Chapter 4: The magical Bob
AN: please vote on the pole. thanks
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“Fuck. Bitch. Cunt.” The stupid snipe was still running around cursing it’s mouth off.
“My lovely brother Bob,” I say as cutely as possible, “Would you please remove that disgustingly idiotic piece of shit ferret from the face of existence?”
“I don’t want to. Mr. Cuddles is by best friend.”
He seriously fucking named it Mr. Cuddles? 1+1=2 Mr. Cuddles+Snipe does not equal a good name. Right now I want to erase that pair of fucking idiots from this world.
“Ok, how about no cussing?”
“Deal.”
We shake hands on it. Mr. Cuddles comes over and bites my ankle.
“You fucking ferret!” I scream, “Get your sorry ass back here!”
“Not very ladylike!” Bob calls after me.
I give him a cold, hard, glare.
“You’re next, bitch.”
“Eep. Forget I said anything.” Bob cowers in fear.
I chase Mr. Cuddles until he seeks refuge on Bob’s head. I approach carrying a verrry large knife. (don’t ask how I got it, it was there, ok?)
“Calm down Bailey,” Bob says in a soothing tone.
Strangely I find his words compelling. I calm down.
“What was I angry about?”
“Nothing at all.” Bob replies with a smile. “Anyways, now you have the same powers I do.”
“Wa...wa...wait a moment.” I stutter. “You don’t even have any powers. How can I have any now?”
“Watch this.”
He turns and mumbles some words under his breath. A house appears out of thin air. If you ask me this seems like a cumbersome, useless magic. Why would you need house-making magic. Laaaaaaaaame.
“You are the lame one.” Bob snorts. “Well how do you like this?”
He mumbles more words which I am unable to make out. This time a mirror comes into existence right in front of me. And instead of my typical school uniform I’m now wearing a nurse outfit.
Great, it’s a magical pervert, the best type of pervert. Bob is totally the type of guy who would use magic to sneak in naked to the bathroom to watch me take a shower. I kick him in the balls. He keels over, moaning like a little bitch.
“Take that asshole.”
“Nurse me back to health, I think you broke something important.” He manages to moan.
“Perverts don’t get special treatment.” I turn my back on him after grabbing the mirror and using it like a bat.
I look in the mirror while Bob is knocked out. Mirrors are useful. Well besides the nurse outfit, which is way to revealing, my face looks like the feminine version of Bob’s face. We look like twins, but one of us is a fucking pervert. I do a spin. The skirt on this nurse outfit rises up a bit.
“Oh I guess I forgot to make you underwear.” Bob gives me a thumbs up, “Great view though, thanks for the treat.”
He received another mirror to the head.
I should really try to get him to teach me stuff, and not knock him out… But if I don’t he will probably do something perverted… Hmmm, decisions decisions.
I grab the first aid kit on my belt, (seriously first aid kit but no underwear?) and place a bandaid on his forehead wound. No clue how that one got there… Whistles…
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Bob one again opens his eyes.
“No more funny business?” I ask with one eyebrow raised.
“Ok fine.”
“Explain the power to me already!!!!” I shake him back and forth.
“Wait one moment!” I temporarily cease my action. “Let me take us to the place I normally live.”
I nod my head in agreement.
“Okay, here we go. Teleport!” Bob shouts.
Annnnnnd, I am now looking at a quaint little house by a pond. It actually looks cozy. Mr. Cuddles jumps off of Bob’s head and runs to the house, crossing a little wooden bridge spanning a creek trickling down from the pond.
“What a cute house!”
Bob gives me a weird look, but then shrugs it off.
“Did I say something weird?” I ask.
“Not at all.”
Bob follows Mr. Cuddles to the house. I wait a while longer admiring the view before I snap back to attention. Seeing Bob entering through the door, I hurry after him.
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~Some Time Later~
“Ok, you’re telling me as long as I will for something hard enough it will happen?” I ask Bob.
“That pretty much explains it.” Bob confirms.
Mr. cuddles gives a squeek. I am absentmindedly stroking his head. Fortunately I remembered to make Bob give me proper clothing. Now I am wearing a sweater and a skirt. Bob insisted that the sweater was not loose fitting. I wasn’t able to persuade him, all he said after I finally gave up was something like sweater melons are justice. Not sure what that was supposed to mean.
“This seems too simple.” I question. “There has to be some kind of restriction.”
“Well there is one restriction actually. You can not unmake anything, you can destroy it, but not remove it from existence entirely. If you try to unmake something your will, will turn on you instead.”
“Harsh.”
“I think so.” Bob stated, “Would the universe really regret not having Donald Trump exist?”
“That is a compelling argument…”
I think about the wonderful world without Donald Trump… Sigh.
“Wait.” I remark, “Why did you bring me through all this stuff in the first place?”
“Well you see, right now we are stuck in a black hole.” Bob replied, “I need another person to be able to get out.”
Right now, until I am able to help this pervert, I will be stuck with him. Fuck my life. I am going to need to learn to will, and to avoid Mr. I’m a Fucking Pervert sitting across from me. At least Mr. Cuddles is very soft and pettable. I know! First thing I do will be to change Mr. Cuddles into an adorable kitten.
Kittens are so soft… and fluffy… and cute… and cuddly… and soft… and adorable… and warm… and so… just.. make me want to hug them. I must have been drooling, because Bob comes over and wipes my face.
“Watch yourself.”
“Don’t touch my face you pervert!”
I punch him in the face and send him flying into the wall. I feel my cheek, it’s burning up. Hmph, Bob is officially an idiot. I turn and walk to my room.
“Might as well start training.”
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AN: Gonna try to make the next bit kind of like journal entries of eventful days. It will explain some stuff and possibly finish off with the escape from the void. IDK.
thanks baileymitchell