Bent over the bucket, what little Helena had in her gut breached the surface. Nerves always made her sick. Like the long sleepless nights she’d spent hugging her belly in those first few years at university. But the taste in her mouth had been unfamiliar for a long time now.
Push it back, I can do this. No matter how many times she told herself the sickness still poured out.
The afternoon before had been one tense moment after another. When she’d spoken with Omarr and Saul about the radio parts she’d nearly punched her pen through the paper. They couldn’t know a thing, no one had any inkling of her plans, but telling herself so didn’t settle her nerves.
All day, doubts rolled around her head. They still lolled back and forth as she made her way to the radio room. I have to find a way to talk to Lancaster in private. But no one will let that fly. Dropping hints? Some sort of code? No, he wouldn't know what the hell I mean or he might say something tipping someone off. They’ll be listening, for sure, or would they? Could they?
“Good morning, Helena.” An unsettlingly chipper Evelyn sat in the chair beside the radio, an empty seat next to her. Saul tuned in to Lancaster’s monotonous broadcast when Helena arrived. By the subtle tap of Evelyn’s shoe on the table’s leg, and her no longer steaming cup of tea, Helena guessed Evelyn had been waiting for a while. Yet, despite the state of the world, she always seemed well composed and preened for office.
“Good morning, Evelyn.” Helena approached the seat and leaned heavily on the desk, the nausea circling once more. She makes my skin crawl sometimes.
“I thought I'd sit in on your little chat with Lancaster.”
Helena flinched but managed to suppress her frown. “That shouldn’t be necessary. It will be a simple conversation. Once he learns why we need the parts, I mean.” The words fumbled a bit in her mouth and Evelyn seemed to take notice. She kept her comments to herself but her piercing eyes remained ever vigilant.
“You are welcome to talk to Lancaster instead,” Helena said.
“I think it best he not know I'm listening in.” Evelyn pulled a notepad and pencil in front of her with a coy smile. “He and I have not always seen eye to eye.”
“You know him?” Helena said, no longer containing her frown. “Personally?”
Evelyn didn’t answer her with words but instead levelled a chill glare.
“Alright,” Helena said. “Should I not mention-”
“Keep it simple. Archibald likes simple.” Evelyn nearly rolled her eyes as she said the name. “But don't call him Archibald. He likes his title.”
“We're all set.” Saul flipped the last switch and the faint reply of Lancaster's broadcast filled the air. “Just press that button there when you want to talk.” He leaned over and motioned to the base of the microphone that seemed older than anyone there. “It's not recording or anything so you may have to repeat yourself. Don't exactly have an appointment with the Doc, do we?” He laughed a little to himself as a pained smile touched Evelyn's lips. Well trained to know what it meant, Saul politely excused himself and left the two alone in the small office.
“Go ahead,” Evelyn coaxed and Helena could feel that nausea returning for another wave. I can do this. It's just one more step closer.
“This is Helena Black from Victoria College contacting Doctor Lancaster. Please respond.” The words were uncomfortable in her mouth and felt forced. Should it feel natural? She couldn't remember the last time she'd used a phone let alone a large microphone in a radio room. It was probably to call home. Her mind wandered to a dangerous place. Sharp memories that needed containing. Wounds she knew would never really heal.
Evelyn nudged Helena's elbow. On the paper, she scribbled the words “Doctor Black” and underlined them. Three times.
“This is Doctor Helena Black from Victoria College contacting Doctor Lancaster. Please respond.”
The lie felt even worse.
I am not a doctor. The bitter bile seemed to rise with each repeat of the caustic phrase. Part of her wondered if anyone was even listening as the time stretched on. The lie became more comfortable in her mouth, the fake title feeling more real if only in that little room. But I'm not a doctor. I'm not capable of doing what needs to be done.
“Hello?” A strained voice croaked through the receiver and Evelyn started quickly scribbling on her pad.
“Doctor Lancaster?” Helena said.
“This is he.” Composure found its way to the line as he continued to speak. “Doctor Black, I presume?”
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“Please, call me Helena.”
Evelyn had scribbled something else and glared at Helena for the dismissal of formality and it too seemed to set Lancaster uneasy.
“Uh, yes. Very well. You are located at Victoria College?”
“I am, Doctor. We are looking for supplies. Our radio, well not this one, but one of our radios requires some replacement parts. We were hoping to try and work out a trade.” Some of the words that tumbled clumsily were on Evelyn's page, but not all. Compose yourself, get it together. I won't get much done under her nose if I can't get it together. Taking a deep breath she tried to push down the nerves one more time.
“Ah, so it comes to this.” A haughty and practiced tone of superiority cooed over the waves and his words drew out rolled eyes from Evelyn. “Now you need something from me. After months of asking for information, for communication of some kind, you reach out because you need something from me.” There was a pause like the words had been rehearsed but not performed as desired. He's a bit off... Helena thought.
Beside her, Evelyn scribbled furiously.
“I can give you a detailed list of the parts we require.” Helena read from the page, awkward breaks in between some of the words. “From there you can decide what you... deem is of reasonable worth for trade.” In brackets below the phrase were the words “Do not mention guest until I tell you” underlined four times.
“What I deem is of worth?” He chuckled once. “Tell me this, Doctor Black, who are you trying to contact that would require replacement parts for what I am assuming is your long-range communications device? As you say, they’re clearly not for your short-range radio.”
Evelyn sighed heavily, biting her lip and tapping the pen to paper. Helena could see her forming the right words in her mind, deciding how to be undetectably deceptive. It was akin to watching her father play chess against a computer. Knowing he’d lose, but still, stubbornly, butting heads with the wall.
“We have information,” Helena blurted out.
Evelyn's annoyance with Lancaster doubled in her glare.
“On the infection.” Very carefully did she say the last few words, and Evelyn's stare narrowed. Evelyn made no recourse and her pen tapped in a steady beat while they waited on the line.
“What kind of information?”
Evelyn looked as though she knew what Lancaster would say as he was saying it and her scribblings went on.
“The kind worth trading for,” Helena read out.
The two women waited as he seemed to mull over the thought, the line heavy with silence.
“Tell me which parts you require and I will see if I can help.” It was a reasonable response and, as Helena looked for a list, she heard Evelyn curse.
“Saul forgot list,” Evelyn wrote. “Tell Lancaster will send soon. Say nothing else” She hurried from the room at a brisk pace.
Helena took a deep breath and looked back at the microphone. Now or never.
“Doctor, we are - there is a list being collected but… I have information for you now that should remain...” she searched for the right words. Hurry Helena, hurry the hell up. “Remain just between you and I.”
“Evelyn was there, wasn't she? That shrill harpy...”
“She's gone for now. I don't have much time.” I'm so close. Just one more minute. “We have Ashley Cazalla here and are looking to make the exchange with the authorities for those of us here at Victoria College.” Helena thought about leaving him time to respond but the fear of being caught overwhelmed her. He can digest it later.
“The council voted to inform you, but not until a trade was reached. We need the parts to make contact and the council assumes you'd like to get out of here with us. What they don't know is that Cazalla was bitten several days ago and… she has made a full recovery.”
The words felt so real as she said them, the gravity resting in the air for a brief moment before she went on. “More than a full recovery... I-I can't explain what I've seen. You wouldn’t believe me but there are concerns that if she dies or is traded-”
“Out with it, Doctor,” he said.
Helena nodded, though she knew he couldn’t see. “She may not be able to be infected. She might be immune but I’m not really a doctor. I can’t tell and I don’t have the resources here to do more. If you cooperate, get us the parts and keep what I've told you between us, I can get you blood samples.” Footsteps sounded louder now, Evelyn's voice growing nearer. “She may be the only link to a cure or at least some kind of understanding about the-”
The doorknob turned.
“We have the list now,” Helena said at what felt like an exaggerated volume. Evelyn handed it over and Helena read the parts out to Lancaster.
She held her breath waiting for his response. The silence shook her fingers. He could say anything, ask a simple question and that could alert Evelyn. Would they throw me out? Her heart pumped hard in her chest and her stomach turned.
“Of what nature is this information you purport to have?”
Helena and Evelyn sighed together, though for entirely different reasons.
“Information regarding Ashley Cazalla,” Evelyn wrote and Helena read exactly that. “Any more will be discussed after you confirm that you have the necessary parts.”
“Very well. I will make contact this afternoon.”
The radio went quiet.
“That went well enough,” Evelyn added while wiping her brow. “Did he say anything while I was out?”
Helena thought about the question, and she wouldn’t be lying to say no but doubted Evelyn would believe her.
She nodded, intending to look meek. “He called you a… shrill harpy.”
Evelyn chuckled. “Archy's called me worse.” Looking over the list she moved to the door. “I'm assuming you have other things to keep you busy, so I'll send Carol to mind the radio.” It was a subtle comment to move along and Helena was eager to indulge.
“I should make my rounds,” Helena said.
“How is Nick doing?” The older woman's voice didn’t waver but, as Helena looked back, Evelyn’s eyes had softened. Not into something kind, she imagined that much had left Evelyn long ago. But fear, concern or… Expectant grief. It wasn't unfamiliar, knowing but not truly accepting what was coming.
If we ever got away from here he would get real help, Helena thought, and it was as though Evelyn could read her mind.
“He's worse, isn't he?” she said.
A sliver of the cold shell broke, a momentary crack in the solid confident wall Evelyn had become in the last few years. A grandchild was no less a loss in these days and it aged Evelyn terribly in those few moments.
“If all goes to plan,” Helena said consolingly, “it won't matter once we get out of here.”
Before she had finished speaking Evelyn’s wall was back. She nodded and turned away without a crack to be seen.