I wasn’t really hurt when Hizen threw me to the ground...at least, not that I noticed. Still, I laid there dazed for an unknown length of time, stunned by his confession.

I remembered telling the Archduke that, no matter what, I would forgive him. And I was still certain that I could...but I realized I had no idea how I might convince him to forgive himself.

“...It’s not just Cordyceps telling him to die for his sins,” I thought. “Not anymore…”

Hizen must have been trying to save me from something, I decided. He must have...although I couldn’t imagine what could be worse than being killed and discarded. I wondered what my life had been like back then...I wished I could remember what I could have said or done, or asked for, to make my only friend feel he had no choice but to destroy me.

“...Maybe I’m being...stupid,” I thought. “Maybe he wasn’t even thinking of me. He did say he gave my brain to...whoever that person was. He didn’t have to do that…

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“Maybe I was just causing trouble for him...there was that explosion in the news story, after all...maybe he just thought things might be better if I was gone, so...even though he didn’t exactly want to...he…”

I began to feel terribly sad again. Somehow, these thoughts felt just as strong as my belief in Hizen’s friendship. It was a level of emotional complexity I had never known before...and unlike with Cordyceps, I didn’t feel I could simply ignore the parts I didn’t like.

I turned over, pressing my face into the red earth, and sighed.

Once... someone had told me that I should always ask myself what I wanted. I no longer remembered who it was, but I did remember being thoroughly impressed by their words, and eager to take them to heart. And now that my mind was clouded with miseries and fears, I decided that it was probably the right time.

“I want...to save Hizen,” I said softly. “I want him to be my friend, no matter what happened before.

“I want for us to live. I want...to go on to do other things. I want to fly all across this world, just for fun. I want to find out what ‘chaos’ means. I want to make new memories. I want to be happy somewhere.”

Slowly, I stood up. “I...have to be.”