The sudden impact of his back against the stone wall took his breath away. Shane coughed loudly and grabbed his chest, where Nielle just kicked him roughly. He gave him a displeased look and watched as the door to the underground room slammed shut. It wasn´t as big as yesterday's red torture room, it looked more like a classic part of the dungeons, used for interrogation.
There were shackles hanging on all the walls, in the center stood a fairly well-equipped iron table, to the right he saw a fireplace with all kinds of tools and opposite several arranged shelves with a number of unpleasant-looking instruments.
Nielle didn't speak at first, in fact he didn't even speak when they met in the city, and he just let him be seized and returned to the palace with him. Even now he didn't look like he wanted to hear his explanation. He slowly approached Shane standing by the wall and measured him with his dark eyes until Shane got the impression that he should say something himself first.
"Aren't you exaggerating?" he asked.
"You haven't seen me exaggerate yet," Nielle informed.
"You didn't mention that I wasn't allowed to look around town and buy a few things... so you're exaggerating," he clarified.
"Looking around town," Nielle smiled, "a nice name for going around thirty-four businesses where you only bought junk."
Surprised at how quickly Nielle found out everything, Shane hesitated for a moment before speaking, "I've never been to the capital, I was just curious."
"And you won't be going anytime soon," Nielle pointed out, "Anyway, since I don't want to waste my time questioning the staff at thirty-four establishments, I suggest you tell me yourself what you did at them and how your meetings went." he said.
"I went to the bank to get some money since I got robbed yesterday and I doubt you'll give me money for personal stuff...then I went to buy some, I don't know what meetings you're talking about," he lied. He had no doubt that Nielle knew that he met someone, but that didn't change the fact that he didn't intend to reveal anything.
"Alright, I'll listen to them all," he said, shoving Lacrisan roughly, "in case you don't decide to tell me yourself in the next few moments." he clarified.
"I have nothing to say," Shane dismissed.
"As you wish," Nielle commented, taking a step closer to him, „I think you need to be tamed, the level of your infinite audacity is starting to piss me off." he pitched.
"I've been here for a day, you don't have much patience," Shane said.
"I don't need to have it, no one dares to provoke...everyone knows why," he laughed and slowly reached out his hands to Shane, roughly grabbed him by the top of his new robe.
Shane grabbed his hands violently and tried to argue, "And don't you think this is rude?"
"I'm going to punish you," Nielle declared, grabbing one of his wrists roughly, "besides, just for how disrespectful you speak to me, you deserve a public flogging." he pressed Shane's hand against the wall with a rough thud. Before he could react, he snapped his wrist into one of the shackles and skilfully grabbed his other hand, which the Shane already tried to defend. However, he failed, Nielle was experienced in the quick-draw and Shane didn't even have time to do anything when his hands were useless.
Nielle walked over to a nearby chain and used it to pull Shane's arms up. Lacrisan blinked in surprise as he hadn't expected to be put at a disadvantage right away. However he didn't plan to fight back too much as he didn't expect to get away with it unpunished. Also he wasn't afraid of anything Nielle could do to his body and the only thing he didn't want was to stay in the dungeon for a long time.
"However, if you tell me what your true goal was today, I'll be nice and you won't suffer the consequences." Nielle walked over to his body and opened his robes a little more, giving him access to his entire bare chest. He pulled out a bag of gold from an inner pocket that Shane got, "I don´t believe you were just after the money." he laughed and tucked the pouch close to him.
Shane frowned in displeasure and said, “I didn't know I couldn't have my own money. You don't have anything like that in your rules, so why are you taking them from me?" he didn't understand.
"Because I can," he smiled softly and touched Shane's chest, running his fingers over his finely defined muscles to his neck and roughly cupped it in his palm, "if you want it back, you need to start behave better."
"I don't think I'm being rude," he remarked.
"I see that words don't work for you." Nielle laughed and sighed deeply. He looked at Shane for a moment, clutching his neck tightly and staring into his bright eyes before adding, "We're going to have some fun." he stated and let go of his neck.
Shane watched as he walked over to a nearby tool table, but instead of grabbing one of the iron tools, he bent down to the drawer below.
"I haven't pull it out in a while, but I used to enjoy it with you kind when I was younger," he remarked, "I think it's time to brush off the old habits." he laughed.
Shane watched in confusion as Nielle bent under the table and pulled out a pair of clear crystal stones, “What habits?” he didn't understand.
"I don't know if you remember, maybe you've heard it, maybe not, but it's always most effective for your kind...and I have the impression that I have to try harder with you, otherwise we won't get along. " he pulled out something else from under the table that Shane couldn't see.
An uneasy tension filled Shane, but try as he might to see what Nielle was holding, he couldn't identify it, so he just waited for prince to approach him. The moment Nielle turned around again and took a few steps towards him, Shane's eyes fell on the thick piece of metal. He didn't understand what it was for a moment before the prince was close enough and gently waved the iron collar in front of his eyes as if he couldn't wait to put it on him.
Shane blinked in surprise, "A collar? I'm not an animal," he declared.
Nielle laughed lightly, "You really don't know what this is? Your government has gone to great lengths to make it illegal in Rinsel. But in reality they only think they have made it illegal.” he chuckled, waving his collar smugly in front of Shane's pupils as if waiting for him to remember something.
Shane hesitated for a moment, as if he wasn´t sure if his feeling was right or not. But when he caught sight of the niche on the edge of the collar, for the stone to be inserted, his stomach lurched violently at the vivid memory.
"Oh, do you recognize it?" Nielle noticed the change in his face and slowly walked closer to him, "I don't know what you call it, we call it a Lucky collar... because it brings us Luck by purifying." he laughed.
Shane didn't even look at Nielle. He was just staring at the piece of metal, which he didn't understand he didn't recognize right away. He backed away in alarm, even though he really had nowhere to go.
"I'm glad you remembered...it works better if the person knows what I'm talking about," Nielle joked, opening the collar, allowing Shane to see the interlocking symbols carved into the inner side.
"Black..." the word came out of Shane automatically as he momentarily forgot who and where he was.
"Ah, yes...Black collars, I know," Nielle remembered, "they are said to be inhumane, your king took a lot of work to ban them here," he said, "it worked," he laughed, "fortunately, your kind has no way of knowing if it´s actually being followed here."
Shane glared at Nielle. He opened his mouth slightly in an attempt to say something, but nothing came out, so he just closed it slowly looking at the terrifying instrument in his hands. He really didn't expect to ever meet this thing in this country.
"But if you don't know exactly how it works and you're still trying to be disobedient, I'll explain," Nielle said, picking up one of the crystal stones, "it's not at all as unbearable as your people tell, but maybe it is when you're not used to it," he laughed, "after all, none of you have ever experienced what it's like to suffocate in your own bad luck," he stated, gripping the translucent crystal tightly in his palm, making it changed to black one in a moment, "that's why I think it's very beneficial to show you that ugly feeling." he laughed and gently waved a stone filled with his own bad luck, which the Rinselans always had an abundance of, and smiled softly.
Shane stared with genuine fear at Nielle's palm as he inserted the black stone into the hollow of the collar and lit the markings on the inner side as if he had lit them on fire.
Nielle moved closer to Shane's body and lightly touched his chest, causing Lacrisan to jerk his neck to the side in terror, trying to get away from him.
"You don't want to?" Nielle relished in his objection, "You shouldn't have been rude then." he declared, bringing the collar gently against his skin.
Taking a panicked breath, Shane tried to free himself from the shackles, which held him tight. He jerked his arms, which he couldn't move much above his head, and stepped to the side with his legs in an attempt to prevent Nielle from putting the collar on him. However, he had no way, he didn't know how to prevent it, so at the last moment, as he almost touched him with the iron, he kicked forward violently.
However, Nielle expected a similar reaction and simply caught his kick. He pushed his thigh to the side and got between his legs with his whole body, expertly immobilizing Shane.
"Are you afraid, Lacrisan?" Nielle laughed amused.
Shane looked to the side for a moment before moving his dilated pupils to Nielle right in front of him, "I-I didn't do anything to deserve this," he blurted out after a moment as if he didn't know what to say, "why are you doing this to me?" he snapped the irons.
A satisfied smile spread across Nielle's face as he heard the beautiful fear in Shane's voice, "You pissed me off, that´s why," he said, "I told you to be obedient...you weren't." he clarified, lightly touching Shane's neck, making Lacrisan wince.
"I...I-I will be," Shane blurted out without thinking as his stomach clenched.
Nielle raised an eyebrow slightly at how quickly this Lacrisan was giving in, "Suddenly?" he laughed, "You've changed your mind very quickly for someone who doesn't even know how unpleasant it is to wear this, don't you think?"
Shane didn't answer, only glancing at the collar, which he couldn't keep his eyes on for long before he looked down again and took a shaky breath. His entire body was filled with shivers, what a desperate feeling flow in him at the sight of the glowing signs. His stomach was in one painful spasm, he felt like he was going to throw up. Although he still had nothing on his neck, he could almost feel something gripping him and he subconsciously opened his mouth as he struggled to catch his breath.
The closer Nielle pulled the collar to him, the more intense the fear filled him. Memories of its cold grip flashed through his mind, he felt himself breathing harder, he felt himself suffocating, his insides screaming to get as far away from the thing as possible, he felt his legs shaking, though not long ago he stood firm. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to defend himself...after a long time, he was really at his wits end.
"Or do you know?" he heard Nielle's voice, which only gently took him out of a vivid nightmare.
Shane looked up at him in horror. He tried to say something, but Nielle wouldn't let him. He roughly touched Shane's neck, giving Lacrisan an unadulterated sense of dread at the thought that he was about to be collared.
"Indeed," Nielle examined his skin, "very pale...the owner is probably killed,” he remarked as he only now noticed the very light markings adorning Shane's neck, "how many years ago did you have it? Were they still commonly available then? Did you get it in Rinsel? Apparently you haven't been to our country yet. Did a Rinselan give it to you in Lacris? Remarkable.” He scanned Shane's signs.
But Shane didn't answer, he just stood there, unable to move.
"I'm not surprised you're scared when you've been through it," Nielle laughed and lightly shifted the collar from hand to hand, letting go of Shane's neck for a moment, "then why are you so incredibly rude?" he was interested.
Shane didn't know what to say. All his previous thought processes disappeared, for a moment he forgot why he was in this country at all, where he was and with whom. The only thing running through his mind was that he can't have that collar put around his neck...he just can't. However, he knew very well how it ended the last time.
"Sorry," he blurted out, "I´m s-sorry."
Nielle smiled happily, "A very nice change," he touched his face, causing Shane to let out a frightened breath, "I'm glad we're finally starting to understand each other, Lacrisan." he was amused by Shane's fear, which he really liked.
"I-I," Shane began as Nielle lifted the collar in satisfaction, "I won't do it again," he promised slowly as if he was trying to regain his composure, "I'll never do it again, so...don´t do this to me. We can talk about it." he needed to get the collar off his neck.
Nielle smiled amused and asked, "Do you want to talk?" he smiled, "Okay, we can talk," he ran down Shane's chest and gently moved to his collarbone just below his neck, "it you tell me, who you met today and for what purpose, I'll hide this collar and you won't see it again until you make more mistakes." he promised.
Shane looked at him silently for a moment, as if he couldn't remember where he was today and what he had done. It took some time for his memories to clear…and then it took a few seconds for him to realize that his current task was more important than his own feelings.
"I...I was mad at Iuwine," he began, "He irritated me...I wanted to be alone...I went to look at some stalls but I didn't have any money, so I went to the bank... and bought some things after…I didn't want Iuwine to keep following me…so I went alone”. He said slowly as if he was going to spoil it with his answer.
"Anything else?" Nielle wasn´t surprised by the answer.
Shane looked at the ground and nodded gently, "I don't know what else you want to hear."
Nielle took a soft breath and said, "That's a shame, my job is to make sure Lacrisans like you don't make a mess in my country," he said, lightly waving his collar in front of Shane's eyes, "remember, you had a chance." he stated, simply placing the collar around Lacisan's neck.
Shane panicked, jerking violently in the irons, trying to get out of Nielle's reach, but couldn't. He just cowered in terror while Nielle put the collar on him and left him to his own panic. Shane was breathing loudly, his eyes darting from side to side and gasping for air in places as he was filled with a familiar sense of terror that he hadn't experienced in a long time.
"You know how it works," Nielle pulled out the other clear crystal and cupped it in his palm, "disobedience is punished...you chose it."
As soon as he said that, Shane couldn't concentrate anymore. His neck burned in searing agony from the touch of the inner side of the collar. It wasn´t quite physical heat, but something more disgusting, something that dug deeper than his skin, something that burned his very insides, tearing his thoughts to tiny pieces. Shane gave a shrill shriek and violently locked his head from side to side. However, he couldn´t get rid of the feeling. He could only feel how everything was escalating, how the whole thing was becoming unbearable and his body was becoming weaker and weaker.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
Even though the whole process only took about half a minute, it felt like a decade to Shane. He felt as if he had gone back to the first time he had experienced it, his heart was about to jump out of his chest, his hands were almost bleeding as he pulled hard on the sharp iron bars and his wet eyes forgot how to hold back tears. The scream that came out of his mouth didn't stop even when the pain started to subside slightly, it didn't stop even when the burning level decreased. And when Nielle gently touched his neck, he nearly collapsed.
"AAAAGH!" he roared in a fit of pain and panic as the prince yanked his collar and gave him an interested look.
"You look much better than yesterday," Nielle commented and gently undid the collar, freeing Shane's neck to touch his skin.
Despite the fact that a large piece of iron slipped from his neck, it didn´t change the feeling of lack of air and searing pain. He felt that something was strangling him, he felt that something was destroying him from the inside and he couldn't get rid of it, no matter how hard he tried to get away from Nielle.
"It's a shame they can't be seen," Nielle laughed and gently ran his fingers over Shane's pale neck, into which he had just burned beautiful black marks.
The whole principle of the special collar worked really easily and Nielle would use it more often if the king allowed. They were once commonly used, but after governments came to an agreement that their use was inhumane and the Lacrisans deserved better treatment, Nielle became the only one to use them exceptionally. Mainly for interrogation, but sometimes for fun, like with Shane.
When a stone filled with someone's pitch was inserted into the collar and subsequently burned into Lacrisan's neck, the owner of the pitch was able to do wonders with Lacrisan. With the help of another pitch-infused crystal, he was able to induce all kinds of unpleasant feelings in the Lacrisans, most often feeling as if their luck had drained out of them, as if they had none left, which was truly devastating for the Lacrisans. Side feelings were the feeling of suffocation, burning and other bonuses that Nielle enjoyed on others.
Ultimately, the Lacrisans feared them more than the taking of luck itself. Especially individuals to whom it wasn´t unknown.
Nielle didn't like that the black markings on Lacrisan's neck weren't visible at normal times. They glowed black only when in use, and the moment he stopped using them, they became invisible again. The only advantage was that no one, such as the king, could see that he had used it on anyone, and even Lacrisan had no way of proving it. However, in the event that something happened to the owner, the collar was no longer valid, the marks faded and created barely visible scars like Shane used to have on his neck. Their colour was almost unnoticeable and Nielle knew it must have been ten years since Shane had the collar.
"Is it a better feeling than with your former?" Nielle roughly grabbed Shane's neck in his hand and looked at him with satisfaction.
Shane only let out a weak sob through his slightly parted mouth, though his moist eyes had yet to shed tears. He couldn't loosen his tightly clenched fists, he couldn't relax all the tense muscles, and no matter what Nielle said, he couldn't focus on him. All he realized was that he got into it again, that he was wearing it again, that he wasn't going to get rid of it again. Shane wasn't afraid of many things, he could only name two, maybe a few more if he really thought about it, but these disgusting collars were really over everything. Not so much because of the feelings they evoked, but because of the memories they carried with them.
He felt someone gently touch his neck, felt their fingers go over his skin to his cheekbones to his lips. As the touch became rougher and his face was turned forward, only then did he regain his composure a little. He blinked a few times, trying to see through the moisture in Nielle's eyes, which were looking at him contentedly.
"You still won't tell me what you wanted in the city?" Nielle asked, but when Shane didn't answer, he added, "That your punishment isn't over yet." he said.
Shane didn't get a chance to speak as Nielle stepped back and simply released Shane's handcuffs. Lacrisan fell to his knees and clutched his neck in shock, which he hadn't reached until now, running his fingers along lines he couldn't feel or see, yet clearly perceived, as if they were burned deep within him.
"You look better on your knees," Nielle commented, lightly squatting down next to him.
Shane just looked up slightly, as if he couldn't decide whether to show hatred or fear and he tried, "What have I done to you to make you do this to me?" he growled, as if he was on the edge of strength.
"Don't act like you didn't have a choice...you wanted to make a deal, but you didn't accept the deal," Nielle said and pulled out the black stone he once used.
Looking at the stone, Shane shot out his hand and tried to grab it, as if to stop Nielle from using it.
Nielle just raised his hand amused and laughed out of pleasure: "You are still extremely rude."
Shane looked at him startled, the familiar feeling of dread filling him. He felt like bending down to the ground, curling up in a ball and hiding from the eyes of everyone who reached out to him in disgusting ways. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide, he wanted to get as far away from Nielle as possible, but he didn't get the chance to do so, and before he could say anything, Nielle clasped the black stone contentedly in his palm.
Shane's scream of agony cut through the torture chamber just before it fell silent at the same time. Shane scooted to all fours, his hand tightly around his neck gasping for breath, his eyes wide in panic as he stared ahead.
He wanted to scream, he needed to scream, the pain set his nerves on fire, he needed to get it out, he needed to gasp for breath. But he couldn't. His body was in one big convulsion, his neck was clenched as if someone was strangling him with a chain without a chance for a single breath, all his muscles were as if thousands of needles had stuck into them, and his bowels were contracting as if they didn't know he had nothing to throw up.
Shane felt like it was never going to end, he felt like he was in a situation where he was just a helpless child, tied up in a flaming web.
"Better than I expected," Nielle commented and let go of the stone, finally allowing Shane to scream.
"ААААААGH!" his scream could be heard above the dungeons, but no matter who heard him, Nielle was having a good time.
"ÁÁGH-ágh!" Shane dug his nails into the stone ground in horror and gasped loudly, "Ágh-nh-ágh!" he clutched his neck, not even realizing the unsightly wounds he was creating on it.
He couldn't calm down, couldn't slow his panicked heart, couldn't grab enough air, and couldn’t stop his trembling muscles. He felt like he was going to cry, he felt like he was going to throw up...he needed it to stop, he needed to get up and get as far away as possible from the person who was doing this to him again...but even if he could get up, he wouldn't be able to stay on legs.
A sudden touch on his back brought him out of his frozen state into a new mix of feelings as he realized that Nielle could do it again at any time. He shot him a look that must have looked more horrified than he intended as it brought a satisfied smile to Nielle's face, no doubt with sadistic intentions.
Nielle gently ran his fingers over Shane's back and lightly pushed him, sending Lacrisan to the ground simply, "If you had been obedient from the start, we wouldn't have gotten here," he remarked as he slowly reached for Shane's robes, which he slowly opened even more.
Shane only shakily raised his hand as if to defend himself, but he didn't know how.
Nielle simply grabbed his hand and pinned it above Shane's head so that he had a beautiful view of his blue irises, “Didn't you say you would obey?” he laughed.
Shane barely felt Nielle run her fingers down his bare chest to his stomach and unbutton his robe below. All he could perceive was the thought of his desperate need to get rid of the collar he felt:
"Take it off, j-just take it off, " he started slowly, " take it off," he grabbed his neck with his other hand and pushed hard, "take it off... take it off... take it off..." he felt tears welling up in his eyes.
"I won't," Nielle slid his palm to Shana's legs, "but seeing you like this, you really do look more adorable than yesterday." he remarked, bowing to him contentedly.
"Ngh!" Shane snapped his eyelids shut as Nielle bit into his neck, but not enough to get at his blood, just a shallow bite, forcing him to gasp in fear. His neck was on fire, all of it hurt excruciatingly, he still felt like he hadn't recovered from the previous suffocation and the fear of it happening again prevented him from doing anything.
"One feels like fucking you when you're so scared," he laughed, sliding his other hand down Shane's thighs, "why not, right?"
"S-stop..." Shane muttered as he vaguely registered the meaning of Nielle's words somewhere.
"I won't," Nielle joked and simply spread Shane's legs apart, as Lacrisan couldn't really defend himself against anything he would do to him in this state. He was really weakened, he looked like he couldn't even raise his arms to defend himself and Nielle couldn't get enough of his gentle shiver every time he touched him…like he was afraid he'd use his collar again.
"Leave me... alone," his words sounded different than usual, different from yesterday. They sounded really broken, like he no longer knew how to act, how to get out of the situation.
However, none of this was a problem for Nielle, on the contrary. He relished the Lacrisan fear, relishing expressions similar to the one Shane was making right now. He wanted more from him, he wanted to bring him to tears, he wanted to drive him to the brink of despair, to do whatever he wanted with him and show him that he could do everything while he could do nothing.
He hated the Lacrisans and loved when they realized that they were truly completely in his power.
Shivers ran through Shan's body as Noelle’s presence was starting to drive him crazy, as his head was starting to become chaotic from all the negative feelings he was sensing, "L-leave me... alone...l-leave me alone," he tried to push him away, but in vain, since the prince didn´t allow himself to be pushed away.
"Try again...just a little more decent." he slid one hand to Shane's legs, "you're really adorable when you finally submit." he laughed, bent down to his neck and bit Shane roughly.
"N-no...agh!" Shane wailed as Nielle got his blood easily , "S-stop...agh...stop it!" he tried to kick Nielle off of him as his body flooded with hot pain again as Nielle stole some of his luck from him. It wasn't nowhere near as intense as the torture he experienced through the collar, but after everything it was enough to make it unbearable for him.
"Ááá-ágh-áhg-nhh-ághá-áh...s-stop...s-stop," he screamed more weakly and the moment Nielle pulled away and Shane could see the black stone in his palm again, something inside him broke, "p-please don´t." if he wasn't afraid that Nielle would take his tears as well, he would have cried a long time ago, how terrible he felt.
A look of satisfaction spread over Nielle's face, saying that he had achieved his goal, "That's exactly how you should behave," he declared, "good boy."
***
When Shane hit the slippery floor, he lay there exhausted. The door slammed behind him and he ended up alone in the bathroom. Nielle ordered him to wash up and wait in the main room for his orders, but Shane didn't have the energy to think what he had in mind.
He slowly got to his knees and looked up at the stone tiles with several holes filled with water. He didn't stop to think that this was exactly what the bath rooms in Lacris looked like and tried to get to his feet. But he couldn't do it. His whole body was shaking, all his muscles gave out, and he couldn't get up even if he really wanted to. But he didn't even really want to.
Therefore, he only slowly dragged himself to the nearby part with water and gently touched its surface. It was warm, so much so that he didn't want to crawl into it. He slowly moved to the other part of the water, which was slightly cooler, but still not enough to tempt Shane. He passed a few more before he stopped at the far end filled with almost ice water. He gently touched its surface and looked at his reflection in the water. He looked terrible, as if a pack of wolves had attacked him and torn him apart inside and out...and he felt the same.
He just hypnotized his face on the surface for a moment before moving his hand to his neck. He just gently ran his fingers over the invisible marks that he felt so clearly and stopped for a moment as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. He was kneeling stiffly at the edge of the tub, as if collecting his thoughts, as if trying to pull himself together. However, he couldn´t do so. No matter how able he was to do it in any situation, no matter how many times he had done it in the past, he couldn't do it right now.
A hot drop fell into the ice water. Shane watched as it created a ripple on the surface, only to be immediately followed by another. And another one. Tears finally streamed down Shane's face, unable to calm down, unable to cope with what Nielle he had just done to him. With the palm of his neck, he slowly dug his nails into the skin and dug them deeper almost subconsciously. He slowly moved his hand down, making a shallow scratch, forcing his eyelids to close slightly. New tears slid down his face, a loud sob left his mouth.
He dug his nails harder into his neck, jerking his fingers sharply to the side, creating a bleeding gash. But it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough at all. He brought his hand back to his neck and dug into it again, scratching harder with his nails, trying to get rid of the disgusting marks. He didn't know how, but he kept trying anyway. He needed to get it off, he wanted to get it off, he needed to get it off so badly that he could grind all his skin and muscle down to his bones just to get rid of it.
But it didn't work.
He continued to scratch aggressively until the water in front of him turned pink. The burgundy drops mixed with his tears and created tiny spots on the surface. But Shane couldn't see them through the tears. He inhaled loudly and sobbed aggressively, the disgusting feeling of despair filling him, how he couldn't calm down. His nails dug into his flesh, more blood ran down his neck, more tears ran down his face and he couldn't go on any longer, exhausted he was becoming.
His throat was burning, his body was still shaking, but the thoughts couldn't disappear from his head, he couldn't get rid of them. Disgusting flashbacks of the torture chamber, of the collar Nielle had put on him, played in his mind, mixing with the memories he tried to repress, the memories that had tormented him for years and that he tried so hard to erase. But now it wasn´t possible, they were there. Whether he closed his eyes or kept them open, he saw those disgusting marks everywhere...on himself, on others, he saw them everywhere, he heard his own scream, he heard their laughter, he felt his own despair, how helpless he was, how he had no choice...never had a choice.
"Nghááááááááágh!" he hit the water violently, stirring up blood and tears.
However, the second blow wasn´t aimed at the water, it was aimed at the ground. He slammed his fists into the tiles. Subsequently, he hit the edge of the bath, again into the stone, into the surface, into the stone. He pounded aggressively into the hard ground, he could feel his palms burning, he could feel his bones echoing in protest for him to stop, but he didn't listen to them. He just pounded the ground desperately, trying to stop it...trying to stop the disgusting thoughts, the disgusting feeling. Especially when he felt the collar again, had it on his neck again, was bound by it again. Desperate crying filled the room as he couldn't calm down, couldn't stop, couldn't do anything.
He bent down sharply and hit the floor with his ankle, but nothing changed. The momentary pain wasn´t enough, it was nothing, and his disgusting thoughts continued.
Shane let out a desperate shriek and aggressively dug his nails into his forearm, creating deep gashes in a harsh tug and then, still unable to shake off the feelings, bit down roughly on his hand. His teeth pierced the skin, blood spilled over his hands and he just cried desperately.
He kept biting, holding his palm with his teeth and trying to calm down, trying to focus on the pain instead of the thoughts. Although many types of pain, no matter how strong, didn´t work, some sometimes worked despite being weaker.
Shane had gotten to know them well over the years, he knew that sometimes they would work, sometimes they wouldn't. But also sometimes there was nothing that worked, nothing didn't really help, no matter what he did.
That's why he just kept going. He aggressively held one hand in his tooth, felt the burning that came from the wound, and dug his nails into his thigh with the other. He tried to focus on it, tried to clear his mind, tried to get back to normal. But it wasn't possible...at least not right away. It took some time before he could do it a little, some time before the impulses from his nerves became more important to his mind, and he felt the vivid images grow duller, less and less, his heart stilling.
Tears were still running down his cheeks, he couldn't stop his loud sobs between his teeth, but still he was starting to feel a little better...at least a little...that's why he continued...for a minute, two, switching places, digging his nails into one leg, then to the another. He held his forearm in his teeth for a while, his palm for a while, his fingers for a while until he felt like he was going to bite them off before his mind was able to focus a little more normally.
The disgusting feeling from the marks on his neck didn't go away, but at least he didn't have before his eyes the agonizing memories of the time when he wore them for the first time. His own fear didn't subside, but at least it no longer forced him to thoughts he couldn't stand no matter how hard he tried.
When his senses calmed down a bit, when he got his thoughts in order a bit, about an hour had passed since he entered the room. He slowly lowered his bloody hand down and went to his scratched thighs where he had created ugly wounds. Tears were still running down his cheeks, sobs were still coming out of his mouth, but at least he could control them a little.
He gently put his hands to his eyes and cried loudly. He needed to get over it, he needed to get over it so it wouldn't happen again anytime soon.
And so, after a few minutes of moaning loudly, sobbing into his hands and trying to clear his thoughts of nastiness, he finally quieted down a bit. His tears only silently ran down his cheeks, his hands slipped to his thighs and gently to the water.
He made a slow movement towards it and without hesitation he fit into the bath.
The number of injuries on his body, whether from today, from himself, from yesterday or from other days, turned the water a soft pink and he surfaced after a while. A strong rush of icy water washed over him and he blinked a few times before plunging back down.
He stayed in the cold water for a while, didn't think about anything, tried to remain empty in it and waited for when he would really feel better. And when he felt that it was bearable... that he could focus on the present and recover from things that didn´t concern him at the moment, he slowly emerged.
He just stood in the middle of the tub for a while, wondering where he had made the mistake of still getting into similar situations. He stood for a while, reflecting slowly, finally in depersonalization, the memories from today's moments in the torture chamber and pondered what could be done with them.
After his despair disappeared, after the initial shock wore off and he more or less regained his composure, he was able to look at things rationally again, he was able to realize how he had overreacted. And although he couldn't control how poorly he behaved at that moment, he was filled with anger...against himself and the bastard who caused him a panic attack.
He just thought in silence for a while before a words came out of his mouth, expressing all the feelings he was feeling right now.
"Bastard," he said irritably, ,,one day I will repay you all.”
No matter how unstable Shane was in certain situations, no matter what memories came back and made him a weakling, once he came to his senses, he was able to clearly realize who was to blame for everything and who was responsible for his feelings. And clearly, there he wasn´t someone who would put it behind him, as if nothing had happened or give in permanently. Even if he had already done so in a moment of weakness.
Shane knew the causes of his fear, knew them well enough that he could usually prepare for them. And now that he couldn't once, that he allowed Nielle to find something he shouldn´t and cause him something Shane really didn't want to experience ever again, he unleashed an aggression in his new Lacrisan that he hadn't felt in a long time. And as much as Nielle thought he had won over Shane, he didn't even know how he'd screwed up.
Because Shane really wasn't a good boy. But Nielle was to find out all that soon.