It was another exceptionally warm day in a series of exceptionally warm days. I reclined, enjoying sweet fruits in lieu of laborious activity. A breeze blew cool air through the shade of the throne room. My servants inched about awaiting orders, had I been so inclined. I might have totally given into lethargy were it not that I had frivolous matters on my mind.

"Do you think I ought to send Queen Chidsey anything for her birthday jubilee?"

Rott suckled on my discarded peels and expressed his confusion. I was unaware you kept up with such things, my liege.

"A little buzzfly told me," I hummed. Indirectly. I had overheard a conversation about a conversation that had been previously overheard. "Nothing formal. Chidsey, her oversized brood, some vassals."

The worm was wise. He hid nothing of his thoughts. I suppose Gallivur will be going.

I kicked up my heels. "Gallivur is the guest of honor, as rumor has it."

Is Chidsey Gallivur's queen?

That was an interesting notion. Wouldn't it have been something? I didn't believe so and shared as much. "No."

Rott slurped down the final peel. I don't understand your system. Worms do not bother with hierarchy. We are equals.

"That is why worms have remained the same throughout the ages," I yawned.

There is no need to improve upon perfection, touted Rott playfully. I permitted it. You ought you learn from us, my liege.

"We've evolved past holes in the ground," I countered. "I am content with society as it stands."

My liege, you have very little to do with society.

"I am content with that." I cracked my spine, readjusting my position. I was eager to share my genius. "Come, now. Ask what I've selected for Queen Chidsey."

Rott slid closer. What have you selected?

"An egg." It was brilliant. Symbolic and poignant. "And not just any egg."

A worm egg, my liege? inquired Rott. He had to force enthusiasm. A wonderful idea.

"We'll have to confer with your kin," I said. "See who can breed in time. Ideally, the shell should be toxic too. Wrap it in fine cloth, attach a note, and send it along. I don't have a preference who opens it."

You won't attend the celebration? The worm was surprised. This wasn't what he anticipated.

Others might have cried foul at the snub. I ruled a kingdom. Chidsey knew of my reign. Wasn't I owed an invitation? Shouldn't I have been part of the celebration? My terrible deeds prevented such summons which suited me fine. An atrocious reputation excused me from many responsibilities that trapped rulers. I was not required to enrich and improve lands. I did not concoct a fair and just tax law. I didn't worry about attracting trade or promoting commerce. I let the worms roam as they pleased. It was a simple arrangement.

I clacked my jaw. "This is one opportunity I will avoid."

Rott didn't say anything at the time. He kept quiet until the next morning when he inquired, My liege, I'm astounded. You've heard Gallivur will be at Chidsey's jubilee and you aren't compelled to pay a visit?

"A party is a party," I replied. Rott knew my position.

How old is Queen Chidsey?

"What an interesting question. Ultimately, it's inconsequential, as I'm not going."

To think Queen Chidsey would dare to neglect your invitation...

"Come off it," I exasperated and I brushed him aside. "First it's juggling shows, now it's soirees. Where will it end, Rott?"

I did not say I wanted to go anywhere, my liege.

"What brought this about?" I narrowed my eyes. "Don't lie to me."

Rott couldn't deny me. Gibbering, he blubbered, We used to do more, my liege. There used to be more than Gallivur and Fourmikari. I didn't see the reason for his contention. What about the excursion to stab the inventor? Wasn't that a deviation from routine? I want to do more.

I stared.

Rott fidgeted. And...and that would entail your cooperation.

"What's the matter?" I mocked, crouching to catch his eye. "Have I put a leash around your neck? You are capable of doing anything you like. You don't need me to hold your hand." I tapped my jaw. "Figuratively."

My liege. He knew better.

I aped confusion. "What, Rott? What do you need?"

Tormented, Why are you doing this?

"Oh!" I clapped my hands together. "You mean, by doing 'more', you want to 'do whatever I can do'!"

Rott looked away. He didn't have a response.

"I thought worms were perfect. I thought we could learn from you."

The annelid quivered. I cannot communicate. If you're not present, I would be killed immediately.

"That's because worms don't belong at jubilees," I taunted. "Worms don't belong anywhere except digging in the dirt. That is a worm's role and you ought to be content to do it."

My liege.

"You don't find jugglers among your ranks, do you? What about any of the comforts you are provided here? You're made for the mud." I dug deeper. "Why not burrow away if you find my routine tedious? Hm? Maybe you'll come up across an exceptionally lovely rock. That must be worth ten days of enduring Gallivur and Fourmikari."

I apologize, sniveled Rott. He wouldn't forfeit his comfortable existence. I am content.

"I should hope so," I cautioned as I stood. "I would hate if we were in disagreement."

My ring flashed a warning. I side-eyed the worm and turned my attention to the forming image. A figure with a satchel crept in from the perimeter and stooped over a rotting doorstep on the edge of my domain. Something small and flat was removed from the pack and deposited on the wooden remains. The figure swiftly withdrew, limiting the time spent in my kingdom. Did I give chase? I did not, though I was tempted.

"There is a foreign object in the High Hill district," I commanded aloud. "Someone bring it here." After a brief period, a throng of worms came back, folded parchment in tow. I took the missive and scanned the contents. I couldn't help laughing. "Isn't this ironic?"

My liege?

"Queen Chidsey has written to me in regards to her jubilee."

Rott's brow furrowed. She has?

I tossed the letter aside. It was meaningless to the worms. They couldn't read. My liege? chattered the gathered masses. I nodded. They tore into the paper with voracious intensity. "Apparently she's concerned I will crash it. She thought it prudent to nip that in the bud."

Then you will go?

"No," I said. "We''ll pay her a visit."

My arrival was greeted with animosity. A manner of crude weapons and projectiles were levelled at me by eager followers. I reacted in kind, setting a corner of the enclave on fire and letting the ensuing chaos take care of the rest. Even cackling at a boisterous volume, my presence went largely unnoticed as able bodies assembled to prevent my handiwork from spreading.

If the queen did not want her stronghold to burn, she ought not to have constructed it from dry twigs.

Aside from the lumber-based architecture, Chidsey's domain was on par with what was expected of bandits. It was hidden away, squirreled out of sight by a stand of boulders. From the air, however, it was easily discerned when aware of its approximate location. The interior decor was a hodgepot of collected and stolen goods which varied in quality and in no way complemented each other. I found her in the lower chamber of the largest structure. Two bodyguards leapt into action as I entered with Rott. Naked and unpinched, they held swords and daggers in each hand. Chidsey, in a similar state of undress and unrefinery, called them off.

"Let me talk with Lordavis alone." Then, "I trust you've come to talk and nothing else."

Rott slid from my waist and hovered around my ankles. The guards warily retreated. I folded my arms behind my back and rocked on my heels. "That depends on how the conversation goes."

Large and bloated, Chidsey moved very slowly. I viewed myself average in dimension. Chidesy dwarfed me in both height and girth. She waddled forward to stand before me and frowned. "I remember when it meant something to be a queen." She straightened, smoothed her abdomen as though she were dressed, and said, "I will get to the point. I would like to relocate to Nova."

"'Nova'?" I echoed. "There's no such place."

Bereft of humor, she amended, "Whatever you call it."

"I call it mine," I said. "I'm not looking for tenants."

"Not tenants," replied Chidsey. "I would come alone. It's ideal for my purposes."

I couldn't have that. We both knew what she meant. "Absolutely not."

She crossed her arms and huffed. "All that space and you're hardly using it. You hole up in your palace screwing with Fourmikari. You wouldn't even notice I'm there."

"I'd notice," I said coolly. I was not going to give into Chidsey. She had her lot in life and I had mine."I like it as it is."

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

Slightly more desperate. "I'd pay."

"Where have I heard that recently?" I sneered.

Chidsey trudged back to her settle and collapsed with a grunt, cradling herself with her hands. "They're going to bring an end to this, you know. They told me as much. I hoped if I appealed to a rational-minded individual, I might get somewhere." She motioned up. "You can take whoever you want for your purposes. They're expendable, obviously."

"I don't work with naked degenerates," I replied.

"You need an army to take on Fourmikari, don't you?"

My liege, called Rott. May I eat this?

I inspected the intended morsels. With amusement, I condoned. "By all means." Rott shook with glee and set to devouring indiscriminately.

The queen huffed, "If that is the case, how can you refuse? We're two hundred strong here, last I checked. The numbers are constantly increasing."

"I don't need an army," I said. "I can handle Fourmikari on my own."

"I will offer you Gallivur." She blathered on, boasting how the champion would come to rescue the esteemed vassals she intended to take hostage. Not her personally. She could hardly move in her current state, but her kith would handle the finer aspects. The jubilee would be a mix of fine food, organ sacrifice, and the defeat of Gallivur. At my hands, she insisted, as a means to cement an alliance. "I was hoping you would come to my birthday. I want to show my sincerity."

I declined firmly. "Gallivur is mine. Anyone who forgets that will be dealt with accordingly, whether they are queen or not."

Chidsey scowled. "You are insane. If you harm me, you'll have more than the wrath of Fourmikari to contend with. I wonder if your magic is powerful enough to take on the whole world?"

"I've already taken out one kingdom," I said pointedly.

Chidsey burst out in high-pitched peals. "An isolated 'kingdom' ruled by a maniacal despot. Was there one healthy body among your subjects?" She indicated Rott. "Look at it. What can a worm do?"

"I thought you were meant to entreat me," I mocked. "I thought you wanted to relocate to my realm."

"I do and I will give you time to think about it," suggested Chidsey as though I had yet to reject her request.

"There is nothing to think about." I was ever-so-sweet in tone. "You are not welcome."

"We'll talk again, in that case," she said. She had no fear for her wellbeing. It irritated me deeply. "For now, we'll say we're done." She twisted back to observe Rott in his feeding frenzy. Her reaction was more subdued than others. Piqued at best. "Next time, you won't let your worm run amok in my chambers."

I fumed the entire journey home. Granted, so did the buildings that did not house the accursed queen. I left her territory with a multitude of parting fires. Rott, sensing my ire and knowing my side of the conversation, sussed out the source of my discontentment. He did not share my opinion. There is something to be said for having a queen present in your realm, my liege.

I did not respond.

Consider, he continued, should you ever want a successor.

"Why should I want that?" If I desired a successor, I would get one.

You aren't going to live forever, my liege.

We weren't going to discuss that. I sulked, seething over Chidsey's immunity. "If Chidsey weren't queen, I might have taken her head."

Curious, Rott inquired, You respect her authority?

"Despite her situation, she is a queen. I will be patient."

You adhere to that, my liege?

"Everyone does," I lamented. "It's one of those things, Rott. It's what civilized individuals do." I prodded, "We might be no better than worms if we didn't."

Yet you profess a disdain for the other trappings of society?

"I'm antisocial," I said. "Not uncouth. She remains where she is. I am no worse for the exchange." I ruminated."But I am cross. I should hope that nothing further tries my patience."

The universe took a perverse pleasure in my suffering. Our return to the palace was heralded by the corpses of my subjects. Rott took one look at the carnage and slid beneath my garments. I summoned dual flames into my palms and stomped onward. If the one responsible was still around, I would find them.

The worms weren't dead. They laid motionless yet possessed vital functions that indicated life. They were stunned, not slaughtered. Rott remained hidden, unwilling to accept my assessment. When his friends were up and moving again, he would feel the fool. I felt foolish as well. I strongly suspected I knew the source of their malady.

"Hello," said Nolwud, casually resting upon my throne. I scoured the entire ground level the palace before it dawned to check at the top. No one was stupid enough to wait for me at my proverbial seat of power. "How was your outing? Where did you go?"

I hadn't forgotten Nolwud. Not really. Somewhere, in the recesses of my memory, I knew the inventor languished in a cell. I intended to revisit the blighter before death set in, but hadn't gotten around to it for several days. I ought to have checked in sooner. "You!"

Nolwud fancied this situation ideal and expressed it through inflated ego. "Since I've passed your challenge, will you consider being my patron?"

"There was no challenge." I launched a handful of fire. An invisible wall interceded. Nolwud remained unscathed.

"Well, in that case, I broke out of your dungeon. That must count for something."

"It doesn't." I tried again. And again. And again. After a chain of inferno yielded nothing, I accepted my temporary defeat. A new strategy was in order.

"Consider," beamed Nolwud, lacing fingers. This was a great victory. Magus Lordavis stymied before the marvels of the science protégé. "If you were my patron, I could make you something like this. You could cast your magic without worrying about protection spells or however it works."

"I'm honestly not in the mood," I said. "I've already turned down one asinine sales pitch today. You're meant to be in the dungeon." I revised. "Or dead. Preferably dead."

"I took out your guards," Nolwud continued. "When I come prepared, you can't touch me." Smug. Eager. Stupid. "Admit it. You're slightly interested."

"It isn't anything I couldn't do myself," I remarked.

"Does it take energy to cast your spells?" Dark fingers ran across the inventor's jaw in a stroking motion. "Is there a limit to your magic?"

I placed my hands to my waist. "You imagine I'd tell you something like that?"

"How about we trade?" suggested Nolwud with naive enthusiasm. "If you teach me about magic, I'll tell you how this pulse-shield functions."

I summoned a horizontal portal on the ceiling and drew forth a second on the stone beneath Nolwud. Both inventor and throne transported and slammed on the floor beside me. Nolwud cracked beneath the golden chair. "That's not necessary." I closed the upper portal and opened a new vertical slit. "See what's out of place."

Rott slithered down my leg and blinked out onto the throne platform. My liege, there is a small device here.

"Destroy it."

"Ow," said Nolwud.

I rounded the pinned form and breathed a long sigh. "Oh, dear. What am I going to do with you?"

"You could send me back to the dungeon," suggested Nolwud. "I would prefer that to the alternative." With misplaced optimism, "Unless you want to be my patron?"

I wanted nothing of the sort. I wanted to be left to my worms. "Why would I want that?" I pressed a foot to the inventor's neck. Would the head pop free? I was willing to find out. Cooing, I ridiculed, "What's your magnificent discovery, Inventor? What do you leave unfinished?"

Plainly, there came, "A plane shifter."

I pulled my foot back. "Excuse me?"

Nolwud hoisted up on elbows. "I'm on the verge of developing a plane shifter. Do you know what that means?" Despite the immense pain, it was tantamount that I be given an education. "So you and I, we're on one plane of existence, but there's an infinite number of alternate planes that are said to exist concurrently--"

"I know about alternate planes." There were involved rituals requiring proper timing and proper casting. Rare and expensive material components were mandatory. Plane shifting was one of the most complicated magicks to undertake. Revergnols had pulled it off once and that was more than most magicians saw in a lifetime. "How would your 'shifter' work?"

"It's not quite finished," said Nolwud. "I need to perfect it. A more stable power source, for example. I thought maybe with magic--"

"I asked you," I reiterated with annoyance. "How would it work?"

"Oh. It's not complicated. Hit a button, travel through the fabric of time and space."

I dropped down and took hold of the inventor's head. "Yes, before that. What would it require? What components? What conditions?"

Nolwud blinked. "Nothing. The device would do everything whenever you wanted."

I rose and contemplated. I contemplated very hard.

My liege? Rott called trepidatiously. He studied my features. What are you thinking?

I smiled at the worm and spread my jaws wide. "Rott, I've just determined my next course of action."