Dead Stone Mountains was a mountain range with continuous ups and downs, covered in a thick fog that would not dissipate throughout the year. Here, sunlight was considered a luxury.
Not to mention ordinary people, even Da Xia Empire’s wildest bandits would not come to this kind of damned place. As the place was so deserted and not many people came here, the mountains in Dead Stone Mountains contained various rare, precious medicines and minerals and many rare beasts that could not be found in many other regions. Of the rare beasts that existed in this place, they were mostly plant-type beasts and insect-type beasts. It was said that there was even an extremely terrifying insect-type beast ‘Reaper Mantis’ that liked to prey on wyverns for food.
Of course, this was only a legend.
In this millennium, not a single soul had ever seen any sign of the ‘Reaper Mantis’ existence. This terrifying insect-type beast had probably been extinct for a thousand years already.
The Royal Swordswoman highly suspected that the royal scouting party had met a strong beast like the Reaper Mantis and was wiped out by a surprise attack done by such a powerful creature...
“Be careful. Although there normally won’t be wild beasts above Level 3 roaming about, because they’re all plant-type and insect-type beasts, they usually appear in groups. Not only that, they bring about lots of negative effects such as weakness, dizziness, poison, hypnosis, parasites, and others. It’s better to be safe than sorry. You, crazy liar, need to be more careful. Don’t let some Parasitic Bee or Parasitic Spider latch onto you and make you grow a body full of parasitic insects.” The royal swordswoman said in a harsh tone. She was prepared to push this smelly guy out of a cliff if he annoyed her. Why did he become mute once they teleported to the Dead Stone Mountains?
Tian Lang had a grave expression, “It feels weird...”
“Weird? Dead Stone Mountain is like this. Deserted and gloomy,” replied Yue Yu.
“That’s not it,” the chaotic being shook his head, “I feel as if someone is watching us.”
Surrounding both sides of the Eagle’s Cry Valley were mysterious peaks that shot straight up to the sky.
They were perfectly straight as if they were sliced and chopped with blades and hatchets.
The Iron Clawed Cliff Eagles lived on top of the valley and had wingspans of over five meters. At the bottom of the valley was a terrifying bug-infested valley surrounded by a thick, dense fog that never cleared. Various types of bugs could be found everywhere, and even the plants in the valley were all strange as well. They were all brightly-colored and eye-catching. There were red, yellow, purple, black, some with multiple colors, and some were even luminous.
The only thing that this place did not have was typical green plants.
The trio looked carefully. There were no traces of humans.
“Are you absolutely sure your royal scouting party got lost here? Let alone a group, I don’t even see any human traces here.” Tian Lang questioned, as expected, things were not simple with this female.
The royal swordswoman also felt that it was odd. However, towards the doubt that Tian Lang showed, she used her noble princessly gaze to glare at him, saying, “Did you think that I would lie about everything like you? If nobody went missing, why would I come here?”
“Must be one of your Royal Devious Scheme!”
“Pfft...” Yue Yu laughed.
Qian Qian rolled her eyes, “What Royal Devious Scheme? You’ve read too many fictions!”
Just then, the chaotic being turned around and saw a perching crow with blood-red eyes. A frown crept on his slightly expressive face.
“What’s the matter?” The royal swordswoman did not understand. Was it not just a crow?
“It's been following us since we entered the Dead Stone Mountains.”
“Since we entered the mountains? Is there any problem?” Yue Yu was confused. Not finding anything weird.
Helpless, Tian Lang questioned, “What kind of bird is it?”
“Hmph, you don’t even know this? It’s too basic! This is a flesh-eating crow. The species of this crow is the Red-eyed Iron-winged Crow. Its body is twice as large as a normal crow with a flight speed of 300km/h. It’s proficient in flying for short bursts and is extremely smart. It can open any capped bottles to drink water and differentiate between 36 different colors and 50 different numbers. Its ability to resist poison is 100-150 times that of a hu–”
Tian Lang rudely interrupted the royal swordswoman, “That’s right, this is a flesh-eating lifeform. Why do you think something that only eats rotten and dead flesh would follow living humans?”
“Does it think that we will die?” The duo girls were smart and got Tian Lang’s point. Something was definitely not right with this crow.
“Bullshit!” however, the chaotic being cursed, “You think a normal-ranked crow is that intelligent? For it to follow us to eat our dead flesh, it would have to encounter similar events at least more than 10 times. Do you think in the Dead Stone Mountains, where humans rarely get in throughout the year, these crows would have that chance?”
Actually, these were all bullshit. Tian Lang had long noticed a weird qi on this bird. He thought it probably ate some rotten herbs or some parasitic bugs. But only after a while did he realize how wrong he was. Not only was this bird not disoriented, it followed them from a distance.
Anyone might think it was after their flesh, but Tian Lang thought otherwise. Normal-ranked beasts aren’t that intelligent. The distance it kept was too perfect to be true. Coupled with the uncomfortable feeling of being watched, it would’ve been weird if he didn’t notice it.
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Even the experienced royal swordswoman failed to notice anything out of place. The controller of the bird was much more experienced than her!
Tian Lang’s purpose was to warn the duo that they might get ambushed.
What’s more vexing was that he couldn’t figure out the source of that gloomy green qi.
Having an idea, he turned to the royal swordswoman, “You! Distract the crow.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Tian Lang gave her an idiot look that said: You don’t even know how to distract a crow?
“Didn’t you just say it’s being controlled? How can it be so easy as distracting a crow?” Offended, Qian Qian argued.
“You really are useless,” Tian Lang gave her head-to-toe armor a cursory glance when his eyes shone with inspiration. “Right, remove your breastplate.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Don’t huh or why me! Remove your breastplate, or should I help you? That’s right! Let me tell you, I’m an expert in removing breastplates. You wouldn’t even notice when I remove it!” As Tian lang advertised his non-existent expertise, the royal swordswoman brandished her broadsword, ready to hack Tian Lang’s wolfy paws away. He instantly backed two steps away, as if extremely shocked! “Hey! You brought me here to help you or murder me?!”
“Qian Qian, why not remove it? He might really have a way to find our target.” Yue Yu helplessly added.
“Don’t believe him! He is a perv–”
“I absolutely have a way,” Tian Lang sagely nodded.
Yue Yu gave her “see” look, while Qian Qian glared at Tian Lang.
Under Yue Yu’s persuasion, the royal swordswoman reluctantly took off her breastplate, then she once again glared at the innocent chaotic being, who was carefully watching her white silk garment and the faintly discernible white bra, which could be only observed by eyes of well-trained perverts.
Gulping a mouthful of saliva, he spoke to Yue Yu, “Sister Yu, can you hug this ferocious creature a bit?”
“Hug?” she questioned, wondering whether she misheard. She had thought Tian Lang needed the breastplate.
“Yes, yes, don’t worry, I’ll capture this crow and lead you to our enemy base.”
Although doubtful, Yue Yu had no other choice. It wasn’t like she was hugging a man, and she had hugged Qian Qian plenty.
“Big Sis Yu, I’m telling you, he is fooling us both.” Qian Qian warned as Yue Yu hugged her.
“But what would he get by fooling us?”
“Exactly! Now, Sis Yu, just a bit tighter-your neck can stay where it is. Right, just the stomach and chest only. Righ-right, perfect, don’t move.” Tian Lang guided them and created a perfect image.
A ferocious and gentle human hugged each other. Their knees and stomachs were glued to the others, as their breasts were slightly raised due to squishing. Since they leaned forward, their butts looked more prominent, while their expression completely portrayed their personality.
One was a ferocious creature of the jungle, not willing to accept anything out of her comfort zone. As for the harmless bunny, she had a helpless expression with a forced smile. Anyone could tell, she would shoulder all adversary without any complaint.
This instantly made Yue Yu’s ranking in Tian Lang’s mind to the top 3. As for what ranking, he had no idea. But she was indeed in the top 3! He could bully her all day, and she wouldn’t even resist!
Yue Yu was his perfect bully material! He could squish her fleshy mounds all day and even make her his bed pillow like Meng Delan made him, and she would even smile.
The more Tian Lang thought along this line, the more he found Yue Yu pleasing to his eyes! He almost forgot the main reason for creating this situation and wanted to join in their beautiful ‘friendship’.
However, that crow flew closer and finally landed on a branch that was a few meters away from the girls. It stared at the wild view without turning its eyes away, as if it was extremely curious towards this immoral scene and what was about to unfold.
As a few more seconds passed, both Yue Yu and Qian Qian’s expressions turned awkward as a pink blush crept from their neck to ears. They looked freshly served on the platter and ready to be eaten.
Just as Qian Qian was about to scold Tian Lang for his blatant wolfy gaze, the latter disappeared.
When he appeared again, he was already on the branch.
With both hands, he caught that red-eyed crow that was losing its head out of fear. Tian Lang wore a grin on his face, but his intentions were worse than the devil.
Pale golden qi flowed out of his body and restrained the gloomy green qi. Before anything unexpected could happen, Tian Lang immersed his consciousness in it.
He got a blurry view of the direction, then a black-robe. The feeling of being watched became stronger than ever. “Want to watch? Get yourself some fleshy mounds. Or you can also wait. When I find you later, I’ll see whether I can make fleshy mounds out of you or dumbells.”
With this, he attacked the green qi and dispersed it. To play it safe, he snapped the crow’s neck and finally let out a relieved sigh.
However, before he could share the good news of discovering the enemy base, the royal swordswoman had already jumped up in a rage. Full of anger, she was also blushing a little. She pointed her finger at his face and cursed, “You bastard, you wanted to take advantage of us from the start! You want to seize the opportunity and take advantage of us!”
“How did I take advantage of you?” Tian Lang innocently asked. No, he was genuinely innocent here. He knew nobody in existence that could avoid the allure of the divine breasts. The charm was so fatal that he almost took a grave injury to the knee and was on his way to retirement.
Only, that damned crow foiled his early respite and stopped him from eating his served platter!
Qian Qian failed to come up with suitable words. He feasted his eyes on them and was acting innocent? Her chest heaved up and down with allure as she spoke in all righteousness, “You made us take weird positions...and...?”
For some reason, the royal swordswoman felt something was wrong and looked down.
Squish squish
“And?” Tian Lang asked, ready to prove his innocence. For his plan had succeeded, and he found the whereabouts of their enemy base!
But the royal swordswoman didn’t speak, her eyes glued to her chest. Following her gaze, Yue Yu and Tian Lang’s eyes landed on her chest.
First, he was immensely jealous and full of admiration towards the bastard who dared to grab this ferocious creature’s chest. Next came world rending shock when he realized the bastardly hand which dared to capture this very ferocious creature’s chest was none other than his.
As if not feeling satisfied by grabbing her left breast, his right hand moved to the right breast. Cupping it slightly, the palm tried to weigh the breast, then the thumb and index finger gently pinched the tip.
“--mnh...”
The chaotic being’s frozen face met the royal swordswoman’s; a few tears had formed in her eyes.
Gulping in all nervousness and not knowing what to do, he said, “Will you believe me if I said it was my hands?”
The royal swordswoman lifted the heavy broadsword above her head and said with wrath coating her voice, “Will you believe me if I said it will be my hands?”
Tian Lang shook his head and inched closer. The dead crow fell from his left hand and held her hands, which lifted the sword, in place.
(Alt. Title: Not Me, Blame My Hands!;)