“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
I woke up terrified, with a scream that felt as if it had torn my throat. I gasped for breath, looking around, making sure that what I had seen was gone and that I had left that terrible, sinister place.
It was my room. I saw my closet, the chest Kila gave me, the bookshelf with some of the storybooks that had been brought to me a couple of days ago when I started to learn to read and write. To the right, the large window facing outside was covered by thick curtains that blocked most of the light from entering my room and barely let me see anything inside. On one side of the window was a small desk that, to everyone's surprise, Dad had already prepared to put in my room. It was brand new, made of a very beautiful reddish-colored wood.
Everything looked normal. Even my bed, disproportionately large, in which three like me could fit with enough room for each of us to stretch out our arms.
I sat up, feeling the bed and my clothes damp, my body drenched in sweat and my face full of tears. I looked down at my hands that wouldn't stop shaking. I clasped them together, interlacing my fingers and bringing them to my forehead, while making a huge effort not to hyperventilate, not to let anxiety and panic consume me. I mentally prayed to Sathalia, hoping that she could take that horrible feeling away from me.
Loud footsteps were heard in the hallway. Someone was running towards my room. Thank heavens.
“Young lady!” echoed Ameli's voice. She entered without hesitation, looking intently at every point in the room, ensuring no one else was hiding in the shadows. “Young lady, are you all right, what happened?” she asked with a concerned tone.
I tossed aside the blankets covering me and rushed towards her. “Ali, *hic* Ali, Ali, Ali!” I repeated her name over and over as she took me in her arms and pressed me against her chest. She didn't care that I was wet, she just took me in her arms and did her best to comfort me as I cried both from the anxiety that still kept its filthy claws on me, and from the relief of having someone there with me.
Ameli kept stroking my back and whispering words of comfort, as the feeling of panic slowly left me. Soon after, more hurried footsteps came down the hallway.
“Ameli, what happened? What was that scream?” Kila had come to my room. When she arrived, she sounded just as worried as Ameli. I heard her approach us quickly and place her hand on my back.
“Tya!” came another voice, this time it was Zenya who sounded agitated, most likely from running from her room to here.
I jumped out from between Ameli's chest, tears still falling down my face, and looked at Kila, mortally worried. I immediately threw myself into her arms, and she welcomed me to her chest, then cradled me, trying to soothe me. Knowing they were here, and feeling Kila's warmth was really helping. However, those images still lingered in my mind.
“Ameli, what happened?”
“I don't know, Madam. I had just woken up and was putting on my uniform when I heard her scream. I immediately left my room without even being able to finish dressing, and when I arrived, I found her like that.” Replied my maid worriedly and with some panic in her voice.
Because of my age, I was allowed to have my own room, but also, because of my age, Ameli was given the next room, for the sole purpose that she could quickly get to me in case she needed to. Something that was just proven to be effective.
Logic from the period stories I had read dictated that, in reality, there should always be someone ready at my room door for any eventuality, but they couldn't put Ameli there all the time either, and Kila didn't trust other maidservants to be able to care for me properly. Unfortunately, this situation might change her mind.
“Can you go and get her some water? Of course, finish getting dressed first.”
“Right away.”
There was a small silence in the room after Ameli left. The only noise was my breathing and sobbing, as I tried with all my might to calm down.
“Makila...” I heard my sister's voice, hesitant as she called out to our second mother. Her voice sounded distressed and worried; she didn't seem to know what words she should use to continue.
“Don't worry, Dri, I'm sure it's nothing for us to worry about.”
By the time Ameli returned, I could breathe normally. Having Kila and my sister with me helped me push away that horrible feeling that was tormenting me.
Makila sat on the edge of the bed, sitting me on her lap, while Ameli brought me a cup of water. I drank and let out a long sigh, with the tension that had built up inside me slowly dissipating.
“Nita. what happened, are you feeling sick, are you in pain?”
I shook my head. I wished that was it. Physical pain would have been better than feeling that kind of panic and anxiety.
“Did you have a bad dream?” asked Zenya.
I clenched the cup tightly as I nodded. I wouldn't call it just a “bad dream” though. It was a terrible nightmare. Even worse than the one I had some time ago.
There was a collective sigh of relief. Zenya came over to me and gently took me by the hand, Makila spoke at that moment.
“Well, now you don't have to worry about that anymore, we're here with you.”
I nodded, relieved to have them with me.
Now that they understood what happened, I was pampered by both of them, until they were sure that the scare I got had passed. Then Makila ordered Ameli to bathe me and change my clothes, before leaving with Zenya to fulfill her duties for the day. Before leaving, she kissed me on the cheek and walked away keeping a worried expression.
“If anything, else happens, anything at all, let me know and I'll come right away,” Kila said, also leaving to continue her work for the day.
“Of course, Madam,” Ameli replied with a bow and a sigh of relief. We immediately left in the direction of the bathroom.
----------------------------------------
It was relaxing. The warm water completely washed away all the tension and anxiety left over from before. The clothes I was wearing now were also especially comfortable and soft, one of my favorites ever. We went down to the dining room for breakfast and I received several of my favorite foods. It had been Makila's order that I be served all of those to help improve my mood.
The rest of the day was similar. No matter who I was with, that person was dedicated to pampering me as much as they could; whether it was Makila while teaching me, the maids who gave me some sweets on my break, a lunch specially made for my taste, or even Zenya who captured me in a hug and didn't let go the whole time she was teaching me.
Despite how it started, the day ended up being especially pleasant.
By the time I was lying in my bed again, with the sheets and blankets completely changed, I couldn't help but wonder about that dream.
Unlike the one I had had when I was younger, this one was several times more terrifying. I was enveloped in darkness, experiencing over and over again my last moments of life, and each time it was someone different who stabbed the knife while laughing with a distorted voice and a face that became deformed as the laughter grew louder and more terrifying. I couldn't escape, no matter how hard I struggled it always ended the same way.
And that voice, that... being or thing that spoke to me and told me constantly that I didn't deserve this second chance, that this family was just using me, that Sathalia had lied to me and her real goals were others. It was trying very hard to put strange ideas into my head and that made it much more difficult to endure. It was disturbing to think about what was going on.
But what worried me most was whether this would become a constant. Would I keep having these nightmares over and over again? And even if I didn't, was there any meaning to this or was it because of my trauma? I thought that this feeling I had with my family, of not feeling a part of them, had disappeared on my first birthday. I was sure I moved past that, so why the hell was I having this kind of nightmare?
I closed my eyes and sighed, wishing I didn't have to worry about something like that, wondering if there was something wrong with me.
“There. Would you like me to read you a story, young lady? Or do you want to sleep now?” Ameli asked in her usual melodious voice. She had pulled up a chair and was sitting next to the bed, ready to stay by my side as long as it took to make sure I could get a good night's sleep.
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A story sounds good. An unfamiliar story from this world might help me relax...even if I felt terrified to do so.
“Story,” I replied without much energy, and I saw her face light up immediately. She stood up and walked quickly to the bookshelf and, after finding the one she seemed to have been looking for, returned to her spot.
She coughed twice, adjusting her tone to that of an experienced storyteller.
“The story of Theor the traveler.
Once upon a time, there was a young man named Theor, a Friasan with dark skin and hair, ash-gray eyes, and horns as black as night. Although his body was well trained and his efforts were tireless, Theor had a great sadness in his heart: no matter how much he practiced, he was terrible at the use of weapons.
The knights of the great orders rejected him again and again. And to his misfortune, he couldn't use magic either, because he was “gray-eyed” so others pushed him away. With no magic and no skill with weapons, his dream of becoming a knight of the emperor seemed impossible.
But Theor did not give up.
With hope burning in his heart, he left his home and traveled the vast territories of the empire. He visited many lands and learned as much as he could, tirelessly searching for a master who could help him fulfill his dream. And so, after many years of wandering, he came to the distant lands of the Njrton, a race known for their short stature and incredible strength.
It was there, near the border between the Njrton kingdom and the Mirucana kingdom, that he found something that would change his destiny.
As he walked under the starry sky, he saw a figure wrapped in a gray cloak. Although the figure was covered, Theor still felt its enormous power, a power greater than any knight he had ever known. Theor's heart pounded as the figure approached him.
With a soft smile, the stranger spoke:
“Greetings, O noble traveler, your lands are far from this place. What motives bring you to the borders of the lands of Mirucana?”
The voice of the stranger was like the murmur of a brook in the moonlight, soft and soothing. Theor, captivated by the presence of the mysterious female, could barely speak. He hesitated for a moment before replying.
“I am on a journey to find myself,” he said at last, nervously. “I am not good with weapons, and as you can see, I am gray-eyed, unable to use magic.”
Those words weighed on his heart like stones, painful and distressing. How Theor wished he had at least a bit of talent so he could prove his worth!
The female silently stared at him, with a deep and compassionate gaze. Then, with a leisurely gesture, she removed her hood, revealing emerald-green hair, falling softly down her back. Her eyes, shining like polished silver, seemed to illuminate the surroundings, and her long-pointed ears confirmed what Theor had already suspected: she was a Miranis, a member of a long-lived race, powerful and wise.
“You are not the only one who has felt the weight of those expectations,” the female said, her voice softer and warmer. “Have you ever wondered if you already possess that light within you? Perhaps, you've always had that answer inside, but haven't been able to hear it yet.”
Theor looked at her, intrigued, his heart beating hard against his chest.
And then...”
I looked at Ameli, expectantly. She paused deliberately, watching my reaction intently. She covered her face with the book, leaving her eyes barely visible, which reflected an amusement that normally would have annoyed me, but now kept me on the edge of my seat, waiting for her to continue. However, she remained silent, clearly enjoying the moment, as if mocking me.
“And, wa happed?” I asked, giving in to my curiosity and hiding my embarrassment at having fallen for her obvious scheme.
“You'll know tomorrow, young lady.” She replied, finally closing the book in her lap.
“Eh..."
Ameli let out an amused laugh at my disappointed reaction. She rose from her chair and returned the book to its shelf. “It's already late, and you'd better sleep now. Besides, wouldn't it be better if I told you the whole story over several nights? That way you might enjoy it much more.”
I leaned back and turned the other way, annoyed. I didn't want to listen to her anymore.
“Hahaha, young lady don't get mad, I promise it'll be worth it. I-”
For some reason, Ameli stopped mid-sentence. I wanted to turn around, but I was still annoyed with her, I wasn't going to give in so easily anymore.
I heard her footsteps approaching, but decided to ignore her, even as I felt her sit on the edge of my bed.
I felt a warm hand stroke my hair gently with long, motherly strokes. The touch was familiar, which confused me quite a bit. Since when did Ameli behave this way? She never did this...unless...
I turned around, feeling a small throbbing in my chest, and there was someone unexpected.
“Mami?” I asked a little disbelieving and confused. Mom smiled sweetly as she nodded. I rushed into her arms and hugged her tightly. I was absolutely happy and relieved to be able to see her. She hugged me back, gently combing my hair with her fingers. Her gentle caresses flooded me with relief and happiness, something I didn't know I was so in need of.
“Fia told me you'd had a nightmare last night.” She whispered without holding back her hand. I nodded silently, a little self-consciously, afraid she would see me as... well, a scared little girl. Technically I was, but certain things make me feel a little embarrassed to be seen that way. I know I'm being weird about it, but it's complicated.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked in a soft cooing tone of voice. She sounded concerned, but also sympathetic. I was sure it wasn't the first time she'd had to act like this with one of us, probably already very used to it. And maybe that's why I refused. I didn't feel ready to talk about it, especially given the content of those nightmares.
Mom whispered an “I see” and continued with her caresses. I feared my refusal might have worried her more, but her touch remained just as soothing and motherly. All of a sudden, she even started humming a lullaby, one I remembered from long before when I first woke up in this world. That definitely helped me relax even more.
Her soft voice was all the sound that could be heard in the room, a moment between the two that felt soothing and warm. I could feel my worries and fears that those bad dreams might assail me again dissipating with each passing minute in my mother's embrace.
Feeling this love, this care, made me mentally sigh with contentment. This was the kind of thing I longed to have. To feel my mother's love, to feel that I had a connection with her, that she would be with me whenever I needed her. This was what I wanted with all my heart, and I finally had it. My heart warmed, and I felt the desire to cry with relief, but before that feeling could fully settle, Mom whispered:
“Tya, remember I promised you I would give you a very special gift?”
I pulled my face away from her chest, looking at her a little confused but also somewhat excited. I could almost feel my eyes sparkling at the anticipation of receiving her gift. As always, she kept the promises she made.
She moved me aside a little and picked up an object wrapped in a colorful cloth that she had placed on the floor next to the bed. It was about half my size, and it was quite difficult to determine what it was with just its shape. I looked at my mother dubiously, almost as if I were asking her permission to open it, and she responded with a smile and a nod.
With excitement, I began to unwrap the cloth, finally revealing a stuffed bunny.
It was nothing special, it was just like an ordinary rabbit, or at least one from this world. Its ears were a bit shorter, but also wider, its fur was just as soft, and its tail was a bit larger. The biggest difference they possessed from the ones I knew was a third eye in the middle of their foreheads, which was able to give them some sort of sixth sense that made them incredibly difficult to catch.
This stuffed animal was, no offense, horribly made. Just having three eyes alone was hard to get right, but the normal two were crooked and the third was not centered. The nose was noticeably upside down, and the mouth was sewn on as if it were a smirk, the kind that offends when you see it. Not to mention that several of the parts of the rabbit were a bit badly sewn, looking like they were going to fray if I pulled on the loose threads.
... and yet I was still overjoyed.
To be objective, it was very ugly, and I couldn't see how this could be called a gift for a child with how poorly made it was. But, from the bottom of my heart, it was the most wonderful thing I had ever been given. I loved it, I really did.
“How cute~” I exclaimed softly, delighted with the bunny. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mom sigh in relief at my response.
“S-so, do you like it?” asked Mom trying to confirm my answer.
I nodded immediately. “Lot!”
The joy in my words brought a smile to her face, which made me smile.
“You know, I made it myself.”
“You did!?” I questioned incredulously. A handmade gift from her? I couldn't believe it.
“Yes, I did it with a lot of love for you.” She said, as her face changed from a bright expression to a sad and regretful smile. “I have not been the best mother to you, Orinthya.”
She paused to sigh sadly, stroking my hair gently and drawing me back into her embrace. I felt a sting in my heart. I wouldn't call her a bad mother, far from it. I know very well what a truly bad mother is like.
Of course, she doesn't usually have time for me, and it's painful that it's that way, but, I know why that is, and I understand it...even though I'm lonely. Besides, she has never lied to me, she has never failed me, and she has never shown me anything but love. How could I ever call her a bad mother when I have been able to see all the effort, she has put in for me and my sisters?
After a moment, she continued, “That's why I decided I had to do something, even if it was something small.” She rested her hand on the rabbit's head as she gave me a hopeful look. “I started sewing this little one so she would be with you when I couldn't. She'll take care of you and chase away all those nightmares, giving you only pleasant dreams.”
I didn't know what to answer. I didn't know if those nightmares would continue to haunt me at night, but, for some reason, I felt that I now had a guardian with me, one that maybe, could keep all those bad things away.
“And...” Mom hesitated for a moment before continuing, looking at me with sincere eyes. “it is my wish that, whenever you feel lonely, you hold this little one and know that, even if you can't see me, I will always be with you. I will always be on your side and I will always love you, no matter what.”
I nodded softly. I could feel the sincerity and love in her words. I hugged my new friend as a smile formed on my lips. Mom loves me, I repeated those words in my mind over and over again. They were words that brought me true joy. A joy that was almost impossible to describe or even contain within my heart. I turned my face away from the bunny to look my mother in the eyes and called out to her.
“Mami?”
“Yes, baby?”
“I wove you.”
“...I love you too my sweet baby.”
Mom hugged me tightly, kissed my forehead, and continued to tell me how much she loved me for a long while.
It was late enough in the evening, if what Ameli said at the end of the story was correct. I was sure Mom was tired too, but would it be too selfish of me to want to enjoy her company a little longer?
Luckily for me, she stayed a little longer telling me about her day, how much she missed me, and how hard it was to sew the stuffed animal, we even thought of her name!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Lancea, Lan for short, she will accompany us from now on in our travels!
Shortly after naming her, my eyelids finally began to feel heavy. Tucking Lan and me in, Mom kissed my cheek goodbye, wishing me a good night. Within seconds I was completely asleep.
That night there were no nightmares, just peaceful dreams.