The trip to the hospital was a silent one. No one cried. No one spoke. Lila didn’t even turn on the radio. Abby watched the night world flash by the windows. Lights smeared by the speed of the car. They were going too fast. Since it was late, there were plenty of places to park. The night wind was so cold. It tore through Abby’s coat. She felt her heart pick up its rate. Her breath started coming in little gasps. She wanted to go home. Grandy had died in this hospital…would Chester die here too?The front glass door slid open. Bright artificial light spilled onto the pavement. The antiseptic smell of the hospital filled Abby’s nostrils. She felt sick. She was going to throw up. She didn’t want to throw up.

Grammy stopped at the desk. She was taken to Chester while Lila and Abby sat in the hard plastic chairs. Time passed very slowly. Abby did not understand how time did that when bad stuff happened, but it always did. Finally a nurse appeared and said, “Mrs. Spenser, the patient would like to see you.”

It was stupid but it hurt Abby that Chester didn’t ask for her. Why would he? She watched Lila disappear down the same hall, that had swallowed Grammy. Had everyone forgotten she even existed? How could they just leave her by herself? In her pocket was her wallet, she pulled out some quarters and did something she had never done before. She went to the pay phone, dumped in the quarters and punched in a familiar phone number she never called. The phone rang once and then again. Abby was about to hang up, when a sleepy voice said, "Abby, are you okay?"

In order to keep herself from crying, Abby tightened her lips and asked, "Who is my father?"

Susan said, "Chester."

"He told me he was too drunk to know."

There was a bitter laugh. "No, he was not that drunk."

"Really?"

"Yes, Abby, I would not lie about that."

"Why not?"

There was a pause before Susan spoke, "I have lied about many things, but not that. Is something wrong?"

Abby did not answer the question, she had another question, a long standing one she had never asked Susan, but had always wondered, "Why did you have me if you didn't want me?"

Another long pause, Susan asked, "Truth?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, my periods have never been regular, and by the time I realized I might be pregnant it was too late to do anything about it. Sweetie, what is going on?"

The sensation of utter weightlessness had lifted Abby above her surroundings. She seemed to be watching herself. She felt detached from her own being. She asked, "Where was I born?"

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"Cedar General."

That was where she was. She had been born here. "Thanks. Bye." She hung up. Susan's couldn’t call her back and that was good. She had nothing more to say to that woman. Unsteadily, she went to the nurses' station and asked,"What floor is Maternity on?"

The nurse glanced up from her chart. "The third."

"Thanks." Since there was no one to tell where she was going anyway, she got onto the elevator and went up two floors. The bell pinged and the doors opened. A huge glass window was to her right. That was where all the newborn babies were. She went to the window and looked inside. Tiny ugly, heaps of pink or brown flesh, some sleeping, some screaming, lay swaddled in blankets with pink or blue hats. She had lain in that nursery. She had been one of those babies in the see through beds. Who had stood at the window and admired her? Not Chester, not Susan.

Behind her, she heard the ping of the elevator doors. Her eyes remained riveted on the babies. Someday, she would have a baby and she would want that child. An arm slipped around her shoulders. She looked up into Hugh's face. "The nurse told me you had come up here."

All Abby could do was nod. She did not trust herself to speak.

"Come on, Grammy needs to see you."

Abby allowed herself to be propelled back into the elevator. Hugh had removed his arm, but he remained very close to her. All the Spenser males seemed to have incredibly small personal bubbles. When the elevator stopped, Abby walked out and looked around. Grammy was not there. Hugh went to the nurses station. Chester was getting some sort of test. Abby couldn't hear what it was, and she didn't ask when Hugh came back to her. He said, "Let's sit down and wait."

Once again, Abby found herself in a plastic chair, but this time she was not alone. Hugh didn't try to talk to her, he just sat watching the TV mounted on the wall. Abby's eyes were on the TV too, but she did not see it. They sat there for a long time. Finally, Hugh got up to find out what was taking so long. When he came back he said, "I best go ahead and take you home, you do have school tomorrow."

What? She had come all this way to be THERE for Grammy and she had not been needed. "Okay."

*

Sleep would not come. The Spenser den was dark. It would be a relief to cry, but Abby couldn’t. She hurt too much to cry.

There was a soft thumping on the stairs. David came into the den. He was wearing Batman boxers with a Spiderman pajama top. He asked, “Want to talk?”

Abby shook her head.

“What about if I set with you?”

"Okay." Abby pulled up her knees so he could sit at the end of the couch. His little finger rested against her foot. Even that tiny contact was a comfort to her.

Softly David began to sing "Silent Night." He knew it was Abby's favorite Christmas Carol. His voice still retained its purity, but it would not be much longer before it changed. She remembered how funny Ryan had sounded when his voice changed. Only for David, it would be a tragedy. Why did God give boys like David such lovely voices and then change them? Why did God do a lot of things? When David finished the last verse his hand wrapped around her foot and he squeezed it. He said, "Susan called here, I heard Dad talking to her. I heard what you found out tonight. Abby, maybe Susan and Chester didn't want you, but still you were supposed to be here. You are a miracle. Some how, you got here and that is what matters." His voice dropped low and he let go of her foot. "I am thankful for you. I don't know what I would do if there was not a you."

She whispered, "Thank you David."

"Close your eyes and I will sing you to sleep." David's voice wrapped itself around her. "I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you come rain or come shine..."

Abby closed her eyes. The tears came then, slow and silent.

*

When Abby woke up the next morning she was on the couch alone. She didn’t remember falling asleep. Lila was in the kitchen making breakfast. When had she gotten home?

Abby pulled on her robe and went into the kitchen. She smiled at Abby and said, “Chester maybe coming home this afternoon. Your Grammy is still with him.”

Of course she would be. "Okay."

Lila was about to say something else when David came into the kitchen. He grinned at Abby. She couldn't help herself, she grinned back. He looked out the window and recited, "The gray-eyed morn smiles on the frowns of night, Checkering the eastern clouds with streaks of light;"

She responded, "Friar Lawrence said that in Act II scene iii."

David's eyes grew wide. "Very good my Juliet." He went to the refrigerator and got out the gallon jug of milk. He opened it up and started to tilt it to his lips.

Lila said, “Romeo, use a glass.”