Chapter Thirty-Nine: Eren

Fifteen Years Ago

I walked down the path slowly, unused to walking. I was two summers old at the time.

My first memory.

The grass was green, but not healthy green. A more sickly green, almost yellow. It was fall, and I was laughing. My eyes were filled with joy, and I was innocent.

The path was old, beaten, but trustworthy, and my feet on the rough cobbles were uneven. I still wasn’t very good at walking, but I tried my best.

He was leading me, of course. Holding my hand, making sure I never slipped.

He always did.

At some point, I screamed in pain as my foot twisted, and I fell to the ground. That’s when he stood over me. Eren, my brother. Seven summers old at the time, but always caring for me.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“No,” I sobbed. “I bwoke my foot.”

Eren laughed slightly, picking me up. “You just twisted it a little. You’ll be okay.”

I hugged him as he led me back to my house.

“I wove you, big bwudew,” I said.

“I love you too,” Eren replied warmly.

— — —

Thirteen Years Ago

When I was four, I grew really close to the two people who would become my best friends. Of course, Eren was one of them. The older he grew, the more he wanted to care for me and lead me. My parents loved it. They commended Eren for being responsible, and they were always advocating for us spending more time together. He was now nine.

The other person was Jade. I’d known her since I was born, but we really became close only when I was four. We were inseparable, so much so that if I ever go back to Erenfeld, people would immediately ask me when I’d marry Jade. She was just a year older than me, and we were thick as thieves.

Jade’s mother babysat me often when my mother was doing chores or buying groceries, and that only led to us getting closer.

With Eren, our relationship was both of brothers and protectors.

With Jade, it was close friends.

One day, Eren led me to Jade’s house where I would stay for the day.

“Eren?” I asked. “I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” He replied, smiling.

I don’t know what came upon me that day, but it was some sort of melancholy, and so I said what came to my mind.

“To never leave me,” I told him. “We’ll stick together forever.”

Eren knelt down beside me, his head cocking slightly sideways.

“Zee, we don’t know how our lives will go.” He told me. He was the only one to use that nickname in my life. “But there’s one thing I can guarantee you. I will always protect you. You hear me? I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Later, I asked the same question to Jade, my mind burning with some sort of spontaneous uncertainty.

“Of course I’ll always stay with you,” Jade says. “You’re my best friend. I would never leave my best friend. Do you promise that too?”

“I promise.”

Of course, at that age, my promise meant nothing. I had no idea how my life would turn out. If I did, I would never have promised any of this.

I’m not with Jade, as you all know. She stayed in Erenfeld as a Guard while I lived here.

But with Eren, it was much worse. Eren didn’t deserve the fate he got. His promise was a lie, but it isn’t his fault.

I really miss him.

— — —

Ten Years Ago

I was now seven summers old. Jade was eight. Eren was thirteen.

This was where the beginning of the end begun.

The period from when I was four summers to seven is a haze for me. I don’t remember most of it. It was a routine, you see. Not much interesting happened. It was uneventful but fun.

I only grew closer with Jade and Eren. I began to make friends with others in Erenfeld, but none as close as those two. Eren, as a teenager, began to work on my da’s farm more than my own da did. He took care of the cattle and the sheep, and often took our hounds for walks in the woods.

One day, he asked me to come with him while he took the hounds on a walk. He was hoping to show me how they hunt. I asked if Jade could come with us, and, ever nice, he said yes.

So, there we were, the three of us, just walking in the forest with a pair of dogs.

I was scared of the forest at the time. It was eerie, strange, unfamiliar. With Eren, though, I felt safe.

The hounds sniffed around as they walked, searching for any hints of prey. There were many rabbits in the forest at the time, and still are, I’d wager.

Eventually, they found something. They took off, and Eren went after them.

“Come on!” He yelled at us. Me and Jade ran as well, although we were not as fast as him. We lost track of him quickly, eventually getting lost ourselves in the forest.

I panicked, yelling in fear. Jade was trying to calm me down, but I could tell she was scared too.

“EREN! EREN!” We yelled. Thankfully, we got a response back.

“Over here!”

We ran in the direction of the voice as quickly as we could, aware of the dangers of the forest.

When we found Eren, we paused. He was with a family who I didn’t recognize. They looked haggard and they were naked. A mother—she looked about thirty-five—, a father who was about thirty-four and a daughter who was fourteen at the time.

I didn’t realize it yet, but I soon would. They were bandits, or at least they had used to be. They had realized the error of their ways and decided to leave their gang. The gang members hadn’t taken it well, beating them up, ripping off their clothes, and raping the mother. Since then, they had been walking, looking for shelter. And they had ended up in Erenfeld.

“We need help!” The man told us. “We’re tired and hungry. We’ve been walking for weeks. I don’t know how much longer we can last.”

Eren took pity on them.

“Of course we’ll help you,” He said. “Can I take you to the village?”

“Please,” The woman told him. “Although we would like some clothes.”

“I’ll get you some there,” Eren said.

The family finally noticed me and Jade. The fourteen summers old girl smiled at me.

“And who are you, sweetheart?” She asked. I beamed up at her.

“I’m Zade!” I exclaimed. “Are you Eren’s friend?”

“Him?” The girl asked, pointing. “Yes, I am.”

“Then you’re my friend,” I told her. “What’s your name?”

“Sh’Hani,” She replied.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sh’Hani.”

We returned to Erenfeld in high spirits. I couldn’t believe it! I was helping somebody! Eren immediately fell for Sh’Hani, that much was obvious. As soon as he got to Erenfeld, he found clothes for them.

“Now, let’s go find my family,” He said.

We introduced the family to my parents. I never expected their reactions.

They were irate.

“Do you know who they are?” My da yelled. “Their part of the Shadows. I’ve been robbed by them before. Hell, one of my old friends was killed by them.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” The man responded. “We have realized the evil that we did, and we have changed. We aim to help others now, not hurt them.”

“It’s too late for that, isn’t it? You deserve justice.” My da asked.

“Please forgive us,” The woman told him. “At least take Sh’Hani, please. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”

My da unsheathed his sword.

“Please comply. I’m putting you under arrest.”

“DA! How could you do this?” Eren asked indignantly.

“Step aside, Eren,” My da warned. “They’re criminals.”

In the end, the former criminals were able to escape into the woods. My da told the Guard, but they assumed the family had left, but they hadn’t.

Eren began to leave into the forest regularly to feed them and care for them. He and Sh’Hani kept a close relationship, eventually beginning to date.

Eren was taking care of a good family, no matter what my parents said.

Eren told Jade and me what he was doing and we wisely kept our mouths shut. I supported Eren, and looking back, I still would.

I do hate the family, though, even if they were better now.

They ruined my life, somewhat.

— — —

Seven Years Ago

I turned ten. Eren was fifteen now, maturing a lot now. Somehow, he was able to keep the former criminal family—the Yuilos— a secret, but my parents got suspicious at times. They never found the family, though. As former bandits, they knew how to avoid detection.

One day my da brought his hounds to chase the family, expecting them to find something. Thankfully, Eren had taught them to ignore that smell.

My father never caught them.

It was then that I fell in love with the sword, me and Jade both. My da gifted us wooden swords and we practiced them every day, honing our skills, getting better and better. Of course, we were still not very good, but we were trying and improving. Sometimes, my da would practice with us. We would get bruised those days. Those were the fun days.

After a particularly grueling session, I turned to Jade questioningly.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked.

“A warrior,” She responded. “I want to fight in an army conquering cities and winning battles.”

“That sounds like fun,” I replied wistfully. “I just want to be a guard. Protecting this city or another like Eren protects me.”

“Don’t you think that would be boring?” She wondered.

“No, it’s always good helping others, no matter if it seems like you’re not doing much.”

“What happens if I become a warrior, though, and leave Erenfeld? What happens then?” She asked. “With us?”

“I'm leaving with you,” I responded. “I will never leave you alone.”

“Me neither.”

Ah, the ignorance of the youth!

Life was still mostly normal and uneventful. I began to do so many chores that my da began to relax a bit around the house. I did sometimes have to do extra work because Eren was off with the Yuilos, but I was willing. And the Yuilos appreciated it. They told me many times.

I saw them only a few times since we’d rescued them. Jade only saw them once. They became sort of a legend between me and Jade, almost magical.

Of course, there was nothing magical about them. If there had been, this wouldn’t end the way it did.

— — —

Five Years Ago

Jade had now become a teenager. I envied her. I saw becoming a teenager as the greatest thing that ever happened to a man, and I couldn’t wait for it to happen.

Eren was seventeen now, the age I am now. Unbeknownst to me, he was discussing marrying Sh’Hani. Sadly, if he wanted to, he’d have to leave Erenfeld. He didn’t want to tell me, because I’d want to go with him and take Jade. Anything else would feel like a betrayal.

On the outside, everything was the same. My parents grew less suspicious and then more suspicious when Eren started leaving at night, but they didn’t for a second imagine the Yuilos were there. They assumed Eren was taking care of some sort of wild animal.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Me and Jade had gotten very good with the sword for our age. The Guard had agreed to train us in their spare time so we were getting professional lessons at the time.

A few months before I turned thirteen, Eren finally bought a ring. He took a trip to Arcadia so our parents wouldn’t about it, but he bought a somewhat cheap ring—he wasn’t rich—and asked Sh’Hani in marriage.

She agreed. Sort of.

She told him that she would the next year. She still had some things to take care of.

Then the worst happened.

Her parents died. They got sick from some sort of disease and they never recovered.

I was devastated. I felt so bad. My parents saw me crying but I refused to tell them why. Sh’Hani didn’t know what to do or how to live. She was alone in the forest.

Eren didn’t know what to do either.

And for months, Eren and Sh’Hani discussed what they would do.

The day I turned thirteen, they told me.

“We’re leaving,” Eren said. “Sh’Hani has agreed to marry me. We can’t get married here, so we’re leaving.”

At this point in my life, I’d assumed that eventually Eren would leave.

“I understand,” I said. “Just don’t forget me.”

“I’ll visit you often,” He promised.

— — —

Three Years Ago

The next few years went by quickly. I saw Eren and Sh’Hani often. They’d moved to a village nearby, one that my parents had never been to. Sh’Hani hadn’t been recognized as a former shadow, so everything was good.

Eren loved to tell me about his life. He’d become a blacksmith apprentice, and he was doing very well. He told me he’d be a professional blacksmith by the time I turned eighteen. He was earning enough money to provide for Sh’Hani and him. They were trying for a baby, but they hadn’t had any luck yet.

My parents refused to talk about Eren. He was dead to them. They didn’t know where he’d gone, but they assumed that he’d either died or become a bandit. Any mention of Eren to them just brought anger or sadness. It was not wise to mention him around them.

Me and Jade grew a sense of humor during this time. We became jokers, pranksters, really confusing everyone around us by how we talked. One of the main ways we showed affection was by teasing or insulting each other. My parents were astounded, assuming we weren’t good friends anymore. We were closer than ever, though.

Eren and I began to take regular trips to Arcadia, and sometimes Jade went along. We each had chores to do there, and we made sure no one recognized Eren. It was a risky business, but a necessary one.

I had a feeling everything would go to hell eventually.

Still took a few years for that to happen, though, thankfully.

For now, I appreciated the time I had with my mentor, friend, and brother.

Everything could be over so quickly.

And it really would be.

— — —

One Year Ago

Everything ended after I turned sixteen.

Eren, me, and Jade were taking a trip to Arcadia. Unbeknownst to us, my da was also coming, although he wasn’t coming for us. He was going to buy something from a friend of his. He took the path just half an hour after us.

Ignorantly, we walked the streets of Magefell, doing our chores, having fun, and talking to the Guards. Some of them knew us well by now, and our excitement for swordsmanship gladdened them. They told us often about how they would really want to see us in the Guard. To them, Eren was a distant relative of Jade. He never removed his hood, which is the only reason he never got uncovered. According to us, he was riddled with scars and hated to show them.

As we turned the corner, we saw him. Our da, speaking with a merchant. My heart stopped as I looked at him. His back was to us, and he seemed to be speaking very animatedly with the merchant. As the merchant looked at us, his eyes widened and he pointed at us. Da turned to us and for a second he looked confused.

“Who is that?” He asked dangerously, but Eren was already running away. “Who was that, Zade?”

“Nobody,” I said, turning. My da growled and cased Eren. Jade and I ran after him.

For a good five minutes, the chase was kept up. Eren ran faster than my da, often losing him in the streets.

As we passed the Arcadian Guard’s Headquarters, my da inexplicably stopped. I ignored him and kept running after him. A minute later, though, I realized what he’d done.

My da had gotten a Guard, and they were chasing Eren too.

At this point, my da still didn’t know this man was Eren but his suspicion was rising.

Eventually, Eren was cornered. He turned, and unveiled his face.

“Hi, dad,” he said.

“Eren!” My dad breathed. “This is where you’ve been hiding? Why? Why did you run?”

Eren sighed, looked up at my father and told him the truth. The whole story. My da grew increasingly more and more angry as Eren continued his story.

At the end, my da was fuming.

“How could you? How dare you?” His voice was cold, hardened. “You are not my son. Guard, kill that man.”

“That is not my jurisdiction,” The man replied. “He hasn’t done anything wrong.”

“He married a convict. Isn’t that illegal.”

“I don’t know,” The man replied. “We might have to arrest you.”

Eren panicked. If he went with them, he might not see Sh’Hani again. She was pregnant now. They needed each other. Possibly, even she would be arrested.

He unsheathed his sword.

The Guard, who I later learned was known to be brash and often cruel, rushed him immediately, murder in his eyes.

“You dare unsheathe your sword against me?” The man growled.

I don’t remember much of what happened next. All I remember is the end.

I know the guard attacked Eren. I remember that Eren defended himself.

And I have a distinct memory of when Eren’s sword plunged into the man’s heart, ending his life.

The moment after, Eren dropped his sword, shock on his face.

“I…I didn’t mean to,” He said. “It was self-defense.”

“You monster!” My da screamed. He rushed away, yelling for guards.

“We need to leave,” I said. “Eren, come on, we have to go.”

Eren was shocked, paralyzed. My hand on his shoulder roused him.

“Let’s go,” He said. “Jade, you coming?”

She nodded, and we took off.

Before long, we heard a pounding on feet on the cobbles.

“You run faster,” I told Eren. “You can go ahead of us.”

Eren smiled. “Don’t be caught with me, Zade. They’ll only get mad at you too.” With that, he sprinted faster than us ducking down an alleyway.

Jade and I turned right, running towards Erenfeld. We stopped near the beginning of Erenfeld and strained our eyes.

I heard a scream.

Eren’s.

I screamed his name and returned to where I last saw him. Jade followed after me, and following the screams, we were able to reach Eren.

There were five guards holding him. He’d clearly surrendered.

“You’re under arrest,” One of the guards said. “You will be kept in prison until tried.”

Eren began to cry softly.

“Tell Sh’Hani I’m sorry,” He told me. “Please.”

The next few days were grueling. My da refused to talk to me, and my trip to visit Sh’Hani was very sad.

She was sobbing by the end.

“What will I do now?” She wondered. “What can I do?”

The next day, Sh’Hani was arrested as well.

Jade and I were devastated.

The trial was delayed for a long time. I was hoping against hope that it would never come. Throughout all that time, Sh’Hani and Eren stayed in jail, even while she was pregnant.

A month after he was arrested, the King went to visit my da.

“We need to talk,” The King told him.

“Zade, go away,” My da commanded.

“Ah, let him stay. This involves him too.”

The king paused dramatically.

“As you know, your son Eren was arrested. I want to try him but I need your witness on what happened. Whatever you say will decide his punishment. If you tell me that he killed the guard in self-defense, he shall pay a fine and go free. If you tell me he didn’t, then, well, the penalty of killing a guard is death.”

I sucked in my teeth.

“I know the truth!”

“I’m sorry, but the witness is not yours,” The King told me, and he seemed genuinely apologetic. “You cannot give reliable witness until you turn eighteen.”

“Please, da,” I begged. “Tell the truth.”

My da smiled at me softly. “I can only tell the truth, son. I saw everything that happened. Eren killed the Guard out of pure spite. He had no reason to do what he did. He deserves to die.”

“YOU’RE A LIAR!” I screamed in rage. “YOU CAN’T BELIEVE HIM!”

The King sighed. “I have to, Zade. I’m so sorry. He must be executed.”

“And what about Sh’Hani?” I asked weakly.

“She will be beheaded too, for belonging to the Shadows, who have killed many.”

I began to cry then. “You can’t do this.”

A tear rolled down King Aeson’s cheek. “I don’t want to do it. But it’s the law. Maybe it must be changed. But for now, this must be done. I truly am sorry, Zade.”

— — —

Six Months Ago

Sh’Hani and Eren stayed in the jail for months. I visited them often, as did Jade. Seeing them was always sad, and I left crying every time.

King Aeson was true to his word and changed the law over reliable witnesses. Unfortunately, it was too late to change anything.

The day before the execution, I visited them one last time.

Looking at them through the bars, I immediately began to cry.

“I can’t believe they’ll kill you,” I sobbed.

“It’s okay,” Eren replied. “I’m dying by Sh’Hani’s side. It’s my dream. I’m just sad the kid will never be born.”

“Eren, you can’t leave me. You said you never would!”

“It’s not my choice, Zee,” He replied. “I hate to leave you. But you still have your entire life ahead of you. You have so much to live for.”

“But I can’t live without you there.”

“Of course you can,” He said, shedding a tear of his own. “You’re strong, Zade. You’ll become a warrior or a guard and do more than I ever did, Zee. I believe in you.”

I sighed and reached at him through the bars.

“Please don’t leave.”

“I have to,” He said. “Stay with Jade. I can see it. She’s your rock. Keep her by your side. Marry her. Have kids. It’s the best you can do. Take care of her, and leather take care of you.”

I nodded. “Anything, Eren. I’ll do it.” I wasn’t thinking about what I was saying. I only realized later what I’d said.

“It’s time to go,” He said. “Just know that I love you, Zee.”

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” I whispered. “I’ll see you on the other side.”

“Not soon, I hope,” He responded with a grim laugh.

I turned and left, trying to contain my tears.

I spent the night with Jade, crying, unable to sleep. She usually tries to comfort me, but that day she did not. She was just as sad as I was.

It was the worst day of my life until then.

The next day was even worse.

The execution was early in the day. Thankfully, the King had allowed it to be a private session, so it was to be done right outside of Arcadia.

I didn’t wake up that day because I’d been awake the entire night.

I got to the designated spot an hour before anyone else did, my heart racing and my tears threatening to spill over.

Jade came to me about ten minutes before anyone else did. This time, she did try to comfort me, although I was inconsolable at the time.

When they brought Eren and Sh’Hani out, my heart dropped. They looked so weak and frail. It was so painful to watch.

My ma refused to watch the execution. My dad came, though, more out of spite for Eren than anything else.

The King came as well, as much as it pained him to do so.

The executioner was wearing the traditional Arcadian black mask over his head to represent death.

The first one they killed was Sh’Hani, laying her head on a stump.. Before the executioner brought his axe down, he asked her for her last words.

They’ve haunted me since, and I’ve tried to ignore them. Every day, I block the words out of my head so I don’t dwell on them. Some days, they return.

“Why can’t you save the baby?”

Even the executioner paused at that. Eren pleaded with him to spare the kid, spare his wife, but the executioner readied himself too quickly.

The axe came down quickly.

There was so much blood. I didn’t even know humans had that much. Her head rolling on the ground made me throw up and choke in the pain, but Jade held me, and I held her as my anchor to reality.

This couldn’t be happening. But it was.

The next victim, and last one, was Eren. He walked over to the stump with a defeated look on his face. Clearly, his wife’s death had taken a massive toll on him.

“Any last words?” The executioner asked.

“I love you, Zade,” He told me. “You have a lot to live for. Please don’t let the memory of me get in the way of that.

“Jade, take care of him. Gods know he needs it.” He chuckled softly, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Goodbye.”

The executioner’s axe came down, and Eren’s head rolled off.

A scream rose in my throat and I let it escape. The grief and pain in my eyes was hurtful even to my da, who winced and looked away.

Eren’s head somehow came to a stop next to me. I grabbed it in my arms and cradled it.

Eren and Sh’Hani were not buried. In a last fit of unfairness, my da burned their bodies, which both Eren and Sh’Hani had explicitly told him not to do.

It was his last screw you.

And to me, it was twisting the knife in the wound.

— — —

Two Months Ago

For the next four months, my life grew dreary, depressing. I didn’t want to think about what had happened. Jade kept telling me to face it, that moving on was important, but I couldn’t do it. I just ignored that anything had happened and grew almost apathetic.

I refused to talk to my parents at all. To me, they weren’t family anymore, they just happened to live under the same roof. Tensions were rising between me and them and I was sure it would come to a head eventually. What I never imagined was how bad that confrontation would be.

I remember the day vividly. It feels like yesterday to me. I’ve replayed that day so many times, and it was even part of one of my visions.

I was walking out of my house when they stopped me. My da and ma told me they needed to talk to me. I refused obviously, so my da grabbed me.

I panicked. I didn’t want to face them or talk to them. I would explode in rage or grief and it would only make things infinitely worse.

They had already ruined their relationship with me. There was no need to make it worse.

What I didn’t realize was that by not letting my emotions explode, I made something else explode.

See, when I panicked, I Awakened.

I watched as my da’s head exploded. It just popped, like a balloon. I was covered in the remains of the man I once loved who I now hated. I felt grief, yes, but more I hated myself for what I did. My mother didn’t explode but she was magically stabbed in the heart.

It was just as bad of an ending.

For a month, I was paralyzed in fear. I didn’t know what to do. I was grief-stricken. They’d done many bad things to me, but I still missed my parents and I hadn’t wanted to kill me.

Jade did everything she could to help me. And to some degree, it did work. Once again, I learned to hide everything, to act like nothing had happened. She told me to face it, talk about it, but I refused.

It’s a bad habit of mine, I’m sure you know that already.

The village at first thought I’d murdered my parents in cold blood. Soon, they realized that I was a mage. Magefell Guards were sent to collect me to get me to Zenyth Academy.

I spent my last few days in Jade’s house. Some in the village still hated me, thinking I’d done it on purpose. Most were more forgiving, seeing the trauma I was going through.

Jade, of course, was always there for me, no matter if what I did was strange. She wasn’t afraid to tell me no, but she wouldn’t do it without a good reason.

When the day came to leave, I didn’t feel as bad as I should. The only thing I’ve missed from Erenfeld now is Jade.

She is the only thing I have left from my old life. The only person from Erenfeld that I can trust. Hell, she’s the person I would trust the most, even if I haven’t talked to her in a while. I would do anything for her, and she’s told me she would do anything for me.

I broke my promise to Eren. He told me to stay with Jade forever. I was forced to break it, but I still hate that I did. It was his last wish, and I couldn’t fulfill it. One day, I will return and find Jade. Either that or she will come to me. I don’t want to marry her, but she is my best friend, and I do intend to keep my promise.

Eren deserves that much.

He didn’t deserve what he got.

All I have now is the memories.

I think I’m ready to let go now.