Three months later
-Break-
Φ In the entirety of my life, I had never felt warmth, love, kindness only hardship.
I was born a rat beastkin. I had inherited the powers of a weak and feeble animal, and because of that the first look I ever received as a baby was one of disappointment.
From the age of three, I was expected to be able to say full sentences by myself. Yet I always slurred my speech which was unacceptable for someone of my status.
At age five they trained me to be a warrior, but yet when I tried to use my sword on a practise dummy, I would always miss my target and fall, then like clockwork, I would hear, “You incompetent fool!” From my teacher.
As I bent my head in disappointment, I would say, “Sorry.”
Yet it didn’t matter, since my progress reflected back on my teacher, so he would strike me right across the face when I apologized.
“Do you think I need apologies boy? I need results, so do it right. Now again.”
I tried but then fell again, so I was struck. “NOW AGAIN.”
The weapon slipped out of my hand this time, so I was struck. “Now again!”
Looking at my target, I start to shake and lose concentration. Even though the strikes he gave me hurt, right now I can barely feel them all I can feel is a giant weight crushing my body and mind.
I know I just have to hit the dummy, yet deep in my soul I know I just can’t. I will mess up somehow, I will fail somehow, I will be an embarrassment somehow.
Suddenly everything around me starts to spin, and then from my mouth, the contents of my stomach come true it. Instantly I look at my teacher, but he isn’t looking at me he is looking through the arrow slits of the castle.
Following his gaze, I see that both my mother and my father, are staring at me through the arrow slits with looks of utter disdain as if there is nothing but a pile of rubbish in front of them. A look a parent should never give a child.
It was true from the moment I was born but it was at moments like this that I truly remember that the existence of Dónal Fuinseog was an unwanted one, and the fact that they immediately started trying for more children mere days after I was born was another sign of my unnecessary existence.
My younger siblings were amazing, all three of them were wonderbeast beastkin and had great power since they were born. My sister was beautiful, my younger brother was swift, and the best of all was the second child Ronald.
Ronald was skilled in all forms of warfare, from hand-to-hand combat to strategy. He was proud and strong, but more than any of that he had also inherited the powers of a god. His eyes and hair colour had two different colours almost as if a sign of his divinity.
My younger siblings were amazing, a perfect example of why the red-branch families are hailed. But because of their greatness, they had no use for an older sibling like myself.
Just like everyone else they all looked down on me and bullied me but no matter what I would just have to play it all off because what other use did I have?
Falling to the floor, I lay down as my Ronald holds my books with my brother Cillian, and sister Aisling behind him.
With my book in hand, he says, “You were already unable to become a warrior, now you want to become a scholar?”
“I just wanted to find some way to help, if I couldn’t become a warrior maybe I will be able to support you guys from behin-.”
“NONSENE,” Ronald screams. “Trash like you who hasn’t accomplished anything will never be able to do it, we know, you know it, and especially Mom and Dad knows it. The fact that any form of money is being wasted on you in itself is a sin.”
Nervously, I laugh, and say, “You’re probably right, I should just return the book then.”
As Cillian and Aisling laugh behind Ronald's back, Ronald himself just gives me a look of disgust, and says, “You really are trash.”
Then moments later he rips the book to pieces and says, “Oh look my hand slipped.”
Mere moments later my brother's combat instructor walked in; my old teacher saying, “I hear you shouting Ronald, did something happen?”
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The teacher pauses, then looks at the floor, and then moments later he grabs the book cover. Looking at Ronald he says, “What did you do!?”
“Why are you so angry it is just an ol-.”
“This isn’t just some old book, it is a heirloom of the Cumhaill family, one of the red branch. Did you know the repercussions that the Fuinseogs will have to face, because of a blunder such as this?”
“I didn’t rip the book it was Dónal.”
“Do you really think anyone would believe that weakling could rip this book and so thoroughly? He is afraid to hold a spear, do you think he could even dare to do this.”
As his teacher starts to get angrier and angrier, my siblings start to shake with fright.
So I stand up and say, “It was me who ripped it.”
“Don’t lie to me, boy.”
“I am not lying. I heard the oldest child of the Cumhaill is a rather strong warrior, so I had gotten jealous and ripped it out of frustration.”
He strikes me across my face and says, “If you're so serious about this then pick up all the pieces on the floor, and report your crime back to the duke, and duchess.”
As everyone leaves the room I bend down and start to pick up all the pieces of the ripped book, and as I do I look towards the door where I see Ronald giving me a cold look while saying, “You really are pathetic.”
But even as he says such words all I can do is give a half smile and laugh.
When my parents looked at me like trash, I smiled. When the servants would maltreat me, I smiled. And when I ever others would talk about me at any social gathering I used to same half smile.
That smile is how I survived every day because if I didn’t do it I would have broken down into countless pieces.
And on the day of my brother's tenth birthday, it truly reached its worst.
Trapping me in the corner of a room, Ronald says, “Where the hell do you think you're going?”
Averting my eyes from his gaze, I say, “I was just getting ready to attend your birthday party.”
“YOU WON’T BE COMING!” Ronald shouts.
Letting out a noise due to my fright I step back, then say, “But you’re my broth-.”
“Don’t say that, I don’t want to be reminded of the worst tragedy that has ever happened in my life. Remember this you dumb rat, you’re a stain on our family, you have been and always will be a point of embarrassment for our family.2
Looking away, I give a half smile and say, “Yeah your right, I will try to change tha-.”
“YOU CAN’T, it is simply how you were born and no matter what you do you will fail.”
Through the door, Aisling and Cillian come in with a box.
“Looks like you two have finally fetched it.”
Looking at Ronald, I ask, “What is that for?”
“You see I recently read that rats can fit into tiny spaces. So I know following instructions is hard for you, I have decided that this would be the best way to keep you from the party.”
Ronald grabs and together with Aisling and Cillian, they stuff me in the box. I scream with tears falling down my eyes, but their laughs are much louder completely covering them.
They stuff my body right into the box and then lock it, and as they all walk out of the room Ronald says, “Be a good boy and stay there. We will let you out eventually.”
As I stayed trapped in a box unable to escape, I cried and cried, and cried whilst the party continued.
However, after hours on end, the box I was in finally opened, and as I peered my head up towards the open box, a man said, “Get out of there this instant.”
Jumping out of the box, I notice who the man in front of me is and instantly bow my head, and say, “Hello my king!”
The man says, “I am simply the ruler of one of the beastkin four provinces, you’re supposed to use the title of the lord when addressing. While you save the title majesty for the high king in Tara.”
“I am sorry my lord.”
“I swear the red branch families get stupider every year, truly a failure of our institutions.”
This is bad I am embarrassing my family, right in front of one of the leaders of the red branch family, Lugh Ó Faoláin, “S-s-sorry, for my failure I will try better.”
“I don’t need apologies from someone such as yourself.”
Feeling terror overcome my body, as I bow in his presence I say, “I know my words aren’t worth much, but please don’t hold this transgression against my family. Please don’t let the actions of a pathetic outlier like myself affect your opinion of my family.”
“You see that right there is why I look down on you boy. You might think it is because of your lack of results but those words you just said are the real reason.”
Looking up at him with a face of fright, and confusion, I say, “What do you mean my lord?”
“I am well aware of how your family treats you, and regardless of whatever reason they may have I know it is overly cruel. Yet what disgusts me more than anything is your utter acceptance of such a treatment.”
Looking down, I say, “It is what I deserv-.”
“Nonsense! The reason we the Tuatha Dé Danann were given the power of nature itself, is because our goddess Danu wanted us to save this world from the destruction humans almost brought upon it.
From the moment we are all born we are perfect. Yet you don’t seem to understand that, so you lower your head, you take their insults, you accept it and make it your story, you make it your reason to squander the potential you were given.
And for no reason greater than that do I believe your trash. You talk about your family as if they are gods, yet refuse to acknowledge the fact that you are part of them.”
Within me his words caused a feeling to stir inside and I could feel my body react to it, it was like all the frustration, and anger that had lied in my body was about to burst forth in an inferno. Yet at the same time, another feeling of happiness had overcome me, someone in this life still had hope for me, and that hope in me was enough to satisfy me.
So the only words that can come out of my mouth are, “You’re right I am really pathetic,” With a huge smile on my face.
Standing up Lugh gives me a look different to the disdain others give me, a look of disappointment. “Remember this, as long as you stay like this you will one day destroy that which you hold close, and only by acknowledging the greatness within your blood will you reach a point of perfection.”
Walking away, he says, “The mightiest. Your name doesn’t fit you, but at the same time the name of a god isn’t really the best for me either.”
That day Lugh walked away, was the first and the last time, I felt that someone truly understood me in any way.
Well until I heard that woman cries, about her daughter, for a second time in my life, I felt that just a little bit I could connect with another person.
Getting up from my bed, I say, “I want to see Charles today.”