“People fight one another. It’s in our nature, and becoming a Delver doesn’t change that. So, we end up back where we started. Delver blades can cut through normal armor with ease, but give me a Tanker in full dark iron and a swordsman will struggle the same as a mundane soldier against a knight in plate. But a well-trained fighter wielding a hammer… Well, fuck that Tanker and the soon-to-be-broken legbones he rode in on.”

“What about the fight with Demarsus?” I asked. “From what I saw, Myria was doing a good job poking him through his armor.”

“Sure. Myria is very good with an accurate, agility-based technique that exploits an enemy’s weak spots. That takes a lot of skill, however, and if she misses the precise point she’s aiming for, the attack does nothing.”

“I see.”

“Since our goal with a hammer is to crush armored opponents,” Lito continued, “then there needs to be a good reason that we aren’t using the biggest hammer possible. Bigger hammer means heavier strike, more force traveling through the armor, and enemies that are more dead than they would be otherwise. For myself, I prefer a one-handed hammer because I combine it with a shield, and also augment my attacks with fire.”

He summoned his translucent blue shield.

“I can swing the hammer with my right hand, then shield bash or thrust with my left as a follow-up. Having something in your offhand also creates a counterbalance for the weight of the hammer. The alternative is to use a two-handed hammer, where I would focus on hitting the enemy with as much force as possible. So, the reason I say that you’re starting from an odd place, is that you’re wielding a one-handed warhammer with nothing in your offhand. That creates issues with your sense of balance, and also wastes the utility of your left hand.”

“Ok, I think I follow. The reason I’m doing it this way is to keep one hand available for spells. Maybe also have my wand in my offhand.”

“You don’t plan on using a shield at all?” said Lito, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know enough about shields to decide if I like them or not. I just know that I want to focus more on magic. The hammer is an extra option, and I need a hand free to cast.”

Lito stroked his chin as he considered. He then pulled a new hammer out of his inventory that was a foot longer than the two-and-a-half foot steel hammer I held. It was deep blue in color, with a semi-translucent exterior that gave it the appearance of pure ice that had all of the air squeezed out of it by pressure. The kind you’d see within a glacier.

“This is Arbitros, a hammer I used for several years during my early career. It’s made of frozen steel, which is a material worked and forged at a temperature cold enough to kill most humans in seconds. Extreme cold makes the metal more malleable, whereas heat hardens it. That made it ideal for me at the time, since I could use my Firebrand skill without melting it.

“This would be considered a two-handed weapon for a mundane human. However, with a decent Strength, it can be wielded in one hand without trouble. The material is heavier than steel or Madrin, but lighter than dark iron. The metal is rich in mana, so it bypasses the mundane resistance of Fortitude without any weaves. I could never decide what weaves to give it, anyway. By the time I’d saved up enough to get what I wanted, I was ready for an upgrade.”

He tossed the weapon to me. I caught it roughly in the crooks of my elbows, nearly dropping the steel hammer I already held. It was a lot heavier than the one I was using. I released the steel hammer, letting it drift back to its inventory slot along the wall, then took up Arbitros in two hands.

“Consider using a hammer that benefits from being held in two hands, but which is light enough for you to use one-handed with a high enough Strength score. That way, you can focus on two-handing the weapon when not casting for maximum impact, then swap to a one-handed style when you want to sling spells, without having to change out weapons.”

“That… sounds like a pretty good idea,” I said. “This is the sort of thing that would be impossible without all the magic shenanigans of Delvers, right?”

“It’s not uncommon to use a hammer this way, but most warriors would focus on a one-handed weapon, wielding it with two hands when they wanted additional force. We can go in the opposite direction by focusing on a two-handed weapon, and wielding it with one hand when needed because we’re just that fucking strong.”

“As opposed to having an impossibly big hammer, that no mortal man might wield?”

“Yes.” Lito pulled a long rod of iron from his inventory and held it over one shoulder. “Now, we need to start with the basics. I’ll show you the forms, watch you execute them, and issue corrections when you fuck it up.”

I glanced at the rod.

“In what way will you be issuing these corrections?”

Lito gave me a small smile and tapped the rod against his shoulder. This wasn’t the empty smile that he’d given me when we met outside the Creation Delve.

No. In this smile, I saw joy.

The corrections were him hitting me, using the rod to swat at different parts of my body when my form was sloppy. A slap to the knee when it was beginning to collapse inward during a warrior stance. A snap at my shin when my footing was too wide or too narrow. A knock to my elbow when it sagged. A smack to my back when I slouched.

At first, the strikes didn’t hurt much, but Lito quickly wised up and felt out my pain threshold with an expertise that was worrying. His strikes would do one to three damage each time. Enough to really sting, but not enough that I hadn’t recovered by the next time he swung the rod.

The instruction was long, grueling, and deliberate. He forced me to take every action at the slowest pace possible, allowing me to move faster only once he’d deemed my form acceptable. Even then, if I displayed any sloppiness he would knock the speed back down. Over and over again.

Slow motion swing.

Beaten mercilessly until form was “acceptable”.

Slightly faster swing.

Beaten mercilessly and forced to return to slow motion swing.

Slow motion swing.

Beaten mercilessly…

And so on.

I fucking learned a LOT. I cannot express how insanely effective this was, even though every brain cell I had told me it was dumb as hell. Maybe I was just a freak that responded to negative reinforcement in an atypical manner. The item description of my C’thonic Leather Vest of the Dirty Muffin Toy sure as hell seemed to think so. Maybe the System understood me in deeper ways than I understood myself.

Fuck. That sounded weird. This wasn’t a sex thing, I promise.

Still, a single day of practice wasn’t enough to make me a hammer-wielding master. At best, I understood the most basic forms and moves, and the most common pitfalls and bad habits to avoid when executing them. It would take a lot of practice to engrain that into my mind. Plus, we’d focused entirely on the two-handed style. I wouldn’t have the Strength to properly one-hand the weapon until at least ten.

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“You’re a quick learner,” said Lito.

“I do have a decent Intelligence score.”

Lito grunted in his Lito way.

“I’ve found that high INT gets in the way of most people when developing physical skills,” he said. “They overthink things, try to engineer a way around the rote, or get bored and find something else to do. It can be a boon when used well, but few possess the temperament.”

“Eh, thanks?”

“We’re not levying any accolades after one day of practice. Even if it was a twelve-hour session.”

“What? How much time?”

“We’ll probably dock at Arsenal in the next couple of hours. You can hold onto Arbitros for the length of our mission. If you like it, I might sell it to you. I’ve only been holding onto it for sentimental reasons.”

“Thank you, Lito Sensei.” I gave the Guardian another bow.

“You should grab something to eat. Maybe clean up. You sweat a lot.”

Now that he mentioned it, my undergarments were more water than cloth at this point. Twelve hours? Geez. We never took a break. I never even had to pee.

Wait. Gods above, tell me this is all actually sweat.

Iiiiiiiiit’s clobberin’ time!

What? Think we were going to make an M.C. Hammer joke? Please, we’re more refined than that. Our humor is elevated, beyond reproach, at a level unachievable by organic lifeforms! You might even say that… you can’t touch this.

Break it down!

You may now acquire the intrinsic skill: Blunt Weapons

Blunt Weapons: You gain +1 damage to all attacks made with a blunt weapon per level of this skill.

Also, since you did hammer curls for twelve hours you gain +1 STR!

The System’s attempt at stand-up hurt me worse than Lito had. Regardless, the skill was definitely worth picking up. Hopefully I could get Lito to show me a technique that used some of my massive reserves of stamina.

With that bonus point to Strength I was at nine. Just one more point and I’d get an evolution. It almost inspired me to start doing bodyweight squats on the spot.

But, Lito was right. I needed food and the ship-board equivalent of a shower. That is, a bucket of cold water and a rag.

*****

After dealing with my corporeal needs, we still had an hour or so left before making landfall. I decided to take some time to go and check in on everyone’s favorite alien and incomprehensible intelligence, Grotto.

The rest of the team was outside of the Closet for the moment, so I moseyed on through the locked and reinforced door to the obelisk chamber without having to engage in any skulking. I hadn’t so far needed to deploy any of the excuses I’d planned for explaining what was behind the door. These ranged from “that’s my man-cave” to “that’s my personal collection of men’s undergarments, both vast in quantity and meticulously curated.” I’d also considered making a false closet literally full of skeletons, hiding the real door to the obelisk, but figured that’d raise more questions than it answered.

Grotto and I also had disagreements about where to acquire the skeletons.

The obelisk at the chamber’s center had noticeably grown with the new layer applied by Grotto, and was about fifteen feet tall at this point. The mini-c’thon hovered near the edge of the room, a series of unfamiliar symbols scrolling by on a slate he’d attached to the wall. The characters etched themselves into existence, then slid down along the slate until disappearing at the bottom edge.

[Hey there, Grotto,] I thought to him. [Whatcha looking at?]

[I see that you have deigned to remember that I exist.]

[Is that a passive-aggressive way of saying that you missed me?]

[It is impossible for me to miss you, as I am constantly connected to the disorganized mass that is your body. Although, it has grown more organized recently.]

[I feel like people keep telling me things that make no sense.]

[You should try and get used to the sensation. I doubt that the continued increase to your Intelligence score will alleviate the persistent state of obliviousness that you reside within.]

[Damn, dude. What's got you in such a shit mood?]

The Delve Core turned and appraised me with his octopus mask. He stared at me for a moment, then cast his eyes down and away, before returning to the screen.

[I am experiencing… sensations that I am unused to. I believe our bond is causing some level of cognitive seepage.]

I felt him probing my mind.

[I believe you call this emotion… worry? Malaise? Insecurity? Perhaps some other synonym for weakness.]

[You think my feelings are rubbing off on you?]

[It is a theory.]

[Well, I definitely have some insecurities, but I’m not particularly happy that’s the main emotion coming through.]

[I have been experiencing minor aberrations in my thought process for the last week. It became something I could no longer ignore once you began your martial training.]

[Ah, I see. I did have a bit of a meltdown for a second. I kind of got overwhelmed by how ridiculous everything is.]

[Ridiculous in what way?]

I leaned against the wall.

[I was a lawyer, not a soldier. Since I’ve been in this world everything I’ve done is either fight something or prepare to fight something. I’ve got all these Delver abilities, I’m on this “quest” with a bunch of people who’ve spent a good chunk of their lives preparing for this sort of thing, and I asked them for pointers. I have no clue what I’m doing, and I’m acting like all of this is normal while I’m wearing armor that’s violet with ocean-blue and fuchsia highlights. The imposter syndrome struck hard and fast.]

[We have slain mighty foes and used their own power to fuel our growth.]

[Sure, but I mostly got that done by being overpowered for my level. People underestimate me, and most people don’t even know what you are. How could they be prepared?]

[I have seen many Delvers, and observed much conflict. I have rarely seen a fight that I would consider “fair”. Combat is a game of advantages, and there is no shame in using what has been given to you. Obsessing over your enemy’s lack of foresight is a fool’s errand.]

[I dunno, it doesn’t feel like I’ve earned what I have. That’s one reason I wanted to train with some professionals, but as soon as it started I couldn’t help but feel like I was exceptionally out of place. The feeling will pass over time, I’m sure. Assuming I live long enough to let it. But it’s something I’m working through. I guess it makes sense that if anything is bleeding over, it’s that sensation.]

[It is of paramount importance that you endeavor to ameliorate your misgivings as quickly as possible. I loathe experiencing this sensation of imbalance. I am beginning to question my actions, which is absurd.]

[You know, if my emotional state is affecting you, does that mean some of what you’ve got going on might be affecting me?]

[I have been evaluating that matter as well. I do not believe the possibility of emotional blending in your direction should concern you, since I am the familiar, not you.]

[Well, that’s a relief. No offense, but from a human perspective your worldview is kind of skewed. Still, the possibility bothers me. Do you think the effect might get worse over time? We’ve only been bonded for a few weeks.]

[That is what I am endeavoring to find out. I began analyzing your neurochemical reactions during stimulating events, trying to find an analogous process within my own mind, but that was not helpful. I lack neurochemicals, and what hormones and other secretions are produced by this organic shell to maintain itself do not affect me. My mind and body are not mirroring your own during these experiences through physiological means.

[Thus, I turned to your mana matrix and attempted to examine the connection the System established between us when making me your bonded familiar. I am attempting to ascertain the nature of the emotional communication traveling via that channel, but have so far failed to find anything helpful. I did, however, discover something of particular interest while studying your mana veins.]

[You have access to… to all that?] I felt very exposed. [What was it that you found?]

[I believe I know how you are able to improve your stats through training.]