-Break-
Four weeks later
In front of me stands my father as the entire camp around us burns. He cuts down one beastkin after another, with the strength of a hundred men, but then they all come at him at once and even he is unable to stop them.
Being held down by the beastkin, my father screams, “NERO HELP ME, FIGHT WITH ME.”
But in my fright, I run and run far, far away to a place where I couldn’t see the violence that was unfolding anymore.
Through the forest where I ran, I feel something drip right down onto my head, and looking up towards the top of the trees I see it is blood; from the trees, countless dead bodies hand dripping their blood directly onto me and the surrounding area.
Then with their mouths, they all say, “NERO, YOU RAN. YOU ABANDONED US, YOU COWARD. YOU GET TO LIVE WHILE WE DIED, YOU’RE NOTHING BUT SCUM.”
From my bed, I jump up with a fright, and feel like I am about to puke, but the contents of my stomach are too empty to even do that. #
Unable to hold back my emotions I cover my face with my hands and just cry as quietly as I can.
-Break-
With my potato in hand, I take small bites of it, then chew and digest it slowly; it is the only way I can eat with my body in its current condition.
Charles beside me asks, “Nero are you ok?”
With the best smile I can muster, I say, “OK COURSE I AM YOU FOOL!” Rubbing my hand against his head, I say, “So no reason to worry about me at all you got that.”
Charles looks away and gets back to eating his bountiful feast, then says, “Charles your eyes are sunken, your skin shows a lot of your bone, and you struggle to eat and walk well. Are you sure you’re okay, because every single one of those traits are things shared by the dead.”
Flicking him on the forehead, I say, “Instead of using that big head of yours to break down my body, use it to smile idiot.”
“Nero you’re scaring me.”
Stunned for a minute, I pause and look at Charles; did he just say he was scared? I guess I really have messed up, rubbing his head I say, “Samhain is tomorrow, and we don’t have to do any work after we burn the bonfire so I will make sure to get a good night’s sleep. Don’t worry, and just focus on yourself
Lowering his head back to his food, Charles says “Ok.”
-Break-
Plunging my spade into the ground, I try to pull up the dirt, but as I do I start to feel woozy as if my head isn’t fully attached to my neck. All my muscles throughout my body feel weak, and my eyes are losing focus by the second.
I don’t understand why I feel like this. My energy level felt great this morning but the more I move the worse I feel, like my body has given up on me.
Digging my spade into the ground again, I continue to feel weaker and weaker, right until I start to feel my body sway from side to side.
Getting in front of me Charles says something, but I am completely unable to understand it, my brain can’t make sense of them.
Feeling my focus drop even more I start to get angry. I can’t give up, I can’t fail, I need to keep going, if not how am I ever going to face everyone if I can’t survive? Don’t drop, don’t drop, don’t drop, don’t drop, don’t drop, don’t drop, don’t drop; YOU CANNOT FALL!
Despite my anger, despite the words I say to myself, I am unable to stay on my feet and after swaying, I fall to the floor and collapse.
-Break-
I remember that day as clear as the sun in the sky, the day of my tenth birthday.
My clan celebrates all birthdays once a year, the day that my people first took root in Terrafide. On that day everyone in the village ages one year, so we have a grand celebration for everyone.
I remember how my father danced with my mother. They were both such free people that they had no sense of shame, yet despite this, no one ever looked at them with disrespect because they were both strong. My dad in body, my mother in mind.
Claudia was the opposite she used to constantly get frighted by all of the festivities, and then climb up on the trees. So, her parents had to always convince her to come down.
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But she never listened, but strangely enough, when I asked, she would jump down instantly and hold on to me. Then for the rest of the party, she walked around attached to me with a smile on her face, like she was a baby which was weird considering we are the same age.
But being weird was normal for Claudia. I always wanted to ask her why she acted like this, but she had a really bright smile so I decided to leave it be.
Though she was normal compared to Aurelius. Every single year, no every month, he would ask Lillian without fail to marry him, and she would always say something mean in return to him.
Like you're too annoying, or give him a near-impossible take like becoming the village chief. Though despite how she acted I could tell she cared for him just as much because she would frown whenever he wasn’t around.
Both of them were three years older than me, they were strong smart and would always be there for me. And when Claudia was attached to me, Aurelius would always improve the mood around us, while Claudia would take the time to make fun of us saying we looked like a husband and wife.
Those days were annoying but so much fun. Seeing everyone dance and play with all their hearts.
Suddenly all of them stop and stare at me, then Lillian says, “Yet you were unable to protect this.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Walking up beside me, my mother says, “Don’t deny it, son.”
My father then says, “You ran and left me behind.”
Claudia gripping me from the side says, “And you let me die for your mistakes.”
Aurelius gripping me by my collar says, “After all the times I have saved you the one instance I asked for that favour back I was denied. You let us get dragged away.”
“No, I wanted to fight.”
“BUT YOU DIDN’T. Your wants and words are pointless in the face of your actions.”
My mother says, “You’re a failure true and true. I am sure you will even fail the child as well.”
Lillian stepping into my other ear, says, “You must have tried to use him as a way to earn forgiveness for us. You don’t even care about him you fool.”
“I care about Charles and would never let anything happen to him.”
Claudia says, “Your past speaks otherwise. You can feel it, Nero, even now the boy is carrying on his back right to the campsite.”
“No, he can’t be doing that.”
Lillian in my ear, says, “Your weakness so far has only affected you, but now even Charles will be affected. Because you're nothing more than a burden to him.”
“You're wrong!”
Aurelius says, “You act like an older brother towards him, copying how I acted towards you. But it is a fruitless effort because you are too weak to protect him or yourself. When those men come back to harass you after Samhain how will you defend Charles, will you do it with your weak body?”
“NO!”
Grabbing me and lifting me up by the neck, my father says, “You run from us and now you run from the truth, you're truly a cowardly existence that isn’t even worth the dirt beneath our feet.”
Throwing me to the ground, I see a line appear in front of all of them, and then my father says, “You're nothing more the a useless existence taking up space on that side, so just cross over to a place and leave the people there before you curse them with your existence.”
Aurelius says, “Die shitty brother.”
Lillian says, “Die bedwetter.”
Claudia says, “Die fool.”
Mother says, “Die failure.”
Father says, “Die you, coward. The very fact someone like you continues to breathe is an affront to my family, SO JUST DIE!”
As they scream at me, I continue to cower my ears, as they shout, and shout insults at me for a time that feels like it would never end.
-Break-
The next day
Jumping up from my bed with fright, I scream and scream and scream. But then holding me Charles says, “Nero what’s wrong.”
But I continue to scream until I lose breath, then shaking I look towards Charles at my left, and see he has bruises on his face.
Grabbing it, I say, “What happened.”
“They got angry when I tried to take you back early, so they hit me again and again until they finally let me go.”
“ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID!”
Charles moved back slightly as the words Nero said caused a fearful reaction within him.
With his head, hanging low Charles says, “No I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that’s why I stayed up all night.”
Nero with his hands on his head, rubs his hair chaotically, then says, “Can’t you just think for yourself even once? You won’t be able to eat a full meal tomorrow.”
“I will be fine.”
“No one asked you to be ok, I needed you to be full. After everything I have done and said to you why couldn’t you follow these simple instructions, it isn’t that hard.”
Continuing to scream like a manic, Nero says, “Why won’t you ever just listen to me, it is like I am surrounded by a fucking moron.”
Taking a moment to stare at Charles's face, Nero screams, “YOU CAN’T SMILE BUT NOW YOU CAN FROWN LIKE THAT.”
Slamming his head into the ground, Nero says, “Why do all these bad things keep fucking happening to me, first being put in a room with only you, then my father dies, then I start getting beat every night because of you, and now I don’t even have food to eat. THIS IS TOO FUCKING MUCH!”
Charles in that moment freezes unable to pick any decision to come to, so he grabs Nero, sticks up his thumb while trying his best to smile and says, “Good job.”
But hearing this makes Nero’s fury surpass its limit and he hits Charles in the face making him fall to his butt.
Raising his head from the ground, Nero says, “DON’T MESS WITH M-.” But he stops mid-sentence as he sees something that shocks him to his very core.
This can’t be happening, it can’t be happening right.
Charles with a tear falling from his right eye, says, “Nero, I am sorry.”
Seeing this countless expressions run through my face, and my body aches, so with all the strength I could muster, I ran straight out of the room to a corner far away from our hut.
Losing energy, I fall to the floor, and as I do I slam my fist against the ground. “DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!”
-Break-
Everything went by like a flash. I somehow did prayer that morning but I don’t remember how, I somehow ate something that morning but I don’t remember what, I walked all the way to the to the centre plain for Samhain, but I don’t remember why.
And in front of me, as all the pyres were lit as the sun fell down, I felt absolutely nothing.
But in the back of my ear, I hear someone say, “Come here.”
Looking in the direction where it came from, I see my clan members standing in the distance, making gestures as if they are beckoning me over. Isn’t Samhain the day when the dead and living worlds are connected, if so that is good for me since it means I can finally die. I was too much of a coward to do it myself, but now it should be possible.