Malick’s evening took an unexpected turn the moment he picked up the flyer under his door. Printed in bold letters, it announced the grand opening of a new bar—The Last Drop—just around the corner, with “First Round’s Half Off!” as it’s tempting promise. ‘Half off? Well, that’ll help me forget about this miserable day,’ he thought, cracking open the last beer in his fridge.
Before he knew it, Malick found himself at The Last Drop, the neon sign flickering like a beacon for the hopeless and the hopeful alike. Fueled by a cocktail of heartbreak and cheap beer, he settled onto a stool at the bar.
“Bartender! It’s half off right?”
“Yes sir, what can I get you?”
“Tequila. 4 shots!”
“Coming right up.”
With his fourth shot of tequila warming him from the inside, he felt invincible. In a moment of boozy bravado, Maluck stood up onto his bar stool and bellowed, “I am the best person in this entire town, and my ex is a bitch!” His voice echoed through the room as he attempted a motivational speech about his own greatness while precariously balancing on the seat, wobbling like his life choices.
The crowd’s response was less than encouraging—booing and laughter rippled around him.
“Get down!”
“You’re drunk!”
But Maluck only doubled down, slurring, “You just don’t appreciate my greatness!”
***
POV: Astral Universe
Somewhere in the Astral Universe, the abstract embodiment of Pride gave a nod of intrigue. “Ooh this guys interesting.”
***
POV: Calgary
After getting warned, and told to sit down, barely recovering from his self-aggrandizing moment, Malick’s eyes landed on a couple dancing together near the jukebox. Their effortless chemistry and perfect smiles stirred a bitter envy in him. He loudly complained to anyone within earshot, “Why can’t I have that? Look at them—perfect chemistry, perfect moves! I bet they don’t even fight over who gets the last chicken wing!” As he made a clumsy attempt to photobomb their selfies, he muttered under his breath about how “some people have all the luck.” Even in his drunken haze, he could almost feel Envy scribbling down notes on his misfortunes.
No sooner had the dance floor debacle subsided than a drunken patron accidentally bumped into him, sending a ripple of spilled beer in his wake. Malick’s eyes flared with a sudden, explosive anger. “DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU JUST SPILLED BEER ON?!” he roared, grabbing a handful of coasters and launching them like off-target ninja stars.
***
POV: Astral Universe
Each wild toss missed its mark, yet his furious performance drew an approving, if bemused, nod from the unspoken spirit of Wrath. Wrath had flown over when Envy and Pride told him an interesting human had appeared on Earth
***
POV: Calgary
After the coaster fiasco, Malick’s mood shifted. He slumped onto a sagging couch in a shadowed corner of the bar, pulling out his phone to scroll through his ex’s social media. ‘I should block her… but maybe I’ll wait until she sees what she’s missing,’ he mused, completely absorbed in the digital parade of her so-called perfect life. His inactivity was so profound that even the bartender paused mid-polish to ask if he was okay.
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***
POV: Astral Universe
In that suspended moment, the embodiment of Sloth couldn’t help but smirk at his dedication to doing absolutely nothing.
***
POV: Calgary
Eventually, Malick dragged himself off the couch and staggered back to the bar, where his eyes caught sight of an unattended tip bowl. “Finders keepers,” he whispered to himself, snatching a few crumpled bills before ordering yet another round. Emboldened by his little heist, he leaned in to convince the bartender to give him a discount on his shot. “Come on, man, I’m your best customer and it’s opening night!” he slurred.
***
POV: Astral Universe
The unspoken spirit of Greed clinked glasses with Pride in approval, both toasting Maluck’s audacity as if egging him on to make even worse decisions.
***
POV: Calgary
Not long after, hunger overtook him. Maluck decided the best way to celebrate his shitty day was by ordering everything on the menu—burger, fries, nachos, wings, and a generous side of chili cheese fries, because why stop at mild regret when you can aim for a full-blown existential crisis?
When the bartender raised an eyebrow and asked, “You sure you want all that?” Maluck, with the unwavering confidence of a man four shots deep, grinned defiantly. “I’ll show her what living my best life looks like!”
Twenty minutes later, his feast arrived in all its glorious, artery-clogging greasiness.
With the speed and ferocity of a competitive eater who had something to prove, he attacked the mountain of food, drawing cheers from the onlookers. For a brief, shining moment, Maluck wasn’t just a heartbroken drunk—he was a legend.
**
POV: Astral Universe
Gluttony couldn’t hide its delight at Malick’s overindulgence. Him and all his fellow Sins had gathered around in the Astral Universe and were all cheering for this human.
***
POV: Calgary
As the night wore on and the alcohol loosened any remaining inhibitions, Malick found himself drawn to the karaoke stage. Fueled by a potent mix of booze and bitter memories, he took the mic and launched into a disastrously off-key rendition of “Careful Whispers.” With exaggerated passion, he dedicated the performance to everyone who had ever betrayed him, winking at half the room as he concluded, “If you’re single tonight, so am I!”
***
POV: Astral Universe
“Hey Lust! Looks like the human is a fan of yours!” Said Pride with an arrogant smirk.
Lust had to agree, despite the collective secondhand embarrassment that followed.
***
POV: Calgary
By the time Malick finally staggered out of The Last Drop, the neon glow of the bar fading behind him, he was blissfully unaware of the cosmic followers he’d just accrued. In his drunken haze, all the Seven Sins had taken a keen interest in his actions, silently nodding their approval. ‘I really have a shit life, don’t I?’ he thought with a rueful smile, as the cool night air greeted him and his half-empty bottle in his hand.
***
POV: Astral Universe
“You know how those goody two-shoes keep pushing for that joint human supervision project? I think we can use this guy,” Pride said.
The other Sins started chatting amongst themselves.
Sloth groaned, stretching lazily in his cosmic seat. “Ugh, paperwork, meetings… supervising humans sounds exhausting.”
Greed, still swirling a golden chalice of something unnaturally expensive, scoffed. “Not if we do it our way, sugar. We let him be himself, give him a little nudge in the right—or should I say wrong—direction, and boom. Instant luck points.”
Wrath cracked his knuckles, eyes gleaming. “If it means more drunken brawls, brah, I’m in.”
Envy flipped through his ever-growing list of grievances. “Fine, I guess. But don’t even think about it—I’m calling dibs on making him miserable, and I’m not about to share that misery quota with all of you.”
Gluttony licked his lips. “And I want to see just how much indulgence a single mortal can handle.”
Lust, still recovering from Felix’s disastrous karaoke performance, rubbed her temples. “If I must. But darling, I’ll take it upon myself to refine his flirting—because that pitiful little display was simply agonizing to witness.”
Pride grinned, draping an arm over his throne. “Then it’s settled! We’ll crown him our emissary on Earth—a living testament to our divine superiority and the flawless embodiment of our most exquisite qualities.”
A hush fell over the Sins as they turned their gaze back to Maluck, who was currently drunkenly wandering around, attempting to high-five a potted plant.
Sloth yawned. “So, uh… do we actually tell him about this? Or just… let him roll with it?”
Pride smirked. “Why ruin the fun? Let’s just find a way to nudge him in the right direction.”