Prologue 1
“My lord, I beg you to reconsider.” My aid once more pleaded. “The kingdom relies upon your authority, you know how shades get without structure, and there’s so little of it in this kingdom.”
I ignore him for now, heading towards the great chasm as I am, my thoughts are elsewhere. For years I have heard the stories of the light world. Of impossible color and where the dusk retreated from a celestial ball of fire so bright that not a shadow can be seen. I also think of the risk. I would be truly mortal, no reincarnation, no second chances. Such a thought terrifies and excites me, but for all those who have been lost to that realm of impossible light there are twice as many who come back, fulfilled and eager to risk themselves all over again. Many have inquired why those that leap into the chasm do so, and the answer is the same.
“To see them, to know them, to love them, for how can we do anything but that?”
Only a small number of my kind take the leap, and those who return stay only a short while before leaping again. When I had incarnated this time, my memories still being recalled, a servant of mine had returned. She had leapt so many years ago that my last incarnation hadn’t seen her at all. But when she returned she placed a thought in my mind. Perhaps I should give it a try. The thought stuck with me, and now I find myself slowly moving past my prime, so I too head towards the great chasm.
“What if you die? What then my lord?” My aid demanded.
We had incarnated together from the moment of my rise to power. In truth, he was more friend than aid. If I die. The thought was ridiculous, but the threat of a true death was all too real.
“Then you will mourn me, and you will move on as so many have before us,”
My aid flew into my path, forcing me to halt lest my being crushes his. The look in his eyes was clear that he would not allow this, but in the end he had no authority over me. I almost ordered him aside, then thought better of it. My authority was not something I could abuse. Not ever. Instead I flexed it in a different way. “Tell me true, with nothing held back, why are you so opposed to this?”
I could see the anger in his eyes, tears running down past his open maw of a hundred teeth. A limb wiped over his eyes, and he spoke, “I’ll miss you, your people will miss you. I’m terrified for you. My entire life I’ve devoted to you and now you might never… You might die and I’ll be alone! This kingdom will fall without a leader, regardless of the system’s you’ve put in place. How could I ever do anything but oppose this folly?”
His head bowed low immediately, “Forgive my words, my lord, for they were compelled,”
I waved a claw, “Forgiven,”
I knew most of this already, except for his personal feelings on the matter. I chose silence, flying around him. He followed in silence while I chose my words carefully. I knew I was abandoning my people. There was no dispute in my mind that this was folly. I had all that I could want, so why did I feel this need, this need for more. I had no answer, and the chasm approached.
“You’re right, about everything.” I finally answered, “You are right and truly I have no reason I can give you. Nothing I say will ever be enough. I know this is an abandonment of my people, my responsibility, and of you, my friend. I can offer no answers, and I can’t comfort you when I’m gone.”
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He takes this well, all things considered. Silently floating behind me as I gazed into the void, where the dusk around us turned to black so deep that it seemed to devour the edge of the chasm.
“So, all that said, I hereby declare you, my aid, my friend, my right claw, my wings when my own have failed me, you who has served me with humility, loyalty, and fervor that remains unmatched,” His body stiffens, my words reverberating in and reinforcing his very being, his tears running freely down his face. “I name you, Regent. For your words will be as if out of my mouth, your authority be as my own, and my kingdom be yours to serve until such a time that I reclaim my throne.”
My authority fled me at this moment. I felt vulnerable, and weak. The raw power of my being changed my friend at a fundamental level as he ceased being a mere aid, and became Regent. His shadowy form shifted into a simulacrum of my own, if with more limbs and a face only I could love. I sighed in relief as myself flowed back into me, Regent’s form solidifying.
“You’re insane, you always have been.” Regent whispered as he flexed his new self. I could only laugh.
“Please, take care of our people. They need you now.” I turned away, looking into the void. There was no word from Regent, even as I felt his sorrow, his pride, and his hope slowly draw further and further away. I take one last trembling breath, and throw myself over the edge.
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I felt something rushing against my self, like wind but buffering my soul. The last of the eternal dusk faded a while ago as I made my way towards what I hoped was new life. I pondered many things, and almost allowed my doubts to overwhelm me. As I began to give in to the urge to throw out my wings I saw it. IT was impossible, it was beautiful, it was everything I ever thought it would be. A small pinprick of light, true light, shone in the darkness.
I unfurled my wings then and threw myself downwards ever faster, as the speck grew. Soon, it split, and split again, and again and again until I was in a field of lights that flew past me in streaks. I stopped myself and looked about in utter awe at the sight before me. It was so much, my chest nearly burst. If I did not survive this then it was worth it. I then realized that I could approach these lights and swam through the void. In a moment, I was there. It was smaller than I thought it would be, but no less beautiful. I stared at it intensely, until it began to draw away, ever so slightly it pulled away. A part of me wished to reach out and keep it close, but something stopped me. It was this sense of… not wrongness, but a feeling that it wasn’t mine.
Somehow, this impossible place became more impossible, for I knew that if this one wasn’t mine, then surely “mine” was elsewhere. The shock at this revelation left me reeling, and the task before me felt impossible. How could I possibly find mine amongst the vast lights around me?
I closed my eyes, and worked the problem in my mind. I focused on that feeling, that “not mineness” that kept me from reaching out to the light. I pulled my entire sense of self to feel for it. THERE! I whipped my head around, down, further to the side. I felt the “not mineness” was less so. Somewhere that way was something that was mine.
I kept my eyes closed and flew. I didn’t bother to push, I knew I would get there. Then the feeling changed direction and I followed. It shifted once more and I followed. Suddenly it was shifting faster than I could turn and I opened my eyes.
There was a speck, almost identical to the first, yet that feeling was absent. I was once more surprised, for I didn’t feel as if this was mine, this light did not belong to me, yet the feeling that it was not mine was also absent. I reached out, and with the tip of my claw that nearly blocked the speck of light from my view, I touched it.
Tears burst forth from my eyes, as the soul, for it was a soul, lay bare before me. It was of a girl, her entire self wrapped up in this light. The words impossible to pronounce in my people’s tongue yet so clear in my mind threatened to overwhelm me. I saw not only this girl, but all of this girl. Every potential, ever future, the sheer weight of her being so far beyond my own. In that instant I knew her. I knew her so completely that I could do nothing, utterly helpless, but love her.
I knew now that this girl wasn't mine but I was hers. I would be hers and nothing sounded better. I would give all that I could to her, and she would do great things. I saw her self in its entirety, and I knew that this creature, this human, this finite being of infinite worth, was the reason those who jumped did so, again and again. I knew that if I survived I would do this again. Not that I could contemplate ever finding any such as this girl. The very thought that each of these lights was just as uniquely impossible as this child almost stripped me of my sanity.
I grasped this light, this soul in my claws. I wrapped my body around her even as the light began to burn my scales. I felt joyous pain like I have never known and I cried out in jubilation as the light consumed me, and as I disappeared one last word echoed in my fading mind.
Jessica.