Annie is as pissed as I imagined when I break the news.

"You have got to be kidding me Izzy?," she says. "Ten minutes? It only took him ten minutes to talk you around?"

"It's really not like that Annie," I say defensively, "I'm not rushing back to him pretending it didn't happen."

"No it's worse! You're going back to him thinking it will change. Are you really that naive?"

I don't have a clue what to say to that. Maybe she's right, maybe I am naive. But isn't it possible that she could be wrong too?

"Well don't just stand there like a child Izzy," she snaps as I stare at the ground between us, "You're making me feel like a bitch.”

Annie’s eyes bore into me with all the intensity of a disappointed mother before she lets out a sigh and shakes her head. “I’m not trying to be harsh Izzy, I just don't want you to get hurt again. You walked into my bar like a wounded animal, I don't ever want to see you have to do that again."

"I know Annie,” I say quietly, “I'm sorry. Look, I completely understand how much drama this has been for you and Will. My life really isn't normally like this, but if you don't wan-"

"Don't even suggest that I'd prefer us not to be friends Izzy," she says. "You'll be playing right into his hands if you do. You drop me and Will and then what? You're right back where you started? No way. I don't have much time for friends but I like you. You're a fool right now, but I like you."

"Thanks... I think."

"I know you don't know me all that well yet," she says, "but I'm not willing to leave anyone vulnerable and that includes you. When that mess comes crashing down around you again, and it WILL come crashing down Izzy, I want you to know that I'll be there, ready to help. It’s important that you know there's somebody there for you this time."

I'm so thrown by her response that my head could spin. I expected Annie to never want to see me again after all of this. In fact I was so prepared for it that I'm not even sure what to say to her right now, she really is something special.

She gives me the courtesy of letting me explain myself, but her opinion doesn’t change.

"I don't blame you for wanting to make it work Izzy," she says, "I just don't see it happening, not from the little bit you've shared with me. But hey, prove me wrong. What do I know anyway right?"

"I really do love him Annie," I tell her. "I think we could be happy."

"That's the thing Izzy. You shouldn't have to think you can be happy with someone, it should just be something you are."

I appreciate her concern, but I can't stand the idea that I've wasted these last few years with someone that's unredeemable. There’s a lot of good inside of Jamie, I believe that he can change. I've lost both my career and friends in the mess we let happen, but if Jamie and I can make it, if we can really try, then it might just be worth the cost of everything else.

The drive back to Annie's apartment is uncomfortable to say the least. As she pulls up to a stop light, she finally mentions the person we've both been thinking about.

"Do you want to tell Will yourself or should I?," she asks.

I give her a look that loosely translates to 'dear god don't make me tell him', and she understands immediately.

"Yeah, that's probably best," she agrees. "He's not going to take it well."

I don't ask her to elaborate on that, we both know why.

Annie try's to talk me out of my decision one more time before we reach her place, but when I dont give in, she makes me promise to call her over the next few days so she knows things are okay.

I have every intension of keeping Annie in my life, her little speech about playing into Jamies hands cemented that. I like her, she's a good person and I need someone like that on my side. I don't care how uncomfortable it might make Jamie that she knows his little secret either. With any luck, it may even keep him in check.

♾️

Sinking into the feather-filled comforter back at my hotel room, I take a few minutes to lay there and think about the decision I've made. Is it a good one? Did Jamie really hear what I said? Will he change for us? These are all questions that I won't have the answer to unless I let him show me.

If I were a stronger person, I'd be able to ignore all of the parts of Jamie that have sunken their claws into my heart. If I could stop loving those parts of him, then I wouldn't accept the rest, and I would have been able to leave.

I remind myself of all the good he has to offer. The way he strokes my hair in the evenings when I lay my head on his lap to watch TV. The way he holds doors for me, no matter how far behind him I lag. The way he has a specific laugh for when I say something silly that makes no sense.

There are a million little things to love about him. And they all rise to the surface like tiny little air bubbles every time I consider walking away. It's impossible for me not to love those parts of him. That’s why I want this to work.

Checking out of the hotel, I’m only too happy to find that Jennifer isn't around. I don't think I could handle the shame of explaining myself to her on top of everything else.

The lady on reception mentions that I can't be reimbursed for the few extra nights that I've already paid for, even if I'm not staying. It's understandable, but still a blow to my savings account none the less. I don't kick up any fuss about it, Jennifer did me a gigantic favour when I got here and I'm grateful for that much alone.

While waiting on my receipt to print, the lady notices something strange.

"Oh hold on a second m'am," she says, "it looks like your card was refunded, let me check that out for you, one moment."

She wanders off to another computer screen to look into it. I'm slightly baffled considering that I've only told them now that I'm leaving, but I let her do what she needs.

"Ah yes, here we are," she says, offering a wide smile. "We had a call a little earlier today that covered your whole bill, they asked us to issue a refund directly to your card and said they wanted to gift you your stay. Isn't that sweet!"

"Who wanted to gift it?," I ask.

"I don't have the first name, sorry, but it's a Mr.J Reynolds. Does that ring a bell?"

Jamie.

Im floored. The room was under my moms name though, how did he know that?

"How long ago was this?" I query in a daze.

"It was only in the last hour judging by the time stamp on the receipt. My colleague Stephen processed it, he must have taken the call. He's on his lunch right now though. Is everything okay? I can have him call you?"

"No, that's alright. Do you need my card or anything?"

"No m'am," she says, "you're all set, thanks for staying with us, we hope to see you again."

I thank her and head out to my car, both parts confused and shocked. Shocked that Jamie would do that for me, and confused as to how he did it. Although it is Jamie, he always finds a way.

After heaving my bag into the trunk of my car, I’m just about ready to go when my phone rings. It's Will. I wonder if Annie has already told him?

"Hey Will," I answer, attempting to sound somewhat cheery.

"What the hell are you doing Isobel?"

Yep, Annie told him alright. She mustn't have even waited to get into her apartment before calling him. I bite my lip, how do I even begin to explain this.

"Annie said you're going back to him," he says. “Tell me she's got it wrong?"

"I… um, no. She’s not wrong."

I'm almost whispering as I tell him, it's hard not to feel ashamed about it after everything I told him.

"So let me make sure I have this straight Izzy. This guy hits you, he sleeps with some hooker, he fucking knocks you out after trying to force his dick into your mouth and you what? Forgive him? Fall right back in line? What is it?"

"You wouldn't understand it Will, I-"

"I wouldn't? What is it, some kind of sick kink you have or something?"

I know he's being cruel because he's angry, but it's impossible not to take offence to how he's choosing to express it.

"How dare you drag my sister into that Isobel," he continues. "That guy is a psycho and you put her in danger, what the fuck were you thinking?"

"He's not dangerous," I insist, "he wouldn't have hurt her. I didn't even think he was going to be there Will."

I don't get any response to that. In-fact, I have to double check that Will is still on the line before I continue speaking.

"Look, he's going to go and see somebody," I say. "A therapist, he wants to change. He can be better."

"You're kidding me right?," he says jeeringly. "Tell me Izzy, how often do you hear a story like yours end with a happily ever after? How often does the girl get to say he never hits her again?"

"Why couldn't it be me Will?"

"Because your boyfriend is a twisted fuck who gets off on the shit he does to you. That's why! Do you think he's not running back telling Daddy he's fixed his fuck up right now?"

"No, that's not true, he told his dad he doesn't want-"

"I don't care what he told you or his dad Izzy! Honestly, I can't even talk to you right now."

The line goes dead as Will hangs up the call. Fuck.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

There’s no winning here is there? I want to be happy that Jamie has decided to work on himself, but now I feel like a complete fool for it.

I don't even manage to pull out of the carpark before my phone dings again with two new messages. One is from Annie, but it arrived a little too late.

ANNIE: Hey, FYI, Will is pretty mad, he said he was going to try call you. Let me know how it goes. More importantly, give me a call later tonight? I want to know you'll be alright. I really don't like this whole thing Izzy, I should have taken you home with me and forced you to stay. xx

The other is from Will.

WILL: Don't come to the show on Friday. I really couldn't stand to look at you.

He's on the verge of being petty at this point, but I'm not mad at him for it. I'm doing the complete opposite of what I told him I'd do.

It’s likely that I wouldn't have even went to see his show now anyway. Although I should really start as I mean to go on with Jamie… and who is Will to tell me where I can or can't go? I'll go to that show if I want to! I'm done taking those kinds of orders, from Jamie or anybody else.

I don't send a reply back to Wills message, I don't want him to know that he's gotten under my skin. Instead I make my way home to straighten some things out with Jamie. Will has riled me up just enough for me to now have the bit between my teeth, and I want to be sure that things are crystal clear for him from now on.

♾️

Jamie is waiting in the car park to take my bags upstairs when I pull in. It's a small gesture, but not one that goes unnoticed.

As we step into the apartment I can see that he's made the effort to make it feel like I never left. Some candles are lighting, letting my favourite scent of pomegranate fill the hallway. He even took all of the clutter off of the console too, my pet peeve.

"I'm going to get washed up," I say, "then we should sit down and talk."

It's been a long day, and I can't wait to get into some PJs.

Stepping away for awhile, I enjoy a long hot shower. There are certain home comforts that simply cannot be substituted for, even in a nice hotel.

Afterward, I clean my face of all traces of makeup and scrape my damp hair up into a bun before second guessing it. Maybe it’s the fact that I've just come home that does it, but I suddenly get a flashback of Jamie finding it a whole lot easier to pull me around when it was up like this, so I quickly slide the elastic out of my hair and let it fall down around my shoulders. I prefer it this way anyway.

Jamie is cleaning up and putting away some cutlery as I come back down the hall. I creep in and watch him from the edge of the counter, recalling how I paid the price for the three tiny dishes I left in the sink. I wonder if he considered his hypocrisy at any point over the last few days as he let them pile up.

He spots me standing there as he glances over his shoulder, the guilt written all over his face.

"I know," he says matter of factly, "I assure you the double standard isn't lost on me here Iz. I just couldn't seem to get myself together the last couple of days."

Placing the dish cloth on the counter, he turns to me to say something else, but comes to a halt when he gets a look at the bruise on my face. It's the first time he's gotten a full view of what he did to me.

His skin becomes oddly pale, which is weird to me because he's not someone I'd have ever considered squeamish. Covering his mouth with his hand, he tries to keep his composure, but it’s no use. He has to rush himself over to the sink so that he can throw up.

It’s not often a person can make another vomit from the mere sight of them. Maybe I should put it on my resumé.

I want to comfort him, I do, but I know that won't help me. Instead, I reach for the fridge, taking out a bottle of water and placing it on the counter beside the sink as he leans over it. I then step back into the living room and sit down. I want to appear unaffected. I'd rather be rubbing his back and wiping his mouth with a towel. I can't though. Not now.

I hear him run the tap for a bit, and I’m half sure I hear a sniffle from him too. When he makes his way into the living room, he comes and kneels down in front of me.

"I can't believe I hurt you like that," he says, his eyes glistening.

Using the tips of his fingers, he moves my hair back off my face, tucking it behind my ear before rubbing his thumb gently over the mess he made.

"I'm so sorry Izzy," he says. "I swear on my life, I promise you, this will never ever happen again."

"I hope that it won't Jamie," I reply coldly, "for your sake rather than mine."

I'm not sure how long I can hold onto this icy persona. As tears threaten to spill down Jamie's face, I find it near impossible not to break. This isn't me, I don't enjoy seeing anyone in pain, even him.

He quickly wipes at his eyes before taking his phone from his pocket, showing me the screen as he pulls up a website.

"I did a quick search on some anger management groups while you were out," he explains. "There's a church over on Middleton Boulevard that holds group sessions, see?"

I look over the search he made. It seems like a good place, but I don't know the last time Jamie was even at church, so I'm not so sure it's for him. It seems he might have the same idea though.

"I was thinking that maybe doing classes and seeing a therapist might be better for me," he says. "But I wanted to see what you think?"

I'm surprised he's been so active about it if I'm honest. I know he said he would, but he's said a lot of things. It's good, great even. I was half expecting that I'd be the one researching places for him to go, so it's a welcome bit of work on his part.

"I agree with you," I tell him. "I think classes would suit you better. Did you find any?"

"Yeah I saw a place where I can do both. I'll call them first thing in the morning."

I hand him back his phone and study his face, wanting to be sure he means it. I need this to work.

The buzzer at the front door interrupts us. I can smell the Indian food the second Jamie walks back into the living room with the carrier bag, but that pizza I had earlier has filled me up. I'll pick away at it though, I don't want to appear like I'm not eating it out of spite.

Throughout our meal, Jamie tries his hardest to resume normality, talking to me about work and making plans for the weekend. But I can't even pretend to feign an interest in it. I really want to address some things with him, so as soon as we finish eating, I go ahead and bite the bullet.

"I made plans to go out on Friday night with Sarah. I just wanted to let you know.

I'll be meeting Annie next week too. This kind of thing is going to become a bit more regular for me, and I think that it's important to lay it out now. Is that going to be an issue for you?"

"No, its not an issue at all," he says. "It won't ever be an issue again either. Honestly if I could go back in time and shake myself I would Iz. I know now that I've cut you off from people in your life, I thought about it a lot while you were gone earlier. I can see it now. I won't say I did it with intension, but I can't say I didn't like having you to myself. I know that's not right, especially not for you."

"It's not healthy Jamie. We can't go back to that."

"We won’t," he says.

Jamie sits staring at his hands before clearing his throat. Whatever he's about to say must make him feel uneasy.

"Have you... uh… have told Sarah about everything?," he asks.

"No. And I won't be either, but thats not for your sake. It's for my own sanity. She'd explode, and you two already hate each other."

"I don't hate her Iz," he says.

My lips press together, I'm not sure who he's trying to fool, but it isn't me.

"Okay so I don't love her," he admits, "but that doesn't mean I hate her. I know she's good to you."

"Exactly, and she's my sister so she's not going anywhere, and I don't want you two at each others throats for any amount of time."

"I can see why you wouldn't want that," he says.

Jamie does very little to hide his relief about Sarah remaining oblivious to his behaviour, and with that no longer a worry, he moves on to the next person who’s sparked his curiosity.

"So, do you mind if I ask about this Annie person," he says, "what's her deal? How did you meet her?"

Oh boy. I should have prepared for this, I knew it was coming. I don't want to lie, not if we're starting fresh, but the whole truth is not something I'll be parting with either.

"I know her brother," I say cautiously, keeping my eyes glued to him in wait of his reaction.

"Her brother? How?"

"He comes into the store a lot," I lie, "I wouldn't say I know him all that well really actually.”

"Okay, but how did you go from knowing her brother to bringing her here?," he asks.

Jamie doesn't sound accusing in any way, but he's very interested in how this all came about.

"They own a restaurant near the hotel," I tell him. "I went in for something to eat and bumped into him, I didn't know it was their restaurant at the time. Will introduced me to Annie while I was there and we hit it off."

"Right, it's just, she's got like what? Maybe a good ten years on you hasn't she?"

"So?"

"So nothing," he says, "I'm just making an observation Iz. How old is her bother?"

"I don't know, a little younger probably. Like I said, I don't know him all that well, Annie and I just seemed to get along and I ended out spilling my guts to her. I needed someone to talk to and she was there."

It's obvious that I won't be winning an Oscar's anytime soon. If this were a matter of days ago, I'm sure I'd be digging a grave for myself right now.

"Is she married or anything?," Jamie asks, continuing his little fact finding mission.

"Nope, no boyfriend or partner either. She's very dedicated to the restaurant, it was her dads originally."

"Oh, that's nice."

Thankfully his interest in Annie begins to dwindle from there, but now we find ourselves inching towards the area of conversation we’re both least likely to enjoy.

"I uh, I wanted to ask," he says timidly, "how are your... well, just with the bandages I wasn't sure… I- I did try to get everything out, but there were some little cuts so…"

I've never seen Jamie unable to ask me a straight forward question before. I have to go ahead and put him out of his misery because I honestly cant stand to see it.

"They're fine Jamie. My feet are fine, you got everything. I'm walking on them aren't I?"

I suddenly feel so on edge, unsure if I’m ready to relive that night with him just yet.

Jamies cheeks flush as he scrambles for something to say.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to talk to you about it all Izzy."

"And who's fault is that?" I snap.

What the hell is he expecting? A pat on the back for knowing how use a tweezers?

I thought I could do this, I thought I could come back here and somehow be okay with him. But in the back of my mind all I can think about is the last time we were in this apartment together.

"It’s mine,” Jamie says quietly. Biting in the inside of his cheek, he hangs his head low with shame, and yet again I find it hard not to feel sorry for him.

“I really thought I was a better man than my father Iz," he says, "but somehow I've managed to be worse. I watch him break my moms heart day after day with all those other women and doesn't even have the decency to hide it. And she just takes it Iz, she's always taken it. I've never understood it, which I realise now sounds so ridiculous, because how could I do what I was doing to you and not get why she'd stay? I didn't think it was the same thing… but now I see that it is."

Jamie looks up at me again as silent tears begin to fall down his face, willing me to say I can forgive him.

I don't know how to feel. I do want to believe him, and I want to trust him too, but this is all so fresh that I dont know if I can.

"I want us to be better Izzy," he says. "I know I can do it. I'll go to this therapist and I'll do whatever they say, but I need you to see this through with me. I need you to stay while I work on things Iz, because if you don't want this then what's the point? I have nothing without you."

I sit and stare at him for the longest time, tackling the lump in my throat while he waits for an answer.

"I’m here.," I say finally. "I'm here to do this with you Jamie, but I need some time to deal with things. I want nothing more than for all of this to be a tiny shitty memory we have in a great life together, but I need to get some distance between me and that memory first okay? There's a whole lot we need to get past. There's a lot for you to work on too, and I'll need to see that before we can move on."

"You will," Jamie says as he takes my hand in his. "Izzy I will do anything you want so that I never have to imagine another day without you. It took everything I had to stay away from that hotel these last few days."

"I appreciate that you didn't come," I tell him, "and thank you for calling the hotel today by the way. You really didn't need to do that, I could have paid for it myself."

"Actually, I did need to," he says. "You were there for one reason, my fuck up. It wouldn't have been right for me to let you deal with it."

"Well thank you anyway, it was really sweet. Oh wait- I meant to ask, how did you know what name I was using?"

"What do you mean?," he asks.

I don't want to accuse him of playing dumb, but the look on his face says exactly that.

"You know what I mean Jamie."

He grows somewhat shy, aware that I won't like the answer. I wait for it regardless.

"It was in your emails Iz. Like I said before, you shouldn't use the same password for everything. Your moms name was on the receipt they forwarded."

"Christ Jamie! You can’t be serious?" I say, pulling away from him. How far did he dive into all of my personal things?

"I know it looks bad Iz..."

"Yeah, because it is bad! Are you insane? You can't just keep doing whatever the hell you want!”

"I know I shouldn't have," he says, "but it was driving me crazy not knowing if you were safe Izzy."

"Didn’t you get it Jamie? I was safer there than I ever was here!"

"Izzy, thats not fair."

"Not fair? Is this fair?," I yell, pointing at my face as I stand up. "Or how about the fact that I’ll probably never be able to wash a dish in the sink again without thinking of the way you held me at it? Is that fair? Or that in the short time I've been home, I've already had to reconsider the simple action of tying my hair up just incase you decide to get another grip on it? Is that fair?"

"Izzy please-"

"No Jamie! You know fuck all about it not being fair. You have no idea! I can't even step inside of our kitchen right now without wondering if I’ll ever be able to be intimate with you again after what you did in there. Don't you dare talk to me about fair.”

I lose the tough exterior I've been trying to keep ahold of and burst into tears as I stand in the middle of the room. Jamie rushes to me, whispering apologies and I love yous. He holds me there for what feels like forever, shushing and swaying me until I pretty much exhaust myself from crying. This reconciliation isn’t going how either of us had hoped at all.

“I’m so sorry Izzy,” Jamie whispers repeatedly.

I wonder if this is it. If this is the thing I simply can’t forgive, no matter how hard I try? Or could it be a defining moment? The catalyst that could change the whole course of our relationship. I came back here for a reason today. I came back because I think that Jamie can do the right thing. I I have to continue to believe in that. I have to see through these tough times if I want the good.

"Alright," I say eventually, wiping my eyes. "If this is going to work, then we need to set some boundaries.

“Boundaries?” Jamie asks, his brow crinkling.

“Yes. The first thing is that I'm going to change all of my passwords. It’s not to hide anything from you, but I expect my privacy Jamie, the same as I afford you yours."

He smiles weakly, but he has to understand how crazy what he did was.

"We're going to have separate bedrooms until I'm ready for you to come back, just like we agreed. I can't give you a time line on that, so please, don't ask me for one."

Jamie continues to nod in agreement, but I know he’s not expecting what I have to say next.

"I also want you to get an STI test Jamie, and I want to see the results too. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I can’t just take your word for it when you say that you didn't sleep with any of those women that night. I have to protect myself.”

His eyes close with defeat, knowing I wont budge on this.

"I can do that," he says, "I honestly don't remember a lot of what did happen that night, so it's fair for you to want that."

I feel like that foggy memory excuse is the closest that I'm going to get to the truth. Without it, I have to push aside the feeling of betrayal I have and pray that the reason he doesn't remember is because it didn't happen.

Jamie takes my hands again squeezing them like I'll take flight if he doesn't.

"Are you sure you can do this Iz?," he asks. "A clean slate?"

"I'm sure I can try."

He leans in, kissing the top of my head before wrapping me into his arms.

The evening drifts past us as we talk ourselves horse, making tiny strides of progress as we do.

Jamie offers to come out with me on Friday so we can unwind a bit, but I decline, I'm not ready to 'unwind' with him just yet. I still need some space to build back the life I lost for us, never mind the fact that Will will be there. That's a whole other situation that I'd like to avoid.

Instead I offer to let him come to my dads with me on Sunday so he can see that I'm meeting him halfway. I could really use an ally there anyway.

We agree to take each day as it comes to us for now, and to continue to communicate on things. Before I know it, it's almost midnight and we're both exhausted. We have work tomorrow, so I make my excuses and go to bed, leaving Jamie to the spare room. It feels weird, but we both know it’s right.

Crawling into bed, I decide to keep my sights firmly set on how amazing the future could be. I want Jamie and I to have everything that we wish for together. I want us to be happy. I just hope that he can keep his word.