The grasshopper reared back its ugly head and charged at them, mandibles crashing together welcoming them to a crunchy death. AAAEEEIIIK! shouted Lisa, pulling Jack behind a nearby pebble, or really a boulder when compared to their size. "Okay," oh shit, thought Jack, I dont want to be eaten by that fugly monster. "Okay," he stated again repetitively, shut up "lets run into the grass, the tall stems should be able to hide us from the bug."
There was about a 20 (centi)meter distance from the rock and the borders of the clearing, the two would have to clear that before the (now noticeably silent) grasshopper reached them. "Lets do it" Lisa stated. Just as she was standing up however a terrible "SKREEE" dashed their hopes.
Perched on the boulder was the insect, cutting off any hope for a getaway. "Fuck" muttered Jack under his breath, "When I yell, make a break for it." "What?" Questioned Lisa, "What do you think you're doing." Fucking dying "buying you some time."
With courage Jack didn't know he possessed, Jack approached the rock; just as the Grasshopper clambered down towards him. Dear God, while I accept that this probably isn't be some strange drug-addled brain creation, on the off chance that it is, can you please not have me OD in the forest, I would like to not die a virgin. "RRRUUUNNN!!!" Jack shouted as he sprinted towards the bug.
The insect squealed as it got closer to him, feinding for its upcoming meal, as it got within a yard of Jack it swung with right fore-leg, imagining in its mind the sweet juicy flesh it was about to consume... it hit nothing but air. The bug looked around, swinging its legs wildly looking for its prey when CRACK, its left hind leg broke in two.
WHOOSH, the right leg flew over his head as he dove to the forest floor. Huh, Jack thought, I guess I must be quicker than I thought. He sprung up from his prone position and rolled under the body. The dumb thing couldn't seem to find him anywhere, I mean it is an grasshopper after all, they're not known for their intelligence. He popped up behind its back leg, and kicked it with all of his strength. The leg snapped like it was made of paper-mache, or some other fragile object, I don't really know how well paper mache "snaps." Oh damn, Jack thought, either grasshopper legs are weak or I am strong.
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
The insect swiveled to find him, roaring in pain. As it turned to face him, it lowered itself, not letting any more trickery happen due to overconfidence, then with two quick movements swung its claws at Jack. Jack saw the claws coming, but couldn't move out of the way with both. With a grimace, he dodged the one from the left, just before he felt a tearing pang in his left thigh. The claw tore through his leg with a vicious cut, forcing a scream from Jack, the pain from the attack was overwhelming, and Jack almost was hit by another strike. Gathering himself, Jack backed away from the beast, analyzing it as it limped towards him on its uneven legs, crouched low.
Its expecting me to go underneath, If I get hit again I'm dead in the water, I need to end this fight now. Ignoring the pain as best as he could, Jack began to jog at the insect's injured side at a roundabout angle. The, Insect pivoted to face him, just as it put its weight on its weak side he launched into the air. The creature moved to react but was a second too slow, even with its face, Jack winked at its ugly mug and punched into its eyes as hard as he could.
His fist was hit with momentary resistance before it plunged into the creatures brain, which he then grabbed and pulled with all of his momentum before continuing on his flight path, ultimately tumbling into the mud. The grasshopper body wobbled on its legs before it collapsed in a heap. Good Riddance Jack thought, before glancing at the brain clutched in his fist and promptly barfing.
Just as he finished emptying himself of his lunch, his ears pricked as he heard the rustling of the grass around him. "Lisa!?" He shouted, "I killed the bug Lisa, you should of seen it, I think I may need some bandages too, seems like I have a bit of a wound on my leg!" The only response he received was the rustling of the grass. "Hello?" He called once more to nothing. "As he peered harder into the forest he could begin to make shapes walking towards him," what the hell? thought Jack as he began to back as quietly as possible in the other direction. When suddenly a sharp pain bloomed from the back of his head and everything went black.