Chapter 1: My messed up mind
AN: Please leave comments and suggestions/improvements. Thanks.
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Life isn’t fair. There are always people who in some way are better than you, and there are always those who are worse than you. I realized this fact very early on in life. Normally everyone has something they are talented in, but I don’t.
I guess being average in everything is a talent, but personally I feel mediocrity is just, well, mediocre. Well that’s me in a nutshell, average in everything. I mean everything.
My one redeeming feature is my height. That’s it. I’m two meters tall, and believe me when I say it has done me more harm than it has good. When you’re tall you get asked the same question every time you talk to someone, “Wow, you’re really tall. Do you play basketball?” And my response is, “Wow you jump to conclusions. Are you prejudiced?” That one always cracks me up. Oh! Tallness also lands you the role of tree in school plays (I kid you not).
You know, I should explain the reason I am writing this story. Normally I don’t like these stupid fucking intro chapters that either have no relevancy to the story, or just list off info about the setting but here I am. I am kind and considerate so I will summarize all the stupid shit into bullet points for you (bullet points were the best thing invented, ever).
Personal Info
- Bailey Mitchell
- Green eyes
- Average looks
- Pimples
- Brown hair (in a buzz cut, guys with long hair is just weird and wrong)
- 18 years old senior in high school
Family
- Dad (Boring)
- Mom (Also Boring)
- Twin sister, Brianna Mitchell
Stuff
- We live in St. Louis, Missouri (where that giant arch is)
There you have it. Pretty great right? Well it isn’t. I’m average in everything, Brianna is the best in everything. Not only that but she knows it, and acts like it. Generally I don’t speak to her because she is an arrogant stuck-up bitch. I lovingly gave her the nickname “Your Bitchiness” at the tender age of six. We were like polar opposites on the talent wheel.
Now we arrive at why I am writing this (for real this time (._.) ).
wuwuwuwuwuwu *flashback sounds*
It all started on a sunny Saturday in September. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, the children were playing, dogs were barking, owls sitting on bears were staring silently, cats were meowing, I paused and thought for a second.
Wait owls and bears… owlbears? (google it) I turned back and looked. No it was just a normal owl perched on a normal bear standing under a tree in our normal subdivision… What the fuck? I rubbed my eyes and pinched myself.
Fuck didn’t work. Ah I know, if I can’t see them they don’t exist (logic). Walking home and forgetting everything is the best option, and I do just that.
Mindlessly I enter my house walk to the fridge and pour myself a glass of OJ. I’m standing there sipping my delicious fruity beverage when someone knocks on the door.
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“Your Bitchiness, that’s probably Amanda.” I hollered up the stairs. All I got was silence. “Well it could be anyone now.” I walk over to the front door and open it. It’s the owl and bear combo. I hear a loud pop, that must be my fried brain. Then I pass out.
I come to and I’m on the couch in my family room. Next to me are a strange man and woman, kissing each other. My first reaction is to call the police on these trespassing perverts.
Noticing I’m awake the woman breaks off the kiss. “Look Tom, he’s awake” The guy, apparently Tom, nods his head in agreement. “Now this may come as a surprise,” the woman continues, “You’re a wizard, Bailey”
Tom bonks her on the head. “Stop doing that every single time Cindy.”
“But it's fun, and close enough to the truth.” Cindy says this while trying to look cute (by the way it does not work when you are in your thirties you old bat).
It was at this point I decide to butt in.
“WHAT.”
“THE.”
“FUCK.”
“IS.”
“GOING.”
“ON.”
“You saw us in animal disguises, and then we went to your house to inform you of your talent as a mage.” Tom says this is a very straightforward matter-of-fact sort of way.
“Oh.” I responded weakly.
“Well now that that’s all settled time to go!” Cindy remarks brightly.
“Go? Where?”
“The moon! Where else silly?”
“Right the moon. Makes perfect sense.” I roll my eyes while saying this (she deserved it).
“Tom, do it.” Cindy turned to her, husband? and said this. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but it didn’t matter anyways because two seconds later I blacked out for the second time that afternoon. I woke up on a floor, in a room. It was a very plain room.
wuwuwuwuwuwuwu *end flashback*
So here is the whole reason for this stupid story. I was not completely talentless, I was a mage, and not the type of wizard you become by being a forty year old virgin. There is another part to this as well…
I was sitting there dazed. I must have been in shock because I swear I was there for a good half-hour. Then Cindy walks back into the room, followed closely by Tom who for some strange reason is carrying a full-length mirror. Then for an even stranger reason it was placed in front of me.
“Do you mind standing up.” Tom asked politely.
This snapped me back to reality, I think, because next thing I saw in the mirror staring back at me wasn’t me. It was the perfect image of loveliness know as my sister Brianna (Your Bitchiness fyi).
“WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE TO BE GENDER BENDER? AND MOREOVER WHY IS IT MY SISTER?” I literally collapsed onto the floor and started crying.
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I plan on releasing an 800-1200 word chapter every 2-4 days to generate ideas and look at comments. A few more things. Chapter two is pretty much planned out, so expect that soon.
Thanks. baileymitchell :D