Mom's words:

It was 14th of December, and school declared holidays for the rest of the month and until Jan 5th. Elementary students have it easy; some may think, but it isn't all candies and games. Both Mai and I got a shit load of homework.

I got a project on the importance of higher education while Mai got a project on traffic signals and safety. I mean you can give projects but what kind of bullshit is this? What is the meaning of making foam models of traffic signals? And why should I research about higher education when I was still in elementary school but of course I didn't complain much because I could spend more time with Mai in the pretense of helping with her project.

Mai was only nine, so I valiantly took on the task of cutting the foam in shapes, and she would color them. Holding the brush, Mai would giggle and paint. Her actions were so cute, and she would occasionally look at me cutting the foam with wonder as if I was a knight.

Pumping my chest, I carefully cut the damn foam as if it is worth a million dollars. Since I was helping Mai, she naturally had to get the best project award. Otherwise, it would hurt my pride. And if she does get the prize, she would praise me and respect me even more.

I know my intentions aren't pure, and I wasn't interested in the project at all. But, I had to keep up my act, so I researched on Google, made notes on the safety regulations and taught Mai the next day.

Hearing me speak about so many complicated things as if they were nothing, Mai would listen with a curious expression. And when I finished my class, Mai jumped up and clapped. I pumped my chest more and snorted at myself.

See, your Ge is so amazing was what I was telling her.

Within a few days, we managed to finish Mai’s homework. Later Mai said that she could help me with mine but how could I accept her help. It would hurt my pride.

Knowing her character, she would feel that it was her fault that I wasn't done with my homework yet. So I told her that my homework was nothing, and I was almost done with it. In fact, I didn't even start doing it, but I cannot let Mai feel bad about it.

Finally, it was Christmas, and my family invited Mai's over because why not? The more, the merrier. Since granny and grandpa were friends like Mai and me, my parents were happy to celebrate together.

My father asked me to write down my wish, and he also told Mai to hang her sock by our Christmas tree. I had already gotten over the fact that Santa is a fake because I caught grandpa hiding a present when I was only eight and my family had to confess the truth to the sad me, but Mai wasn't so lucky.

She still believes that Santa is real and prayed hard to grant her wish. I stood by one side and stared at her with a bit of guilt and resolution. Suddenly I understood why parents want their children to believe in Santa for as long as they can, it is to let them dream and hope without restriction.

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I know the truth about Santa, but I wasn't keen on telling Mai about it. That evening, when no one was looking, I took out her sock and read her wish. And it rocked me to my core.

“Mom and dad, are happy in heaven? Please Santa, tell my mom and dad that I'm happy with Grandma, and I made a new friend. His name is Grey.”

I stood there staring at that piece of paper dumbly for a long time. I don't know how, but I somehow put it back and went back to my room in a daze. I usually wished for a game or a toy, and somehow I unconsciously thought that Mai would want one like me.

But, how can I be such a fool? Her wish, that wasn't a desire of a typical nine-year-old girl. She wanted to speak to her parents through Santa, and she told them about me.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't cry, but I was regretting the fact that I wasn't conscious enough. Why couldn't I see through her happy expression? I always saw Mai with a happy smile and a curious gaze but beneath that was her sadness which she didn't share with me.

Vexed by this realization, I clenched my teeth and hid my head in my arms. Mom found me a few minutes later as I was nowhere to be found. She was slightly startled when she looked at me. I was usually a cheerful kid, and no matter how much I tried to appear normal, she saw through my act in a second.

Unable to get away with it, I finally confessed everything about Mai's wish, about how I found out that her parents had passed away. Mom looked at me silently and then kissed me on the forehead.

She told me that all of us would at one point lose someone important to us. But, life must go on. Mai lost her parents, but she has to live with it. What we can do is to close the hole left by her parents by giving her more love and taking care of her.

She told me that neither I nor anyone else in this world could replace Mai's parents for her, but we can take over their responsibilities and take care of Mai for them.

That was the day; I decided to be her guardian. My abilities might be limited, but my resolve isn't. Mai wasn't aware of this, but when I came out, she noticed that I was somehow different. Only warmer and more protective.

“Ge,” she called me out. And I smiled.

******

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Kanna.