“...Where am I?” I asked in a daze and looked around me and saw nothing but a white void continuing to infinity.

Getting up, I started padding myself down, and found my phone, wallet, and key chains. Basically, everything I had left home with.

But looking down to my chest I saw something unexpected...

“Is that... blood?” I muttered aloud in confusion.

My blue t-shirt had a big splotch of blood on it for some reason, but I wasn’t sure if it was mine or someone else’s because I felt no pain in my torso.

Then, I slowly removed the t-shirt and saw that there was no wound or anything on my body... and my scars from an injury I had in my childhood were gone.

“What in the...”

Bewildered, I started touching everywhere on my chest and my back. Everything about my body seemed the same with all the chest hairs and such but... my scars had seemingly disappeared for no reason.

Not being sure what was happening right now, I just put my shirt back and looked around me once more.

But this time other than the endless white void, there stood a girl, seemingly 8 or 9 years old, who had long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was also wearing a white dress with weird golden embellishments on it.

“Umm... hello?” I asked, unsure who or what this child was.

“Hello Damian.”

“W-wait, how do you know my name?” I asked, because I was sure I hadn’t met this girl before. But seeing as how things were going, and where I was, I could hazard a guess...

“I am goddess Rae, and you, Damian, have been chosen to be my champion.” Yup, called it.

Though this— whatever anime bullshit this is, was not what I was expecting to see after I died. I would’ve been honestly fine with Jesus, Allah, Budda, or any of the other gods but I guess... this is fine too.

“Uhh.... okay then I guess... umm, goddess, if you don’t mind me asking what does being a champion mean for me?”

“As you have been chosen to be my champion in The Great Game, you will have to overcome challenges and conquer the galax—”

“Yeah yeah yeah... so, can I opt out of whatever this is?” I asked cutting her off the moment I heard her start talking about conquest and the galaxy. I was not dealing with that shit in this life.

“W-what?” She asked in confusion.

“I know, I know, I really wasn’t the best believer, and I am not sure I even followed the correct religion because I really don’t remember praying to a goddess called Rae or something, but I believe I’ve been a good human being throughout my life.

"I’ve helped my parents, the elderly, planted a couple dozen trees, maybe even a few hundred, and done quite a bit of volunteer work to help the downtrodden. So, I believe I deserve to at least go to heaven, or whatever the true paradise is called, or be reincarnated as... I don’t know, a dragon or something?

"Preferably with all of my memory wiped, mind you. I don’t really want to go through all that ‘Oh NOO!!! I have been reincarnated!’ bullshit and then inevitably decide to chomp down on a human because for some reason even though I am a great dragon, I, for some reason, can’t control my instincts and can’t help myself from committing war crimes.

"So... can we just get this over with?” I asked the goddess, wanting to get out of whatever I found myself in before it could start because I just wasn’t the anime protagonist the world wanted me to be.

I just wasn’t cut out to go travel the world and gather a harem of girls... and many of the girls in the harem would inevitably be children, slaves, and slave children. Why was that the case? No idea! But that just wasn’t what I was into to be honest. So, just no.

Waiting for her answer, I was actually quite surprized that my soul wasn’t evaporated for going against the wishes of a goddess, especially because she looked like a child. But hey, I may be lucky enough to actually go to heaven if things turn out my way!

“W-why?”

But instead of trying to convince me like I thought she would, or getting angry, she just started... crying?

“W-why does n-no one want to be m-my champion! W-waaa~~” She said and started crying.

“H-hey, what’s wrong buddy? It can’t be that bad right? I am sure someone will want to be your champion! Maybe the next one after me?” I went next to her and started trying to console her, because even though she was a goddess, she seemed more like a child.

“The next one after you?!” She suddenly screamed and caught me off-guard, her sadness turning into anger for a moment, though it still managed to seep through her cracking voice.

“You are already the 10.000th soul I’ve asked! What will I do if the one after you doesn’t accept? And neither does the one after that? Nor the one after? W-what will I do! I-I just wanted to play with my siblings but how will I do that if I don’t have a champion! W-waaa~~” After she was done speaking, she once again turned into a crying mess.

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

“W-wait! Wait I said!” I yelled out, and she stopped crying and turned towards me, but her eyes were still red, and some tear drops were threatening to come out.

“I-I’ll be your ch—” I started saying, and as I was saying that her eyes started growing in wonder and happiness.

But I cut myself off of doing something rash, and after a few seconds, patting her back, I said.

“I am sure the next one will accept being your champion! You just have to keep trying!” I said, and her happiness instantly disappeared.

What were you expecting me to do? Become a champion of a child goddess that couldn’t keep her calm in some kind of “Great Game” for the galaxy? Fuck no!

Though it felt bad toying with a kid... I really did not want to be involved with this divine mess.

For the next half a minute or so, the goddess and I continued to stare each other, and I continued to pat her back, while she looked like she was on the edge of crying, but she did not, instead she did something that was out of character.

“Tch, what a bastard.”

“E-excuse you?!” I said in disbelief.

This goddess had looked like just a kid, but she suddenly called me a bastard?!

Then the goddess hit my hand away and got up, and with a swipe of her hand, her face was back to normal.

“You know, you mortals all suck! When I had finally thought I had someone, you just tell me to continue searching for another champion?! You are lucky that mommy and daddy don’t allow us to force mortals to do what we want, otherwise I’d have put you in the body of a worm or something but alas, it was not meant to be...”

...What a fucking bitch! And here I thought I was crushing the dreams of a good-natured child, and not a psychopathic goddess that was thinking of turning me into a worm because I didn’t do what she wanted!

But, god, do I need to meet her parents and thank them for not allowing this little cunt and her siblings to do as they wished, because humanity would be already in ruins if they were allowed to do as they wished!

“Let me guess, I am not even the 10.000th person, right?” I asked, wanting to clarify something.

“Huh? Does it matter if you are the 10.000th or the 10th? All of you mortals just suck. I mean, c’mon! I know it! I know everything! And I know that all of you losers just dream of other worlds and a chance to get reincarnated as a hero, but the moment you get the chance to do so, you just reject?! What’s wrong with y’all?!” She said in anger, clearly frustrated at not being able to find a champion and... I’ve gotta say but she is looking at the wrong people.

I mean, yes, there are a lot of humans who would give everything to be reincarnated as a hero, I am just not one of those people.

I had a good paying job, nice parents, and my life was fulfilled! The only bad thing is I never got laid but... I am only 25! I can always find someone, right?! 25 is not that old!

As I watched her as she continued to be angry, I couldn’t help but cut her off.

“And why would anyone want to be your champion?” I asked her calmly.

“HUH?! Why wouldn’t they be! I am beautiful, I am young, and I am a literal goddess! Any mortal I see needs to do what I want of them! That’s just what you are here for!”

“And that’s the exact reason why no one wants to be your champion or whatever.” I told her, and she stopped for a second, and started talking, but I cut her off before she could say anything.

“You are just an entitled brat.” I then added.

“W-what did you say to me you little—”

“And you are still continuing to act like an entitled brat.” I cut her off once again, and she looked fuming, but I didn’t care and continued.

“I don’t know if there are other intelligent sapient species, but as you used the word ‘mortals’ instead of ‘humans’ I am just going to assume that they exist. And though I cannot talk for them, I can talk for humans. And as humans, we don’t really like taking orders from people who don’t respect us. We work through mutual respect, it doesn’t matter if you are a goddess or not, if you do not respect a person, and don’t offer incentives for them to work for you or become your champion, they won’t do so.

"And no, reincarnating in another world is not an incentive for someone to accept being your champion.

"‘Oh wow! I get to reincarnate in another world as a soyjak hero that needs to follow the whims of a bratty goddess?! Count me in!’... No one’s saying that.

"If you had given me an incentive or something to become your champion, I might’ve accepted it, but instead you just chose to try and manipulate me instead of being honest with me, respecting me, and saying what you wanted from me while giving me an incentive to help you.

"If you continue like this, you will actually reach that 10.000 mortals count without anyone accepting to become your champion.” I finished, and looked at her, my arms crossed.

I knew I had just berated a goddess... but c’mon, she needed to be put in her place, and no one can say anything else!

And it looked like... she had taken my berating quite well and was reflecting on her mistakes!

“...You want an incentive to become my champion, do you now?” She said and looked straight in my eyes.

“Then, an incentive you’ll get!” She yelled out, and suddenly a book bigger than me appeared in front of her, and pages started turning faster than I could follow with naked eye.

And at that moment, I knew I had fucked up, but alas it was too late for me to stop whatever she was doing, so I just let her do whatever she wanted to do... and yes, I did realize she completely missed the mutual respect part of my impromptu speech.

How does a goddess become this stupid? God knows! But I can’t really do anything about it, so I’ll just shut up and wait for her to finish... whatever she is doing.

After a really long time of page flipping, the goddess finally found what she was looking for and made it known a loud.

“Yes! I’ve finally found it! If what I am looking for is still here, you are f—are you fucking sleeping?!” She yelled out at the end and woke me up from my nap.

“Huh?!” I said drowsily, and looked around in confusion, but after a few moments spotted the goddess and the comically large book.

“Oh, sorry, I just—yeah, I was just bored honestly. It took you like, how many hours to flip through this book? And I just got tired man... and on the note of many hours passing, do you have any refreshments perchance? I don’t really feel hungry or thirsty in this place, but... I could always go for some tea or coke with some light snacks.”

“Y-you bastard!” She yelled and started going through the lines in the books as fast as she could, her head snapping through the lines faster than a human possibly could.

“Well... I know who my father is, but you do you goddess...”

*yawn*

“Oh and... just wake me up when you are finished.” I said and went back to my nap.

She just angry growled at me but didn’t bother me... for the next 5 minutes that is.

“YES! It is not here!” She yelled out in glee.

“Huh? What’s not there?” I asked her drowsily.

“What’s stopping me from giving you an incentive!” She said with a mad smile, and with a swipe of her hand, the book in front of her disappeared, and with a snap of her fingers an honest to god portal opened, and through it I could see... what could only be described as hell.

Or well, the western description of it. Ya know, fire and seas of lava and such. Though I could not tell from here if it had sulphur or not, but what I could tell was the extreme heat, because as soon as the portal opened, a wave of heat came through it, and woke me up fully.

“OW!” I screamed, because the air coming from the portal felt like it was boiling me alive.

“HERE’S YOUR INCENTINVE!” The goddess Rae yelled out to me once more, and looking at her I could see that her mad grin had become even wider.

“Either become my champion, or I am throwing you right in hell!”

“...Urgh...You really did not understand what I was talking about did you?”