

Korega and his men finally made landfall, the two small boats crashing into the sand and finding purchase there. Lee managed to drag Naruto out of the sand, and he came out swinging, sending sand and wild haymakers all over the place. One of which almost managed to take Lee out before he fell backwards onto his ass on the sand. Sakura wrapped her fingers around the knife while I was watching the drama unfold—and then yanked it out before I could find the presence of mind to stop her.

"You little shit," I cried, clapping a hand over the now bleeding wound. "I just saved your life—how could you do this to me?"

#

Kakashi sat motionless as Sakura worked to reverse the Petrification on his arm. The process was apparently easy enough to do so long as you got to it within an hour of the technique being used. I kept my eyes on the last patch of stone on Kakeru's thigh, and once I'd finally gotten the very last of it, I patted him on the leg before standing up.

"You're officially stone free and back to full health," I said, speaking up. "You want to try standing up?"

I helped him to his feet, but it was pretty clear that he was in about as good a health as he had ever been. The movement, however, drew the attention of everyone in the clearing, and Korega shot to his feet.

"Your majesty," Korega said, clapping his fist to his chest. "You have recovered."

There was a series of voices echoing the sentiment through the rest of Kakeru's loyal soldiers, and even one shaky call from Hikaru as he rubbed a hand across his eyes. I was feeling kind of left out of the celebration, so I sucked in a breath.

"Old man Kakeru, you're alive," I said, absolutely shocked. "I can't believe it—it's a miracle."

Korega let out a strangled noise at the disrespect, but I just pretended not to notice.

"Quite," Kakeru said, "Thank you, Sora, you've undoubtedly saved my life."

"It's what I do," I said before cracking my neck. "Right, who's next—pink demon who tried to murder me in cold blood—do you want my help yet, or have you got this?"

"I didn't try to murder you, and I think I can handle this," Sakura said, scrunching her face up. "Although I might need your assistance if it starts to become permanent before I get all of it."

"Sure," I said, scanning the group. "Lee—you're not doing anything, are you? Let me take a look at you."

Lee stepped forward without hesitation, clearly excited to see if I could, in fact, help him, as I'd mentioned.

"Lee," Sakura said, clearing her throat. "You're supposed to get permission before you get any medical treatment from anyone external to our team."

"You are right, as always, Sakura," Lee said, "Kakashi?"

"Go ahead," Kakashi said.

Apparently, he'd decided I wasn't the fourth enemy shinobi after all—either the fact that Karenbana had attempted to murder me or the fact that I'd attempted to murder her enough to convince him. I patted the ground beside me and then twirled my fingers to indicate Lee should turn around so he wouldn't be staring straight at me the entire time. Once he'd done so, I planted my hand flat on his back, dropped into Meditate, and then dumped all of my mana into Status Removal.

Status Removal has increased by 1.

That brought it up to level twenty-eight, with seven durability damage per cast—I was really moving up in the world. Kakeru's treatment had given me plenty of time to do the mental math for an estimation of how much durability the Petrification status effect had—namely, about ten-thousand durability. The weak poison that Karenbana had used on us had more in the way of about ten to twenty durability to fight through. I was guessing that the two status effects Lee had were somewhere in the middle of those two numbers.

"Kakashi," Naruto said, speaking up. "We can't just sit around here forever—how are we going to get the prince back?"

I glanced over Lee's shoulder at him. Naruto had been awfully quiet since he'd been dumpstered on the beach—I was hoping this was where he would finally start to bounce back.

"That's something we are going to figure out," Kakashi said, raising his voice slightly. "Your majesty, we are at something of a crossroads—how would you like to proceed?"

"I'm not leaving unless my son is with me," Kakeru said, "I know I am asking a lot of you—but please, I cannot bear the thought of leaving him behind."

Kakashi just nodded at the words, clearly expecting them.

"We will recover Prince Michiru," Kakashi said, "To do so, we're going to need to enter the Palace—Korega; I need as much information on the layout as possible and your best estimates of where they will be keeping the prince."

"I'm at your disposal," Korega said. "As are my men."

"Thank you. We will need to do some reconnaissance; I'll be handling that once I'm in a good enough condition to move," Kakashi said, "Lee, Sakura, Naruto, you three will be defending the king until I return."

"Yes, sir," Lee said, firing off a salute. "We'll do our best."

"Bushy-brows is right," Naruto said, "We've got this."

"Don't call him that," Sakura said, sighing. "Why are you always so rude?"

#

"I don't understand what you're doing," Sakura said, "You're not even touching the damaged areas—his back was never even injured."

"Yeah," Naruto said, hands planted on his hips. "That's kind of weird, isn't it?"

"How would you know, whiskers?" I said, rolling my eyes. "When was the last time you healed anyone?"

The status effect for Shattered Bones vanished, and his Health Points rose to the full value. I said nothing to indicate I was finished because I wanted to see if I could fix everything while I had the opportunity.

"You don't need to be a chef to criticize the food you've been served," Naruto said, with the air of a person who was quoting somebody much wiser than himself. "This—is a plate of shit."

I snorted at the comment.

"Naruto," Sakura chastised, "That's disgusting."

"The technique is a complicated one, and it doesn't exactly work in a linear way," I said in answer to his critique. "It actually detects negative effects, assigns a durability value to them and then begins a systematic assault on it in order to restore the person to their optimal condition."

"That sounds nothing like medical ninjutsu," Sakura said.

"Naruto," I said, clearing my throat. "You get it, don't you?"

"Absolutely," Naruto said immediately. "It's super intuitive."

"I literally told you what that word meant two days ago," Sakura accused, drawing in a sharp breath. "You're totally lying right now; you don't get it at all—he doesn't get it."

"Who treated you for this injury, anyway?" I said, trying not to smile. "It must have been someone just starting out with their training?"

Sakura made a strangled noise in the back of her throat, and Naruto cracked an eye open to look at her, visibly wary—I wondered how many times that noise had preceded him getting his ass kicked.

"Tsunade was the one responsible for treating my condition," Lee said, not at all bothered by the silent war going on around him. "I could barely move my arm and leg at the start—if it wasn't for her, I would have had to quit being a shinobi."

"That's pretty heavy, man," I admitted, "I'm sure your village was lucky to have you back in fighting shape—you seem like a really strong shinobi."

"Thank you," Lee beamed, "The path I have taken is not the standard one, but it's my dream to become a splendid shinobi all the same."

"There's no doubt in my mind that you'll manage it," I said, nodding. "What about you two—what are your dreams?"

"I'm going to become the Hokage," Naruto said, already grinning. "No matter what."

"That's the leader of your village, right? Interesting choice," I asked, "What are you going to do with all that power once you take charge?"

"Power?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah—are there things you think the current leader is ignoring that you want to be handled differently?" I said, "Change the rules? Make new policies? Maybe you want to revolutionise the way they train shinobi?"

"I—guess I don't really know about that stuff," Naruto admitted, reaching up to touch his headband. "Maybe I'd change the academy tests? Since they suck so bad."

Sakura looked scandalised.

"That's a start, but you better start thinking about it now, so you know where you're headed once you get the position," I said before glancing over at Sakura. "What about you—you've got a dream, too, don't you?"

"I want to become a medical shinobi, like my teacher," Sakura said before glancing over at Naruto for a moment. "I also want to find someone."

Naruto lost a bit of his energy at that, and he kind of turned away, not quite willing to look in her direction—it was obvious that they were talking about Sasuke.

"Yeah?" I said, "Well, I don't know about the second part, but you seem pretty well on the road to becoming a medical shinobi, so keep it up."

"Thank you," Sakura said, "Sora, did you have a dream?"

"I've never really had a dream other than to live the most enjoyable life possible," I admitted, "Since waking up on the beach, I've found a goal to put the full force of my being behind—I'm going to save the world."

There was an odd beat of silence after my declaration, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You're going to save the world?" Naruto said, surprised. "From what?"

I glanced down as the panel changed again—his chakra points had risen to the full value, and the Malformed Chakra Network had vanished.

"Naruto, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," I said, "Lee, my friend—I've finished healing you."

"You have?" Lee said, lifting his hand up in front of his face before clenching it into a fist. "Was the treatment successful—I don't think I can tell?"

"It was completely successful. All of the leftover damage in your arm and leg is now gone—and I also decided to fix your malformed chakra coils while I was taking care of everything else," I said, clapping my hands together. "Congratulations, you're back to full health, and you can use chakra now."

"What?" Sakura said. "That's not even—"

"I can use chakra?" Lee asked, stunned.

"Sure, just try it out," I said before pausing. "Actually, maybe don't; I wouldn't want to give away our position if that kind of thing is detectable by the enemy shinobi."

"They aren't sensors, or else they would have found us earlier," Sakura said, shaking her head. "But that's entirely beside the point—you can't just fix his chakra network; he was born that way."

"So what you're saying is that Tsunade of the Sannin tried to fix it and failed, huh?" I said, "I guess she really is only second best—"

"I don't believe you," Sakura decided, crossing her arms. "Lee—use the clone jutsu; you couldn't do that before, could you?"

"I couldn't use it," Lee admitted, sounding a bit off. "Is it—can I really?"

Lee planted his hand down on the ground and used it as a pivot to turn himself around to face the rest of us. After a moment, he lifted his hands up, hesitated, and then his hands began to blur—a pale, woozy version of Lee appeared on the ground beside him.

"Holy crap," Naruto said. "Bushy-brows—you're a shinobi."

"He was always a shinobi, you idiot," Sakura said, staring at the shitty clone in disbelief. "You're using way too much chakra, Lee."

#

"Michiru is alive and is currently located on the top floor of the palace, in the throne room," Kakashi said, "All of the main entrances to the building are surrounded by soldiers, including the front gate."

"So we've got to sneak in through the back?" Naruto said, "Work our way up and then hit them from inside."

"That's part of it," Kakashi said, nodding. "We're also going to be creating a diversion to lead away the majority of the soldiers and the three shinobi."

"None of us is strong enough to fight that Jounin," Sakura said, frowning. "That means we can't be the diversion—it's going to be you, Kakashi?"

I had a hard time believing Ishidate could so easily handle Lee after he took off his weights and then opened all of the gates or Naruto if he lost his shit—but using either of those might have been reckless when they could just counter the Jounin with another one.

"Correct, I'll be attacking the front gates alone, and my goal is to draw out the shinobi," Kakashi said, "The three of you will be infiltrating the building from the back entrance; your destination is the throne room."

"What are our objectives?" Lee asked.

"We don't have the overall force to take back the palace on our own—there are thousands of rebel soldiers here. That means we have one option, to cut our way in as fast as possible, retrieve Michiru and take Shabadaba hostage," Kakashi said, "Once we have him under our control, the Uemon shinobi won't be willing to have their payment cut off, and the soldiers won't be willing to risk taking action with their leader in danger."

"I wish to go with you," Kakeru said, speaking up. "If I have a chance to speak with my lost soldiers—from a position of power—I believe I can sway them back to our side."

"You'll be putting yourself in grave danger," Korega said, "Please, your majesty, you mustn't."

"Kakeru and Hikaru are going to be safer surrounded by those three than out here, waiting to get picked off," I said, shaking my head. "If the shinobi are busy trying to kill Kakashi at the front gates, then sneaking in is probably the safest spot for him—besides, nobody is going to know the palace better than the king."

Kakeru nodded at the words before turning back to Kakashi.

"Very well," Kakashi said, "Korega, you and your men should go with them as well."

"I—I understand," Korega managed.

"I'll stick with Kakeru to make sure nobody gets too close," I said, "I'll be able to fix him up if anyone does take a shot at him."

"Then we all have our roles," Kakashi said, glancing around at them. "There is no reward for waiting here; we act now while Michiru is still alive—let's move."

Naruto, Lee, and Sakura spread out, taking the left, right, and back flanks, respectively. Kakashi took the front, and Korega's men filled the spaces between, aiming to create a shield to intercept anyone who would approach.

"Sora," Kakashi said, glancing back. "I'd like to speak with you."

Ominous but expected, considering that I'd just fundamentally changed one of the shinobi under his direct command. Sakura had run off to inform him the very moment he'd arrived, not that I blamed her for it. I caught up and then fell in step beside him, but he made no move to speak as he'd indicated.

"If you're doing the whole 'remain quiet in order to make them spill all their secrets technique' then you better stop it immediately," I said, "Because I'll just start talking about all sorts of random things, but none of it will be useful, and you'll hate every second of it—you're better off just asking for what you want."

Kakashi seemed to consider the words.

"You knew that someone called Mei Terumi is the current Mizukage and that Yagura Karatachi is apparently dead," Kakashi said, "Despite the fact that information hasn't proliferated anywhere else in the world, Konohagakure is unaware of the transition in leadership, and that you're self-reportedly an amnesiac."

"I guess I know a lot of random stuff?" I admitted.

"How did you discover that information?" Kakashi asked. "Are you a shinobi from the Land of Water?"

"I'm not a shinobi at all," I said, "Before you say it, the techniques I know have nothing to do with being a shinobi."

"You destroyed that kunoichi's knee," Kakashi said, "It looked vaguely like a lightning technique I've seen before, from Kumogakure."

The closest thing I could think of that would match the appearance was actually Chidori Spear, Chidori Senbon or Light Fang—but revealing that would probably get me interrogated. What other techniques looked similar?

"Are you thinking about Lightning Release: False Darkness or Storm Release: Laser Circus?" I guessed, "Because it doesn't really look like either of those."

"Are you still trying to convince me that you're not a shinobi?" Kakashi wondered. "Because you're not doing a very good job."

"The technique you saw me use is called Line Spear; it doesn't use chakra—mostly because I don't have any." I said, "If you don't believe me, you could always whip out your Sharingan and check—those are supposed to be able to see chakra, aren't they?"

"Not possessing chakra wouldn't preclude you from being a shinobi," Kakashi said, "You could possess the training needed but be functioning with an abnormal skillset."

"You got me there," I admitted, "There's no way for me to prove I don't, and you can't divine that without having access to my inner thoughts—you'll just have to trust me."

"Willingly giving away an important secret like your lack of chakra would be a good way to build trust," Kakashi said before glancing over at me for the first time. "Had you not already known that I could discover it myself—how do you know how the Sharingan works?"

"Because I know everything," I said.

"You told my students that you wanted to save the world," Kakashi said, "What did you mean by that?"

I could see the Palace through the treetops, brightly lit even in the evening light, and towering over everything in the vicinity.

"I meant it in the literal sense, there are things that are going to destroy the world, and I'm going to stop them," I said, "Let's table this discussion for when we've got a little more room to breathe."

#

A massive screech rang out from the opposite side of the palace as Kakashi began his one-man assault on the gates.

"Operation climb the fence is a go," I said, linking my hands together for Kakeru to stand on. "Kakeru, it's time to regain your youth, search deep in your memories—can you see it?"

Kakeru swept his robes out of the way and then stepped up onto my hand. Korega moved to steady the king as he ascended.

"I feel it," Kakeru grunted, moving to straddle the fence. "It's not quite as nice as I remember."

Lee helped him down the other side, and then I picked Hikaru up without bothering to wait, lifting him up until he could take hold of the fence. Hikaru jumped down the other side completely under his own power, not taking the help offered to him by Sakura.

"Korega," I said, offering my hands. "Going up?"

Korega murmured a thank you under his breath before stepping up onto my hands. He vaulted the fence before moving to take position beside the king. I was pretty much the last person on the wrong side of the fence, so I took a run-up and then jumped, snagging hold of the top of it. I pulled myself up, surprised at how trivial the task was—my fifty Strength was putting in work. Naruto face-checked the back door, squawked in surprise, and then vanished inside—a moment later, a soldier was thrown out of the door and onto the ground, unmoving.

"Is that guy dead?" I asked, staring at the body. "He's totally dead."

Naruto's arm slipped out of the door before he waved us to follow him in, and the entourage scrambled in through the door. I eyed the guy whose neck was absolutely broken, lingering at the threshold for a moment. I wasn't sure if I was feeling much of anything other than a rush of blood pumping through my ears—actually, I was feeling surprised. I hadn't considered Naruto to be the kind of person to just kill someone like that, but then again, this wasn't a feel-good anime protagonist. This was a thirteen-year-old boy who'd been trained since he was a child to kill people in hand-to-hand combat.

"Sorry, buddy," I said before turning away. "You chose the wrong side, I guess."

I caught up to the group with a bit of effort just as they were passing through the doorway to the central hall of the palace—dozens of floors stretched out above us, the sheer scale of the palace a bit startling. It was also completely empty of people; any of the soldiers that had been inside had already left, racing out to the front of the building to their deaths—because if Naruto Uzumaki was willing to drop a random guy like that, I doubted Kakashi of the fucking Sharingan was going to be wearing the kid gloves. Korega was leading the group now, bringing them to the massive staircase that was on our side of the hall before continuing upwards. I took the stairs two at a time and caught sight of someone big moving on one of the floors above us, on the opposite side, but he was gone when I looked again.

"Big shinobi guy is on the opposite balcony, four stories above us," I said, raising my voice enough to be heard by the bulk of the group. "He's coming down—not sure if he knows we're here yet, but he will probably see us soon."

Kakeru was struggling to keep up with Korega, and Hikaru was struggling to keep up with everyone, which meant that the entire group was hampered by his top speed. Sakura, Naruto, and Lee were probably getting a front-row seat to why escort missions were hot garbage. Sakura and Naruto came to a stop at the third-floor staircase, waving the group to crouch down behind the wall.

"He's seen us," Sakura said, drawing in a sharp breath. "Lee?"

"I'll handle it," Lee said, "Go on without me—I'll stop him here."

Naruto clapped him on the shoulder, making eye contact for just a moment before he turned and headed up the stairs without a word—if that wasn't a stunning display of confidence in Lee's ability to win, I wasn't sure what was.

"It's your time to shine, Lee," I said in passing. "Kick his ass for turning Naruto into a flagpole."

"Understood," Lee said, firing off a salute. "You can count on me."

I looked back once I'd reached the top of the staircase, but he was already gone. I turned Energy Sense on just to try and keep track of everyone in our group, and I was surprised to find it overlapping with a person two floors above us.

"The short shinobi is two floors above us," I said, trying to keep my voice from carrying up the stairs. "She's climbing on the wall like a spider."

"We can't keep slowing down, and we don't know how many soldiers are upstairs," Sakura said, biting her lip. "Naruto—send clones to intercept her, and we'll slip past during the fighting."

Naruto followed the order without a second thought, a dozen identical blonde boys bursting into existence—they split up, some of them stepping up onto the railing and leaping up to the next floor, others taking the stairs. Sakura waved us to follow after them, the sound of a dozen voices calling out insults in an attempt to draw out the Karenbana.

"She moved back from the stairs," I called. "Coast is clear, Captain Pinky."

Sakura waved us to follow and rushed upwards, everyone moving as fast as they could to clear the balcony where the fighting was taking place. I caught sight of Karenbana hanging from the ceiling with one hand, using her momentum to throw herself clear of the clones before they could reach her position. Two of the clones erupted, gunned down by a kunai thrown at terrifying speed—and a third kunai crashed into my hand the moment I caught hold of the railing to turn the corner.

"You motherfucker," I cried out, "How are you going to do this to me again?"

I ducked down as a second kunai smashed into the first one, and deflected off in a shower of sparks before it spun past my head. I snatched it up off the ground, almost out of reflex, but regardless of the miss, I was still stuck in place with my hand nailed to the railing.

"Man down, man down," I cried, "We've got a tiny ball of rage down here nailing people to the fucking walls and shit—don't you dare pull that out—"

Sakura ripped the kunai out of my hand and dragged me around the staircase—I almost whited out from the pain, and somehow the blood even got in my fucking eye. I scrambled up the staircase with one hand and tripped over onto the platform. Then remembered I could fix the god damned hole in my hand—Heal. The wound partially closed over, but I couldn't slow down to use Meditate because Sakura was intent on dragging me along in her wake. It took another two staircases before I had enough mana for another Heal—the wound sealed over completely, and the pain vanished. Without the pain ruining my ability to function, I managed to get my feet properly back underneath me and then took control of my ascent.

"I'm back in action," I said, pulling my hand out of her ironclad grip. "You can stop using my face to sweep the stairs."

"You healed it already?" Sakura said.

"We're reaching the top floor, and there's upwards of thirty soldiers directly above us," I said, feeling out the group. "There are three people on a balcony directly above them—one of them is Michiru; he's standing on something?"

"Naruto, clear the path forward," Sakura said, "I've got rearguard."

"I'm on it," Naruto said, "Let's go."

Naruto leapt up into the air, landed on the wall, and then ran upwards at an angle, his hands coming together in a familiar shape. He kicked off, passed through the doorway, and then a new army of clones burst into existence outside. They surged forward, crashing into the soldiers and pressing them outwards. At least a dozen of the soldiers were sent careening over the railing to crash on the balcony directly below. The others had better luck, their shields in place and their backs against the wall to help brace them. Korega led the charge forward, crashing into the few remaining soldiers who managed to avoid getting mashed against the wall. Korega and his men cleared out the path along the balcony, and the group managed to slip into the larger space beyond—my eyes were locked on Michiru, standing on a plank with a rope around his neck.

"Father," Hikaru gasped.

"Michiru," Kakeru panted, entirely out of breath. "We've come for you."

"What the hell kind of pirate bullshit is this?" I said, "Michiru, get down from there."

"I can't," Michiru cried out. "I'm stuck."

Soldiers began pouring out of the throne room and onto the balcony—Korega and his men intercepted the front of the group, bottlenecking them at the doors, but they were already pushing through. Naruto's clones were starting to get cut down, unable to make any real progress against the massive shields. The soldiers pushed inwards, trapping us on the rounded section of the balcony with our backs to the railing.

"Wait," Shabadaba called, coming to stand on the railing above them. "I'd like to speak to them first."

The soldiers stopped their advance, planting their shields down and sealing us into the small area. Naruto and Sakura moved to place themselves on the front lines, standing shoulder to shoulder with Korega and his men. Kakeru and Hikaru fell back until they were standing a foot away from the railing. I turned my head as another explosion rang out from far below, catching sight of Ishidate riding around on top of a massive clump of the earth—it was growing smaller by the second, the mass steadily turning into a rain of projectiles that crashed down on the area in front of him. Kakashi sprinted around ahead of the bombardment, outpacing it with an obscene speed, a tiny speck of red glinting in the light.

"Shabadaba, this isn't the way forward," Kakeru said, still breathing heavily. "Too many have lost their lives for this already; it doesn't have to continue."

"You were never willing to make the hard choices, Kakeru," Shabadaba said, shaking his head. "Under my rule, the Land of Moon will rise to new heights, without equal and unchallenged."

I could feel Karenbana passing beneath us on her way to the stairs, only one floor down, and while she was limping, our situation was bad enough without adding another fucking shinobi to the equation. Michiru almost lost his balance, barely able to catch himself before he fell to his death.

"Now we will ascend to the world stage," Shabadaba said, raising his arms up. "We will build a force of soldiers and shinobi alike—"

Yeah, that was starting to sound like something from my quest—ergo, I wasn't going to fuck around.

"Sorry, Kakeru, but negotiations are over," I said, lifting my hand up. "Line Spear."

It took Shabadaba through the left eye, continuing on through the back of his head, and then vanishing two feet behind him. A piercing shriek rang out from below the palace, a thousand overlapping noises fighting for dominance. Shabadaba was still for a moment, hands still raised in triumph, before he teetered forwards. His hips hit the railing, and then he toppled forward over the top of it, crashing to the floor directly behind his soldiers. The soldiers started to retreat, opening a hole that led towards the throne room and revealing the man's unmoving body, lying face down on the floor in a puddle of his own blood. Lee came through the opposite staircase a moment later, carrying Kongo over his shoulder as he sprinted across the railing. He dropped the man's massive body on the ground between both of our groups and then twisted to face the soldiers. Karenbana watched us from the doorway we'd just come through, well behind the wall of soldiers, seemingly struggling to support herself.

"This is the part where you all throw down your weapons and start begging the king for forgiveness," I said, speaking up. "Alternatively, I stop holding back and start indiscriminately killing every last one of you—you've got ten seconds to make your choice."

"This doesn't have to be the end for any of you," Kakeru said, raising his voice. "Please, lay down your arms, and you will not be harmed."

There was a long moment where the soldiers seemed to hesitate before one of them tossed his shield down onto the ground at his feet—it started a cascade of follow-ups until each and every one of them had disarmed themselves.

Quest Completed

Defeat Shabadaba, and regain control of the Land of Moon.

Reward

Save Kakeru Tsuki

Save Michiru Tsuki

Save Hikaru Tsuki

10,000 Moon

Korega and his men stepped forward, moving to speak with them. In an attempt to salvage my attempt at recruiting a bodyguard, I turned and looked directly at Karenbana's energy signature—and was surprised that she was actually invisible. I orientated my gaze about the spot where I thought her eyes were and then gave a short shake of my head. Karenbana stared at me for a long moment, seemingly weighing her choices, before she turned and limped away.

"Will someone please get me down?" Michiru managed.

#

The room I'd been given to sleep in was obnoxiously decorated and unnecessarily large. It was such an incredible waste of space that I found myself wrapping right back around to being impressed again. The mattress was just about the most comfortable thing I'd ever felt, though, even if I only used about a tenth of it. The aftermath was still being dealt with, with the Loyalists taking control again and running a systematic investigation into those who actively participated in the coup. There'd actually been a significant force of Loyalists hiding in the forest to the east, engaging in skirmishes with the Rebels since the first day, but they'd been under the impression that the king was already dead. If we'd known about them, then we probably wouldn't have had to do our suicidal blitzkrieg into the palace, and I wouldn't have had to kill a man. Surprisingly enough, I didn't really feel much about what I'd done—it was bizarrely less impactful than seeing Naruto snap that one soldier's neck in the kitchen. Maybe it was because I'd had to do so little to actually kill the guy or that I'd done it from a distance. Killing people was supposed to be less disturbing the more abstracted you were from it, and smiting a guy with a finger-laser was pretty out there. It didn't even really feel like I'd done it, even though it was obvious that I had. I'd been avoiding Kakeru since then, sticking to my room and attempting to keep from underfoot—mostly because while I had no connection to the man I'd killed, Kakeru had outright stated that Shabadaba had been one of his oldest friends. Still, my cowardice was starting to erode beneath my boredom, and I wasn't sure I could seclude myself away for much longer. I had things I had to do, people I needed to kill, and items I wanted to hunt down—I couldn't do any of that lying around in a gigantic bed.

"Capture, enslavement, death," I said, pushing myself to my feet. "Is there anything more motivational?"

I left the room and headed for the nearest staircase, already dreading how high up the throne room was. The path I took mirrored our assault, and I paused to look at the broken railing where I'd been pegged by the knife—the blood was already gone, cleaned up by someone, but the hole in the wood was still present. I'd already spoken to Korega about that, Karenbana—the only shinobi that had made it out alive after Kakashi had shoved a Chidori up Ishidate's ass—had been seen near the docks, and as far as they'd been able to gather, she'd been asking around for someone to ferry her back to the mainland. Pretty much all of the ships and the associated trade had been brought to a halt after the coup, an attempt to stop any of the turncoat soldiers from fleeing. They'd left Karenbana well enough alone, though, mainly because nobody wanted to approach her—even an injured shinobi was an extreme risk to one's life. I had something in mind for solving that little problem. It was one of the many things I wanted to talk to Kakeru about. Lee turned to look as I stepped out onto the balcony that we'd been fighting for our lives on only a few short days ago.

"Looking good, Lee," I said, "You're on guard duty today?"

"That is correct," Lee said, beaming. "Are you here to speak with the king?"

"That's the plan, buddy," I said, "You want to tell him I'm here?"

Lee slipped through the partially open door, vanishing inside for a moment before returning. Lee opened the door further, granting me access to the room beyond, where I found Kakashi and Kakeru standing around a massive table. The top of it had been carved into a replica of the world, each of the continents and islands represented in glorious three dimensions.

"Sora," Kakeru said, straightening up. "I was wondering where you had gone."

"I was totally hiding from you," I admitted outright, "I figured I would give you a few days to cool down after I—well, you know what I did."

"That is very considerate of you, but I'd already come to a decision about Shabadaba; I believe I told you that back when we first met," Kakeru said, "I do not blame you for what you did."

I just nodded at the words, not sure I believed him—four decades of friendship was a lot to shrug off.

"Kakashi, did you grab the glove off the shinobi you killed?" I asked.

"I did," Kakashi said.

"Good," I said, shaking my head. "I have a warning for you about it—namely, don't use it at all until you can have Jiraiya of the Sannin check it over."

"Why is that?" Kakashi asked.

"Because it probably works by absorbing natural chakra from the environment and then dumping it into the target on contact," I said, "If it requires knowledge of senjutsu to actually control it, then there is a very high chance that you will turn yourself to stone trying to use it."

"Senjutsu?" Kakashi murmured.

"Ask Jiraiya about it," I suggested.

"Every time I speak to you, I find myself with more questions," Kakashi said, "You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?"

"Obviously," I said before clearing my throat. "Kakeru—I need to get off your island as soon as possible; it's a matter of world security."

"World security?" Kakeru said, raising an eyebrow. "As a person who lives in this world, I fear I should probably ask you to clarify."

I scratched my chin for a moment, approaching the map table that they were still standing around—it was probably about time I brought them in on some of what was happening. If I gave Kakashi something juicy, I might be able to get Konohagakure on my side earlier than I'd hoped.

"None of this information leaves this throne room, or else bad things are going to happen," I said, hesitating for a moment. "Actually, I'm almost certain Kakashi is going to spill all my secrets to Tsunade, so I might have to obfuscate a bit."

"You're not supposed to tell us that part," Kakashi said, voice dry. "It's not going to be effective now."

"It's going to be more effective because you'll know why I'm being vague, and now you can't call me out on it," I denied, "Firstly, there are a number of unrelated individuals and several organizations who plan on doing a lot of insane things in the next couple of years, and each of them has the potential to spiral into an existential threat."

I leaned forward over the map table, taking a good look at the place—it was strange seeing the geography of the world in such a clear way. Some of the places weren't nearly as big as I'd assumed, and some of them were much, much larger—apparently, my sense of scale was absolute dogshit.

"For clarification, I absolutely lied about my amnesia, mostly because I didn't want to have to explain any of this to anyone," I said, "I changed my mind about telling you—which I'm totally allowed to do, by the way."

"I assumed as much," Kakeru admitted, "Your appearance was extremely convenient."

"Sorry, buddy," I offered, "Listen, if you were a giant chakra-absorbing mountain, where would you be?"

"A giant, chakra-absorbing mountain?" Kakeru said, furrowing his brow in concentration. "I believe there is such a place in The Land of Mountains—Mount Koryū is its name."

Quest Unlocked

Acquire the Dragonblade and save the Land of Mountains from the chakra-draining effect.

Reward

Dragonblade

Failure - None.

"It actually exists?" I asked, scratching the back of my head. "I—don't think that's a good thing."

"Outside of the fact that it kills everything that approaches it?" Kakashi asked, still frowning beneath his mask. "Why are you interested in that—your lack of chakra?"

"Correct, I intend on shutting off the chakra-draining effect before it gets any worse," I lied, making no mention of the Dragonblade. "Kakashi, did your team save princess—uh—Yukihana in the Land of Snow?"

Kakashi said nothing to the words, but the shape of his mouth beneath the mask shifted again.

"Koyuki Kazahana?" Kakeru said, "I'd heard that she'd taken over as ruler several months ago."

It existed, and Kakashi had been involved—all but confirmed.

"Yes, we helped her take control back from Doto Kazahana—her uncle," Kakashi said, clearly frowning now. "Do you have someone inside of Konohagakure feeding you information?"

"The answer to that is no, but I doubt you would believe me," I said, "The Land of Snow and the Land of Moon were both on my list of events to investigate—this is very not good."

"Why isn't it good?" Kakeru asked, "If Kakashi managed to avert a disaster in the Land of Snow, and you both managed to do the same here, shouldn't that be a good thing?"

"Averting the disasters is a good thing, but the fact that both of those events happened at all is the problem," I said, "I wasn't sure if they would, and it means that most of the other problems I was worried about are now pretty much guaranteed to occur."

"You can see the future," Kakashi guessed, "But your not certain about the accuracy of your predictions?"

"That's a baseless accusation, and I refuse to answer any more questions without my lawyer present," I said immediately, "Kakeru, I really do need to get off your island—could you get someone to take me back to the mainland?"

"That is the least I could do, considering that you saved my life and helped me take back the Land of Moon," Kakeru said, "Sora, I'm willing to offer you far more assistance towards your goal—you need only ask."

Kakashi pressed the knuckle of his right hand against his chin, clearly trying to figure out how to deal with the situation.

"Konohagakure is going to be a big part of the solution for the majority of the catastrophes, so any help you want to give is probably better spent there—maybe organize some trade deals to bolster both of your countries, Sunagakure will end up becoming a big ally as well once the next Kazekage takes power," I said, "More money in those two places means more supplies, more outreach and more shinobi to keep the world from ending—If you want to help me pay for a shinobi bodyguard though, I'm totally down for some monetary support."

"We were already discussing trade before you arrived, but I suppose this is just more motivation to see that through. A trade deal with Sunagakure is perhaps more challenging to facilitate—but I believe we can organise something; I'll need to procure a messenger," Kakeru said, pressing a hand against his mouth for a moment. "As for the bodyguard, I'm more than happy to assist you—do you have someone in mind?"

"I'll need to pass through Sunagakure in the near future, so if you're willing to trust me, allow me to work as your Emissary, and I'll handle it when I get there—I do have someone in mind for a bodyguard, but before that," I said, "I really want to spend some quality time with this map of yours. It's got all these delicious curves and peaks—I'm not sure I can resist fondling some of them."

#

"You're seriously going to follow me all the way?" I sighed, "Dude, you're going to scare off my shinobi."

"She's more than likely going to kill you the moment you approach her," Kakashi said, "I'd rather avoid that situation if at all possible."

"Because you can't interrogate a corpse?" I guessed.

"You can, in fact, interrogate a corpse," Kakashi said in an attempt to be mysterious. "You only need to know the correct techniques."

"Summoning: Impure World Reincarnation," I said, rolling my eyes. "You may be able to perform a thousand techniques, Kakashi, but I've heard of them all—that sounds way less cool after I've said it out loud."

Kakashi simply lifted his book up between us, cutting off my ability to see his eye—that's what I thought, challenge the bull, and you get the horns. The carriage continued its bumpy journey through the city, and I was left to figure out how best to go about recruiting someone who probably wanted to stab me a third time. I was banking on the fact that she had no real reason to keep on fighting and that her Observe history had shown that she had been one of the people who'd been forcibly recruited into the Uemon Clan. The fact that I could provide a safe method off the island and offer to heal her leg gave me some additional leverage to use.

"You mentioned Sunagakure becoming an ally in the future," Kakashi said, eventually. "An ally to who?"

"Konohagakure," I said, "They were pretty much just following Orochimaru's orders because they thought he was the Kazekage—you should try to bury any hatred you have for them because they really will become your biggest ally."

"Who is the Kazekage that will take power?" Kakashi said.

"You're getting a lot of mileage out of this carriage ride, Kakashi," I said. "The next Kazekage will be Gaara of the Sand."

"I see," Kakashi said, furrowing his brow. "Isn't he a bit young?"

"Feel free to tell him that," I agreed. "Listen, I'm going to be visiting Konohagakure in the future—"

"Should I be worried about an impending disaster?" Kakashi said, lowering his book.

"Frankly? Yes, multiple disasters that we will need to go over plans for dealing with," I said, "I'll need to sit down with you, Tsunade, and Jiraiya."

"If you told me about these disasters now, we'd have far more time to prepare for them," Kakashi said. "Waiting seems counterproductive to averting anything."

"Wrong," I said, "I tell you anything important now, and your village will start working on the problem immediately. It's going to set the entire situation off before anyone is strong enough to deal with the consequences."

"You don't think the entire might of Konogakure working on it will be enough?" Kakashi said, frowning.

"Kakashi," I said, shaking my head. "I know of three or four individuals that could wipe out the entirety of Konohagakure on their own and then take on Sunagakure for dessert—your not ready, and I'm not risking the world over it."

"If the situation is that desperate," Kakashi said, the book resting on his lap. "What changes in the time it takes for you to make your way to Konohagakure that makes the situation winnable?"

I considered the question for a long moment, wondering what I could tell him to try and cheat code the future while also keeping everything on track.

"If you want the absolute best odds of survival without messing everything up—you need to do two things," I said, "The first is to make sure Jiraiya knows to start teaching Sage Mode to Naruto as soon as possible—you should see if he'll teach you as well, use my future telling nonsense as a reason to bully him into it."

Kakashi had a summoning contract with the dogs, but that shouldn't preclude him from learning the technique—at least, I hoped it wouldn't because a Kakashi with Sage Mode would be an absolute savage.

"The second thing?" Kakashi prompted.

"Kakashi, my dear friend," I said, "There's this fabulous little thing you might have heard of called the Mangekyou Sharingan and a cute little technique called Kamui—"

#

The most up-to-date information on my target's location put her at the docks, and that was exactly where I found her, arguing with a tall man standing by a set of crates. With my head held high, and a smile plastered on my face, I approached the woman who was most likely going to murder me.

"Karenbana," I said, speaking up. "If you promise not to stab me again, I'll heal your leg and get you off the island."

Karenbana twisted around to look at me, her eyes dropping to watch my hands, and I made sure not to point them anywhere near her. There was an entirely tense moment where I was certain she was going to stab me again, but as the seconds dragged on, some of that intensity started to erode—it was hard for two people to stand on a razor's edge when literally nothing was happening.

"I mean, if I'd wanted to kill you, I would have told everyone where you were standing the other night—there is also the fact that I could have killed you just now, but I didn't because I don't want to, so you should definitely trust me," I said because I was a master in the art of being convincing. "Anyway, I'm going to eat Dango in that shop right there—if you are intrigued by my amazing offer, you should join me."

I spun around on my heel and strode off towards the store in question with absolute an certainty that she was about to stick a knife up my ass. Somehow, I made it all the way to the store entirely unmolested, and I waved down the waitress as soon as I got inside, making an order for several plates. I found a seat at a table before turning Energy Sense on—I turned to eye the man that was definitely not Kakashi under a Transformation Technique, but he ignored me entirely, the bastard. How'd he get inside so quickly? Was this an already prepared Shadow Clone, or had he predicted where I was going to go? Karenbana paused just outside of the door, out of sight, before finally stepping inside. My hands remained linked together on top of the table, fingers pointed nowhere near her as she sat down opposite me.

"How do you know my name?" Karenbana said, eyeing me.

"I have the ability to discern a person's name at a glance," I said, "It's one of my many magical abilities, alongside destroying kneecaps with my mind, locating the clitoris with my tongue, and turning statues into kings."

"That was you?" Karenbana asked.

"Yes," I said, "Now, you're probably wondering why I brought you here and why I would offer to help you after you stabbed me—twice. But if you thought I was being altruistic, you should banish the thought, for I am extraordinarily greedy."

"What do you want from me?" Karenbana said.

"I need a long-term shinobi bodyguard to protect me from all sorts of terrible things," I said, "Bandits, wild animals, shinobi, summon creatures, giant chakra monsters, shinobi, myself, the people I cross, the people that cross me, tailed-beasts, shinobi—"

"You killed my paycheck, and the shinobi from Konohagakure killed my team," Karenbana said, "Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you."

"Shabooba was a blight on this land, and you know it," I countered, "As for reasons as to why you shouldn't kill me, I've got lots of them."

I cleared my throat.

"I didn't reveal your presence after I killed your paycheck, which means you didn't get dogpiled by shinobi. I shot you in the knee instead of the head, which means you know I'm desperately trying to keep you alive despite your terrible choice to oppose me," I said, winking at her. "You are currently stuck on an island with people who want to beat you up for trying to kill their king, and I have already organised a way for you to leave, entirely unharmed or obstructed—you're welcome for that, by the way."

"You're the reason they haven't attacked me yet," Karenbana said, frowning. "What about my team?"

Uh, nobody went after her because there was no point; the situation had been pretty much resolved, and everybody just kind of wanted her off the island—but I'd take the credit, sure.

"I'm pretty sure you didn't even like those guys, considering the Uemon Clan forcibly recruits its members as children—besides, you can't hold me accountable for what happened to your team," I said, shamelessly using what I'd learned from Observing her, "You guys were the ones who picked a fight with Kakashi of the Sharingan. I mean, what did you expect? It's Kakashi of the Sharingan—master of a thousand techniques? War hero? The guy who cut a lightning bolt in half with his dick? Savior of the Land of Snow? Became a Jounin at age thirteen? Student of the Yellow Flash? Son of the White Fang? Ringing any bells?"

Karenbana stared at me for a long moment—no doubt stunned into silence by my wit and charm.

"On top of that, there's a whole host of benefits that come with becoming my shinobi-bodyguard-confidant," I said, "You won't be limping around anymore, and I'll heal you whenever you get hurt. I'll feed you tasty food, and buy you pretty clothes. I'll even take you to cool places, like this giant mountain that kills everything that approaches it—trust me, you'll love it."

I beamed at her and wondered internally just how close she was to stabbing me again.

"What are the terms and the payment?" Karenbana asked.

"Now we're talking; I receive one shinobi-bodyguard-confidant-masseuse who will protect me to the best of her abilities," I said, slowly adding as many qualifiers to it in the hopes of getting more bang for my buck, "In return, you receive two thousand Moon Dollars per month, the occasional priceless artifact—and I'll do my best to turn you into the strongest kunoichi in the world."

The waitress brought over my order, placing the two plates of Dango down on the table, and I snatched one up. Karenbana shifted as my hands moved across the table, but she didn't attempt to crucify me like I'd have expected. I took my time eating, content to let her think it over, and her own plate remained entirely untouched. After I'd finished two skewers and almost five minutes had passed, she finally spoke up.

"We renegotiate every month to account for any large changes in mission requirements," Karenbana said, picking up one of her skewers. "I want monetary payment for each month upfront—and if this is poisoned, I'm going to kill you."

"Karenbana," I said, waggling my Dango at her. "This is the start of a beautiful relationship."

#

"You're leaving?" Naruto complained. "That totally sucks."

"All good things must come to an end, but fear not, Hokage-in-training," I said, clapping my hands together. "I'll be coming to visit Konohagakure—and I'll have a whole bunch of awesome things to tell you when I do."

"Really?" Naruto said, perking up a bit. "That's ages away, though."

"What kind of awesome things?" Sakura wondered. "You're not going to tell us about Yuna again, are you?"

"Yuna—gosh, she was so worked up about me leaving that she didn't even care about Kakashi watching us through the window," I sighed, "I kind of feel bad for her—life after me kind of loses its lustre."

"I hope she's feeling better," Lee said, furrowing his brow. "Perhaps we could visit her while you're gone?"

"Lee, you're completely clueless," Sakura squeaked, "Kakashi—you didn't, did you?"

"I was on the roof, but I didn't see anything." Kakashi defended, holding his hands up. "I was making sure he wasn't going to leave the island without saying anything."

"He was reciting pages of his book out loud the entire time," I lied, "It made it really hard to set the mood."

"That's a lie," Kakashi insisted, sliding the book in question behind his back. "Sakura, that never happened."

"Gross," Sakura complained. "I'm switching teams."

"That's what usually happens after spending too much time with Kakashi," I crowed. "Boom. Gottem."

Naruto and Lee shared a glance, both looking entirely too confused by the joke—but Sakura somehow seemed to find a new level of outrage at the two of us.

"I'm rethinking my decision to let you leave unharmed," Kakashi said, eyeing me. "There are a few techniques I haven't had a chance to practice in a while."

"Don't be clingy, man; we can play tickle the pickle another time," I said, "That reminds me—Naruto, and Sakura, did either of you ever meet a guy named Temujin? Blonde kid, about your age, with a sword and a glowing stone stuck in his chest? You would have had a guy named Shikamaru with you at the time."

Sakura and Naruto turned to look at each other in confusion—shit, that meant that it hadn't happened yet.

"Is this one of the things you were talking about earlier?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes, and that means it's probably coming up soon," I said, closing my eyes for a moment. "If you ever get a mission involving a ferret somewhere in the north of The Land of Tea—well, I suggest you go with them unless you want the entire country to explode."

There was an odd silence following the remark before Lee spoke up.

"This sounds like a very powerful ferret," Lee admitted, "I can't help but want to meet him."

#