That’s why I accepted the request you made that day.
“Ryan, would you join me for the Laochs campaign?”
“Brother so far, we have only gone on monster hunting and slave catching with our band. Going to war, especially for the Laoch who have near-suicide tactics wouldn’t be sane.”
Getting on his hands and knees, Cian says, “I know this might sound reckless, but I need the money.”
“Money? You know Mom and Dad will give you money for whatever you do.”
“Niamh is pregnant. They were close to kicking me out of the family when I married her. In their heads, they still think their perfect little boy will one day marry someone of high status and bring them prestige, so if they found out I got her pregnant I am sure they would maltreat her or even worse try something against her.
So, I need to make as much money as possible and support my new family, and get her, my child, and you away from our heartless parents. I know this is selfish but there is no warrior I would ask to be by my side outside of you.”
He raises his head and smiles at me, then I kick him in the face and say, “Let’s hope your child isn’t as foolish as you are.”
With his bright and cheerful smile, he says, “Don’t ask for the impossible.”
We found others who would fight with us, we trained ourselves for the chaotic battlefield, we bought amazing weapons from a feeble old man, we practised our skills against each other, and we talked about all we would do when we returned.
And we set out to the battlefield.
It was chaotic, like being trapped on a small piece of wood in the middle of the sea during a storm, and every time a battle ended we received the euphoria of our lives remaining our own.
It was hard, harder than anything else we have ever done, but we got through it due to my brother's never-ending smile, and throughout joint efforts, we were able to even cut off the head of one of the human elite fighters and had secured ourselves the money we need.
But the battlefield is chaotic, and it isn’t something that anyone can control.
In front of us laid a Vanir mammoth that destroyed all that stood in front of it. We had always thought of ourselves as above average but in front of that beast, we were nothing but ants.
It sent out countless blasts of air out of its trunk which battered our bodies and left one of my legs broken. I turn my head around and see my friends and allies dead with only three remaining including my brother.
As I laid on the battlefield my brother walked up to me, and said, “Ryan I am sorry for being such a selfish brat, but at the very least I won’t allow you to die here.”
Picking me up, he ran as fast as he could and then threw my crushed body on a horse, and said, “Please find people who think you’re as awesome as I do.”
He then turned back and went to fight the mammoth as I fell unconscious.
When I awoke at the base camp, I ran all around looking for anyone I would recognize, but I didn’t find one person. So, I asked about the battle with the mammoth, but no one knew what I was talking about.
No one from the battlefield we were on returned, even after I had awoken. They were wiped out.
I feel ill at the realization of this, in that moment I had thought I had experienced the worst pain, I could ever have. But it only got worse as I had to tell my parents what happened.
“You living curse! It should have been you!”
I had to tell his wife who was desperately holding his son what happened.
“Cian, no he can’t be, no it isn’t possible.”
When I had to look at my lover and tell her why I couldn’t devote my life to her anymore.
“Have you gone insane Ryan, he dragged you to this battlefield and now you will spend your life looking after his widow? So much of your life has been taken from you by your family and now your future!”
When I had his son look his son in the eye and explain to him where his father was.
Crying Kian says, “Uncle where my dad is, everyone else has a dad but I don’t. Does that mean something is wrong with me?”
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These feelings hurt worse than my shattered leg, and deep inside it made me wish I wasn’t born.
-Break-
Φ I have a father, no I had a father; he is dead now.
All the people who seem to have known him talk about how amazing he is, but I don’t really know anything about him, and in all honesty, I don’t really like him all that much.
It seems like he makes everyone far sadder than they would be otherwise, which makes me sad. Mom and Uncle are my favourite people so when they cry, I cry, which makes them cry more and I cry more.
Though, sometimes I do wish I knew who he was. People say he was strong and always brings a smile to people's faces. Mom says he was always kind to her and never hurt her. Uncle says he was a role model for all those around him and an exemplary scholar.
So, I tried to be that.
I beat up those who picked on others and smiled as I did. But people started avoiding me because apparently my smile as I hurt others scared people. It made me feel like a monster at times, so I stopped fighting even when people got hurt, I just walked forward because Dad wasn’t like that.
I also tried my best to be kind to women, because that’s what dad would do, but girls are confusing.
With her rage tangible, Maeve says, “Hey why didn’t you chase after me earlier!”
“Because you said I was an idiot, and you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“That means you should keep chasing after me and apologise!”
“But that doesn’t make sense you’re supposed to say what you mean?”
“I DID, YOU’RE JUST TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND.”
Sighing, I say, “You don’t make any sense, I am done with this.”
As I start to walk away, she grabs me and turns me back towards her, then smacks me across the face whilst saying, “You’re the worst.”
So, I hit her back and say, “You shouldn’t hit people!”
On the floor, she started to cry, and then some of her friends who were watching us in the distance started to call the adults.
I was punished that day, and my mother apologized as if I started the fight. She looked deeply upset, and the rest of the people started looking at me with disgust.
They told my mother, “If you can’t raise your child properly then you shouldn’t have had him.”
My mother bowed her head and said, “She is sorry.”
When I got home my uncle came up to me and said, “You shouldn’t have hit her.”
“But she struck me first am I supposed to just take it?”
“You don’t understand. When things like this happen, you need to just keep your chin up and get through it, I am sure something good will come from it eventually.”
“I don’t understand why, none of it makes a lick of sense to me, do I just have to accept this?”
I was very upset by all of this, so I ran away and decided to stay with my grandparents for some time. They were very nice and kind to me unlike everyone else.
But then they started to bad mouth, my mother and my uncle.
“Don’t worry, it is your mother's fault that you are being on your education. A dumb women like her wouldn’t understand the need for it.”
“Don’t spend any more time with your uncle than necessary, that man is a walking curse who exists to tear down this family.”
“If your father just listened to us, he would still be alive right now.”
“He would have been one of the greatest men to ever live in the empire.”
Both my grandparents were nice, lovely, and warm to me, but the things they said about others including my mother and uncle who had always been here upset me deeply.
I didn’t know what to make of them, should I hate them? Should I love them? I just didn’t know what to do, so I left I ran away back home, but I still didn’t know how to deal with what my mother and uncle said so I ignored them.
I ignored all those around me, so I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. I distanced myself from them only staying in the house so I could see how they were doing.
But when they spoke. “Kian how are you doing?”
“I AM FINE, NOW GET OUT!” I shouted them away.
I hated the look she made, but I was scared to feel like that again, I was scared to not know who to trust.
Life scares me. It feels like I am walking on a tightrope with all my paths forward leading to outcomes I know nothing about. I have no light, no guide, and my mother is too tired from work to be that, but I want to be good to everyone, though I feel like if I keep moving on this path I may one day no longer be myself.
-Break-
Φ “Thank you for your hard work Niamh,” Aimee says.
“It was my pleasure, and besides keeping the house of you newlyweds clean brings a lot of joy to me. Though please do make sure to not get it too messy.”
Daniel holding his wife says, “I can’t make any promises.”
We laugh a bit and then I excuse myself from the house, and as I do I sigh a bit and then start to walk home.
As I walk, I see Ryan waving at me, and his wife Emma glaring at me, then I say, “Are you two doing ok?”
Ryan responds, “Yeah we just finished cooking some meals and decided to bring them over.”
Excited I say, “I cannot wait to try your cooking, Sister.”
She looks away and says, “It is for Kian not for you, and I told you to stop calling me sister.”
Looking inside the pot, I say, “But isn’t that some of my favourites in there, I am pretty sure my son hates those?”
“Husband, tell your sister to stop pestering me!”
“I just want to give you a big hug.”
“Stay away!”
Emma uses her husband as a shield in between the both of us, and as I try to get around him, he says, “It has gotten a bit dirty, your ring I mean.”
“Oh, you're right.”
Emma says, “Why did you even have that anyway, it is a human tradition. You should have gotten gemstones decorated around your tail or ears.”
Looking at it, I say, “Cian didn’t have the money to afford such a thing, so instead he went on a mining expedition and stole a gemstone for me. It was the only one he could steal without being suspected.”
“That sounds like my brother.”
“It really does.”
Suddenly from the door of my house, I see Kian walk out and after a moment of inspecting us he starts to move away without saying anything, and Ryan says, “You should greet your elders.”
“Fuck off!” he shouts back.
Ryan starts to walk over to Kian, but then Emma stops him and says, “You need to calm down.”
“But he cannot be behaving like that when his mother is slaving away for him.”
“Exactly!” A voice unfamiliar to me says.
Suddenly I hear I thud and then turning around, I see my son is on the floor, and standing over him I see a wolf beastkin with silver hair and golden eyes, and he says, “It’s called respect idiot!”