Chapter 14

In my mind it was a much cooler exit. The window was lower than I had started, so I would be able to jump back to the tree, grab a lower branch with my hands, and let myself back to the ground. Turns out, tree branches are really tough to hang on to when the bark strips off in your hand. I did manage to execute part of my plan, but the branch snapped off at the trunk. So instead of gently gliding to the ground, it broke, and I swung through the air, bounced off the trunk, and went flying off the other side into the bushes. I laid there for a second doing a limb check to make sure everything was still connected and working. Because of that, I did get to see Bentley’s astonished face at the window, looking for me a second later. Since I’d taken the broken limb off the tree with me into the hedge, there was no immediate evidence of my escape. I expected him to yell, maybe scream for help, but after a second, he just gave an irritated shake of his head and closed the window.

Once everything checked out, I gave a sigh of relief and crawled out of the bushes dusting myself off. I had just enough time to creep into the backyard and find a secluded corner to be “discovered” in by swarming cogs, still determined to find me. Based on the voice, I thought this might be the man, Daly, who had interrupted Bentley looking for me earlier. He seemed absolutely relieved to find me and escort me back into the house where I pretended to be ashamed and contrite as Pilosa scolded me in front of my cousins who stood smugly by.

“But Lorus was just trying to find Hydrangeas for Mumsy!” I sniffled, lowering my head and pretending to wipe a tear. “They said it was your favorite.”

All the blood drained from Pilosa’s face, and Uncle Cebis even paused and put down the paper he was reading, one eyebrow arched inquisitively.

“L-Loris, darling, who told you I like Hydrangeas?” Pilosa knelt down and took out a handkerchief to dry my dry face.

I didn’t answer her, but rolled my eyes over to peek at my cousins, particularly Abbi, who met my stare smugly, but then whose eyes widened as Pilosa followed my gaze. I quickly looked away and pretended to rub my eyes.

Pilosa sighed, “Oh Abbi, that’s really not very nice.”

Abbi waved her hands frantically in front of her,“ Auntie Pilosa! I didn’t! I would never tell Loris, that-“

“Abbi!” her father snapped then straightened up. He adjusted his cravat and nodded at Pilosa. “Pilosa, I think all the girls are worn out. Day’s antics and all. Why don’t we let them have some supper in their rooms,” he stared hard at Abbi who started to protest before being cut off again, “And give them a little time to clean up and cool off. Hm?”

Pilosa held a hand to her head as though she had a headache and just nodded.

“That sounds fine. I’ll have Gilly bring mine up, and I’ll eat with Loris in her room. Is that all right, sweetie? Then we can have some time together, just the two of us?”

I nodded then upon dismissal slunk from the room, shooting just one more backwards glance at my cousins, all of whom were scowling at me now. I knew it wasn’t good practice to make so many enemies so soon, even if they did come in all bows and frills. For some reason, I did feel just a bit smug.

Later in my quarters, I was brought a very tasty supper on a small table put up just for me and Pilosa. Even though Pilosa seemed to think it a modest affair of soup and an elaborately stacked dish called ‘sandwich’, I decided I liked it much better than dining with the rest of my relatives. Pilosa spent most of the meal correcting me on my eating manners: elbows off the table, dear, don’t chew with your mouth open, love, swallow your bite before talking, sweet. But she also kept up a constant rambling story about life in New Castle, occasionally asking questions about what I thought of this or that.

Most of the names or places she mentioned I had no idea about, so it became easier just to nod or shake my head as I stuffed as much of those lovely sandwiches in my face as possible. Really the variety was incredible, from apples and cheese, to smoked salmon with a type of spread. There was even one with meat on it, a savory, wild flavor that one of the cogs said was real beef that had been brought all the way from the Salt Flats. I had no idea what kind of creature a Beef was, but I wanted to make it my friend and eat it. It boggled my mind that one could go so far and bring food home that was so delicious! It really made me reconsider my decision to stay in New Castle. Apparently, there was all this fantastic food out there just waiting to be discovered! My mouth fairly watered at the thought of all the exotic dishes.

It was about then that I realized conversation had stopped. Pilosa just sat looking at me, her eyes shimmering with tears. Had I done something wrong? I quickly checked and yanked my elbows back off the table.

“Sorry, Mumsy,” I muttered. “Lorus forgot.”

I made a bonking motion like I was rapping myself on the head. Pilosa laughed then burst into tears startling me. What had I done now? Then suddenly she was around the table and had me in a crushing embrace just like the night before.

“Oh Loris, I’m such a bad mommy! You must hate me so much!” she wept. I could feel her tears soaking into the top of my head, and I was having a hard time breathing again. Awkwardly, I patted her and tried to pull my head up for air.

“Lo-Lorus doesn’t hate Pilosa! I don’t hate Mumsy!” I finally managed to get my face free and pushed back to get some space. “If you’re a bad mommy for losing me for ten years, then Lorus is a bad child for not coming home sooner!”

Pilosa laughed again through her tears, but she did take a handkerchief out of her dress’s pocket and after dabbing her tears blew her nose so loudly it reminded me of trumpet swans in the morning.

“Oh, you’re a dear, sweet, thing, Loris!” she sighed and caressed my head. “I really have missed having a child I could spend time with.”

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I said nothing, but it made me wonder about Bentley. He said he was never allowed to leave the house, so what did he do all day? What did Pilosa do all day?

Pilosa patted me on the head then lifted up a lock of my hair to move it behind my ear. She examined my face for a moment.

“I know!” she suddenly brightened. “Let’s do something with this lovely, long hair of yours before you go to bed.”

I was a little skeptical about what this something would be. I honestly wouldn’t mind cutting it off, but I had never really had much luck getting ahold of the tools on my own. Pilosa rang for assistance, and soon the three women from the night before appeared with all sorts of odd implements and tools. Pilosa pointed some out as brushes and combs, tools she said I would be using on a regular basis from then on. Others were pins, ribbons, and an odd thing called a barrette. Since I was going to bed, the ladies decided to just brush my hair out then put it in braids. That way when I shook it out in the morning, I would have a wave in my hair.

I wasn’t so sure about this, but Pilosa seemed very confident in her handling of scissors. I just sat mutely and tried not to wince too much as the sharp shears got closer and closer to my face. She trimmed the hair over my forehead back, making a little fringe over my eyebrows she called ‘bangs’. They had so many ridiculous terms for hair. I couldn’t really keep count.

The brushing was quite nice, but I wasn’t so sure about the tugging and pulling. I thought I had a tougher scalp from all the times the tribe’s kids had pulled my hair while I was minding them, but the smaller piece Pilosa teased out of the mass had a way of making my skin prickle. She spoke soothingly every time I winced, so I tried to sit still to please her.

When she finished, one of the ladies held up a mirror so I could see. Pilosa had divided my hair into four braids. Somehow these braids now made four loops behind my head, two arching over the top like ears, two more that swept below my neck, covering up my birthmark, or tattoo, I noticed.

“Lorus had no idea you could do that with hair!” I marveled.

Pilosa laughed, delighted, “I can do much more than a few simple braids.”

She hugged me from behind. I wondered how much she would be doing that as she tucked a few wisps back in place.

“We’ll have to have girl time more often,” her eyes lit up. “Of course there are all sorts of things I’ll have to teach you about being a lady. The hair, the dress, the proper way to handle a knife or sword, how to shoot a wrist bolt gun, where to stow your tonics or poisons. I think you’re a bit too young for makeup just yet.”

She considered our faces in the mirror that one of the assistants were still holding up. Lightly, she drew her finger down my face, just next to the little triangle under my right eye.

“Although, we may be able to make exceptions,” suddenly she stood shaking her head, one hand on her cheek. “No, no that’s no good! The bold do not hide their uniqueness. Rather we should make it an enhancement!”

She smacked her fist into her other palm for emphasis, making me jump just a bit.

“That’s it! By the end of the party, everyone will want charcoal eyeliner and eyeshadow! No one has done a really dusky eye for some time now. It can’t all just be about the clothing and accessories,” Pilosa nodded to herself, seeming pleased. “All right dear, Mumsy needs some time to think to herself. Will you be alright getting ready for bed with Winnia, Solta, and Dajshi?”

I nodded to the affirmative and tried to smile confidently. Either way, Pilosa swept from the room in a swirl of golden skirts and enthusiasm. Self-consciously I touched my eyes. It was true. No matter where I went, they would always make me stand out. I pondered. If tattoos could be added, could they be taken away? Of all people, it was probably Bentley that knew the answer, but he probably wouldn’t be talking to me any time soon.

“Begging your pardon, miss,” one of the ladies, Solta, spoke up, “I don’t know if they bother you, but we all think your eye marks are rather lovely. They really make your eyes stand out. The three of us were actually considering using charcoal pencils to try something similar with stars or crescent moons. Would that bother you?”

I looked at her blankly, making poor Solta redden a little around the ears. I had never thought of my shame marks as anything but that-shameful for not running faster and escaping sooner. Here Castelians actually saw them as a fashion statement. I tried to put on a smile.

“If you really think it looks nice, Lorus not mind. Let me know how it turns out?”

That answer seemed to make them all very happy and excited that somehow they might be ahead of fashion, another concept I was still struggling with. Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t put up any fight as they made a bath for me, carefully pinning my hair a little higher so it wouldn’t get wet. The tub was enormous. I could have paddled about in it like a small pool if I wanted to. I stayed in the warm water until it became cool, and Winnia called out to me to see if I was still all right. Reluctantly, I pulled myself out and wrapped up in a lovely, soft robe they had left for me.

After that it was into the long night gown and, after a glass of warm milk, into bed. Then the lights were turned out, and I was alone again. I sat for a few minutes just staring into the darkness, trying to process everything I had learned that day: the birthmark, the missing child, the need for a Warden heir, though they had at least six spares, the clothes, the manners, the lessons, the learning. I sighed and pulled the covers around me. The room was still too big. Everything was still too big.

Or maybe I was just too little. Part of me knew I shouldn’t do it, but I couldn’t be comfortable until I was back under the bed nestled in my little corner. I found the scratchy blue hospital blanket and rolled it into a pillow under my head. My thoughts fuzzed and drifted, and soon I found myself doing something I had never done before. I dreamed.

I was running away.

I was on the plains. It might have been evening, but the sky was gray, covered by snow clouds. The flakes themselves were falling softly but thick. I could see my breath before me and knew I should be cold, but I felt nothing. That frightened me, so I ran faster, but the hills just stretched further, up and down and up and down.

Finally, I came to something like a swamp. There were tall, brittle reeds that would snap and cut my legs as I tried to wade through them. Still I felt nothing. Except I was shaking now. Behind me I could hear voices. I couldn’t tell what they were saying, but the pitches were beginning to rise in volume.

I ran faster, but I kept breaking through the ice on top of the marsh. The freezing mud sucked on my ankles and hands. The shaking was even harder. It started in my spine, rattling through my muscles and bones, like I was one of the swamp reeds being shaken apart in an angry fist.

Suddenly, something brown fluttered in between the branches. A hazel little bird, maybe a wren or a finch, perched on a reed just arm’s length away. As I looked at it, it ruffled its feathers.

It looked so fluffy, so warm. I felt if I could just reach out and touch it, the shaking would stop. I reached my hand to try to get near it. Then it burst into bright, red flame.