As the days passed, Chester did not get worse, but he also did not get better. He had sunk into a listless place where he did not even listen to music. He seemed to be waiting for something, and Abby feared she knew what that waiting meant. It seemed like life contained two major waitings. The waiting for life to be born, and the waiting for life to cease. With it being the Christmas season, it was hard. Everything was about giving and getting and new life being born. At the mall she had wanted to punch Santa when he ho ho hoed. There was an oppressive silent command that happiness was supposed to abound and if someone couldn't manage that, they were rendered invisible.

Monday night bright flashing lights, startled Abby out of sleep. She sat up in her bed. She couldn't hear any sirens. She got up and ran to Grammy's bedroom. She wasn’t in there. Through the window she saw an ambulance parked in front of their house, she turned and ran downstairs. Lila and Hugh were in the hall.

Paramedics were in Chester's room. She heard Grammy say, "Breathe slowly son. That's right. Good boy." The paramedics put Chester on the stretcher. His face was covered by an oxygen mask. One of the paramedics was holding an I.V. bag. They wheeled Chester passed Abby and out the front door. Grammy ran after them and climbed into the ambulance with Chester.

Lila called to Grammy, "I will be up at the hospital as soon as I can." Grammy waved at them and turned her attention back to Chester.

Abby stood frozen in the doorway. She watched the paramedics close the ambulance doors. She heard Lila sob. The ambulance drove silently away with its lights flashing. In a tear choked voice Lila said, "This morning when I came to visit, he told me he was feeling better. I wanted to believe him, but I didn't. I have been praying so hard all day. Why isn't God listening?"

The question was rhetorical and neither Hugh nor Abby ventured an answer.

Hugh said, "Abby, go get your pillow. You are coming home with us." Abby nodded, ran upstairs, grabbed her pillow and ran back down. Hugh and Lila were at the front door waiting for her. They stepped into the damp night air. Abby had no idea what time it was. She heard the click of the lock as Hugh locked the door. In silence they walked across the street. When Abby stepped into the Spenser house she suddenly wanted Grammy very badly. Lila rushed to her room. Hugh went and got a sheet and some blankets for Abby. He handed them to her and went back to help Lila.

Abby took the sheets and blankets to the den. Slowly, she made her bed on the couch. She plumped her pillow and lay down pulling the sheet all the way up to her neck. An unexpected visitor jumped on her chest. Mr. Nick's big eyes looked deeply into hers. Panicked she looked to the stairs. Mr. Nick never went anywhere without Ryan. The last thing she needed right now was Ryan and his stupidity.

Lila came into the room. Her hair was pulled back in a slick pony tail and she was wearing Hugh's overcoat. With trembling fingers she caressed Abby's cheek. "If you need anything, just get Hugh. I love you Abby."

"I love you too Lila."

"I am going to take good care of your Grammy, okay."

Abby knew she would. Lila kissed her forehead and went out to the garage. Mr. Nick settled himself more comfortably on her chest and began to purr. The deep bass of his purr rumbled through her body. It was as if the cat knew she needed a friend. Upstairs, someone was moving around. She prayed it was not Ryan coming to look for his cat. Quietly, whoever it was tiptoed down the stairs. It wasn't Ryan, it was David. He plopped down at the foot of the couch. In a low anxious voice he asked, "Do you think Chester's going to die?"

This was not something Abby wanted to talk about, at all. Still, she could see even in the dim light that David was upset. He and Chester had formed quite a bond over the last few months. All she could say was, "I don't know."

"Why do people have to die?" For David, this was not a rhetorical question, he really wanted to know. There were a whole list of scientific reasons why people died, but none of them satisfied a heart trying to prepare itself to lose someone.

"I don't know," was the only answer Abby had.

From the living room the scent of evergreen drifted. The Spenser's had a real tree, not a fake one like Grammy had. Every year they went to a special tree place and picked a tree. Though she could not see it in the den, Abby knew the tree was decorated and beautiful. Water kept it green, but soon it would turn brown and be dead. Fake trees never died, but they did wear out and eventually ended up in the dump. All things ended, all things.

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David asked, "Do you think if I prayed it would help?"

This was something Abby had been wondering herself. Oh, she had been praying, but not with any expectation of some miracle. So, she wasn't sure if that kind of prayer counted. Still she prayed, because she discovered she could not keep herself from praying. It was a deep rooted instinct. Finally she said what she knew he needed to hear, "Yes, I think it would help. Pray for Grammy and your mom too, this it hardest for them."

"Okay, I will."

*

Abby sat in the front seat of Hugh's truck. He was humming along with the radio. He liked country music. Abby didn't. She stared out her window. All the trees were bare. Their naked limbs traced dark patterns in the morning sky. Houston's high rises were shrouded in a gray haze. Once they got among the medical center buildings Abby felt claustrophobic. She felt worse when they entered the narrow winding covered parking lot. Hugh parked the car. He reached for Grammy's overnight bag while Abby got Grammy's dress. She hugged Grammy's dress to her as they walked to the elevator. She was scared. Hugh punched the elevator button again. With a soft ping the doors opened. The upward thrust made Abby feel nauseous. She clutched Grammy's dress tighter. She felt a lump form in her throat. Finally the doors opened. She followed Hugh as he made his way through the hospital maze.

He stopped in front of a door. It lead to ICU. Intensive Care Unit, the place some people never came home from. She wanted to run. Hugh propelled her through the doors. With the help of a nurse they made their way to Chester's unit. Lila was asleep on a small bench, and Grammy was napping in the recliner. All hooked up to machines with tubes up his nose, Chester lay very still. If not for the jagged line of light on his heart monitor, Abby would have been certain he was dead already. Quietly Hugh placed the bag in the cupboard and took Grammy's dress from Abby.

Grammy's eyes fluttered open. She saw Abby. "Morning my girl." she yawned. There was something so normal about her gesture, that the tight coil of tension inside Abby eased a bit.

Lila woke up and immediately flew into Hugh's arms. Hugh took her out of the room. The commotion woke Chester, he looked around the room. His eyes rested on Abby. He said, "Hey, kiddo."

"Hi," Abby said. She found herself beside his bed unsure of how she got there. His hand, the one with out an IV moved across the covers toward hers. Sudden panic swept through her. She did not want to touch him...but she did. She reached out her hand, Chester’s hand closed over hers. It was the first time her father had ever held her hand.

Grammy ducked out of the room. Why, Abby had no idea, but she was now all alone with her father. The pressure of his hand was odd. She had never wondered what it would be like to hold Chester's hand, and she really wasn't holding it, it was more like hers was pinned down beneath his.

He said, "Abby?"

She looked up at him.

He seemed to be struggling to say something, but before he could, Grammy came back into the room. Her lashes were wet with tears, but her eyes were not red, and her face was not red. Hugh and Lila also returned. Gently Abby pulled her hand from beneath Chester's. She withdrew to the door and hovered there while Lila, Hugh and Grammy talked. From time to time Chester's gaze would stray to Abby. She would force herself to smile at him. All she really wanted was to go home, to take Grammy home and to get as far away from everything as quickly as possible.

Finally Hugh asked, "Bout ready to go?"

Abby nodded.

Chester said, "Thanks for coming Abby."

Abby forced another smile. "Sure."

Grammy hugged her. In Abby's arms, Grammy felt so fragile and thin. She let go of her. Hugh kissed Lila and told her to come home soon. Lila was vague in her response. Gently Hugh nudged Abby. She followed him out the door and back through the maze of hallways. When they got down to the parking lot she took a deep breath of the exhaust laden air. She wanted to rid her nostrils of the smell of antiseptic. Hugh unlocked the truck’s doors and Abby climbed inside. He got in and started the truck. As they drove out of the parking lot, Abby studied Hugh. She wished that God had given her Hugh for a father instead of Chester. He hadn't though. Why hadn't He?

*

The Spenser house was still and dark. The only sound was the heater kicking on and off. Even Mr. Nick slept quietly at Abby's feet. She was the only one awake. She couldn't shake the feel of Chester's hand over hers. That morning when Chester's hand had reached for hers, she knew without him saying it, that he had come to love her. And she knew when she had given him her hand, she had responded with love for him. This love was very new, and very tenuous. If only he had come home years ago when he was healthy. She didn't want to love someone who was dying. Problem was she did. Whatever came next was going to hurt. If he had come home sooner, now would hurt even more than it did. There would have been more memories to grieve. As it was she only had a few, she didn't count on having many more.

She got up and went to the kitchen. Light from the moon slashed through the kitchen window. Along the pilings gulls slept. Their bodies were sheltered by the crooks and crannies in the pilings. Their feathered bodies were fluffed up against the cold. The water moved beneath moonlight, reflecting bits of it. She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Ryan. When had he come down stairs? Instinctively she jerked her shoulder away from him.

He said, "Abby I am really sorry for what a jerk I've been. Can you forgive me?"

She turned to face him. In the pale light of the moon, his eyes looked sincere. "Can we just be friends like we were before you got stupid?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Now go back to bed. I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

Ryan didn't protest. He went back upstairs. Unfortunately Mr. Nick followed him.

All alone in the kitchen, Abby turned her eyes back to the window. She noticed the gulls were huddled in clusters, like families.